- Aug 4, 2013
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I hope what I am about to share makes some sense. After a year of being immersed in the Orthodox faith through the various services of the Church, the readings of the lives of the saints, and comparing my own life to theirs, I am both shocked and challenged by my own life.
You see, in the Western (scholastic or intellectual) mindset of Christianity, to be a good Christian is simply to learn all the facts and teachings of your particular denomination and be able to regurgitate them on command Being a "Good Christian" or a "Holy Person" in the West means that you are a walking encyclopedia of knowledge and behave in a certain manner which complies with what your pastor or denominational leaders tell you is correct.
Thus . . . I considered myself a really good Christian because I was, like Saul of Tarsus, very zealous for outward actions and demonstrations of intellectual piety. Yet all the time, I was a nasty little (well . . . we don't use such descriptions in polite company) to be around. Arrogant, self-centered, dismissive of others, and unloving and unkind. I honestly don't know how my poor first wife put up with this for the many years of our marriage. She did finally decide that church and Christianity through the denomination were not for her. After all, if the belief system I espoused didn't make me a warm, loving, kind individual, filled with the love of God, of what good was it?
I bring this up today because I was reading some of the lives of the martyrs of Russia and because of our celebration this past weekend of Saint John of Shanghai. When I read the lives of these people who passionately loved Christ and stepped right up to die for Him, I find myself almost ashamed to identify as a follower of Christ. There is so much in me that is still quite unlike them.
When I stop and really think about all this . . . it is considerably discouraging, both to know my true self and to not know what to do to change. This is Orthodoxy. It does not deal with the intellect. It deals with the very being of one's self. It is ontological, not intellectual (although many of the great saints of the Church were deeply intellectual). It is about knowing Christ, not just knowing about Him.
It is to experience Christ. And in this, I am learning I have light-years to go.
Through the prayers of the Holy Theotokos, of St. Paisios, my patron, and of all the saints, may God have mercy on me.
You see, in the Western (scholastic or intellectual) mindset of Christianity, to be a good Christian is simply to learn all the facts and teachings of your particular denomination and be able to regurgitate them on command Being a "Good Christian" or a "Holy Person" in the West means that you are a walking encyclopedia of knowledge and behave in a certain manner which complies with what your pastor or denominational leaders tell you is correct.
Thus . . . I considered myself a really good Christian because I was, like Saul of Tarsus, very zealous for outward actions and demonstrations of intellectual piety. Yet all the time, I was a nasty little (well . . . we don't use such descriptions in polite company) to be around. Arrogant, self-centered, dismissive of others, and unloving and unkind. I honestly don't know how my poor first wife put up with this for the many years of our marriage. She did finally decide that church and Christianity through the denomination were not for her. After all, if the belief system I espoused didn't make me a warm, loving, kind individual, filled with the love of God, of what good was it?
I bring this up today because I was reading some of the lives of the martyrs of Russia and because of our celebration this past weekend of Saint John of Shanghai. When I read the lives of these people who passionately loved Christ and stepped right up to die for Him, I find myself almost ashamed to identify as a follower of Christ. There is so much in me that is still quite unlike them.
When I stop and really think about all this . . . it is considerably discouraging, both to know my true self and to not know what to do to change. This is Orthodoxy. It does not deal with the intellect. It deals with the very being of one's self. It is ontological, not intellectual (although many of the great saints of the Church were deeply intellectual). It is about knowing Christ, not just knowing about Him.
It is to experience Christ. And in this, I am learning I have light-years to go.
Through the prayers of the Holy Theotokos, of St. Paisios, my patron, and of all the saints, may God have mercy on me.