Female Accountability Thread

[Daniela77]

Hi everyone, haven't posted for a while. In fact, I've been doing great temptation wise lately. Have been sober for over 6 weeks now. I did feel tempted at times (especially during the second week of my cycle), but I decided not to give in. The thing is that I'm now at a point again where I don't want to resist anymore. I'm craving sooo much to watch porn and to touch! There is still lots of uncertainty with regards to a future life partner, and so I'm giving in again to this lie that PMO will give me at least some satisfaction... I would appreciate your prayers!

 

[SpiritSong]

I have fallen again. I need prayers. I am the victim of childhood sexual assault many times, by more than one man. I was raped by a boyfriend later in life too.

I had a good marriage. We were married 20 years or so. He died in 2005. Since then on and off, I have been plagued with sexual thoughts that seem to appear out of nowhere! I might be busy doing something or trying to go to sleep, or whatever. I'll have no attention on sex or sexual things, but into my mind pops the suggestion to pleasure myself. Often I can fight it off, with God's help and praying often, but sometimes it grabs me and chokes me into doing what I do not want to do. Then too, once it has grabbed me and held me down, I feel a feeling of desire I cannot control either.

Also, I have been having dreams about it, and then I wake with the urge, which is awful difficult to fight off!

Please pray that God's will be done in my life, on this and whatever else He wishes to change too. Thanks.

 

[Daniela77]

SpiritSong, I can so relate to your struggles! It must be awful for you having been without a partner for so long. I'm currently still waiting, and in the past 1 1/2 months, I have acted out quite a bit. However, I'm PMO free for almost 50 days now, and last weekend, with God's help, I was even able to resist the urge to just touch. And I'm so happy to have a prospect right now - and this time, it really seems that this could become a lasting relationship. I would appreciate prayers!

 

[SpiritSong]

Praise God that you are free for that long. I have been free since the day I wrote my last post here. Praying for God's will in your life.

 

[brandynicole]

I have prayed and prayed, but I don't feel God's presence. It's like He's turned His back on me. Does God hate me because I lost my purity and innocence?

 

[brandynicole]

I can't watch any movies! They all contain kissing and sex. It reminds me of how I sinned against God. Nothing can rid me of this shame! Even Christian movies that show a loving husband and wife cause me to feel ashamed.

 

[brandynicole]

I watched porn again! I don't understand what's wrong with me! God is turning His back on me. I'm all alone in my struggle.

 

[brandynicole]

I feel awful every day. So many regrets about the things I've done.

 

[Brightmoon]

I’m trained as a biologist and to me the sex drive is normal . You should feel horny, that is normal for a healthy adult . It bothers me when I see people go through this fearful , self hating and body hating (staff edit) .

 

[Taryam]

Hi everybody, I am struggling to not go again to pornography cause I start to build a relationship with God, but this feelings, emotions and bad thoughts never stop bothering me and I am sometimes so near to fall. Please pray for me. And I really want someone from whom I can get accountability. Here is my email: dobingartaryam@gmail.com. If you can help me to overcome this struggle write me.

 

[MBM888]

Hi everybody, I am struggling to not go again to pornography cause I start to build a relationship with God, but this feelings, emotions and bad thoughts never stop bothering me and I am sometimes so near to fall. Please pray for me. And I really want someone from whom I can get accountability. Here is my email: dobingartaryam@gmail.com. If you can help me to overcome this struggle write me.

I always get that way right before 'Aunt Flo' visits. It's perfectly normal and healthy; it's just your body wanting to do what God designed it to do.

I struggle with desire myself, even though I'm married. (I don't watch porn, though; my imagination is pretty intense, so...yep.) But, at some point, I decided to forgive myself and my body for being...well, normal and healthy. God didn't take away my sexual desire. But I still pray to Him, and He understands.

I even found myself having to forgive God for making me the way I was! (I didn't even realize how angry I was with Him for making me a sexual being....but I was.)

Stop beating yourself up for being normal. Hormones, especially our lady hormones, just do what they do. Maybe discuss with a close friend or faithful relative about it, or journal about it and see what you find so appealing about it. Don't run from it; that makes it worse. Confront it. Ask yourself why you like it so much, and what you can do to realistically and in a faithful way fulfill the desire God has given you.

 

[Dreyma]

I have a serious problem with sexual sin, and it keeps getting progressively worse over time.

If you are not a female, please don't read what's under the spoiler. While I don't graphically describe anything, I do explain my problem in greater detail.

[SPOILER="It is very, very rare that I go an entire day without masturbating and reading vile filth on the internet. More often than not, I succumb to this sin multiple times throughout the day. This negatively affects me in several ways:

1. I'm fairly certain that I've lost my salvation, if I ever had it in the first place. I don't think any true follower of Christ lives in sin like this. I must be headed for Hell.
2. For two, I often commit this sin while staying up into the late night or early morning. This makes me feel utterly exhausted the next day at work. My eyes hurt like crazy. I have to fight sleep if I'm sitting down.
3. I live in constant fear of people discovering what kind of material I'm reading during my free time. The filth I read has gradually become more and more extreme. Most of it is homosexual, occurring between two men. Most of it involves elements of rape, violence, humiliation, captivity, sexual slavery, etc."=SPOILER]

I may delete this later. I'm paranoid that someone I know in real life could come across it...

I'd appreciate prayers, advice. An accountability partner might be nice, as I don't have any friends to go to in real life. I talk to my mom about it sometimes, but I know it makes her feel really uncomfortable. I get that lol. I don't think most mothers want to hear about their daughters' sexual issues or vice versa.