That kind of toxic culture where you compete against your other friends in terms of "success". Which one has the most successful career, most successful husband, most successful kids, etc, etc.
There’s a lot of comparison in relationships. More than many suspect. ‘Good news’ is a double-edged sword. It fosters competition, jealousy, etc. Oftentimes the things we take for granted are irritants. They’re seething and you’re clueless. Oneupmanship is overt in some connections. But not in the majority. You’ll find it everywhere. Even the church.
The wife can feel embarrassed to her friends if her husband isn't measuring up to her friend's husbands' successes even despite the fact, they're already quite financially stable.
I’ve heard it from both. She nudges him to do more or take on more responsibility. Some are brazen and admit the person they’ve compared him to. He’s guilty of the same and prods her behavior and appearance. Both are chasing ideals within the union and haven’t developed contentment with their choice. They’re after something better.
I’m not opposed to helping someone improve or overcome a challenge. But there’s a difference between tweaking and a teardown.
I can only say, perhaps, one way to have a happy marriage (and as a matter of fact, be happy and content in any situation, even single) is very carefully choose your friends.
This may sound countercultural but I think a lot of this is the result of oversharing. The want to be heard, understood, and validated inspires conversation. But little thought is given to the audience. Oftentimes they’re talking with people in similar situations or worse. They haven’t found a solution but their advice is trustworthy because you’re friends.
That’s how problems run in groups. They’re struggling with the same issues and it never dawns on them to try a different source. It’s like blindfolding a man and trying to hit a target. But the target is you. Why would you subject yourself to that?
Observation is the remedy. We need to spend more time listening and confirming our impressions with the Lord. Because the truth comes out. You’ll see beyond the image.
We seek agreement in the natural and that’s the problem. When you sift through the spirit there’s a different barometer. It’s not easily swayed or impressed. What prevents them from doing so is the want for acceptance.
Because we want to be accepted we compromise our relationships, counsel, and all that matters. The fruit of our decisions is the rut, stronghold, closed doors, and other things we’re unable to conquer.
