Assurance and the Unpardonable sin

[Brooklyn1992]

Hi there,

I am new to this forum, and was looking for advice. Any Christian advice is welcomed, though I would be particularly interested in answers from a Reformed perspective, as this is the theology I mostly align with.
Some years ago, I came to faith in Christ, and joined a Christ centered Baptist church in my area. I had been plagued with some doubts about salvation, but mostly felt assured I was on the right path, trusting only on what Jesus had done for sinners and staking my hope on Him. However, around 2018 to about 2020, I reached a point where sin (namely lust and general worldliness) occupied most of my thoughts. I still believed Jesus was the Only way, and did not ever renounce my faith, but I had been willfully sinning, and while I kept asking God for forgiveness (many times re-asking for salvation), I also became very aware of sin in my heart more and more, especially how bitter or angry I would be with others. I was alarmed and didn’t know what to do. Recently, I have come to the point where I think I may not have been really saved because of how much rebellion stilled remained, and prayer and daily scripture reading felt labored. I see I may have been sinning presumptuously and taking Grace for granted.
I am nervous, because I fear I may be in the state of Hebrews 6 or Esau in chapter 12, where I have committed presumptuous sins and sinned “the sin unto death”. My Pastor recently referenced Romans 15:3 in a sermon, “the reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me” and when I heard that, even though it was a passage I've read before, it felt like a rain of hope coming to me. That no matter how many times I had spit in God’s face, it fell upon Christ, and I hide myself in Him. And of course, “Him they cometh I will in no wise cast out”. If I truly had reached this state of reprobation, would I be having any hope at all? And yet, there would still be a nagging thought that perhaps the hope was false after all and I am mistaken. I have also thought about renouncing my previous profession of faith in my church to confess Christ again, and be rebaptized. Does anyone have similar experiences or advice? Thanks for your time….

 

[Albion]

Being "rebaptized" amounts to renouncing your first baptism, so I cannot recommend that course of action, nor do I think it would do much good for the reason that you would have a new determination but it could easily falter just as your other attempts to turn things around didn't get you where you want to be.

Having already become a follower of Christ and a member of His family and church, it would better to resolve to live each day as a disciple of Christ ought to live and trust in his promises RATHER THAN being caught up with (and tormented by) the thought that some misstep is unforgiveable, my faith was not sincere, etc. etc. etc.

 

[apollosdtr]

I give up... what does this thread have to do with the blasphemy the Holy Spirit?

Matthew 9:34 But the Pharisees said, He casteth out devils through the prince of the devils. Matthew 10:25 It is enough for the disciple that he be as his Master, and the servant as his Lord. If they have called the Master of the house Beelzebub, how much more [shall they call] them of His household? Matthew 12:24 But when the Pharisees heard [it], they said, This [fellow] doth not cast out devils, but by Beelzebub the prince of the devils. Matthew 12:31 Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy [against] the [Holy] Spirit shall not be forgiven unto men.

 

[d taylor]

Sounds like you are a victim of poor Bible teaching.

 

[Brooklyn1992]

Being "rebaptized" amounts to renouncing your first baptism, so I cannot recommend that course of action, nor do I think it would do much good for the reason that you would have a new determination but it could easily falter just as your other attempts to turn things around didn't get you where you want to be.

Having already become a follower of Christ and a member of His family and church, it would better to resolve to live each day as a disciple of Christ ought to live and trust in his promises RATHER THAN being caught up with (and tormented by) the thought that some misstep is unforgiveable, my faith was not sincere, etc. etc. etc.

My fear, is that the “missteps” were against God’s love and light, and that I had reached a point that 1) May well have proven I was never regenerate and 2) Because they were deliberate sins I was taking God’s mercies for granted, and sinned to the point that there was no hope. I do believe on Christ, and if I am reconciled to God it is only because of His perfect work, but I keep having thoughts about maybe the promise is no longer for me, maybe I’m deluding myself, etc.

 

[Brooklyn1992]

I give up... what does this thread have to do with the blasphemy the Holy Spirit?

Matthew 9:34 But the Pharisees said, He casteth out devils through the prince of the devils. Matthew 10:25 It is enough for the disciple that he be as his Master, and the servant as his Lord. If they have called the Master of the house Beelzebub, how much more [shall they call] them of His household? Matthew 12:24 But when the Pharisees heard [it], they said, This [fellow] doth not cast out devils, but by Beelzebub the prince of the devils. Matthew 12:31 Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy [against] the [Holy] Spirit shall not be forgiven unto men.

I mean mostly, something like Hebrews 10:26, or how in Hebrews 12 where it talks about how Esau sought repentance with tears, but found no place for it….

 

[apollosdtr]

I mean mostly, something like Hebrews 10:26, or how in Hebrews 12 where it talks about how Esau sought repentance with tears, but found no place for it….

Yeah... that makes sense... can't take some things back. Like taking the mark of the beast and complaining when Armageddon happens to you.

 

[Brooklyn1992]

Yeah... that makes sense... can't take some things back. Like taking the mark of the beast and complaining when Armageddon happens to you.

I guess my concern is how does someone know if they are at such a point. Even if I have felt at times, hope in Christ, I am worried it could perhaps be a deluded hope.

 

[TheWhat?]

I guess my concern is how does someone know if they are at such a point. Even if I have felt at times, hope in Christ, I am worried it could perhaps be a deluded hope.

This may be contrary to some popular opinions but I sincerely believe that a life of faith is not a theological minefield with traps waiting to explode in your face that will end you once and for all. You might be in the dumps, and it may be a steep climb out, but if you do not give up you can come back. I have a list of scriptures I've used for tough trials -- though not on hand and it would take work for me to dig it up, but they're in the book.

 

[apollosdtr]

I guess my concern is how does someone know if they are at such a point. Even if I have felt at times, hope in Christ, I am worried it could perhaps be a deluded hope.

How well do you know the Old Covenant?

Deuteronomy 13:1-3 If there arise among you a prophet, or a dreamer of dreams, and giveth thee a sign or a wonder, 2 And the sign or the wonder come to pass, whereof he spake unto thee, saying, Let us go after other gods, which thou hast not known, and let us serve them; 3 Thou shalt not hearken unto the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams: for the LORD your God proveth you, to know whether ye love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.

Daniel 7:25 And he shall speak words against the Most High, and shall wear out the saints of the Most High, and shall think to change times and law: and power shall be given into his hand for a time and times and half a time.

 

[spiritfilledjm]

Hi there,

I am new to this forum, and was looking for advice. Any Christian advice is welcomed, though I would be particularly interested in answers from a Reformed perspective, as this is the theology I mostly align with.
Some years ago, I came to faith in Christ, and joined a Christ centered Baptist church in my area. I had been plagued with some doubts about salvation, but mostly felt assured I was on the right path, trusting only on what Jesus had done for sinners and staking my hope on Him. However, around 2018 to about 2020, I reached a point where sin (namely lust and general worldliness) occupied most of my thoughts. I still believed Jesus was the Only way, and did not ever renounce my faith, but I had been willfully sinning, and while I kept asking God for forgiveness (many times re-asking for salvation), I also became very aware of sin in my heart more and more, especially how bitter or angry I would be with others. I was alarmed and didn’t know what to do. Recently, I have come to the point where I think I may not have been really saved because of how much rebellion stilled remained, and prayer and daily scripture reading felt labored. I see I may have been sinning presumptuously and taking Grace for granted.
I am nervous, because I fear I may be in the state of Hebrews 6 or Esau in chapter 12, where I have committed presumptuous sins and sinned “the sin unto death”. My Pastor recently referenced Romans 15:3 in a sermon, “the reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me” and when I heard that, even though it was a passage I've read before, it felt like a rain of hope coming to me. That no matter how many times I had spit in God’s face, it fell upon Christ, and I hide myself in Him. And of course, “Him they cometh I will in no wise cast out”. If I truly had reached this state of reprobation, would I be having any hope at all? And yet, there would still be a nagging thought that perhaps the hope was false after all and I am mistaken. I have also thought about renouncing my previous profession of faith in my church to confess Christ again, and be rebaptized. Does anyone have similar experiences or advice? Thanks for your time….

The fact that you were asking for forgiveness means that the Holy Spirit was, and still is, working in you. Willfully sinning is when one does what they know is wrong without any feeling of conviction from the Holy Spirit, they do not ask God to forgive them and they think it's ok for one reason or another (Most popular in today's world among "Christians" is "we aren't under the law but under grace." and "If God was really loving He'd accept me as I am.") One does not commit the unpardonable sin until they die without having a life-saving faith in Christ as Lord and Savior.

 

[KeithAC]

Hi there,

I am new to this forum, and was looking for advice. Any Christian advice is welcomed, though I would be particularly interested in answers from a Reformed perspective, as this is the theology I mostly align with.
Some years ago, I came to faith in Christ, and joined a Christ centered Baptist church in my area. I had been plagued with some doubts about salvation, but mostly felt assured I was on the right path, trusting only on what Jesus had done for sinners and staking my hope on Him. However, around 2018 to about 2020, I reached a point where sin (namely lust and general worldliness) occupied most of my thoughts. I still believed Jesus was the Only way, and did not ever renounce my faith, but I had been willfully sinning, and while I kept asking God for forgiveness (many times re-asking for salvation), I also became very aware of sin in my heart more and more, especially how bitter or angry I would be with others. I was alarmed and didn’t know what to do. Recently, I have come to the point where I think I may not have been really saved because of how much rebellion stilled remained, and prayer and daily scripture reading felt labored. I see I may have been sinning presumptuously and taking Grace for granted.
I am nervous, because I fear I may be in the state of Hebrews 6 or Esau in chapter 12, where I have committed presumptuous sins and sinned “the sin unto death”. My Pastor recently referenced Romans 15:3 in a sermon, “the reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me” and when I heard that, even though it was a passage I've read before, it felt like a rain of hope coming to me. That no matter how many times I had spit in God’s face, it fell upon Christ, and I hide myself in Him. And of course, “Him they cometh I will in no wise cast out”. If I truly had reached this state of reprobation, would I be having any hope at all? And yet, there would still be a nagging thought that perhaps the hope was false after all and I am mistaken. I have also thought about renouncing my previous profession of faith in my church to confess Christ again, and be rebaptized. Does anyone have similar experiences or advice? Thanks for your time….

I'm generally of the mind set, that were a person to commit the unforgivable sins of grieving the holy spirit, you pretty much die on the spot. If you are still sucking in air, IE, still breathing, there is hope. Now I'm not a minister and welcome correction on this, but my advice is to not give up, make sure your heart is circumcised, and take this to our lord.

 

[Brooklyn1992]

This may be contrary to some popular opinions but I sincerely believe that a life of faith is not a theological minefield with traps waiting to explode in your face that will end you once and for all. You might be in the dumps, and it may be a steep climb out, but if you do not give up you can come back. I have a list of scriptures I've used for tough trials -- though not on hand and it would take work for me to dig it up, but they're in the book.

Thanks, I do hope so. I have found scriptures that have given me hope, it’s just that I just have a concern in the back of my mind that maybe the promises are no longer for me….butt even though I don’t know if I’ve reached that point, I do trust in Christ, that my reproaches against God fell on Him, and I hide myself in Him.

 

[Dave G.]

Committing the unpardonable sin is not what people think. Receiving a hardened heart also is not what people think. It's not about your individual sins after coming to Christ but that you never did come to Christ and ignore the prompting of the Spirit to do so. You've done neither and the proof of you being under conviction by the Spirit to change your ways is this weight that is on you. You're getting your cage rattled!!

So confess your sins to the Lord, ask for His help in breaking your sin patterns. Get out of the scriptures that are self condemning you and get into the promises and assurance scriptures, starting with how you got saved. You haven't unsaved yourself, you're not more powerful than God !Even David who was a man after Gods own heart in His sin said as lousy as He has become He still sought the Lord, He ended up having His marriage to Bathsheba recognized by God even after the affair in adultery and having Her husband killed. Moses looked both ways then murdered the Egyptian, buried Him in the sand, ran in self imposed exile to a crazy land and 40 years later is called up by God to lead a nation in the statutes of God, claiming his unworthiness before God, God continued anyway to use the broken guy who saw himself as unfit. Paul who was Saul sought to have Christians arrested and murdered, got called up by Jesus Christ to be the Apostle who started churches all over the area we now know as Turkey and elsewhere, who wrote something like 40% of the New Testament. He was most widely known, called himself Apostle to the Gentiles. He's your apostle, read his letters to the churches, take those things more seriously than old covenant problems.

Jesus Christ died on a cross for you that your sins may be piled at the foot of that cross with all the rest of our sins, " the sins of the whole word". And you've accepted Him as your Lord and savior, that Jesus who came of that cross, was buried and rose again, now sits at the right hand of the father. That blood that was shed makes your sins white as they were washed away by the red blood. The Father sees His son in you, not your sin. Your justification, your assurance is literally Jesus Christ and that indwelling Holy Spirit. Ya we don't sin, but if any man sin confess them and He is just/faithful to forgive them 1 John 1:8-9

 

[SabbathBlessings]

Hi there,

I am new to this forum, and was looking for advice. Any Christian advice is welcomed, though I would be particularly interested in answers from a Reformed perspective, as this is the theology I mostly align with.
Some years ago, I came to faith in Christ, and joined a Christ centered Baptist church in my area. I had been plagued with some doubts about salvation, but mostly felt assured I was on the right path, trusting only on what Jesus had done for sinners and staking my hope on Him. However, around 2018 to about 2020, I reached a point where sin (namely lust and general worldliness) occupied most of my thoughts. I still believed Jesus was the Only way, and did not ever renounce my faith, but I had been willfully sinning, and while I kept asking God for forgiveness (many times re-asking for salvation), I also became very aware of sin in my heart more and more, especially how bitter or angry I would be with others. I was alarmed and didn’t know what to do. Recently, I have come to the point where I think I may not have been really saved because of how much rebellion stilled remained, and prayer and daily scripture reading felt labored. I see I may have been sinning presumptuously and taking Grace for granted.
I am nervous, because I fear I may be in the state of Hebrews 6 or Esau in chapter 12, where I have committed presumptuous sins and sinned “the sin unto death”. My Pastor recently referenced Romans 15:3 in a sermon, “the reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me” and when I heard that, even though it was a passage I've read before, it felt like a rain of hope coming to me. That no matter how many times I had spit in God’s face, it fell upon Christ, and I hide myself in Him. And of course, “Him they cometh I will in no wise cast out”. If I truly had reached this state of reprobation, would I be having any hope at all? And yet, there would still be a nagging thought that perhaps the hope was false after all and I am mistaken. I have also thought about renouncing my previous profession of faith in my church to confess Christ again, and be rebaptized. Does anyone have similar experiences or advice? Thanks for your time….

The unpardonable sin is not allowing the Holy Spirit to convict and guide you. The Holy Spirit will impress on your heart when you are sinning for those open to correction. It’s important to read the Bible for yourself and pray to God to give you the Holy Spirit to help guide you in all Truth. The Holy Spirit will never go against the Word of God so it’s important to study God’s Word for yourself and not just go off what a preacher is telling you, because there is a real spiritual battle going on.

Once you realize your sin and are truly sorry repent and turn from your sin, know that Jesus has forgiven you. If you don’t make that sin again, do not beat yourself up over the same sin. You are forgiven. If you slip and fall ask for forgiveness again and ask the help of the Holy Spirit to help you overcome the sin. Keep going through this process, study the Bible, pray, ask for the Holy Spirit to guide you in all Truth, make corrections and you will have a changed heart.

It’s only when we harden our hearts and not provide an open heart to allow the Holy Spirit to come in so we can do God’s Will and not our will that is the unpardonable sin. If you feel guilt about sin, you have not made this mistake. The bibles definition of sin is found here 1 John 3:4, Romans 3:20, Romans 7:7, James 4:17

God bless

 

[aiki]

Hi there,

I am new to this forum, and was looking for advice. Any Christian advice is welcomed, though I would be particularly interested in answers from a Reformed perspective, as this is the theology I mostly align with.
Some years ago, I came to faith in Christ, and joined a Christ centered Baptist church in my area. I had been plagued with some doubts about salvation, but mostly felt assured I was on the right path, trusting only on what Jesus had done for sinners and staking my hope on Him. However, around 2018 to about 2020, I reached a point where sin (namely lust and general worldliness) occupied most of my thoughts. I still believed Jesus was the Only way, and did not ever renounce my faith, but I had been willfully sinning, and while I kept asking God for forgiveness (many times re-asking for salvation), I also became very aware of sin in my heart more and more, especially how bitter or angry I would be with others. I was alarmed and didn’t know what to do. Recently, I have come to the point where I think I may not have been really saved because of how much rebellion stilled remained, and prayer and daily scripture reading felt labored. I see I may have been sinning presumptuously and taking Grace for granted.

Yup, seems you did take God's grace for granted. Are you actually saved? Well, do you have the witness of the Spirit in your life (Romans 8:16)? Does He convict you of sin (John 16:8)? Does He illuminate your mind to God's truth (John 14:26; 1 Corinthians 2:10-14)? Does He strengthen you in times of temptation and trial (Ephesians 3:16; Philippians 2:13)? Does He form in you the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)? Does He comfort you in seasons of sorrow and pain (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)? Has he given you a love for the brethren (1 John 3:14) and a hunger for holiness (Ephesians 5:9)? These are all things the Bible says the Spirit does in those who are truly born-again.

I am nervous, because I fear I may be in the state of Hebrews 6 or Esau in chapter 12, where I have committed presumptuous sins and sinned “the sin unto death”. My Pastor recently referenced Romans 15:3 in a sermon, “the reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me” and when I heard that, even though it was a passage I've read before, it felt like a rain of hope coming to me. That no matter how many times I had spit in God’s face, it fell upon Christ, and I hide myself in Him. And of course, “Him they cometh I will in no wise cast out”. If I truly had reached this state of reprobation, would I be having any hope at all?

No, you wouldn't be hoping as you are. The reprobate does not know he is reprobate and does not think of God at all. This is what makes him a reprobate. You are not acting like a reprobate in your concern over your spiritual condition.

Can I urge you not to cheapen God's grace? All those times you "spat in God's face" were paid for by Christ, with his blood and his terrible torment on the cross of Calvary. God does not sweep your sin under the rug, but laid upon His Son the penalty for your sin you otherwise should have borne yourself. The forgiveness you receive from God is, therefore, enormously precious, incredibly costly, and you would do well never to forget that this is so.

And yet, there would still be a nagging thought that perhaps the hope was false after all and I am mistaken. I have also thought about renouncing my previous profession of faith in my church to confess Christ again, and be rebaptized. Does anyone have similar experiences or advice? Thanks for your time….

It seems you need to be discipled in the faith, not rebaptized. Friend, it isn't so much what you do as who you know, and trust, and LOVE (Matthew 22:36-38) that is the heart of salvation.

 

[ViaCrucis]

My fear, is that the “missteps” were against God’s love and light, and that I had reached a point that 1) May well have proven I was never regenerate and 2) Because they were deliberate sins I was taking God’s mercies for granted, and sinned to the point that there was no hope. I do believe on Christ, and if I am reconciled to God it is only because of His perfect work, but I keep having thoughts about maybe the promise is no longer for me, maybe I’m deluding myself, etc.

One of the most common penitential prayers we say at my church during the Penitential Rite (when we as a congregation collectively confess our sins to God) is the following,

"Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We are truly sorry and we humbly repent. For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and forgive us; that we may delight in your will, and walk in your ways, to the glory of your Name. Amen.

Almighty God have mercy on us, forgive us all our sins through our Lord Jesus Christ, strengthen us in all goodness, and by the power of the Holy Spirit keep us in eternal life. Amen."

All of us, every single one of us, sins. We are sinners. We sin deliberately and frequently, we sin without thinking. We sin in thought, word, and deed; by the things we have done and by the things we haven't done.

That is why we confess our sins.
That is why repentance is part of the Christian life, the call of discipleship to take up our cross and follow Jesus.

And what is God's promise?

"If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." - 1 John 1:9

You can't sin "too much" and then become ineligible for God's grace. Grace is FOR sinners. That would be like saying you're too sick to see a doctor and be given medicine.

Our Lord said, "It isn't the healthy who need a physician, but the sick." (Matthew 9:12)

The Church is not a country club for saints, but a hospital for sinners. And the Great Physician administers His medicine to us, in Word and Sacrament. The preaching of the Gospel, the celebration of the Lord's Supper, these are gifts, medicine, healing to us sinners.

We are not healthy people, we are sick people. We are sinners.

A sick person does not praise his health when he has none, neither does the Christian glory in his moral ability or works; but rather confesses his inability and the failure of his works. That is why Jesus says it is not the Pharisee who lifts his eyes to heaven declaring, "I give thanks to You Lord that I am not like these other sinners here" that has been justified, rendered righteous before God; instead Jesus says it is the tax-collector, whose eyes are down turned, and weakly and humbly prays, "Lord have mercy on me, a sinner." that is justified before God.

You're a sinner. We are all sinners. None of us have anything to bring before God that is of any merit. When we come before God in faith, we come as naked beggars with nothing except empty hands. God fills those hands, and clothes our nakedness, that's what God does, that's God's grace.

And what does God clothe us with? Jesus Christ and His own righteousness (Galatians 3:27), which is why you can look to your baptism for assurance. Because there in the waters of Holy Baptism you were born again (John 3:5, Titus 3:5), have had all your sins forgiven (Acts of the Apostles 2:38), have been joined together with Christ in His death, burial, and resurrection (Romans 6:3-4, Colossians 2:12-15), having cleansed us by the washing of water with the word (Ephesians 5:26).

You, a sinner, are clothed with the pure white robes of Jesus Christ, and so as it was written so long ago, "though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool." (Isaiah 1:18).

You can trust in God's word and promises, He is the God who keeps His word and whose word and promises are true and always prosper (Isaiah 55:11). So He who declares you His beloved child in Jesus Christ your Lord is Faithful and True, faithful even in our faithlessness (2 Timothy 2:13).

When you falter, confess your sins and repent.
When you falter yet again, confess your sins and repent.
And when you falter yet for the 1,000th time, confess your sins and repent.

God's love for you is invincible.
Trust Jesus, believe His Gospel, which is for you.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[Brooklyn1992]

Yup, seems you did take God's grace for granted. Are you actually saved? Well, do you have the witness of the Spirit in your life (Romans 8:16)? Does He convict you of sin (John 16:8)? Does He illuminate your mind to God's truth (John 14:26; 1 Corinthians 2:10-14)? Does He strengthen you in times of temptation and trial (Ephesians 3:16; Philippians 2:13)? Does He form in you the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)? Does He comfort you in seasons of sorrow and pain (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)? Has he given you a love for the brethren (1 John 3:14) and a hunger for holiness (Ephesians 5:9)? These are all things the Bible says the Spirit does in those who are truly born-again.



No, you wouldn't be hoping as you are. The reprobate does not know he is reprobate and does not think of God at all. This is what makes him a reprobate. You are not acting like a reprobate in your concern over your spiritual condition.

Can I urge you not to cheapen God's grace? All those times you "spat in God's face" were paid for by Christ, with his blood and his terrible torment on the cross of Calvary. God does not sweep your sin under the rug, but laid upon His Son the penalty for your sin you otherwise should have borne yourself. The forgiveness you receive from God is, therefore, enormously precious, incredibly costly, and you would do well never to forget that this is so.



It seems you need to be discipled in the faith, not rebaptized. Friend, it isn't so much what you do as who you know, and trust, and LOVE (Matthew 22:36-38) that is the heart of salvation.

Thanks for some of the pointers and scriptures. What I was concerned about mostly was the “sinning with being exposed to so much light”. The type of thing spoken of in the warnings of Hebrews, which before this all happened, was one of my favorite books.
I know some say those are about apostasy or full and final falling away, but I had sinned and allowed things into my life I knew were wrong, and I now feel my repentance of it was half hearted. I sometimes even fear my repentance is only self preservation. Which I prayed to God to forgive me for. Which is what makes me question maybe I wasn’t saved before. To the point where I did reach a period where I couldn’t feel my sin, but now, just the other day, when I was tempted to the same sin again, I sensed a “knocking” in my gut not to do it (Thank God, I didn’t). I would like to feel that this dark period is all behind, and I can follow Christ again, but I have trouble shaking the thought that “what if the promise isn’t for me anymore”.

 

[aiki]

Thanks for some of the pointers and scriptures. What I was concerned about mostly was the “sinning with being exposed to so much light”. The type of thing spoken of in the warnings of Hebrews, which before this all happened, was one of my favorite books.

If you're thinking of Hebrews 6:4-6, rest assured the passage is not speaking of an actually born-again person. Hebrews 10:26-27 is speaking, not of apostasy, but of the effect of spurning God's ONLY way of reconciliation with Himself.

I know some say those are about apostasy or full and final falling away, but I had sinned and allowed things into my life I knew were wrong, and I now feel my repentance of it was half hearted.

Repentance, at its core, is a change of mind, of thinking. Repentance very often gets mixed up with its effects, though. Here's a post I made a bit ago clarifying the business of repentance. Perhaps it will help you:

Crocodile Tears.

I sometimes even fear my repentance is only self preservation.

Well, self-preservation is a God-given instinct. We wouldn't last very long without this instinct. It has, then, a role to play in motivating us toward God.

To the point where I did reach a period where I couldn’t feel my sin, but now, just the other day, when I was tempted to the same sin again, I sensed a “knocking” in my gut not to do it (Thank God, I didn’t).

God tells us in His word that we can't ever sin with impunity. The first casualty of our sin, of course, is our fellowship with God. We can't enjoy intimate communion with Him when we sin. If this wasn't bad enough, sin also deafens, blinds, and hardens us toward the conviction of the Spirit and our own conscience, making us increasingly dull to both and more and more comfortable with evil. And then, sin always produces death of some kind in our lives (Romans 6:23; James 1:13-15; Galatians 6:7-8). Death of peace, joy, integrity, purity, discernment, and so on.

So, don't neglect or ignore that "knocking in your gut" you mentioned. If you do, it will grow quieter and quieter until it falls totally silent and you lose altogether the capacity to discern good from evil.

I would like to feel that this dark period is all behind, and I can follow Christ again, but I have trouble shaking the thought that “what if the promise isn’t for me anymore”.

This isn't how God's promise of salvation works. He doesn't offer it and then withdraw it, back and forth, teasing you with redemption and frightening you with its removal. In any event, His promise isn't contingent upon what you may or may not feel. Your feelings have nothing whatever, really, to do with what God has promised. Feelings come and go; feelings deceive; they are the very worst anchor for what you believe as a Christian. What God has said is what is all-important.

You will help your feelings of insecurity about your salvation by analyzing your life in light of that list of things I gave you that the Bible says are common to the lives of all genuinely saved people. The single best remedy, though, for what you're feeling is simply to obey the First and Great Commandment. (Matthew 22:36-38)

By the way, be careful how you see yourself as a child of God. "The me I see is the me I'll be," a wise man has said. God's word agrees. Consider what the apostle Paul wrote on this head:

1 Corinthians 6:9-11
9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,
10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Philippians 3:12-15
12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,
14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
15 Let those of us who are mature think this way...

2 Corinthians 5:17
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Colossians 3:1-3
1 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.
3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

Romans 8:9-12
9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.
10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.
11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.
12 So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh.

Romans 6:5-11
5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.
6 We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.
7 For one who has died has been set free from sin.
8 Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.
9 We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him.
10 For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God.
11 So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Be very wary of those who would direct you to focus on your sinfulness. This isn't what the focus is in the passages above, is it? Some of the passages explain you have been freed from the power of sin, made dead to it, in fact. You are to "reckon yourself dead to sin and alive unto God." Scripture also calls you a saint, an ambassador for Christ, a member of the royal priesthood of believers, a joint-heir with Christ, a son of God, a temple of the Holy Spirit, an overcomer, a branch in the Vine, and so on. If these things fill your mind, shaping your conception of yourself as a born-again child of God, it is to these things you will be conformed. The same is true, of course, if you constantly frame your identity in Christ as that of a wretched, incorrigible sinner. No one ever became more like Jesus by dwelling on their sin. Which is why Scripture says to us instead:

Hebrews 12:2-3
2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

2 Corinthians 3:18
18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

 

[Brooklyn1992]

If you're thinking of Hebrews 6:4-6, rest assured the passage is not speaking of an actually born-again person. Hebrews 10:26-27 is speaking, not of apostasy, but of the effect of spurning God's ONLY way of reconciliation with Himself.



Repentance, at its core, is a change of mind, of thinking. Repentance very often gets mixed up with its effects, though. Here's a post I made a bit ago clarifying the business of repentance. Perhaps it will help you:

Crocodile Tears.



Well, self-preservation is a God-given instinct. We wouldn't last very long without this instinct. It has, then, a role to play in motivating us toward God.



God tells us in His word that we can't ever sin with impunity. The first casualty of our sin, of course, is our fellowship with God. We can't enjoy intimate communion with Him when we sin. If this wasn't bad enough, sin also deafens, blinds, and hardens us toward the conviction of the Spirit and our own conscience, making us increasingly dull to both and more and more comfortable with evil. And then, sin always produces death of some kind in our lives (Romans 6:23; James 1:13-15; Galatians 6:7-8). Death of peace, joy, integrity, purity, discernment, and so on.

So, don't neglect or ignore that "knocking in your gut" you mentioned. If you do, it will grow quieter and quieter until it falls totally silent and you lose altogether the capacity to discern good from evil.



This isn't how God's promise of salvation works. He doesn't offer it and then withdraw it, back and forth, teasing you with redemption and frightening you with its removal. In any event, His promise isn't contingent upon what you may or may not feel. Your feelings have nothing whatever, really, to do with what God has promised. Feelings come and go; feelings deceive; they are the very worst anchor for what you believe as a Christian. What God has said is what is all-important.

You will help your feelings of insecurity about your salvation by analyzing your life in light of that list of things I gave you that the Bible says are common to the lives of all genuinely saved people. The single best remedy, though, for what you're feeling is simply to obey the First and Great Commandment. (Matthew 22:36-38)

By the way, be careful how you see yourself as a child of God. "The me I see is the me I'll be," a wise man has said. God's word agrees. Consider what the apostle Paul wrote on this head:

1 Corinthians 6:9-11
9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,
10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Philippians 3:12-15
12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,
14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
15 Let those of us who are mature think this way...

2 Corinthians 5:17
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Colossians 3:1-3
1 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.
3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

Romans 8:9-12
9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.
10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.
11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.
12 So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh.

Romans 6:5-11
5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.
6 We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.
7 For one who has died has been set free from sin.
8 Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.
9 We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him.
10 For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God.
11 So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Be very wary of those who would direct you to focus on your sinfulness. This isn't what the focus is in the passages above, is it? Some of the passages explain you have been freed from the power of sin, made dead to it, in fact. You are to "reckon yourself dead to sin and alive unto God." Scripture also calls you a saint, an ambassador for Christ, a member of the royal priesthood of believers, a joint-heir with Christ, a son of God, a temple of the Holy Spirit, an overcomer, a branch in the Vine, and so on. If these things fill your mind, shaping your conception of yourself as a born-again child of God, it is to these things you will be conformed. The same is true, of course, if you constantly frame your identity in Christ as that of a wretched, incorrigible sinner. No one ever became more like Jesus by dwelling on their sin. Which is why Scripture says to us instead:

Hebrews 12:2-3
2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

2 Corinthians 3:18
18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

I will check out the link you gave thank you.
I am aware that Hebrews 6:4-6 is not referring to an actually born again person. But my concern is also, if I wasn’t truly saved before, does it mean it’s too late now. I remember repeatedly saying to God, “If I’m not truly saved, please save me”. During that period, I had been actively going to church, praying and reading the Bible (though, it felt more like religious duty than anything else) and I was afraid to tell others about what I was experiencing even when I felt something was wrong. Assuming it would be okay when I sinned if I just casually confessed my sin afterwards. A dangerous thing to do indeed. That’s why I was worried about the warning passages in Hebrews.
I don’t even know how I got back to this point of becoming more active in seeking the Lord again. It’s a miracle it has happened at all.
I have found comfort in scriptures dealing with forgiveness, such as John 6:37, Acts 10:43, Romans 15:3, Isaiah 1:18 or others. But my problem is, while I believe Christ is my only hope, and I trust my soul to Him and His Cross, I don’t know what to do about the thoughts I keep having telling me it’s over for me, or that I should give up.
Anyways, I actually did schedule a meeting with my pastor after work today, and I intend to come clean about these struggles with him and tell him about it.