What can cause friendships to crumble?

[JohnB445]

I have heard, if you want to keep your friends do not talk about religion or politics. I think there are a couple more but forgot which ones they were

I have texted friends about Jesus, this was during the first year I became a believer, I thought it was important to share. These were friends I would hang out with, really good friends who would offer to pay for your meal when you went to a restaurant with them. Now gone.

Now the only ones I talk to about the Bible are ones who already let me know they are Christians, but they don't seem interested in talking about religion or the Bible. And I asked and they do not go to Church.

 

[d taylor]

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Lying, not keeping your word or promises, talking too much about yourself. That is a few to get started

 

[JohnC101]

Long periods of time without communication can cause friendships to go.

My condolences for the lost friendships.

 

[bèlla]

No one stays the same and if they do there’s a problem. We should endeavor to grow, evolve and mature. Sometimes that happens in unison but oftentimes it doesn’t and the things that held our attention may no longer appeal. I’ve outgrown friendships and relinquished others because our trajectories differed.

But the biggest thing to be mindful of is investment. You can’t build a bond or maintain one if everyone isn’t on board. Which means mutual give and take. Our connections may be unbalanced for a season because of demands. But if you’re always doing the giving or taking the likelihood of longevity is slim.

Another factor that comes to mind are the respective need quotients. Some are desirous of more time and communication than the other can fulfill. We see this frequently when people marry or get involved in serious relationships and their availability lessens. Sometimes friendships end because of struggles or challenges one person is going through that’s affecting the bond negatively.

Age is a contributor too. There’s things you’ll put up with when you’re younger that you want no part of when you mature. But the best way to discern your circumstances is to ask if possible or seek the Lord’s input in prayer.

~bella

 

[RileyG]

Long periods of time without communication can cause friendships to go.

My condolences for the lost friendships.

This.

I also realized I meant nothing to those I considered my closest "friends."

I chose to cut them off and move on with my life.

Peace

 

[linux.poet]

Knowledge is generally a factor. People aren’t generally as invested in learning things as I am or moving to the next level. I’m always looking to learn more.

A vicious cycle people fall into with me is that they think they can be abrasive or thoughtless in the beginning of my learning process, because I’m a liability in their view. What they don’t realize is that once I’ve learned what I need to learn, I’m not going to perpetually put up with a bad relationship. At a certain point, I’m better off just dropping them and moving past their level on my own.

In order to retain me as a friend, you have to either treat me with kindness and respect from the beginning, and/or you have to keep learning to stay ahead. Sometimes it can take a long time for me to really master something, which also tricks people into thinking the relationship is permanent. So I cycle through people a lot in my inner circle, usually every 2-3 years or so.

I think what causes friendships to die is needs that the people involved can’t meet or can’t communicate. I’m gradually realizing that what feeds me in relationships is forms of knowledge, dignity, and respect, being treated as a human being rather than a dog or a mule. Which is hard to make other people see. I have to earn it. From the outside, it looks like entitlement. But also, if you don’t, I know you really don’t love me. Eventually I will leave. I have a lot of patience to wait for you to improve, but if you can’t, eventually it will be goodbye. If you can’t look up from your scathing criticism enough to allow me to breathe, eventually I’m going to exhale all of my air into you and the relationship will die of carbon dioxide poisoning.

Other people have other needs that need to be met for the relationship to continue, and I probably need to be better at meeting their needs and mature a bit more, but point stands. If you’re not meeting each other’s needs, eventually the friendship will crumble. Friendships change as your needs change. That’s how it generally works.

 

[Tuur]

I have not spoken to a best friend in decades, despite us never having a falling out and neither having anything against each other. Sometimes people just grow apart.

 

[com7fy8]

What can cause friendships to crumble?

crumbly character

I have heard, if you want to keep your friends do not talk about religion or politics. I think there are a couple more but forgot which ones they were

You can test with each person. Let each one speak for oneself. Because there are ones who can talk about religion and politics and be humble and helpful about it.

I have texted friends about Jesus, this was during the first year I became a believer, I thought it was important to share. These were friends I would hang out with, really good friends who would offer to pay for your meal when you went to a restaurant with them. Now gone.

Sounds crumby. Real friendship is deeper than if I pay for your meal.

Now the only ones I talk to about the Bible are ones who already let me know they are Christians, but they don't seem interested in talking about religion or the Bible. And I asked and they do not go to Church.

You might take this up in our forum, "Requests for Christian Advice".

My first consideration is maybe you have a way of connecting only with certain people. I mean, you say you only talk about the Bible with ones who turn out to not go to church, though they say they are Christians.

I am sure there are ones who appreciate talking about the Bible with others. So, are you saying you have not found any of these people?

How we do things can have a way of deciding who we can connect with. I know a guy who says he can't find a friend; well, he goes to bars looking. A woman I have known said she was trying so hard to find a Christian husband; she did pick-ups at bars and did not make sure with God, in prayer, about who she trusted; and it seems that without making sure with God she was very easy to fool.

And our character can be our real magnet to attract us to whomever we connect with.

And our ways can "dictate" what will happen. A serial divorcer who does not change one's ways can keep getting into yet another divorce or other broken relationship.

I won't say this goes for you . . . but > I have been able to get people into one-way conversations. I could keep talking at you for half an hour. But ones would say, that's all right, I am listening to see what I might learn. Mm-hmm . . . maybe being my example of what > I < needed to be doing

Now, of course, if we trust Jesus to give us real friends . . . and He knows we are just trying to find ones we can use for what we want > this "might" not work very well.

In my case, I got to see how I was my real problem. So, I started praying for God to really correct me so I could connect with genuinely Christian people. Well, He connected me with people who were genuine, I would say, **but*while*I*was*not**. However, they helped me with their example. And I learned from how they would be in churches with even wrong and nasty people, but they would not give up hope for the fake and wrong ones. That is what I needed to feed on. And now I am connecting with people, but I trust Jesus to decide who they are. And it can turn out He wants me to reach wrong people, plus learn how I myself need to mature in real relating in His love . . . not to only find who the great people are so I can have them for myself.

And I can be reminded of how God has not given up on me; this is my example, to follow in how I do not give up on anyone. And in loving unconditionally . . . this can make us more intimate with our Father who loves unconditionally. But He does have standards for how to become in our character, and for how to relate. A few scriptures for this are >

"swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19-20)

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

"be clothed with humility" (in 1 Peter 5:5)

 

[Michie]

A lot of so-called friendships are seeking control of another to mold them or simply using them for a sounding board to bounce their ideas off of. Others seek friendship but it’s a guise for the purpose of social climbing, etc.

Genuine friendship where you see them as part of your chosen family is rare.

 

[Tom D]

I'm a loyal friend, never abandoned my friends, never forget my friends, its only they became colder & colder.
Due to various reasons, incl. getting too rich.

 

[Michie]

I'm a loyal friend, never abandoned my friends, never forget my friends, its only they became colder & colder.
Due to various reasons, incl. getting too rich.

Well friendship, true friendship is something that develops. Two people click, friendship grows. Even through the various phases of life. Besides the obvious red flags…some I stated above which are disingenuous traits to have in friendships, people often expect too much or want to feed their egos and personal needs often at the other person’s expense. Friendship is not a dating app where you fill out your requirements, it’s an organic thing that deepens and grows through all phases of life. It’s the type where they become like family. Does that mean you are joined at the hip or speaking in the phone daily? No. But it is always there regardless. Friendships come and go. Usually by growing apart or another getting their needs met through different avenues. Genuine friendships remain.

 

[Tom D]

I believe friendship requires humility and forgiveness.
Where there is a lack of humility, friendship there becomes like a withering sunflower.

On the other hand, people are so warm and close to each other in poorer places.
Correct me if I am wrong.

 

[Tom D]

This.

I also realized I meant nothing to those I considered my closest "friends."

I chose to cut them off and move on with my life.

Peace

Did they become highly successful people?

 

[RileyG]

Did they become highly successful people?

Depends what you mean by "highly successful?" I guess.

 

[tritos]

Narcissism.