Is compassion wrong?

[Elizhum]

Hi, I am new here. I was wondering if any of you would have something to say about having compassion towards those who are suffering? My husband believes that tough love is what people need when they are going through pain or depression, but this seems to be driving a wedge between us. My pastor is not big on compassion and love, because he believes it's misused to accept people's sins and do nothing about it. I just don't think we should throw the baby out with the bathwater. I told a story to my husband that when someone has heartburn they take tums to help alkaline their stomach but that it is actually making it worse. Acid reflux is there because there is actually not enough acid. The same with people who crave compassion is because they actually are not getting enough compassion in their lives. But instead those that are in their life withhold compassion to try to make that person "less emotional".
Ephesians 4:32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Proverbs 11:17
The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh.
Colossians 3:12
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
1 John 3:18
My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
Philippians 2:1-3
If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,
2 Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

 

[disciple Clint]

Hi, I am new here. I was wondering if any of you would have something to say about having compassion towards those who are suffering? My husband believes that tough love is what people need when they are going through pain or depression, but this seems to be driving a wedge between us. My pastor is not big on compassion and love, because he believes it's misused to accept people's sins and do nothing about it. I just don't think we should throw the baby out with the bathwater. I told a story to my husband that when someone has heartburn they take tums to help alkaline their stomach but that it is actually making it worse. Acid reflux is there because there is actually not enough acid. The same with people who crave compassion is because they actually are not getting enough compassion in their lives. But instead those that are in their life withhold compassion to try to make that person "less emotional".
Ephesians 4:32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Proverbs 11:17
The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh.
Colossians 3:12
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
1 John 3:18
My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
Philippians 2:1-3
If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,
2 Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

I think it has to be a case by case decision. You have to use the tools that best fit the job at hand. Tough love is usually used for those who refuse to take responsibility for their actions, compassion for those who are victims of things they had little or nothing to do with causing.

 

[Elizhum]

I think it has to be a case by case decision. You have to use the tools that best fit the job at hand. Tough love is usually used for those who refuse to take responsibility for their actions, compassion for those who are victims of things they had little or nothing to do with causing.

I understand what you are saying, but shouldn't we show the same compassion on others that God shows on us when we sin and fall short? I don't believe we should love people into hell, but that when someone is clearly suffering that we show mercy on them instead of letting into them.

 

[disciple Clint]

I understand what you are saying, but shouldn't we show the same compassion on others that God shows on us when we sin and fall short? I don't believe we should love people into hell, but that when someone is clearly suffering that we show mercy on them instead of letting into them.

Well all I can look to for an example is Jesus, did he always avoid being critical of the behavior of others? NO He did not tolerate those who would not conform to the truth and values of the Gospel.

 

[Elizhum]

I understand what you are saying, but shouldn't we show the same compassion on others that God shows on us when we sin and fall short? I don't believe we should love people into hell, but that when someone is clearly suffering that we show mercy on them instead of letting into them.

Well all I can look to for an example is Jesus, did he always avoid being critical of the behavior of others? NO He did not tolerate those who would not conform to the truth and values of the Gospel.

I am not saying you can never be critical, but that it is not ALWAYS the answer. Jesus did show compassion on Mary Magdalene. He could have turned her away as others would have. I just don't understand why there are those in the church who have such a repulsion to compassion.

 

[Sabertooth]

I think it has to be a case by case decision. You have to use the tools that best fit the job at hand.

Some people need to end up in the "pig pen" before they will look up. But isn't the correct prescription for everyone.

"Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us,
let us use them:

• if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; or
• ministry, let us use it in our ministering;
• he who teaches, in teaching;
• he who exhorts, in exhortation;
• he who gives, with liberality;
• he who leads, with diligence;
• he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness."

Romans 12:6-8 NKJV​

The Hard Way, DC Talk (1992)

 

[disciple Clint]

I am not saying you can never be critical, but that it is not ALWAYS the answer. Jesus did show compassion on Mary Magdalene. He could have turned her away as others would have. I just don't understand why there are those in the church who have such a repulsion to compassion.

Correct as I said you have to consider the unique conditions of each case.

 

[mama2one]

My husband believes that tough love is what people need when they are going through pain or depression

depression is a medical condition & meds often needed
a friend of mine takes meds for bipolar but still has depression at least once/year

how would tough love help a medical condition?

 

[Kettriken]

Compassion is often shown towards sins that people feel less revulsion towards, while those they dislike viscerally, they claim a harder stance on. Alternately, sins that one has reacted to and worked on are held to a higher account. It is difficult as humans to judge the difference, which is why our heavenly example of grace is so important. Love them all, and let God sort them out!

When you have a close relationship to and thereby responsibility towards a friend, you can begin to help them with the particulars. The verses you reference give a very compassionate and biblical stance.
Many blessings as you navigate this difficult path.

 

[timewerx]

Hi, I am new here. I was wondering if any of you would have something to say about having compassion towards those who are suffering? My husband believes that tough love is what people need when they are going through pain or depression, but this seems to be driving a wedge between us. My pastor is not big on compassion and love, because he believes it's misused to accept people's sins and do nothing about it. I just don't think we should throw the baby out with the bathwater. I told a story to my husband that when someone has heartburn they take tums to help alkaline their stomach but that it is actually making it worse. Acid reflux is there because there is actually not enough acid. The same with people who crave compassion is because they actually are not getting enough compassion in their lives. But instead those that are in their life withhold compassion to try to make that person "less emotional".

It is human nature (not Godly nature) to make excuses consciously or subconsciously, follow after teachings (even false ones) that prove convenient.

Doing nothing to help those in need is easy / convenient.

Feelings, pity have no use without action.

 

[Elizhum]

depression is a medical condition & meds often needed
a friend of mine takes meds for bipolar but still has depression at least once/year

how would tough love help a medical condition?

I don't believe medication is the only answer. Really, it's only a bandage. It's scary to think how many Christians are on anxiety meds/antidepressants. I believe sometimes tough love is needed, because there are times we need a push in the right direction. Depression can sometimes make us believe we are victims, and that's not what God tells us. Job recieved some tough love even with all he went through. I just believe we also need compassion.

1 Peter 5:7
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
Galations 6:2
Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

 

[Elizhum]

Some people need to end up in the "pig pen" before they will look up. But isn't the correct prescription for everyone.

"Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us,
let us use them:

• if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; or
• ministry, let us use it in our ministering;
• he who teaches, in teaching;
• he who exhorts, in exhortation;
• he who gives, with liberality;
• he who leads, with diligence;
• he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness."

Romans 12:6-8 NKJV​

The Hard Way, DC Talk (1992)

Thank you! It's true! We don't treat all our children the same, and it's the same in life. Not everyone is the same, so you have to reach each person in a different way.

 

[Elizhum]

Correct as I said you have to consider the unique conditions of each case.

Thanks! Thats true!

 

[mama2one]

I don't believe medication is the only answer. I believe sometimes tough love is needed, because there are times we need a push in the right direction.

I said "meds often needed" but therapy can be used as well with a professional

mental health conditions are just like other health conditions & people shouldn't be afraid to seek help

if you have a depressed friend or relative, please encourage them to seek help

 

[Sabertooth]

I have children with psychiatric issues. Even though medicine is not the long-term solution, it grants a degree of stability, while God works on underlying issues (of Christians). Unmedicated, their symptoms cloud their thoughts and monopolize their time so they can't hear God.

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[Sketcher]

It's easy to overdo compassion when you lean towards compassion, and easy to not have enough love when you lean towards tough love. Too much of either in a given situation is harmful. How much of either is needed depends on the situation.

 

[Rachel20]

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Hi, I am new here. I was wondering if any of you would have something to say about having compassion towards those who are suffering? My husband believes that tough love is what people need when they are going through pain or depression, but this seems to be driving a wedge between us. My pastor is not big on compassion and love, because he believes it's misused to accept people's sins and do nothing about it. I just don't think we should throw the baby out with the bathwater. I told a story to my husband that when someone has heartburn they take tums to help alkaline their stomach but that it is actually making it worse. Acid reflux is there because there is actually not enough acid. The same with people who crave compassion is because they actually are not getting enough compassion in their lives. But instead those that are in their life withhold compassion to try to make that person "less emotional".
Ephesians 4:32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Proverbs 11:17
The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh.
Colossians 3:12
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
1 John 3:18
My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
Philippians 2:1-3
If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,
2 Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

Welcome. There is never a good enough reason not to be compassionate.
Be blessed.

 

[Elizhum]

I have children with psychiatric issues. Even though medicine is not the long-term solution, it grants a degree of stability, while God works on underlying issues (of Christians). Unmedicated, their symptoms cloud their thoughts and monopolize their time so they can't hear God.

I understand that some people need medication. I don't negate that. My mom is on medication for mental illness. I just know that it is only a bandage. She will have to take the medication the rest of her life unless God heals her.