Hi everyone
I’m reaching out again in another emergency.
So while I was driving to work today,my heart was so hurt towards Jesus for what I said yesterday.Halfway to work something popped into my mind that scared me even worse than yesterday,it was like a two choice thing,to see the bad in life and be angry at God,or see the Good and love God.
Blaise, you're making your relationship with God all about you. Your fear is about protecting
yourself, not about loving God. And this is why such fear has no place in your relationship with God. It is a kind of selfishness that keeps you blind to, and distant from, God. So long as you are absorbed with you, with
your level of sincerity, with how well
you've been maintaining just the right sort of thoughts, with whether or not
you've acted in just the right way to keep yourself in God's good graces, you cannot see and enter into the love and rest of God. As you're discovering, relying upon yourself to keep you safe from God leads only to fear.
God doesn't ask you to live His way, to love Him, by
your own power and will. Everything
He calls you to do and be in your relationship with
Him, by
His power,
He enables. As Paul the apostle wrote in
Philippians 2:12-13, you work out only what God has first worked into you. What does God work into you, exactly? The Holy Spirit. (
Titus 3:5; 1 John 4:13; Romans 8:9-11; 1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
In the Holy Spirit, not in yourself, you have all you can possibly have from God. He cannot give you anymore than Himself, right? In the Spirit, you have all the divine presence and power that is possible for you to possess. And all that is required from you to be filled with the Spirit and transformed by him is for you to remain in a place of submission to him (
Romans 6:13-22; Romans 12:1; James 4:7; 1 Peter 5:6). As you are,
he works by
his power to form in you the character of Christ. (
Romans 8:29; Philippians 1:6; Ephesians 3:14-19, 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24, Galatians 5:22-23, etc.)
But you're too busy looking at yourself to give much attention to the Holy Spirit. You're embroiled in your thinking, in your feelings, in your ability to do this or that to satisfy God. All the while God is shaking His head, waiting for you to stop, to look away from yourself (
Hebrews 12:2-23; 2 Corinthians 3:18) and submit to Him. Until you do, you will continue in the long chain of crises into which you seem to have settled as a habit of life.
Please I know prayer is strong,can anyone,please pray that God help me and banish these evil thoughts and temptations!
God banishes evil thoughts, and the lies upon which they always rest, with His truth given to you in His word, the Bible. (
Matthew 4:4; Psalms 1; Psalms 119:11, 105; 2 Timothy 3:16-17, etc.) If you think God is just going to erase your mind and will and possess you, puppet-like, forcing you to act and think in the way He wants, you've got another thing coming. The love-relationship God desires with you does not allow such coercion. You must freely choose to go His way, to live under His control, in accord with His will. You do so by submitting to Him again and again throughout each day. As you do, He works to transform you.
But you don't get to just sit idle while God changes you. No, you will, as He works in you, naturally move toward a holy, faith-filled, Christ-centered life. You will stand by faith upon His word, feeding upon it every day; you will guard your heart and mind, denying lies and darkness that try to take root; you will submit to God and desire more and more to do so as the days pass; you will depart from evil, separating yourself from the World, the Flesh and the devil unto God; you will share the Gospel of salvation with others and seek to train up godly people in the faith, and so on. But all these things you will do as a manifestation of what
God is doing in you, not as products of your self-effort to earn His favor and your place in His kingdom.
It’s like my mind keeps wanting to not trust in God because he makes it only him as the way and without him there is nothing,or some sort of angry mindset at him that I’ve never ever ever had before.And it’s scaring me.I’m even terrified I committed apostasy,and I’m battling apathy over it
The solution to your inner conflicts and fears doesn't reside in you, in yourself, and your capacities and powers. Running constantly on the treadmill of your fearful, obsessive thinking will simply exhaust you and generate a deeper habit of obsessiveness. Stop it. Form a new habit of thinking. Don't get on the treadmill. Instead, turn to God's truth and obsess over
it.
John 8:31-32
31 So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples,
32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Philippians 4:8
8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Psalm 1:1-3
1 How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers.
Psalm 119:97
97 Oh how I love your law! It is my meditation all the day.
Use the moments when the anxieties and fears you revolve in rise up as a trigger to fix upon God's truth, about Him and His goodness, love and mercy. And keep doing so, by God's grace training a new habit of thought into yourself to look to Him when obsessive fear bubbles up in your mind. Don't wonder, or argue, or obsess about your fear. Look away from it; refuse to engage with it and instead simply fix your attention on God and His truth, choosing to believe it regardless of what you feel or the convolutions of thought tempting you to turn from His truth. As you do, God's truth, in tandem with the work of the Holy Spirit, will bring you progressively free of the bondage to fear into which you've placed yourself. This is how I got free of OCD, anxiety and depression. It works. But you won't win free by praying God will just mind-wipe you and turn you into His puppet.