Well, you won't find Him as long as He is still only my God. You will have to make Him your own. And the purpose for finding God is not to make your life better, but to make you better able to live life. If my own life is any indication, you will still have trouble long after you find Him.
Nevertheless, He is a comfort to me, even when I am angry and in the same situation emotionally that you are in. It's ok, I think, to be angry, or frustrated even, with God. Just don't let it drive you away from Him. If you're going to place blame on someone for something, place it on the obvious sources. Who is doing you wrong? That's your problem, not God.
There isn't much practical help I can give you from over the internet, and I am very, very sorry for that. I can only imagine whatever it is that is eating at you. I wish I knew something more comforting to say.
Need VOW to come back. See I knew she shouldn't have left! Look around for some of the kinder hearted people here. I will talk to you if you like, but I'm a crotchety old bum, and not as uplifting as some. Sorry...
I can pray, and like I said drop me a private message if you want. Or look in the forums for some of the nice people. Oh like Lambslove is one. They may be able to help you more.
I'm so sorry though you are hurting.