The Warped World of Incel Extremists

[Jamdoc]

I don't have the answers. I encountered someone like this in the past. I saw the article earlier and decided to share it. I didn't know anything about incels then. His behavior was obsessive and unrelenting.

But he agrees with their rhetoric. He felt I didn't have a right to refuse him and became very belligerent and harassed me for weeks before leaving. I've seen him say the things the article mentioned. I didn't connect the dots at the time.

Everyone's coping mechanism isn't the same. We handle singleness differently. You may be unaware someone's struggling unless their behavior gives you a clue. But asking the question doesn't hurt.

How are you handling this? How can I help? And listen to them. It's a different world now. There's a lot of lonely people out there. Some find solace with others like themselves. But it may not be the right environment.

It doesn't mean that everyone who's unattached or been alone for a long time falls in this group. A lengthy period of rejection would take a toll on most. It's a conversation I don't see often in Christian circles. There's a lot of people dealing with that. The majority are alone in it.

~bella

A lot of people aren't wired for singleness but circumstance has dictated that in their life
some people cope, others lack coping skills and instead blame others, a lot of it turns into making women "sour grapes" because they can't have one they begin to hate women and claim they're not worthwhile, that's the ones who call themselves MGTOW. Their coping method is not healthy, but they are less prone to violence, basically writing women off as undesirable (hence the sour grapes). The ones who call themselves Incels specifically are those who hate women but still want them.

 

[Jamdoc]

Not if they're being influenced by a culture that ravages their relational sensibilities weekend and weekout.

I think, brother, that you may agree that you and I are now a minority, being that we're both married men who have been married for respectable lengths of time. And we both strive to encourage respect toward women ... however imperfect our own respective life record may have been.

He means that some people are in a situation where they're single and celibate, and not really voluntarily so, but wouldn't call themselves incels.
They may be unhappy about being single, but they're not angry about it and lashing out at other people about it.

 

[Jamdoc]

What is the social problem exactly? In the U.S., for people under 40, there are about 3 more males than females per 100. But relationships move around. At any given time there are lots of single women that an "incel" could pursue. The extremely hateful attitudes towards women can’t be explained by the tiny bit of competition.

Marriage rate is in decline.
so it's not like you have people just pairing off, but rather a hookup culture where multiple women pursue "the best" men.
as incels call them "Chads", their view is lopsided though seeing 80% of women going after the "top" 20% of men and leaving out all the rest.
It's not that, but it also isn't everyone sticking to monogamous partners so nobody's left out.

 

[Jamdoc]

Okay I'll bite. This is a day in the life of bella on another site. I'm not correcting anything. No pics, indication of what I'm seeking in a man, or desire to have one. I said I'm not looking.
.........

So... how are you so sure about the ones you said were married?
that seemed like quite a jump to conclusions

 

[Nithavela]

Being a virgin seems like a really easy problem to solve. Just save up a couple hundred dollars and go to a prostitute. If you're in the USA, don't forget to bring a camera.

I'm not saying prostitution is moral, but it certainly is better than going on a misogynistic murder spree.

 

[Jamdoc]

The most Christian response to all of this, if you are absolutely convinced that women will not love you for whatever reason is voluntary celibacy, perhaps to become a monk. Much less destructive than the aforementioned worldly alternatives, right?

less destructive, but also not necessarily a happy life.
some people can function like that happy, the rest just have to pretend or admit they're not happy and.. just go on being unhappy.

at my point, I've just written off my unhappiness as largely inconsequential. It's not like I'm entitled to or deserve to be happy.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I think Facebook's "People you may know" feature might even be a better matchmaking tool than Tinder.

LOL....funny you mention that. Guilty as charged here. Usually this is based on mutual friends you've shared with that person and someone else.

I'd sometimes introduce myself like, "Hey, I see we went to the same high school together" or "Hey, I see you know my friend Suzie, we both went to the same college, did you?" and so on.

Typically though, this method is kind of frowned upon. I recall a woman friend of mine post on her while that she'd unfriend any guy that would try to message her friends on her friends list.

 

[bèlla]

So... how are you so sure about the ones you said were married? that seemed like quite a jump to conclusions

It isn't if you've been online for the length of time I have. Keep in mind, I had a large group of friends. I have a lot to draw from. Online relationships should be a red flag for most. If they can't talk outside of the Internet there's a reason. Reference this thread for insight.

The leap wasn't my suggestion of marriage. It was their willingness to present themselves to someone who said they weren't looking. The person may be taken, getting to know someone, just out a relationship, too busy, not ready, etc. To do so in light of their disinterest means you're playing the numbers, copying and pasting, or think you have a shot.

The Internet doesn't set aside the laws of propriety. If you wouldn't introduce yourself to another with that statement in person. Why would do the same at a distance? The distinction is important. It sheds light on their character and circumstances. Overfamiliarity is a faux pas. There's a cadence to relating.

This is the person I mentioned to @sampa. See the difference? This is a normal hello.

Dear X,


Thanks much for your insightful comment on my post. It led me to peek at your profile, which has, in turn, piqued my interest. I thoroughly understood your sentiments about X, particularly X as I know the country well and have considered often returning to it to live. I have friends and family in that green land.


I was drawn to your photo as well. Is it you? Is it an aspirational image?


Again, thank you for your note.
Sincerely yours,
X

To his credit he played this well. I commented on his thread and he thanked me for my feedback (and everyone else too). He used it as a lead-in. There wasn't a lot of interaction but I had a reference point. He has a strong profile too.

 

[bèlla]

Being a virgin seems like a really easy problem to solve. Just save up a couple hundred dollars and go to a prostitute. If you're in the USA, don't forget to bring a camera.

I'm not saying prostitution is moral, but it certainly is better than going on a misogynistic murder spree.

Sorry, that's not an option and highly offensive. That's the rub about the "involuntary" part. They feel it's beneath them. The majority desire women well beyond their reach.

 

[bèlla]

Typically though, this method is kind of frowned upon. I recall a woman friend of mine post on her while that she'd unfriend any guy that would try to message her friends on her friends list.

Mining my friend list is creepy. This isn't a social event where you're in the same place. You're looking for leads through my profile. I'd unfriend him too.

 

[Nithavela]

Sorry, that's not an option and highly offensive. That's the rub about the "involuntary" part. They feel it's beneath them. The majority desire women well beyond their reach.

Seems like they just want to get offended. They'd probably be ticked off about something else even if they found a partner they'd agree to, like a lack of standard of living.

 

[bèlla]

A lot of people aren't wired for singleness but circumstance has dictated that in their life some people cope

Life brings challenges we don't expect. No one avoids it. How we handle them is the difference. We may not like our circumstances but we can't unleash our anger on innocent people. That's wrong.

MGTOW's spend a lot of time discussing women for people who've gone their own way. Some incels want relationships and others don't. The majority want sex and power.

 

[bèlla]

Seems like they just want to get offended. They'd probably be ticked off about something else even if they found a partner they'd agree to, like a lack of standard of living.

The problem is entitlement. They don't want to compete or do things the hard way. They deserve it. Give me a woman or this or that as you've noted.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Mining my friend list is creepy. This isn't a social event where you're in the same place. You're looking for leads through my profile. I'd unfriend him too.

Even if you both went to the same college or school and/or shared quite a few mutual friends?

Thing is, most people that have hundreds of friends via FB aren't truly friends though. Just "Facebook" friends

 

[bèlla]

Even if you both went to the same college or school and/or shared quite a few mutual friends?

Thing is, most people that have hundreds of friends via FB aren't truly friends though. Just "Facebook" friends

I'm not a Rolodex. Cold calling my list is distasteful. That's what you're doing. I'm the connector. You'd have a better chance asking me to make an introduction.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I'm not a Rolodex. Cold calling my list is distasteful. That's what you're doing. I'm the connector. You'd have a better chance asking me to make an introduction.

You know, I've done that once...she didn't even like me asking about a certain woman on her friends list. It made her thing "Crap, he's been creepin' on my friends list!"

It was cringy in unto itself. Apparently, it was a co-worker of her's or something.

 

[jacknife]

Being a virgin seems like a really easy problem to solve. Just save up a couple hundred dollars and go to a prostitute. If you're in the USA, don't forget to bring a camera.

I'm not saying prostitution is moral, but it certainly is better than going on a misogynistic murder spree.

Is prostitution legal in Germany?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I've found it ironic thought that Facebook encourages others to connect via that People You May Know list that pops up in plain view, but...in reality, well, it's frowned upon.

 

[bèlla]

You know, I've done that once...she didn't even like me asking about a certain woman on her friends list. It made her thing "Crap, he's been creepin' on my friends list!"

It was cringy in unto itself. Apparently, it was a co-worker of her's or something.

Everyone isn't a matchmaker. Some people enjoy it. Others don't. Especially if it causes problems in their friendship. I wouldn't recommend someone unless I knew their character and circumstances.

 

[bèlla]

I've found it ironic thought that Facebook encourages others to connect via that People You May Know list that pops up in plain view, but...in reality, well, it's frowned upon.

Just because I'm friends with someone doesn't mean their friends will like me or want to make my acquaintance. I'd never assume that.