"Singleness is a gift" is actually a lie?

[peaceful-forest]

I came across a post on social media that was written by a Christian dating website:

What do you think of the post? Do you agree or disagree with what they're saying? Do you have a different experience?


Even though the post is mainly geared towards single men, I think single women can agree to it and relate to it also. I had a friend years ago that was single but wanted to be married. People in the church kept telling her that "God wanted her to be single" but she didn't feel that way about herself. She eventually found a Christian man (that went to a different church) and married him. A church I used to go to had a problem with allowing a singles class, even though there were older adults volunteering to lead the class. The church leaders' response was "we have more important things to focus on".

I used to be a feminist (except I have always been pro-life). I'm not anymore and haven't been for awhile. When I look back, the only option the schools and my mom promoted was for me to go to college and be whatever I wanted to be. That was my only guidance - zero guidance about how I need to talk to God about my future and how to live my life. And it ended up being a disaster. I will admit that I am not happy with my life right now. I do want a husband; I hate being single most days. I do not want to work long hours for a liberal corporation anymore that promotes sinful things and makes irrational business decisions.

 

[d taylor]

-
​

Well that may be the key thought about this. Which is, the ones who are single but pursued marriage, would not see singleness as a gift.

 

[trophy33]

Neither marriage nor singleness is a gift.

To be content with the state you are in is a gift. You can be happy or unhappy in both states.

 

[Sketcher]

The people who say "Singleness is a gift" the loudest and most often are married people. IDK what it says about their marriages, but none of them have been as single as long as I have been as of today. I followed the general advice that you hear people in the church give to single people - stop looking, and God will bring her to you; get involved in fellowship and service; be friends with her first - and it didn't work. As for how much time I gave it to work, it can be counted in years. I am not the only man in the church who can say that. If we're in the Body, then the Body needs to acknowledge that all it had to offer us did not work, and look into what it can do which will actually help. While I am responsible for my own life and my own choices, I have my blind spots and the church itself had a big blind spot when it came to addressing mine. People outside the church who claim to address the problem want to lead men on sinful paths out of it. The man who needs the help cannot be counted on to avoid those sinful paths.

Since you brought up feminism, there are at least a few ways in which it has impacted this issue, including:

• An expanded culture of divorce where women initiate it most of the time. I don't want to get married only to get divorced. And divorced women, if I am going to take Jesus' words in Matthew 5:32 seriously, are to put it mildly, not good options.
• Feminism's embrace of anger over collaboration, of refusing to hold women accountable for when they are wrong, and promiscuity over chastity has made many women worse candidates for marrying as opposed to better.
• Feminism's embrace of abortion means fewer girls were born and grew up into women. That means fewer women for men to select from.

 

[ReluctantInquisitor]

I think it's pretty clear from Genesis that we're not meant to go through this life without a partner. It's also frustrating to see the "gift of singleness" and other messages with similar sentiments being pushed by those who are married or romantically involved. I just don't understand the rationale of trying to downplay marriage and people's desire for it.

 

[GospelS]

This is how things get misinterpreted when we remove the context, culture, history, flow, and the intention of the message. The idea that singleness is a gift comes from 1 Corinthians 7.

There are advantages and disadvantages on both sides. I see singleness as a gift in terms of how I'm able pay my undivided devotion to the Lord.

I shall be married. But do I love God more than marriage? Yes. My hope and desire for marriage is that by marriage I could serve God much better than I do being single.

There are no restrictions. God is Family in Himself. I believe He is all about marriages and children. That's where He is leading us in the Bible too. The Marriage Supper.

I sincerely pray that you all get to have someone and experience God's love. Be wise because the days are evil. It is not good to be alone. It is even worse to get into an unhealthy relationship. God is able to save us from both.

 

[ReesePiece23]

I used to get a bit over excited on here about being "fiercely independent" because I was finding myself in the midst of quite an exciting life - a life that I couldn't have if I were in a relationship. I'm still living that life - it's evolved massively, but it's still just as exciting; in fact, it gets better as I meet more people, see more countries and do more things, but I'm too busy staying on the plan to even think about it anymore (that comes with age too.)

For me, I lose almost all of my power when I'm getting involved with a woman romantically. It's as if my flames have been dampened and I lose my ambition (and I get bored quickly and very easily when I have to adjust to someone else's routine). So for me - and for people who are self-motivated, the "gift" label probably has substance. We don't have any obstacles in our way that are likely to pull our attention away, we're free to go hard.

For people who want a relationship and see it as an essential, then no, how can it be a gift? They're of a personality type that needs a partner. Generally, they're victims of their own perfection - they should pray for that before praying for anything else.

 

[peaceful-forest]

The people who say "Singleness is a gift" the loudest and most often are married people. IDK what it says about their marriages, but none of them have been as single as long as I have been as of today.
...
I followed the general advice that you hear people in the church give to single people...get involved in fellowship and service...and it didn't work.

I have the same experience. I only hear married people say this. In my opinion, those that say that have bad marriages; they married someone incompatible, and probably did not get God involved in finding them the right partner to begin with.

I have been told also by older, married Christians to get involved in church. I don't know how that's supposed to help me find someone, especially when I do not attend a physical church, but watch reruns of Charles Stanley.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I don't consider it as such. Some people find someone easily, and others never do now matter how they try. Not having a partner is something I see as matter of fact more than anything.

 

[Sketcher]

I have the same experience. I only hear married people say this. In my opinion, those that say that have bad marriages; they married someone incompatible, and probably did not get God involved in finding them the right partner to begin with.

I have been told also by older, married Christians to get involved in church. I don't know how that's supposed to help me find someone, especially when I do not attend a physical church, but watch reruns of Charles Stanley.

Well, people can and do meet each other at church and get together, but that has not worked for me. And thinking that's the place to meet people adds a level of stress to actually going to church. I won't say to not go, but I have to tell single guys especially to temper their expectations when they get involved with church and/or service.

 

[GospelS]

Feminism's embrace of abortion means fewer girls were born and grew up into women. That means fewer women for men to select from.

That maybe true.

As for me, I believe and know that God can even raise someone from the dead (send one from heaven) just to give me a husband.

 

[Citanul]

A church I used to go to had a problem with allowing a singles class, even though there were older adults volunteering to lead the class. The church leaders' response was "we have more important things to focus on".

Churches aren't very good at dealing with singles/young adults. They put a lot of focus on families, so they have things in place for children and parents, but seem to forget that there's a stage in between those two. By ignoring those people who will eventually become the parents in the families they want to be part of the congregation they run the risk of pushing them away to other churches.

 

[dzheremi]

Neither marriage nor singleness is a gift.

To be content with the state you are in is a gift. You can be happy or unhappy in both states.

This is it.

As we pray in the Prayer of Thanksgiving that is part of every morning prayer hour in the Agpeya (the Coptic daily prayer book):

O Master, Lord, God the Almighty, the Father of our Lord, God and Savior, Jesus Christ, we thank You for every condition, concerning every condition, and in every condition, for You have covered us, helped us, guarded us, accepted us unto You, spared us, supported us, and brought us to this hour.

+++

In everything, we are to give thanks to God.

 

[LoveDivine]

I understand some of the points made in this article and I agree that it's not effective to minimize suffering by calling it a blessing. However, I also believe that in some situations singleness can actually be a blessing from God. It depends on each situation. We may not always see the blessing for what it is. A person may have no real decent spiritual matches around them to pick from. Choosing to remain single may actually be freedom from a life of being married to the wrong person. It can still be hard sometimes to endure singleness, but it may be the better option for some.

However, no one who is struggling with their singleness is really going to appreciate being told by someone who is married that their struggle is actually a blessing haha. I think that the way it is presented can rub some people the wrong way. A better approach would be for churches to focus on teaching on contentment in the midst of suffering. That we can experience joy even when we don't receive what we desire in this life. I think it's better to acknowledge that singleness can be very difficult for some Christians. Instead of brushing aside the difficulty and calling the struggle a blessing, it would be better to focus on making the best of the situation and seeking God for help. We can serve God well in whatever state of life we find ourselves in. That lines up far better with what Paul taught in Corinthians about marriage and celibacy. There are advantages and blessings in both states of life. Some are just geared more naturally for one state more than the other.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I came across a post on social media that was written by a Christian dating website:


View attachment 349091


What do you think of the post? Do you agree or disagree with what they're saying? Do you have a different experience?


Even though the post is mainly geared towards single men, I think single women can agree to it and relate to it also. I had a friend years ago that was single but wanted to be married. People in the church kept telling her that "God wanted her to be single" but she didn't feel that way about herself. She eventually found a Christian man (that went to a different church) and married him. A church I used to go to had a problem with allowing a singles class, even though there were older adults volunteering to lead the class. The church leaders' response was "we have more important things to focus on".

I used to be a feminist (except I have always been pro-life). I'm not anymore and haven't been for awhile. When I look back, the only option the schools and my mom promoted was for me to go to college and be whatever I wanted to be. That was my only guidance - zero guidance about how I need to talk to God about my future and how to live my life. And it ended up being a disaster. I will admit that I am not happy with my life right now. I do want a husband; I hate being single most days. I do not want to work long hours for a liberal corporation anymore that promotes sinful things and makes irrational business decisions.

Man, I could've written this! LOL

 

[ThisIsMe123]

The people who say "Singleness is a gift" the loudest and most often are married people. IDK what it says about their marriages, but none of them have been as single as long as I have been as of today. I followed the general advice that you hear people in the church give to single people - stop looking, and God will bring her to you; get involved in fellowship and service; be friends with her first - and it didn't work. As for how much time I gave it to work, it can be counted in years. I am not the only man in the church who can say that. If we're in the Body, then the Body needs to acknowledge that all it had to offer us did not work, and look into what it can do which will actually help. While I am responsible for my own life and my own choices, I have my blind spots and the church itself had a big blind spot when it came to addressing mine. People outside the church who claim to address the problem want to lead men on sinful paths out of it. The man who needs the help cannot be counted on to avoid those sinful paths.

Since you brought up feminism, there are at least a few ways in which it has impacted this issue, including:

• An expanded culture of divorce where women initiate it most of the time. I don't want to get married only to get divorced. And divorced women, if I am going to take Jesus' words in Matthew 5:32 seriously, are to put it mildly, not good options.
• Feminism's embrace of anger over collaboration, of refusing to hold women accountable for when they are wrong, and promiscuity over chastity has made many women worse candidates for marrying as opposed to better.
• Feminism's embrace of abortion means fewer girls were born and grew up into women. That means fewer women for men to select from.

be friends with her first

Yeah, I used to follow this method, it just cast me aside while she wound up with a man that just dated her immediately...no friendship. Straight romance, courtship and marriage.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

1. singleness is not a gift; it is a status. Celibacy is a gift. 2. I hate it when married people stress the "gift" of marriage or as they have told me "Never get married" 3. sometimes singleness can be a good thing or an affliction (i know this has already been said) depending on the individual single and his/her particular situation. 4. Marriage/desire for marriage is a good thing but it should not be more important than God and same for singleness. Don't make marriage an idol but don't make singleness an idol as well. 5. Never try to shame or discourage singles who have the mere desire to get married (i am one of those singles)-usually single men and on the other hand, don't try to shame/discourage singles (usually single women) for wanting to be single.

 

[linux.poet]

If you "burn with passion", singleness is torture. Unilaterally declaring it a gift is an insult to those burning for marriage who haven't found the person to resolve the issue.

 

[timewerx]

I came across a post on social media that was written by a Christian dating website:

What do you think of the post? Do you agree or disagree with what they're saying? Do you have a different experience?

I would think that it would be hypocritical for a pastor to say that singleness is a gift when they themselves are married and all their kids are married and they keep saying they are blessed in their marriage and hoping their grand children would have a great marriage as well.

Because if singleness is a gift, they'd probably be single or half their kids would be single. It doesn't make sense to be saying things you yourself don't do or don't believe just to appease the crowd. That's hypocrisy.

These pastors should at least try to come out with honesty. Yes, the Bible says being single is better than married. BUT a married pastor should be honest to say they don't really know fully because they've not experienced it and they'd rather be married as reflected by their life choices as well as their desire for their children.

My take on this matter is that singleness can be a blessing but the reasons have nothing to do with the world, nor material things. It is all spiritual. If someone's heart is still set on this world, material things, desires of the flesh, vanity, pride of life then singleness can be a curse. But if someone's heart is set on eternity, it can be a huge blessing and could save you huge amount of trouble otherwise.

 

[DragonFox91]

I would think that it would be hypocritical for a pastor to say that singleness is a gift when they themselves are married and all their kids are married and they keep saying they are blessed in their marriage and hoping their grand children would have a great marriage as well.

Because if singleness is a gift, they'd probably be single or half their kids would be single. It doesn't make sense to be saying things you yourself don't do or don't believe just to appease the crowd. That's hypocrisy.

Ohhhh yes! Excellent observation! & then you learn that the pastor got married by their mid 20s, & all their kids got married by their mid 20s, & they're hoping their grandkids will get married by their mid 20s. It's so hypocritical.

In regards to OP that's what I find most hypocrtiical about it. They never even went thru a real stage of singleness. They likely dated a bunch growing up & tied the knot before 25.

I also see in this thread 'people who say that are most likely in bad marriages' but this isn't true. I know people who say that & are happy married.