Maybe I'm just expressing my feminine side. A male frustration.

lovenotwar said:

Years ago I heard a James Dobson show that explored the differences between the nature of men and women, and why they struggle so with each other.
Men, are fixers, he said. For that reason, when a woman talks about what's bothering her, he's just sitting there asking, 'So what can I do to make it go away? How can I fix it?' But when he asks her along these lines, she gets upset.
'Well why did you tell me?' he might complain. 'I just wanted you to listen to me.' she might respond.
Now, if she had been talking to another female, Dobson aserts, she would have offered her nothing more than sympathy, and they both would've been fine with that - no solution offered at all. Women instinctively know this. They just want to talk it out. (By the way, I found out to my initial dismay, women can get on the phone and have absolutely nothing to talk about, but virtually bring you into their house and life as if you were standing there - weird, but cute now that I know this).

So I guess I'm just feeling my own feminine side when I think to myself, 'I want to post something, but if someone comes back at me with some super spiritual lecture meant to convict or condemn me that I'm not living up to Christ's will for my life, I'll gag and yank my modem out of the wall!'
I honestly don't know what I want. I don't want to be alone, but I'm not really looking for a solution. I don't feel that anyone can answer my need. I've prayed so many times today, as every day, and yet I feel so empty, and dolorous I could just do like Woody Allen in 'Ants', and 'curl up in a larval position and weep!'
I feel guilt, so much guilt. I feel disappointment and shame, a lot because when I complain of my hurt to God, my mind fills with pictures and stories of people the world wide who are really, really suffering horribly, and I'm not sharing it with them, or in their places, nor am I able to do a darn thing for them. I feel it's so unfair and unequal.
Then I feel that I'm not being used of God, and I haven't arrived at that deep, lofty level of discipleship that I know is up there, and more than I've ever known. I'm not being really filled with the Spirit.
I feel an emptiness and hurt I can't explain, simply because I'm here, and God's there, and he won't even let me take my own life so I can be with Him now. This just means he has more work here and now, but what? Don't answer that. You really don't know. You may think you do, but I know that only God knows what specifically he wills for me, just like you.
Anyway, maybe I'm just wanting to be heard.

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Haha, I know what you mean, but probably only to an extent. There is this girl I am really good friends with, whom I am interested in, but she lives 400 miles away. So I call he once a week. It's so odd, she'll go on and on about these things that upset her and have me re-live her week minute by minute. I'll sympathize for her, and that is that. However, I've been going through a lot lately. My parents just finalized there divorce, my mom is dating some guy I extremely dislike, and a myriad of other things. This girl I'm interested in.. lets say J, she knows all these things, but I assumes I'm ok because I'm the man (I use that term loosely since I'm only a teenager ). I guess that's just the way women are wired. There was one time I did vent to her, and she did offer sympathy, but I could tell it just didn't seem right so I quickly changed subjects.

So one day, I actually kept track of how often I talk, and how much she talks in our phone calls. In a 90 minute call, She talked for 70, I talked for 20. I guess that's just how it works.

For me, to release that emotion, or to vent I guess... Probably not the most effective or godly way, but I took some big old giant wood out into the backyard and took a pickaxe to it until I was good and tired. You know, I've heard that and close christian bros are and will help you with that. My Christian bros aren't quite there yet I guess... eventually my emotions generally turn angry, and back to the pickaxe.. Lol, not the greatest way, but hey at least I'm functional

In conclusion, when on the phone with a girl, just listen. They always have something to talk about.
Sorry man, I have the same problem as you. I'm always up for emailing. Then again, I'm a 15 year old kid. So, whatever floats your boat

When is Jesus coming back?

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I'm not sure, but i'm kind of hoping He'll wait till I get my permit in a month. And I sure hope you doesn't listen to me either

lovenotwar said:

Ah, to be 15 again. That would be perfect. But when I remember how messed up I was, well, I'd probably jump off a bridge!
It's funny, but my girlfriends at that age... well, I don't remember that they talked much at all. They seemed to be waiting on me to say something funny or entertaining! What pressure! But when I did talk, I can't imagine what I said that kept their attention. I always talked too much, and some girls told me so. They also told me that I was more moody than girls were. OUCH!!!
I learned to make my journal my outlet, and even though it just makes me more depressed, I feel like I release it into the world outside, and that is what this is about. It helps. It helps me digest it and chew my cud.
Of course, just like I did after I wrote the original post, I find myself on my knees before Christ because even if he says nothing back, and I still feel bad, I just feel like I can cope if I feel bad to Him. I know he listens, and I know that He knows just what I'm going through.
By the way, I don't feel that it is masculine or godly to not talk back to women. I have had wonderful relationships with women who were just wired that other way, so that we both were excited about talking, and each provoked the other to say stuff that interested the other. It's a personality thing.
But if I could go back, I'd love to just listen for a change.
I pray you learn to lean on God as a best friend now that your parental situation has gone so badly. Things might get worse as the dating begins. It's hard for people to be alone once they've had someone beside them. Even if you don't approve of the guy, remember that women are really vulnerable and needy of affection, even from the wrong guy sometimes. It's just human nature. God bless.

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Thanks, yea my mom is pretty affectionate.
I find a lot of comfort in the psalms. I really like Isaiah 43:2 " When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

The worst is behind me now, and I realized that God used my trial to mold me and refine me.
Romans 8:28- And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

We got to keep seeking God in the midst of our trials. That verse says that those who love Him, it will work out for their GOOD!
Throughout my trials, God has made it clear that He wants me to become a Christian counselor so I can help others. I'm not sure what type, but I'm thinking a children's counselor. So God really does use our pain and depression to mold us into His will.
So take heart my friend! This is what keeps me going.
I'll be praying for you, and God bless!

Wow! A look into the world of men! Interesting guys.
; )

I will offer up this one "fix-it."

God does not give a spirit of condemnation. So if God didn't give it to you, guess who did?

lovenotwar said:

Really? So you're not a venter, huh?

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I have a group of women who meet in a prayer group every Tuesday. Whatever I cannot get out venting to God (who is a very good listener) I pour out to them, as they do to me.

By the way, both (the women and God) are very good at kicking me in the butt and saying "get over it, and go on" when I need it!!


Edit: Just realized how that sounded - that was not in any way directed at anyone on this board (except me).

Its hard to understand what condemnation from satan is verses Gods correction in Godly fear. All i know is that we must stand if faith and belive in Christ, that he will save us. But at the same time we must also allow God to correct us, His correction is not always easy.

Faith is hoping in something not yet seen, like paul said, let us press forward to the mark.


Heb_12:28 Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear:


2Co 7:1 Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.
2Co 7:2 Receive us; we have wronged no man, we have corrupted no man, we have defrauded no man.
2Co 7:3 I speak not this to condemn you: for I have said before, that ye are in our hearts to die and live with you.
2Co 7:4 Great is my boldness of speech toward you, great is my glorying of you: I am filled with comfort, I am exceeding joyful in all our tribulation.
2Co 7:5 For, when we were come into Macedonia, our flesh had no rest, but we were troubled on every side; without were fightings, within were fears.
2Co 7:6 Nevertheless God, that comforteth those that are cast down, comforted us by the coming of Titus;
2Co 7:7 And not by his coming only, but by the consolation wherewith he was comforted in you, when he told us your earnest desire, your mourning, your fervent mind toward me; so that I rejoiced the more.
2Co 7:8 For though I made you sorry with a letter, I do not repent, though I did repent: for I perceive that the same epistle hath made you sorry, though it were but for a season.
2Co 7:9 Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing.
2Co 7:10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.



Php 3:10 That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;
Php 3:11 If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.
Php 3:12 Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.
Php 3:13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
Php 3:14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Php 3:15 Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.

lovenotwar said:

Years ago I heard a James Dobson show that explored the differences between the nature of men and women, and why they struggle so with each other.
Men, are fixers, he said.
...
So I guess I'm just feeling my own feminine side when I think to myself, 'I want to post something, but if someone comes back at me with some super spiritual lecture meant to convict or condemn me that I'm not living up to Christ's will for my life, I'll gag and yank my modem out of the wall!'

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It's not particularly feminine to post what's weighing on your mind and look for some support, it's just that women don't need a half-page intro explaining their need to do so.

lovenotwar said:

I honestly don't know what I want. I don't want to be alone, but I'm not really looking for a solution. I don't feel that anyone can answer my need. I've prayed so many times today, as every day, and yet I feel so empty, and dolorous I could just do like Woody Allen in 'Ants', and 'curl up in a larval position and weep!'
I feel guilt, so much guilt. I feel disappointment and shame, a lot because when I complain of my hurt to God, my mind fills with pictures and stories of people the world wide who are really, really suffering horribly, and I'm not sharing it with them, or in their places, nor am I able to do a darn thing for them. I feel it's so unfair and unequal.
Then I feel that I'm not being used of God, and I haven't arrived at that deep, lofty level of discipleship that I know is up there, and more than I've ever known. I'm not being really filled with the Spirit.
I feel an emptiness and hurt I can't explain, simply because I'm here, and God's there, and he won't even let me take my own life so I can be with Him now. This just means he has more work here and now, but what? Don't answer that. You really don't know. You may think you do, but I know that only God knows what specifically he wills for me, just like you.
Anyway, maybe I'm just wanting to be heard. When is Jesus coming back?

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Perhaps you are overthinking this. God did not place the state of the world on your shoulders. Instead, he took it upon Himself, and we, while partnering with Him and our brothers and sisters, shine His light in the world. Jesus said: "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business." (John 15:15a)

So what is God's business? Well later on in John 15, Jesus says flat out, "This is my command: Love each other." So how do we do that? Jesus said, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."

Jesus equated showing love to others as showing love to God. So you say that you want to be with God now? Then go feed Him, go invite Him in, go see Him in prison.

Being children of God is not about getting our hands on a ticket to paradise. It's about bringing the kingdom of our Dad to life right now. Just as Jesus did.

And don't worry, Jesus will be coming back right on time. The harvest isn't over yet.

I'm praying for you.

lovenotwar said:

Well, it's like I said, it's a personality thing. You sound fiesty.
By the by, if you are hinting about the getting over it, there's no need to back peddle. Many times we all need a kick too. Even the most gentle mother eagle will plant those spiny twigs in her nest to roust her chicklets.

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Fiesty?

I must say, I don't think I've ever been more. . . .complimented.

God is my Lord and my Savior. But He gave me this spirit of being, well, spirited.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on who you are), I have NO problem with boldness or standing up for my beliefs.

If they start beheading Christians, I'll be first in line. Voluntarily.

I love my husband (who is disabled); I adore my children, ages 7, 7, (yes twins), 12 and 22. I get great joy in my pet rats, Snow Cloud and YinYang. But I belong to and worship God, and if and when He calls, I'm gone, without a glance back.

So feisty is a good word, I guess.