Struggling with same sex attraction--please, I just want someone to talk to

[EtainSkirata]

I've posted about this before but I just feel like I'm dying. I've struggled off and on with this since middle school--I'm 28 now. I'm in a dating relationship with a man I am deeply in love with and who I am very much attracted to.
But these thoughts of SSA make it so hard to make female friends. I get freaked out sometimes when I'm chatting with another woman because they come up. I don't want to act on them, and I've never had a girlfriend or slept with a girl and I don't think I've ever kissed a girl (except when I was like 6 and my friend and I were goofing off on the playground).
I want to tell my boyfriend about this, but I don't know how. I've been living with this dark cloud of "you need to tell him" for well over 6 months now.
I scheduled a meeting with my pastor to talk about this. My thought is that it is something to be brought up once my boyfriend is sure he wants to marry me. We're sort of on the road to marriage, in that we've talked about it and he says he's not ready as he needs to work on some things himself. But I feel like my hear weighs a 100lbs and I just want to go to bed and sleep so I don't have to deal with this.
Please, I just am hoping to talk to someone. God feels so far away, and I need encouragement. And I need advice for if, when, and how to tell my boyfriend about this. I love him so much, and this is killing me.

 

[Jesus is my Superhero]

Prior to your meeting with your Pastor, do the following:

wholeheartedly seek God through prayer and fasting. (Read Isaiah 58).

Admit your sins to God. ( Read Psalm 51).

Temptation is not sin. Read how Jesus was tempted in the wilderness and was without sin, in Matthew 4.

Do not beat yourself up with guilt. Accept forgiveness through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Read the Sermon on the Mount. (Mat. 5,6 and7).

We all have our struggles, but, if you seek to walk in the light, your burden will have a purpose.

 

[Unqualified]

Wait to tell him until he can handle it, until your relationship can handle it. But stay in Christ don’t add sex to the predicament if you want Gods help. Not that it’s terrible but you want him to understand.