Family member is gay

[Mushka]

Very sad. I have a cousin who is lesbian. She and her wife are invited to all our family functions.

Do you exclude obese family members?

I just addressed this on another persons comment.

 

[Albion]

It’s something that can’t be measured, but when you bring your same sex partner to a family gathering,

that is blatantly saying I’m living in sin and I want you to be a part of this sinful situation by accepting my partner as part of the family.

Yes, but you're not asking us about the morality of "living with" someone to whom a person isn't married.

It's about how you can best respond to the situation that has been presented to you by the niece. As was said before, I think it is possible to have them both to dinner, etc. sometimes, and under the conditions she offered, without treating the friend as more than a girlfriend.

The sticking point for you seemed to be that you cannot abide the idea of acting towards her as though she has become a family member just by cohabiting at the present with your niece.

 

[High Fidelity]

I’m sorry, but this is not true. The Lord told us to go and sin no more. If I sin, even in my heart where no one can possibly see it, I still repent and ask the Lord to forgive me and to help me never to do it again. practicing homosexuality is not in that same category, nor any other sin that’s left unrepented, because the person is actively pursuing the sin without turning from it.

So do you challenge your other family members that are also unrepentant and in open rebellion?

Overweight (gluttony) is probably the easiest example of this.

 

[Archivist]

How do I know if they didn’t start a diet plan the day before, or a week ago. Or just ate more than necessary and regretted it and asked God forgive them and to help them. It’s something that can’t be measured, but when you bring your same sex partner to a family gathering, that is blatantly saying I’m living in sin and I want you to be a part of this sinful situation by accepting my partner as part of the family.

If someone is obese they didn’t just eat more than necessary. Unless they have a valid medical condition—and a small number do—that is gluttony. Yet you accept the glutton what excluding the homosexual.

As I said, our family gatherings are open to all family. Having our cousin’s wife join us doesn’t mean we accept their lifestyle.

 

[Clare73]

Very sad. I have a cousin who is lesbian. She and her wife are invited to all our family functions.

Do you exclude obese family members?

All sin is not equal. . .obesity is not equal to murder. . .covetousness is not equal to robbery. . .however, homosexuality is equal to idolatry, which sin of idolatry is punished with the sin of homosexuality (Romans 1:21-27) according to God's law of retaliation: an eye for an eye, where God punishes sin with sin (Romans 1:26).

 

[Archivist]

All sin is not equal. . .obesity is not equal to murder. . .covetousness is not equal to homosexuality.

And where does God give us the power to make that judgement?

 

[SilverBear]

Your niece is trying to make the girlfriend a member of the family.
That is the issue here.

partner implies more than a casual relationship.

What would you do in the following situations, which I suggest are analogous to your situation.

how are any of these analogous?

 

[Clare73]

And where does God give us the power to make that judgement?

In God's response to those sins in Scripture, where I learn to judge the nature of murder and idolatry in relation to stealing and coveteousness.

 

[Archivist]

In God's response to those sins in Scripture.

So we can invite some sinners but not all sinners?

 

[Clare73]

partner implies more than a casual relationship.

Your point?

how are any of these analogous?

Stated in my response. ..

Loyalty to the sister-in-law (analogous to loyalty to the ways of the God you love) does not allow participation in the deception and violation of the marriage law against her.

 

[Clare73]

So we can invite some sinners but not all sinners?

She didn't ask if she could, she asked what to do in light of her Christian objection to it.

 

[Archivist]

She didn't ask if she could, she asked what to do in light of her Christian objection to it.

And my advice was to invite. What's your point?

 

[Paidiske]

I’m just gonna be honest and say that I’m surprised at the amount of negative responses there were given when I just confessed that I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if people are angry?

Angry? Perhaps not. Protective of people who are often deeply damaged by the way religious people treat them, perhaps. Many of us have seen such scenarios play out, and know how they end.

It might be worth asking yourself, if your niece were to die next week, would you want to be at her funeral? Because cutting her off now will have long term and far reaching consequences, and you may not be able to foresee them all, yet.

It seems to me that the crux of the problem, for you, is this question of "acceptance." That you don't want to do anything which might communicate acceptance for your niece and her partner's sin. But if we can't accept and love one another as flawed, broken, and yes, sinful human beings, that is our own sinfulness. God so loved us, even when we were sinners, God so accepted and embraced us in our fallen state that God did the work to rectify it. God didn't stand back and demand we get our house in order before reaching out in reconciliation. There's a model there that we all might do well to reflect on.

 

[disciple Clint]

He didn't "win over" anything, the impaired were not against him that they should be "won over."

He clearly instructed them as to what they must do.

Well one thing we know for certain, He did not judge them, that is a good example to follow.

 

[Blade]

I didn't read the comments. True story abortion clinic which was run by two gay women. Next door christians the dad would send the kids over with cookies and invite them to dinner. Never judging them never condemning them. One night when they invited them over both got saved and stopped living together.

Another one where the young gay man got kicked out and his friend let them stay with them. One day friend ask "what about Jesus?" the young gay man said been there done that. The friend said no...if you need someone to laugh with I will be there. If you need someone to get mad at I will be there. If you need someone to cry with I will be there if you fall I will not judge you nor condemn you. That young gay man is now saved and has so many kids.

Though homosexuality is an abomination to God. Its that Union that God sees woman+ man become one. Gay can never have that union nor create life. Yet my sin is not some how better or OK with God. If CHRIST can say He didnt come to judge nor condemn.. I must treat all the same way. Like the again true story how all these gay people were going to protest against this one Church haha well the got there and then not very long after that went home. They said "they have never felt such love before".

We forget is love that changes the heart. Its the Christ in you IF we allow Him to shine.. THAT is what convicts them not us telling them how bad they are how sinful they are. Its when they see Christ that SIN has to go. I truly believe gay is a spirit not a choice. ANY sin we play with.. we become what it is. So as you would with any.. show them the love Christ shows you. Hello we are to LOVE our enemy thats the SAME love Christ shows us and we at the same time are NOT condoning the sin. WE don't change them! WE don't save anyone. HE does all that. If I offended forgive me.

 

[Clare73]

Well one thing we know for certain,

Do we?

He did not judge them, that is a good example to follow.

He called what they did "sin". . .that's judging. . .and told them to cut it out.

What do you call that?

 

[disciple Clint]

Do we?

He called what they did "sin". . .that's judging. . .and told them to cut it out.

What do you call that?

I call it correction with love and respect.

 

[Clare73]

I call it correction with love and respect.

Correcting is judging. . .can't be done without it.

 

[coffee4u]

Make this about sexual sin not about homosexuality. God calls us to be pure and the unmarried to be celibate. Which is why all sexual sin should be treated equally. All sex outside of marriage is practiced sin, which is what this is about, practiced sin and not wanting to support it or have it under your roof. But do do this you must be standing on solid ground.

Check that there are not other family member doing practiced sin, especially sexual sin that is being overlooked. An example might be that there is someone you know who watches porn, or a married man who sexually harasses his co-workers or a heterosexual couple who live together without being married.
So first check your house and the plank in your own eye honestly.
Matthew 7:3-5
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Then if you can honestly say no or you do not know of any, then you can move on.

You can then tell your niece that you love her and always will and that she is welcome to come over by herself anytime, but that you cannot condone sexual sin, that God calls the unmarried to be celibate no matter who they are attracted to. Having her partner over condones it silently. Which is something you simply can't do. Jesus did not condemn the woman caught in adultery he forgave her but then he said "Go sin no more" and he expected her to go sin no more.
If she does as God wants for her, which is to remain celibate then you will support that fully, but so long as she continues in practiced sin (and be sure to indicate this would be the same if her partner was a male) then they may not come together as a couple under your roof. It isn't about who she is attracted to, but what she does with that attraction.
James 1:15
Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

What you do depends if your niece is a born again Christian or not.
Also you can only take this stand as a Christian after a good hard look at yourself and the rest of the family who profess to be christian and only if you truly believe that a heterosexual couple living together, adultery, pornography watching is as sinful as her and her partner and only if you take the same stand for all of them. Anything less is hypocrisy. This is not an easy hill to die on and die on it you may do.
1 Corinthians 5:11
But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.

If she is not a Christian then that does not apply. Still have this talk to her and let her know why you are against sexual sin. Again do not make this specifically about homosexuality but rather immorality in general and then have everyone over including the partner and treat them as you would anyone else. Remember it is God they are sinning against not you. Pray for them as you would anyone else.

 

[seeking.IAM]

A gay person in the United States would have to be living in a cave to not know what the Bible says or what some Christians think and say about their sexual behavior. One may think he or she is doing something noble and helpful by telling them their ways are sinful and they should repent. In reality he or she is not saying anything new they have not heard many times before. He or She is merely adding one more voice heaping condemnation upon them. I think this is not helpful. Unfortunately, I think it serves more to drive gay persons away from Christianity entirely rather than to drive them into Christian churches that are more accepting.