No trust in the church singles population either

[angelsaroundme]

If we could get some moderation for "the opposite sex is awful because..." threads, it might help. It definitely was not like this many years ago. I honestly can't think of seeing any threads posted by women about how all men are horrible, either. It's completely one-sided.

Regardless of how the forum once was, I think it should be viewed for what it is now, which is a place whose subject matter provokes division amongst Christians. It doesn't serve the body of Christ to keep it.

"Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." - Ephesians 4:3-6

 

[timewerx]

A person,if one does not have an hypothyroid condition, can control one's weight. But, no one control one's height. Most men have weight standards, while most women have height standards. Take myself, for example, I am 5 feet, nine inches. I once overheard my next door neighbor tell someone that I am a nice man. Her acquaintance said,"Yeah, but he's short." Needless to say that was a bad start to my day.
Now,I once weighed 260 pounds. In 2013,my New Years Resolution was to stop eating at McDonald's. Well, by keeping that resolution and with Ballroom Dancing, I am now weigh 198 pounds! Dancing is exercise with music.
Therefore, to improve myself, I concentrated on what I can help. And not on what I cannot help.

There were random strangers who looked my way and smiled at me in public (not a church setting). They were shorter than me ofc. Mostly women 5 ft to 5'4" tall.

I've had taller women who quite visibly expressed disgust. Not even trying to hide it, not just snubs but being totally mean. It looks like they had plenty of of money as well.

Many of them would be below average in looks without make up. So maybe they're just insecure or just displaying the typical attitudes of the rich towards the poor.

But I'm not disappointed overall because there are still women who won't snub me right away. That's good enough for me.

 

[Richard T]

Sad to see all the fleshly characteristics emanate from a church. Dating in church is fine but its better to trust in God for a mate, as He can bring the right one so easily if you put him first. Competition for anything is good too. Sure a couple could marry if they were on a deserted island but when they left, they would be faced with all the newness and failure certainly seems more likely to occur. Given that the focus should be on Christ and submitting to the Pastor ,
I pray all that gets corrected.

 

[Sketcher]

I saw this post from a pastor in his church, discussing an obvious problem that he's contending with. That one gender is not trusting the other in church, and the women have segregated themselves from the men there. That women in their church have already assumed the men there are lairs, cheaters, and objectifying them and have other odd ideas about them...and this attitude is keeping men from dating them. And at this point, their co-ed Bible studies and the young adults are only women now as a result.

He tried to have sermon discussing this issue, and all he gets from them is that "he's celibate and has never date" (the pastor hasn't). So that he has no credibility to discuss this issue.

He said he spoke with the men on this topic, and they tell him that they don't feel welcomed or safe there. He spoke with other team leads at the church, and it was discussed that some of the problem members should simply be removed from the church.

After reading this, I was really sad to hear this. Someone suggested the internet is giving these ladies these ideas about men, and thus...avoid the men even in their congregation.

Some mentioned that the Internet may have influenced their attitudes.

I have had women state that in their church, even if there are single men there...that they can't picture themselves dating any of them. They have this "brother/sister" mentality, and they keep it that way. It just would feel like they'd be dating a sibling if they ever attempted it.

So there's that. For whatever reason they may not find them attractive enough...and seek outside church among their secular peers.

The solution is clear: those men need to find Christian wives from outside the church, preferably younger and prettier than the women there who have this attitude.

 

[Sketcher]

If we could get some moderation for "the opposite sex is awful because..." threads, it might help. It definitely was not like this many years ago. I honestly can't think of seeing any threads posted by women about how all men are horrible, either. It's completely one-sided.

That view has been well represented in threads of old, many of which were locked.

 

[timewerx]

Dating in church is fine but its better to trust in God for a mate, as He can bring the right one so easily if you put him first. Competition for anything is good too.

No Biblical basis for that unless you're Christ's ancestor or one of the few great prophets.

God only ever brought people together in the Bible if they were Christ's ancestors or any of the great FEW prophets. Because they are just few handfuls, the chance of having God intervene on our behalf is extremely remote.

None of the apostles asked for a wife and Paul explained. A spouse is more likely to turn you away from the Lord and make you care more about worldly matters.

Paul did not even say find a Godly wife and everything will be okay. Nope, it's better to be single for the sake of one's spiritual growth.

And even if you badly needed a wife "burning in passion", Paul said to find one. He did not tell us to ask God for a wife.

Because why would God help us have something that is much more likely going to hinder our spiritual growth?


The disciples of Christ put Jesus first and they left everything because of Him but many of them died horrible deaths, in poverty.

God is all-powerful, He would have given them long and comfortable lives in safety. But that is not what happened because seeking the Kingdom first can come at a heavy price, with plenty of persecutions, and can cost you your life.

Rightfully so, there are poor people. The world blames them for their poverty and slander the poor as ungodly and not putting God first due to their poverty. That is exactly the opposite of what Jesus is teaching.

The reward is only assured after our time on Earth is over. Not while still living on Earth.

 

[Sketcher]

I think the important thing for single Christians to focus on is the heart of the person first. Getting to know someone on a fellowship level in church can actually help establish physical attraction later on. Sometimes a person can really become more attractive to another person the more they get to know them. Someone who was initially not attracted to you might find themselves rethinking that after getting to know you on a deeper level. You can only make that happen though if you are genuinely engaging with others at church for the purpose of friendship/ fellowship.

That doesn't work for everybody. Much of the time, men get friendzoned doing that.

One thing being overlooked in this discussion about women in church is that women can tell if a man is hitting on them or just making conversation to lead up to asking them out. That is quite different from making conversation for fellowship. It's really fellowship that should be happening in church. Many guys who complain about women being unfriendly in church or stuck up aren't being fair. They weren't trying to fellowship; they were seeking a date.

I won't say that never happens on the man's part - and what can you expect when the men are told to pursue - but the women don't exactly bat 1.000 on this. I've been misread by women quite a bit, whether in church or outside of it.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Women don't "friendzone" men they're actually attracted to.

I'm just going to leave that there to be absolutely ignored by the men of this forum.

 

[Citanul]

If we could get some moderation for "the opposite sex is awful because..." threads, it might help.

The forum Statement of Purpose has this:

We want to see everyone treated well here with all posts having a foundation of love and unity in Christ. This focus can get lost when folks make sweeping generalizations about groups of people. Generalizations or comments such as "men are like this", and "women are like that". When speaking in general terms, please use the word "some" ("some women/men _______."), so that it isn't a negative, sweeping generalization.

So I think it would be OK to start reporting some of those threads.

 

[exitstageright]

I agree with you. So many issues or frustrations with dating disappear when we focus on Christ and approach relationships with a spiritual focus. I appreciated your input and the reminder to have faith in God and to seek his will for who we should pursue romantically.

If I want to pursue a particular christian woman, and she does not have any romantic feelings for me.praying for her to want me is an exercise in futility. Because God is not going to override her will. The same goes for this one woman. She and I used to go to the same church together. She has given me hints that she wants to have a romantic relationship with me for over 10 years now. But, she is not my type. God is not going to override my will. Therefore. If and only if, she has been praying for me, guess what? It is not working.
The "Golden Rule" states that we should treat others the way we wish to be treated. I have observed, the hard way that the Golden Rule is not applicable in the area of romance. I am sure that some of us have treated someone of the opposite gender nicely, only to be mistreated in return.

 

[Richard T]

No Biblical basis for that unless you're Christ's ancestor or one of the few great prophets.

God only ever brought people together in the Bible if they were Christ's ancestors or any of the great FEW prophets. Because they are just few handfuls, the chance of having God intervene on our behalf is extremely remote.

None of the apostles asked for a wife and Paul explained. A spouse is more likely to turn you away from the Lord and make you care more about worldly matters.

Paul did not even say find a Godly wife and everything will be okay. Nope, it's better to be single for the sake of one's spiritual growth.

And even if you badly needed a wife "burning in passion", Paul said to find one. He did not tell us to ask God for a wife.

Because why would God help us have something that is much more likely going to hinder our spiritual growth?


The disciples of Christ put Jesus first and they left everything because of Him but many of them died horrible deaths, in poverty.

God is all-powerful, He would have given them long and comfortable lives in safety. But that is not what happened because seeking the Kingdom first can come at a heavy price, with plenty of persecutions, and can cost you your life.

Rightfully so, there are poor people. The world blames them for their poverty and slander the poor as ungodly and not putting God first due to their poverty. That is exactly the opposite of what Jesus is teaching.

The reward is only assured after our time on Earth is over. Not while still living on Earth.

There are lots of scriptures that suggest it is God's will for a mate. All these concepts are taken from the bible. It is not good for man to be alone; two are better than one; better to marry than to burn with passion; one can put one thousand to flight but two can put ten thousand to flight. Then there are promises of God. Ps.37:4, God delights to give you the desires of your heart; Ps 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me:... Elders and deacons the should be husbands with only one wife; He who finds a wife finds favor with the Lord; Paul's call to singleness should not be disregarded but filtered. For most I think that means marriage is going to work better for them and their service to the Lord.
As to finding a wife, God is no respecter of persons either. There is no reason to believe you can not have great results in finding a mate. The bible is full of examples of this. I do not say His will is for a specific person of your choice. However, if one is seeking, God will surely help. There are lots of modern examples of testimonies of this. There divine appointments for you to meet potential mates. If you were like me sometimes you disregard them when you should'nt have. There are destiny helpers for mates, and for careers, education, mentorship, and discipleship.

Lastly, here is how I believe one can get God involved in your future mate.
1) You have to give up pre-marital sex. If you have that idea as a possibility, God may reject you as being ready.
2) You may have to be willing to move, and if so you need to hear from God where.
3) You need to be free from much of your past baggage. In some cases though God can use it to help sharpen the other person. thus the proverb one man sharpens another, as iron sharpens iron.
4) You may have to be flexible on what you are looking for. If you are asking just in the flesh, God may not answer. To me this meant any race, color, location, hieght and or weight, etc. I do teach one should look for what I call markers. That there has to be some traits in the mate that makes her or him stand out and desireable. This does not mean you get everything you desire, but you should see something.
5) In your dating you must discover new attributes in your mate that you love, ones that you never thought of before. I would add that some of this is spiritual.
6) When you date, your relationship has to improve both mate's walk with with God. If it is detrimental, this has to be fixed or the results will be very poor. As a couple you have to put the kingdom first.
7) If you are consistently having problems in finding a mate, fast and pray like you have never done before. Get real serious until you find answers.
8) Take inventory of your faith and stretch it. How far can you really believe God in this area? You really don't need full confidence before your future mate, but you need confidence in God. You need a good confession and self image in Christ that He is able to give you what you ask. You are moving the kingdom forward if you marry, because two are better than one if you have that desire in your heart.

 

[timewerx]

Then there are promises of God. Ps.37:4, God delights to give you the desires of your heart; Ps 138:8

Christianity is declining in countries where Christians are desiring for worldly things.

In countries where people are desiring Jesus and literally nothing else, their numbers are growing.

Paul's call to singleness should not be disregarded but filtered. For most I think that means marriage is going to work better for them and their service to the Lord.

Better for most, but still not good enough. Most are not going to make it. Broad is the way and wide is the gate that leads to destruction. Narrow is the gate that leads to life and only few ever finds it.

As to finding a wife, God is no respecter of persons either. There is no reason to believe you can not have great results in finding a mate. The bible is full of examples of this.

The examples God arranged marriages happened to be ancestors of Christ one of the few great prophets.

Doesn't it make you wonder God-arranged marriages dropped sharply in the New Testament?

There are lots of modern examples of testimonies of this.

There are more sad examples. But we don't get to hear their testimonies.

Lastly, here is how I believe one can get God involved in your future mate.
1) You have to give up pre-marital sex. If you have that idea as a possibility, God may reject you as being ready.
2) You may have to be willing to move, and if so you need to hear from God where.
3) You need to be free from much of your past baggage. In some cases though God can use it to help sharpen the other person. thus the proverb one man sharpens another, as iron sharpens iron.
4) You may have to be flexible on what you are looking for. If you are asking just in the flesh, God may not answer. To me this meant any race, color, location, hieght and or weight, etc. I do teach one should look for what I call markers. That there has to be some traits in the mate that makes her or him stand out and desireable. This does not mean you get everything you desire, but you should see something.
5) In your dating you must discover new attributes in your mate that you love, ones that you never thought of before. I would add that some of this is spiritual.
6) When you date, your relationship has to improve both mate's walk with with God. If it is detrimental, this has to be fixed or the results will be very poor. As a couple you have to put the kingdom first.
7) If you are consistently having problems in finding a mate, fast and pray like you have never done before. Get real serious until you find answers.
8) Take inventory of your faith and stretch it. How far can you really believe God in this area? You really don't need full confidence before your future mate, but you need confidence in God. You need a good confession and self image in Christ that He is able to give you what you ask. You are moving the kingdom forward if you marry, because two are better than one if you have that desire in your heart.

If you have truly put the Kingdom first, you'd be just as happy being single than the thought of how happy you'll be if you married a wonderful person.

Ironically, there will be a wedding in the New Earth and we will all be married to a wonderful person.

 

[exitstageright]

Right. I agree that you can't pray for a specific person to become your spouse. That's not going to work or be an answered prayer. That's not what I meant by saying we need to seek God and put Christ first. In fact, that's the very opposite of what I meant. In the example you shared, that type of prayer is still a dictation to God of what the person desires. Seeking God means you put aside all your own desires and ask him what he wants for your life. What he wants for you may be very different from what you think you want for yourself. It's really important for Christians to pray like this for any major decision for their lives.

What if God brings a woman into my life and she is not my type? I am 70 years old. My testosterone level is already getting lower. I will not be able to physical satisfy her, then what? Most divorces are initiated by the wife. She will divorce me because I did not make her happy. Maybe getting older will be the solution to my delima. When I lose my desire, I would no longer feel the need to have a woman. I know how to cook,clean,wash,and iron my clothes.I have experienced that I have seen more "Jesus" in non believing women than I have seen in believing women. I do not "make the news". I am just reporting the news.

 

[TheLastGeek]

What if God brings a woman into my life and she is not my type? I am 70 years old. My testosterone level is already getting lower. I will not be able to physical satisfy her, then what? Most divorces are initiated by the wife. She will divorce me because I did not make her happy. Maybe getting older will be the solution to my delima. When I lose my desire, I would no longer feel the need to have a woman. I know how to cook,clean,wash,and iron my clothes.I have experienced that I have seen more "Jesus" in non believing women than I have seen in believing women. I do not "make the news". I am just reporting the news.

Why on earth would God bring you someone who isn't your type? He doesn't work that way.

"When I lose my desire, I would no longer feel the need to have a woman." That's your problem, right there. You don't want a wife, a partner, a life companion, a soul mate. You want someone to have sex with.

It is not possible to "see Jesus" in non-believers.

 

[exitstageright]

Why on earth would God bring you someone who isn't your type? He doesn't work that way.

"When I lose my desire, I would no longer feel the need to have a woman." That's your problem, right there. You don't want a wife, a partner, a life companion, a soul mate. You want someone to have sex with.

It is not possible to "see Jesus" in non-believers.

Yes,it is possible to see "Jesus" in non believers. I have experienced that some non-believers have not lied to me, have treated me with respect, and I have felt at peace dealing with them. While some "Christian women" have lied to me. Jesus does not lie. The Bible even states, "God cannot lie" Numbers 23:19 and Hebrews 6:18 If you have been going to church for as long as I have, you have probably met some people who are meaner than some non-church goers. There is not a perfect church. We all have our flaws.
As far as someone wanting to have sex with is concerned, is that not the goal of every male animal on this planet? As males, we have about 10 times the testosterone levels as the average woman has. The testosterone hormone is the hormone that causes sexual desires. I am a scientist who knows that. Knowing about human blood levels is what I do for a living. I get paid six figures because I have my California Clinical (Medical ) Laboratory License. Therefore,I know what I am talking about.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Yes,it is possible to see "Jesus" in non believers. I have experienced that some non-believers have not lied to me, have treated me with respect, and I have felt at peace dealing with them. While some "Christian women" have lied to me. Jesus does not lie. The Bible even states, "God cannot lie" Numbers 23:19 and Hebrews 6:18 If you have been going to church for as long as I have, you have probably met some people who are meaner than some non-church goers. There is not a perfect church. We all have our flaws.
As far as someone wanting to have sex with is concerned, is that not the goal of every male animal on this planet? As males, we have about 10 times the testosterone levels as the average woman has. The testosterone hormone is the hormone that causes sexual desires. I am a scientist who knows that. Knowing about human blood levels is what I do for a living. I get paid six figures because I have my California Clinical (Medical ) Laboratory License. Therefore,I know what I am talking about.

It's one thing to concur that non-believers can be decent human beings. That's not the same as "seeing Jesus" in them.

I didn't say anything that indicated doubt that you "know what you're talking about". What's troubling is that your only motivation for seeking a woman is sex. You literally said you'd have no need for a woman/wife once you don't feel sexual desire anymore.

 

[exitstageright]

It's one thing to concur that non-believers can be decent human beings. That's not the same as "seeing Jesus" in them.

I didn't say anything that indicated doubt that you "know what you're talking about". What's troubling is that your only motivation for seeking a woman is sex. You literally said you'd have no need for a woman/wife once you don't feel sexual desire anymore.

Who can be a more decent human being than Jesus? You noticed that I put Jesus in quotes. The only "Jesus" that we can see on this earth is the respect,kindness,gentleness,goodness,and truthfulness that we show to each other.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Who can be a more decent human being than Jesus? You noticed that I put Jesus in quotes. The only "Jesus" that we can see on this earth is the respect,kindness,gentleness,goodness,and truthfulness that we show to each other.

I don't agree. But that's okay. We can just disagree.

 

[exitstageright]

Just something to think about. You are worrying that if you seek God and allow him to guide you, that he will put you in a bad situation. That's not really trust is it?

I did ask God to send me a Christian woman once. We met at our church. She really wanted me.but I lost interest in her. She did not want to work. In the San Francico Bay Area, you need two incomes to live.I probably could have handled being the only bread winner. She just wanted to control me. She did not want me to go to the San Francisco 49ers football games, because the games were on Sundays. I would miss church. I explained to her that the 49ers have only 8 games a year. I will be missing only eight Sundays a year. She did not want me to audition for an Eddie Murphy Movie. Yet she knows that acting is one of my passions in life. Her reason was that Eddie Murphy uses vulgar language in his movies. I told her",yeah but that is just the character that he plays. That is his work. You know that I work in a Medical Lab,right?" She said,"Yes." I told her,"Well what if one of my co-workers in the lab gets frustrated about something and starts to swear, would you say that I should not work in that laboratory anymore?" She had no answer. She once told me, "Either God is going to take care of me,a man,or the government. (Welfare) Someone like that lacks ambition. A woman like that is not my type. So,the bad situation with a woman has happened to me. One that I asked for.

 

[exitstageright]

I don't agree. But that's okay. We can just disagree.

OK