HELP!!! Tried to tell son of impending divorce.....

I had to do this a little over 3 years ago with my 8 year old daughter. She took it very hard - it didn't help that she is a very emotional little girl. I didn't have much help as her mother informed me of her decision and then only briefly stopped by to grab some stuff and went back out the door, leaving me to deal with the fallout. She didn't react toward me badly, but she did harbor hope for a long time (probably still does) that her mother and I will get back together (never!). All I can offer as advice is to just reassure him that you are there to talk to him if he wants to talk and then let him express himself if he does. He will probably have questions and he's definitely hurting. Be ready when he is.

My 2 year old son, I didn't think it was bothering him at all, because he seemed to just move on with his life. Then, apparently, he told his mom one day that "you make daddy cry." Totally blew me away to hear that.

All kids deal with things differently. I didn't see it in your post, but when did you bring this up to him?

I think he needs more time to get his thoughts organized. I can see why he is probably very stressed about it. Since his best friend never sees his father, it is understandable that he would worry about that, especially since he has enjoyed spending more time with him recently. This would be a great time for his father to talk to him about that, but lacking that, I think the best thing at this point would be to keep reassuring him as best you can and remind him you are there to listen to him.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I just deal with the infidelity and lies and stay married somehow. There are other woman who move past it...

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I don't have exact figures, but given the divorce rate in the US, I would say you are anything but normal in this. Not many people seem to be able to move past this kind of problem. I didn't read anywhere that your husband has indicated at all that he is trying or even willing to try to change. You deserve better than that. Your son deserves better than this - I don't see how it is healthy for a child to grow up witnessing a relationship like this. It is not a good example for him.

I recognize that you are probably feeling a lot of guilt from promising to stay with your husband in front of God and family and that's got to be really hard on you. If he is willing, you could try meeting with your pastor either together or separately and discuss how to move forward.

I realize that the time line is very short in this case, but if you could get his father to step in and reassure him that he will still have lots of time to do the fun stuff with both him and you, that would probably help him calm down some.

I'm so sorry...my heart is breaking for your family. I have no advice...but I'm about to be in the same boat. I have 3 children (13,10,7) and after 16 years of marriage, we are calling it quits. We are still in the house together but I'm 99% sure he's started an affair and now he says that he's miserable being in the same house and we are supposed to sit down and calmly decide how to legally separate in a way that is best for the kids. It's the reason I haven't confronted him about his affair...at this point, my top priority is a calm separation for the kids sake.

Prayers for your family at this time xoxo

My parents divorced when it was about 10 as well. While I was happy they were divorcing I had similar reactions and pain associated with it. My Mom was on top of her game to try to handle it despite the pain she was going through. There were books she brought home for me to read and movies about kids my own age at the time going through something similar.

It's going to hurt, his world and all he's know is soon going to change. Any kind of change is hard for anyone but hits a child a bit differently. They're scared of a lot of things. If their parents can fall out of love for each other can they fall out of love for their own child? Obviously, not true but it's what may be going through his mind. He may be afraid of being put in the middle like some parents do tend to do. Like you said he may see a friend of the same situation and is afraid he'll loose a parent. Both of you should try to assure him that he's not going to loose either parent.

Next few days try to spend some one on one time with him. Take him out of the house for a few hours and just talk to him. Doesn't have to be about the divorce just anything that's on his mind. He may eventually open up about his fears and feelings more in-depth after a random conversation about nothing. He won't feel pressured to talk about it by that point either.

You may want to check in your area for something similar to a boys Town, or big brother big sister type deal. Yes, he has both parents and I'm sure family outside of it that loves him but sometimes you just need someone to talk to who isn't related who doesn't even know the people your son may want to talk about. Unbiased party. Maybe even see if there is a volunteer who went through something similar and would have ideas to help your son out.

Whatever you do try not to push him to talk about it if he doesn't want to. Buy one of those blow up punching bags and tell him to say why he's angry and punch the bag, you can jump in on this too but try to keep out things dealing with the divorce or anything about his Dad. If he wants to yell, let him yell, don't let him get out of hand of course but letting his anger out in ways of voicing what's wrong with words is way better than another alternative that could be hurtful to himself.

Whatever you do watch what you say near him or around him about his Dad. No matter what you may find wrong with his Dad that little boy is 50% of him. Also love your son more than you may dislike or hate your Husband.

He is innocent in this and oblivious to the whole truth of the situation. He simply loves the both of you.

nonbeliever, I have read numerous books where Christian woman forgive their husbands and stay married.

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I don't doubt there are many that do, but every situation, couple and person is different. Just remember that simply because they are strong, that doesn't mean you are weak.

I am glad he has been willing to try counseling with you. That is a good sign, but if you cannot get past this thought in your head, you are not alone and what you are feeling is very normal.

I also wanted to add that I know there is a stigma that divorce is bad and I can understand it.

But this situation isn't just about you or your husband. It includes your son. And I truly believe he is better off growing up in a home that is full of love, not fighting. A place that is calm and peaceful instead of it having bad vibes or being full of stress. Because no matter how much you tried to deal with it and put on a front for your son, your emotions were still being able to be picked up.

The pain he is feeling right now and the way it's breaking your heat is bad but it's not as bad as it could get. It is also normal in this situation. You will get through this, he will most definitely get through it as long as his parents are always there for him. And when he's older he will realize that yeah his parents loved him more than anything, more than each other that they did what they felt was the best move for everyone involved. More importantly for him.

My prayers are with your family. Keep your head up you will all make it through this. It may change you all a little bit or a lot but it will most likely be for the better.

I doubt that this is really easy for him. He is probably doing his best to make the best of a bad situation, but it is good that he's trying to be positive about it.