- Nov 9, 2019
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Because I vacillate between thinking I am a Christian and thinking I am not a Christian, I sometimes post in “Struggles by Non-Christians” and sometimes post elsewhere, such as under “New Christians.”
One verse that at least used to screen out non-true believers is John 6:53, where Jesus says “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the son of man and drink His blood, you have no life in you.” John 6:66 (wow!) says “From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more.” I once heard a Christian speaker say that, here, Jesus “put the pedal to the metal” and left superficial believers in the dust. Modern day understanding realizes that Jesus was talking about the Lord’s Supper and so the statement is not as challenging to us as it was to them.
But there are one or more verses that are just as challenging today as ever. A key one is Galations 2:20: “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life that I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself for me.”
Certainly, at least at first glance, this verse screens me out of the kingdom of heaven. I do not want to be crucified; I want to still live and not have someone else take my place. This concept goes against my self-preservation instinct and my self-identity. Therefore, I am left in the dust.
There are other verses that relate, like Jesus’ statements that one must deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow Him. As I contemplate converting to Christ, I see that Jesus did not explicitly issue this same challenge to all people that He talked to. And the concept is not explicitly mentioned when the New Testament talks about some people’s conversions. For instance, Jesus said to the woman at the well, “If you knew the gift of God, and Who it is that says to you, ‘give Me a drink’, you would have asked Him and He would have given you living water.” More than once, including yesterday at church, I have explicitly asked Jesus for living water. And in other places, the NT simply says things like a person or group of people “believed.” For instance, in Acts, after Paul had preached to people in a particular city, it says, “as many as had been appointed to eternal life believed.” Thinking of this verse, I have on one or more occasions asked the Lord that I be one of the people “appointed to eternal life.”
So, I am thinking that, possibly, one can have a real conversion while concentrating on such a not-as-challenging verse.
Also, because I have both wavering faith and OCD, I tend to be in the “perfect storm” of doubt. As to my wavering faith, I tend to try to sincerely turn to Christ at moments, saying “Take me!”, but then the next moment I figure my attention to and my faith in Him wavers away. Just today, I have begun wondering if such a wavering-faith conversion can be a real conversion, brief as it is. Because Jesus saves in a moment and He does not waver. But I realize that such a conversion might be a superficial conversion.
One verse that at least used to screen out non-true believers is John 6:53, where Jesus says “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the son of man and drink His blood, you have no life in you.” John 6:66 (wow!) says “From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more.” I once heard a Christian speaker say that, here, Jesus “put the pedal to the metal” and left superficial believers in the dust. Modern day understanding realizes that Jesus was talking about the Lord’s Supper and so the statement is not as challenging to us as it was to them.
But there are one or more verses that are just as challenging today as ever. A key one is Galations 2:20: “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life that I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself for me.”
Certainly, at least at first glance, this verse screens me out of the kingdom of heaven. I do not want to be crucified; I want to still live and not have someone else take my place. This concept goes against my self-preservation instinct and my self-identity. Therefore, I am left in the dust.
There are other verses that relate, like Jesus’ statements that one must deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow Him. As I contemplate converting to Christ, I see that Jesus did not explicitly issue this same challenge to all people that He talked to. And the concept is not explicitly mentioned when the New Testament talks about some people’s conversions. For instance, Jesus said to the woman at the well, “If you knew the gift of God, and Who it is that says to you, ‘give Me a drink’, you would have asked Him and He would have given you living water.” More than once, including yesterday at church, I have explicitly asked Jesus for living water. And in other places, the NT simply says things like a person or group of people “believed.” For instance, in Acts, after Paul had preached to people in a particular city, it says, “as many as had been appointed to eternal life believed.” Thinking of this verse, I have on one or more occasions asked the Lord that I be one of the people “appointed to eternal life.”
So, I am thinking that, possibly, one can have a real conversion while concentrating on such a not-as-challenging verse.
Also, because I have both wavering faith and OCD, I tend to be in the “perfect storm” of doubt. As to my wavering faith, I tend to try to sincerely turn to Christ at moments, saying “Take me!”, but then the next moment I figure my attention to and my faith in Him wavers away. Just today, I have begun wondering if such a wavering-faith conversion can be a real conversion, brief as it is. Because Jesus saves in a moment and He does not waver. But I realize that such a conversion might be a superficial conversion.