Paralyzing shame

[Melody Suttles]

A woman I have known for more than 40 yrs needs a breakthrough and has reached out for help, advice, and prayers. Please help me help her.

She is an adult survivor of child abuse which lasted all her life until she left home as a teenager. She suffered many forms of abuses and assaults. Always, she was shamed, blamed, accused, and constantly told she was worth nothing.

Today, she is strong, healed a great deal, and has forgiven everyone who hurt her. More than 20 years of hard work, prayers, ministries, therapies, and doctors, she has become a patient, loving, strong, and kind woman who is able to minister to hurting women. I have seen the depth of her love; the strength of her faith, and the gift God has put in her to love unconditionally.

However, she has never been able to truly defeat a tormenting spirit of Shame - which accuses her Of being a burden to her husband. 27 yrs married, and she still cannot accept that the money he makes belongs to them both. It infects every area of her life, and she is often convinced that she is a burden.

She brought this up to her husband on several occasions because she recognizes it isn’t from the Lord. But it accuses her regarding this loving husband. Sadly, when she explains to him that she feels like a burden — that if she needs to buy some things for herself, sh must come to him because he handles all the finances. — she feels powerless, while battling false Shame and Guilt. She is reaching out to him for help. He always listens to all she had to say - then he remains silent and offers her not a word. Leaving her feeling like she wants to run and hide under a rock. Somehow his silence is confirming in her heart that she is a burden indeed.

She recently expressed to him how his silence hurts her when she reaches out to him concerning this. But he just calmly listens and again, he will not throw her a life jacket.

She battles and fights and resists her Accuser. She calls it her thorn in her side and praises God for victory.

I ask that someone here with experience and knowledge and wisdom to please offer what you can. I’ve seen her work on herself with determination and she has grown so much.

I don’t know anymore how to pray for her. The things of the spirit and what God‘s Word says about spiritual battles - she is very versed in and recognizes she’s got an issue that is beyond her abilities at this point. It has baffled her and it baffles me. Please offer advice prayers anything thank you very much God bless all.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

I pray for your friend for the peace of the Lord in her heart and mind.
Could she work out a practical solution? An allowance to be put into an account in her name to cover her needs, monthly or weekly. She needs to act the part of a confident wife and ask the Lord to supply the strength for her. Not to worry her husband at all as he cannot handle the emotional element.
May the Lord give you strength as you help your friend.

 

[brinny]

Praying for your precious friend, her husband, and you too. God bless you for lifting this dear and precious daughter of the Most High up in prayer. (((hug)))

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

Her husband is the guilty party handing out the shame. It’s hard not to catch the guilt ball that he throws because she only asks to satisfy her legitimate needs. To truly defeat the tormenting spirit of Shame I would suggest she either ask her husband to stop treating her as a child or ask those she helps to contribute somehow to her needs, and in all praying to the Lord for her maturity in matters to be recognized and to have her lifelong shaming to come to an end. s

 

[Carl Emerson]

I assume you have fasted over this matter specifically.

Are they in fellowship together?

If so and if the leadership is mature, she might communicate her struggle, maybe to the wife of an elder with the aim of seeing if the husband might be willing to attend some marriage counselling. The church leadership could gently request this of him.

The way you have described it He must be lacking the unconditional love, so necessary for a healthy marriage.

Not that that will in itself solve her remaining issue but at least the spiritual environment she lives in will be more conducive to healing.

Sorry if I am right off beam.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Someone aside from the wife needs to sit the husband down for a proper taking to.This would be so simple for him to fix, and his wife deserves it

 

[Melody Suttles]

I pray for your friend for the peace of the Lord in her heart and mind.
Could she work out a practical solution? An allowance to be put into an account in her name to cover her needs, monthly or weekly. She needs to act the part of a confident wife and ask the Lord to supply the strength for her. Not to worry her husband at all as he cannot handle the emotional element.
May the Lord give you strength as you help your friend.

Yes, she has tried this - a few times - she is crushed, then she chooses joy instead.

 

[Aussie Pete]

A woman I have known for more than 40 yrs needs a breakthrough and has reached out for help, advice, and prayers. Please help me help her.

She is an adult survivor of child abuse which lasted all her life until she left home as a teenager. She suffered many forms of abuses and assaults. Always, she was shamed, blamed, accused, and constantly told she was worth nothing.

Today, she is strong, healed a great deal, and has forgiven everyone who hurt her. More than 20 years of hard work, prayers, ministries, therapies, and doctors, she has become a patient, loving, strong, and kind woman who is able to minister to hurting women. I have seen the depth of her love; the strength of her faith, and the gift God has put in her to love unconditionally.

However, she has never been able to truly defeat a tormenting spirit of Shame - which accuses her Of being a burden to her husband. 27 yrs married, and she still cannot accept that the money he makes belongs to them both. It infects every area of her life, and she is often convinced that she is a burden.

She brought this up to her husband on several occasions because she recognizes it isn’t from the Lord. But it accuses her regarding this loving husband. Sadly, when she explains to him that she feels like a burden — that if she needs to buy some things for herself, sh must come to him because he handles all the finances. — she feels powerless, while battling false Shame and Guilt. She is reaching out to him for help. He always listens to all she had to say - then he remains silent and offers her not a word. Leaving her feeling like she wants to run and hide under a rock. Somehow his silence is confirming in her heart that she is a burden indeed.

She recently expressed to him how his silence hurts her when she reaches out to him concerning this. But he just calmly listens and again, he will not throw her a life jacket.

She battles and fights and resists her Accuser. She calls it her thorn in her side and praises God for victory.

I ask that someone here with experience and knowledge and wisdom to please offer what you can. I’ve seen her work on herself with determination and she has grown so much.

I don’t know anymore how to pray for her. The things of the spirit and what God‘s Word says about spiritual battles - she is very versed in and recognizes she’s got an issue that is beyond her abilities at this point. It has baffled her and it baffles me. Please offer advice prayers anything thank you very much God bless all.

It seems clear that her husband does not know how to help. He needs prayer also. It can be an issue with relationships that people look to the other when they should be looking to God. The truth will set us free, if we will accept it. The precious blood of Christ removes every trace of sin and leaves no stain. It is as if we never sinned. God justifies us, who is he that condemns?

First thing that she needs to do is quit saying that she feels like a burden. Feelings mean nothing. It is also time for her to quit working on herself. Salvation is God's business, not ours. If we could change ourselves, we would not need Jesus. This may be exactly the root of the problem. God is waiting for her to say that she's helpless.

The second thing she needs to do is forgive her husband. "Hurt" is just another word for unforgiveness. Unforgiveness closes off the help from God that we need. I recommend this article:
Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston

 

[Melody Suttles]

I assume you have fasted over this matter specifically.

Are they in fellowship together?

If so and if the leadership is mature, she might communicate her struggle, maybe to the wife of an elder with the aim of seeing if the husband might be willing to attend some marriage counselling. The church leadership could gently request this of him.

The way you have described it He must be lacking the unconditional love, so necessary for a healthy marriage.

Not that that will in itself solve her remaining issue but at least the spiritual environment she lives in will be more conducive to healing.

She was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder 10 years ago and is preparing for her 7th major surgery since being diagnosed. They both were very involved in church and ministry until she became ill. They have not been to church in several years, though she has brought this issue up to him a few times. Then Covid hit, and no one is going to church where they live, so they have no church body to turn to - yet. But I am praying for that very thing. Thank you.
Sorry if I am right off beam.

 

[Carl Emerson]

It also sounds like she has an assignment against her that has not been properly dealt with.

Ministry in this area is not easy to find but that is for a reason, and He knows where it is.

 

[NerdGirl]

A woman I have known for more than 40 yrs needs a breakthrough and has reached out for help, advice, and prayers. Please help me help her.

She is an adult survivor of child abuse which lasted all her life until she left home as a teenager. She suffered many forms of abuses and assaults. Always, she was shamed, blamed, accused, and constantly told she was worth nothing.

Today, she is strong, healed a great deal, and has forgiven everyone who hurt her. More than 20 years of hard work, prayers, ministries, therapies, and doctors, she has become a patient, loving, strong, and kind woman who is able to minister to hurting women. I have seen the depth of her love; the strength of her faith, and the gift God has put in her to love unconditionally.

However, she has never been able to truly defeat a tormenting spirit of Shame - which accuses her Of being a burden to her husband. 27 yrs married, and she still cannot accept that the money he makes belongs to them both. It infects every area of her life, and she is often convinced that she is a burden.

She brought this up to her husband on several occasions because she recognizes it isn’t from the Lord. But it accuses her regarding this loving husband. Sadly, when she explains to him that she feels like a burden — that if she needs to buy some things for herself, sh must come to him because he handles all the finances. — she feels powerless, while battling false Shame and Guilt. She is reaching out to him for help. He always listens to all she had to say - then he remains silent and offers her not a word. Leaving her feeling like she wants to run and hide under a rock. Somehow his silence is confirming in her heart that she is a burden indeed.

She recently expressed to him how his silence hurts her when she reaches out to him concerning this. But he just calmly listens and again, he will not throw her a life jacket.

She battles and fights and resists her Accuser. She calls it her thorn in her side and praises God for victory.

I ask that someone here with experience and knowledge and wisdom to please offer what you can. I’ve seen her work on herself with determination and she has grown so much.

I don’t know anymore how to pray for her. The things of the spirit and what God‘s Word says about spiritual battles - she is very versed in and recognizes she’s got an issue that is beyond her abilities at this point. It has baffled her and it baffles me. Please offer advice prayers anything thank you very much God bless all.

Poor woman! My heart goes out to her.

Has she considered counseling with someone of faith whom she trusts?

Her husband knows that his silence hurts her, yet he isn't willing to change it, and just offer a few words of comfort or reassurance?

Perhaps he has tried, and she couldn't accept it?

 

[splish- splash]

Has she also tried getting a job? This should help her a great deal, since she feels like she's being a burden.

 

[Melody Suttles]

Has she also tried getting a job? This should help her a great deal, since she feels like she's being a burden.

She was diagnosed 10 years ago with an autoimmune disorder and has had 7 major surgeries in that time. She is currently unable to work, but she used to work.

 

[NerdGirl]

She was diagnosed 10 years ago with an autoimmune disorder and has had 7 major surgeries in that time. She is currently unable to work, but she used to work.

How sad

Could she perhaps do something from home? Even if it's just a creative hobby, maybe opening an Etsy shop for herself? Just throwing ideas out there, that might give her a sense of being productive and independent, as well as maybe make a little extra income to boost her confidence.

 

[bèlla]

I'm sorry to hear your friend is suffering. Since you've asked for prayer, do the following on her behalf:

Pray against the spirit of wrath, terminus, perversion, lust, rejection, shame, guilt, and accusing spirits. Terminus is a death spirit. Its usually present in situations where suicide attempts or long periods of abuse occurred. It makes them despair and lose hope.

ETA: Since she's sick add infirmity to the list.

God bless and keep you both.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

The fountain or source of all temptation is in man himself. It is true that external inducements to sin may be placed before him, but they would have no force if there was not something in himself to which they correspond and over which they might have power. There must be some “lust”, some desire, some inclination, something which is unsatisfied now, which is the foundation of the temptation, and which gives it all it’s power.

Albert Barns notes on James 1:13

 

[Brightmoon]

Narcissistic abuse isn’t always easy to get past . Her husband thinks by leaving the ball in her court that he’s helping , but being abused like that for decades leaves you feeling confused and scared over normal behavior and he seems to not understand that she needs his normal feedback

 

[Stephanie7]

Heavenly Father, may You heal Melody Suttles' friend of the guilt and shame she is feeling. I pray that You will reach her husband's understanding on how to help her. Soften his heart and give him the ability to be able to be that help to his wife and relieve her of her shame. Grant her full healing from the physical and emotional wounds of the past. Release her from the shame and grant her peace, reassurance and love. If there is something more that Melody can do to help this woman, then reveal it to her, In Jesus Name, Amen

 

[LoricaLady]

People giving silent treatments,especially after an emotion laden confession, may be cruel. I pray for restoration and self esteem.

 

[Froggymom101]

A woman I have known for more than 40 yrs needs a breakthrough and has reached out for help, advice, and prayers. Please help me help her.

She is an adult survivor of child abuse which lasted all her life until she left home as a teenager. She suffered many forms of abuses and assaults. Always, she was shamed, blamed, accused, and constantly told she was worth nothing.

Today, she is strong, healed a great deal, and has forgiven everyone who hurt her. More than 20 years of hard work, prayers, ministries, therapies, and doctors, she has become a patient, loving, strong, and kind woman who is able to minister to hurting women. I have seen the depth of her love; the strength of her faith, and the gift God has put in her to love unconditionally.

However, she has never been able to truly defeat a tormenting spirit of Shame - which accuses her Of being a burden to her husband. 27 yrs married, and she still cannot accept that the money he makes belongs to them both. It infects every area of her life, and she is often convinced that she is a burden.

She brought this up to her husband on several occasions because she recognizes it isn’t from the Lord. But it accuses her regarding this loving husband. Sadly, when she explains to him that she feels like a burden — that if she needs to buy some things for herself, sh must come to him because he handles all the finances. — she feels powerless, while battling false Shame and Guilt. She is reaching out to him for help. He always listens to all she had to say - then he remains silent and offers her not a word. Leaving her feeling like she wants to run and hide under a rock. Somehow his silence is confirming in her heart that she is a burden indeed.

She recently expressed to him how his silence hurts her when she reaches out to him concerning this. But he just calmly listens and again, he will not throw her a life jacket.

She battles and fights and resists her Accuser. She calls it her thorn in her side and praises God for victory.

I ask that someone here with experience and knowledge and wisdom to please offer what you can. I’ve seen her work on herself with determination and she has grown so much.

I don’t know anymore how to pray for her. The things of the spirit and what God‘s Word says about spiritual battles - she is very versed in and recognizes she’s got an issue that is beyond her abilities at this point. It has baffled her and it baffles me. Please offer advice prayers anything thank you very much God bless all.

People giving silent treatments,especially after an emotion laden confession, may be cruel. I pray for restoration and self esteem.

People giving silent treatments,especially after an emotion laden confession, may be cruel. I pray for restoration and self esteem.

 

[Froggymom101]

I will be praying for her. Maybe she can try getting a part time job and make a little pocket money for herself.