I will answer your question even although it has nothing to do with the subject matter of this thread, which is the alleged crisis of evolutionary theory. Whether or not there is such a crisis is wholly unaffected by my former faith, or current apostasy. And my acceptance of evolutionary theory was at least as strong, arguably stronger, when I was a Christian as it is today.
I have heard and discussed and read of multiple descriptions of the personal relationship with God. I suspect you may have a particular one in mind. I think spiritual experience is difficult to verbalise and certainly extremely difficult to communicate with clarity. Keep that in mind as you read these words: a simultaneous sense of the immensity and complexity of the universe, of the intricacy of the processes by which it operates and the miniscule significance I had as an ephemeral entitiy, combined with the awesome privilege of being able to experience it.
I have never rejected that. I simply no longer attribute that awesome connectivity and sense of place and purpose to the entity described in scripture, or to any conscious entity. I did not reject God. I rejected the utility of faith that tied that spiritual connectivity to the God of the Bible. While I understand the importance of faith to many (most, all) Christians, I consider it to be a foolish, dangerous, insidious concept.
As to your last point, I repeat - I did not reject God, I jettisoned the harmfull use of faith that had enabled me to believe in something for which there was no substantive evidence. To continue to do so would have been the fearful thing, the wrong thing.
Again, this has nothing to do with the thread topic. If you wish to respond I suggest you do so by pm.
I remain interested to explore your account of specified complexity. Other members have, understandably, rejected it out of hand. I remain ready to be convinced of its efficacy by reasoned argument and quantitative data. The door is open for you.