What's on your mind?

[bèlla]

Amazon is like the Walmart of the internet? They cheapify everything? Lol.

Actually they did. I had an eerie feeling the meat wasn't the same. I've shopped at the same stores for years and we discussed the changes. That's why I went to the farmer.

I wish you luck. I think being surrounded by all those ingredients would drive me crazy, lol.

I'm a chef. It isn't hard. *lol

 

[bèlla]

I've come to realise that I LOVE spiders; their presence just seems to have a calming effect on me.

You love spiders and you're dying your beard. Is there something you want to share with us?

 

[ReesePiece23]

You love spiders and you're dying your beard. Is there something you want to share with us?

Only that I pour Baileys on my Cornflakes... And that my orange juice is made from pure rainbows.

 

[SarahsKnight]

You have the best avatars, Lady @LaBèlla . Always so fashionable and classy. ^-^

 

[bèlla]

You have the best avatars, Lady @LaBèlla . Always so fashionable and classy. ^-^

Aww shucks, thank you SK. You know how to make a lady blush.

How are things your way? And Miss Erin?

 

[SarahsKnight]

And Miss Erin?

Oh, you know, just bein' a goddess, as always.

Actually I hope I was not too intrusive when I asked her last morning after getting out of work to pray for me that everything would be all right when I would come back in, that there'd be no trouble waiting for me, considering how oppressive Nel has made the workplace seem in particular the last few months (there was a second "unsure" situation I faced the night before, just like with two nights ago when I asked you all here to pray for me). Erin agreed that basically it's gotten pretty easy for just about anyone around there to screw up trying to figure out Nel's ever-changing rules in every unique little issue, and get talked down to for it. But she seemed willing to pray on my behalf. I myself consider such an exchange even between two believers to be something of an intimate nature, personal, bond-forming, so I just hope she not be led to possibly subconsciously think that I am getting - or trying to get - closer to her, so to speak, when she has already turned me down over any intent of romantic involvement. No, I meant only to ask her as a trusted friend and believing sister. I do possess great fondness for her, of course, but I know I was confident that I had no manipulative intentions in sharing some personal fears of mine with her and so forth asking for her prayers, like I am trying to convince her I am some great guy just for feeling free to speak of belief in God in any way or am all nice and religious-pure so that she'll change her mind about me in the regard of willingness to date. Still, Sarah's Knight the worrywart over here can't help but fear just a little that she might feel inclined to wonder if I was trying to manipulate her into liking me back.

I'm fairly sure I am just making too much of a fuss, as always, though.

Shoot, yesterday evening I even speedily ran all over the lab by myself trying to find cleaning supplies to disinfect every well-touched surface that I think Lindsey (the tech who works in my area before and after me on a normal schedule) would have made contact with as soon as I came in to discover that she had touched the same sample that her operator brought for her while earlier working that day and he ended up being rushed to the hospital just an hour or two before I had come in, having collapsed exhibiting Covid-19 symptoms. I mean, most definitely we should pray for the guy as being diagnosed with the virus is no joke (his name is Sanchez, by the way, and I know him fairly well, myself, since he is often an operator during the times I am on shift as well), but upon reflection just an hour or two later after my little tizzy spell running around like the whole entire lab was doomed to infection because Sanchez had been in there for maybe a total of less than ten minutes the whole entire day, I thought that maybe I had been acting just a bit too much a worrywart, seeing as how, what? I would be getting third-hand contact with a covid victim at worst here? I am hoping Lindsey will be okay, too. It's not like we have close contact with operators under the circumstances, and we all wear masks, so, I like to think she's in no danger. And if she isn't, then I surely was not.

So, yeah, point is after my ramblings in the two different subjects above, I can actually be a worrywart sometimes, in certain situations no matter how much they might seem like they won't even turn out badly at all anyway, and while that isn't exactly the most wicked of vices a human being can be burdened with in this world, it's still not very suitable for a knight, especially if he claims to believe in a God who constantly admonished us in the Bible not to worry.

 

[SarahsKnight]

Aww shucks, thank you SK. You know how to make a lady blush.

Hey, come on. It was a pretty simple compliment. *scratches head and grins sheepishly*

But you're welcome.

Really, I do think your current avatar must be the best one yet of all the ones I can remember. I just think that lady's hairstyle is amazing.

 

[bèlla]

I myself consider such an exchange even between two believers to be something of an intimate nature, personal, bond-forming, so I just hope she not be led to possibly subconsciously think that I am getting - or trying to get - closer to her, so to speak, when she has already turned me down over any intent of romantic involvement.

SK,

It is very intimate and a treasure when two souls comfort one another through fellowship and prayer. But I don't think she'd see your request in that way. Since you're both experiencing his unpleasantness. Lifting up the environment may stave off future incidents or lessen their ferocity.

God blesses me through our exchanges. You're so conscientious. Sometimes I'm taken aback.

Still, Sarah's Knight the worrywart over here can't help but fear just a little that she might feel inclined to wonder if I was trying to manipulate her into liking me back.

From a woman's perspective, we can feel the difference. Genuineness has a different energy. It's not assertive or driven by agenda. The palms are open with little regard for reciprocity or personal benefit.

When I tell you what I see I do so for the reasons stated. To decrease your concerns. I'm not speaking as one who desires you to feel better per se. That's the goal. But it isn't the source of my words. I'm expressing the effect your behavior has or how I interpret the things you've shared from a lady's perspective.

But it also testifies to my spirit. Meaning, there's spiritual evidence of the traits I've mentioned. I can sense it through the screen because of my gifting. Sometimes things jump out. I comment on some and overlook others.

When a man is attempting to manipulate a woman the energy is firm or creates an uneasiness we can't put our finger on. Some do it through flattery or deception. I feel an internal alarm or discomfort that won't abate. That's my warning. Our intuition tells us something is amiss.

You don't trip that switch. You like her. That doesn't mean you'll strong arm her to make her yours. That requires a measure of coldness and calculation. Remember my earlier remarks. You're conscientiousness counteracts that behavior. You'd have to put your needs first to pull it off. But you're always considering the impact of your actions. You don't have an agenda.

I thought that maybe I had been acting just a bit too much a worrywart, seeing as how, what? I would be getting third-hand contact with a covid victim at worst here?

You were loving your neighbors and considering their welfare too.

So, yeah, point is after my ramblings in the two different subjects above, I can actually be a worrywart sometimes, in certain situations no matter how much they might seem like they won't even turn out badly at all anyway, and while that isn't exactly the most wicked of vices a human being can be burdened with in this world, it's still not very suitable for a knight, especially if He claims to believe in a God who constantly admonished us in the Bible not to worry.

The Lord doesn't want us to be anxious. But He looks at the heart. You mean well. Oftentimes your concerns involve others. You don't want them hurt or mistreated. Perhaps the best way to tackle it is allowing it to drive you to prayer before worry takes root. It may never go away but you can address it proactively and maintain your peace of mind.

 

[bèlla]

Hey, come on. It was a pretty simple compliment. *scratches head and grins sheepishly*

SK,

My word, I've seen that look a time or ten in anime. *lol

Really, I do think your current avatar must be the best one yet of all the ones I can remember. I just think that lady's hairstyle is amazing.

It's funny you mention that. I looked at her earlier and thought the same. All of my images are personal. But this one is more intimate. Her appearance and the elements in the space all have meaning. Her posture and position are key. I've always liked the shot but today I saw the connection. It's a keeper.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Bella, does your head ever hurt? You're so eloquently detailed but SO consistent with it. (The consistency is the most impressive thing.)

I can write for long spells if it's for myself, but forum posts will fatigue me pretty quickly - I couldn't do it at your level everyday. I'd come down with something.

 

[bèlla]

Bella, does your head ever hurt? You're so eloquently detailed but SO consistent with it. (The consistency is the most impressive thing.)

Reese,

Thank you for the compliment.

No, it doesn't. My heart's desire was to become a physician. I wanted to go to Harvard. The New Pathway program was pioneering and a radical approach to medicine. But one day I woke up and my body went haywire. The years of study and activities were for naught. I had to give up everything and find a new dream.

While I figured it out I turned my attention to others. I helped them with their problems or became an ear when needed. It took my mind off my circumstances and allowed me to be of use. I discovered I was pretty good at it. I kept doing it and my writing developed in turn. I don't draft. I write from the cuff and it spills out. Thankfully, I type fast.

I showed up every day. Giving back and offering words of encouragement. Over time I began to teach. I developed strategies for healing and molding the mind into an asset, not an adversary. I discovered my delight in shaping and taking broken things and seeing them made anew. I wanted people to be bettered by my presence. That was the driving influence. Making a difference.

I can write for long spells if it's for myself, but forum posts will fatigue me pretty quickly - I couldn't do it at your level everyday. I'd come down with something.

One of the primary reasons I can write at this scale is a factor few notice. I don't ask questions. I'm a resource and I never speak from supposition. I share what I've lived and experienced. I started posting to mailing lists and forums in my twenties. I have a long tenure of giving back. There's a lot to draw from.

I'm comfortable sharing details of my private life because I've journaled for my companions. That's what they asked of me. I sent an email every day distilling my thoughts and feelings. I have difficulty doing the same for myself. It doesn't inspire me. Writing for an audience is easier.

There's a spiritual quality to what I'm doing. It isn't haphazard. I'm spreading seeds and blessings.

ETA: I used to converse with a LOT of people privately. That plays a part in my stance on asking questions. Many comments are idealized.

 

[SarahsKnight]

God blesses me through our exchanges. You're so conscientious. Sometimes I'm taken aback.

Thanks, Bella.

Everything you have said is uplifting and enlightening. Perhaps it is everyone else who should say they are blessed through their exchanges with you.

 

[bèlla]

Thanks, Bella.

Everything you have said is uplifting and enlightening. Perhaps it is everyone else who should they are blessed through their exchanges with you.

Thank you SK for the kind words. I'm glad you understand what I meant.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Reese,

Thank you for the compliment.

No, it doesn't. My heart's desire was to become a physician. I wanted to go to Harvard. The New Pathway program was pioneering and a radical approach to medicine. But one day I woke up and my body went haywire. The years of study and activities were for naught. I had to give up everything and find a new dream.

While I figured it out I turned my attention to others. I helped them with their problems or became an ear when needed. It took my mind off my circumstances and allowed me to be of use. I discovered I was pretty good at it. I kept doing it and my writing developed in turn. I don't draft. I write from the cuff and it spills out. Thankfully, I type fast.

I showed up every day. Giving back and offering words of encouragement. Over time I began to teach. I developed strategies for healing and molding the mind into an asset, not an adversary. I discovered my delight in shaping and taking broken things and seeing them made anew. I wanted people to be bettered by my presence. That was the driving influence. Making a difference.



One of the primary reasons I can write at this scale is a factor few notice. I don't ask questions. I'm a resource and I never speak from supposition. I share what I've lived and experienced. I started posting to mailing lists and forums in my twenties. I have a long tenure of giving back. There's a lot to draw from.

I'm comfortable sharing details of my private life because I've journaled for my companions. That's what they asked of me. I sent an email every day distilling my thoughts and feelings. I have difficulty doing the same for myself. It doesn't inspire me. Writing for an audience is easier.

There's a spiritual quality to what I'm doing. It isn't haphazard. I'm spreading seeds and blessings.

ETA: I used to converse with a LOT of people privately. That plays a part in my stance on asking questions. Many comments are idealized.

I suppose for you it's energy giving - I can understand that. I've always said that we're the byproduct of what we consume, what we experience, and what our desired currency is. I don't want to say that you have a 'void' to fill, but there is a deep DEEP tank within you that will never really become full, because the drive is drawn from a natural source. (That's the difference between living on water vs living on full sugar Mountain Dew.)

Generally, whenever you first start writing (particularly fiction) there's this honeymoon phase you go through were it feels amazing and it gives you a buzz. Once that wears off (and it probably will) you either shelve it and wait for 'inspiration' (which rarely comes - and even if it does, it's never to be trusted) or understand that what you are doing IS actually work. So for a very long time now, I associate writing (in all of its forms) with being at the grindstone running laps.

Of course, I enjoy it. But I approach it from the same standpoint as the person who gets up, gets dressed and goes to work. Which is why I look at you sometimes and feel sympathy migraines. But that's just me generalising my OWN experience. Some people find mowing the lawn relaxing, I personally see it as a chore.

**Random flashback**

I actually used to post on a fitness and nutrition forum (long before I joined CF) and was asked by the site owner to write an article about the effects of taking the B vitamins in isolated form (Thiamine, Niacin, Biotin, etc, on their own, in high doses without taking the others) - as well a certain nootropics like racetam.

It took forever to write the article and THEN I had comments to reply to with LONG and detailed questions. It consumed all of my free time and I felt personally unproductive - which is selfish really, but looking back, I was helping a lot of people.

I was only a layman who was using himself as a guinea pig, but I found a formula that worked for me that I otherwise wouldn't have found if I didn't experiment. I still remember the thread title now "Ben's Nootripic Experiments" - but sadly, the website closed and they wiped everything off permanently, because that WOULD be an interesting thread to read back.

I do remember one post where I recall playing foosball at college. After a month of sulbutiamine supplementation (a variant of B1) I became virtually unplayable; I was literally smashing everyone. I gained lighting fast reactions and even starting winning games of pool (this was 2010 and I hadn't won a game of pool in like, five years?)

I don't know why I don't take nootropics again, because they really do work. Especially the synthetic vitamins.

Anyway, I'm just thinking out loud now. The more I type the more I remember... (Half and half that post. Half replying to Bella, half reminiscing my years as a student.)

 

[bèlla]

I don't want to say that you have a 'void' to fill, but there is a deep DEEP tank within you that will never really become full, because the drive is drawn from a natural source. (That's the difference between living on water vs living on full sugar Mountain Dew.)

Reese,

I'm a vessel and like to remain open to God's use in the situations I encounter. Whether they're virtual or face to face. Pointing people to Him brings me joy. Every now and then I get something like this. I feel Him moving through me while I write.

In many respects, I'm an extreme. Superwoman by day and a geisha at night. That's an honest depiction of my disposition. I scale for purpose and descend for companionship. The challenge feeds something within me like nothing does.

So for a very long time now, I associate writing (in all of its forms) with being at the grindstone running laps.

That's a different headspace. You don't use it all the time. You have to shift and get in that mode. How long have you been writing fiction?

It took forever to write the article and THEN I had comments to reply to with LONG and detailed questions. It consumed all of my free time and I felt personally unproductive - which is selfish really, but looking back, I was helping a lot of people.

Just because I'm knowledgeable doesn't mean I'm interested in teaching or becoming an authority on the subject. I broach it from three angles: Is it related to my calling? Is the work anointed? Do I have the required gifts and talents to speak authentically on the topic? Writing without those elements is a slog. I probably would have declined unless the Lord told me to do it.

I've done well-meaning acts and regretted the demands later on. He let me go through it a time or ten (I'm a slow learner at times ) until I got the point. I don't have the latitude in my schedule I did in the past. And I'm unable to counsel to the degree I've done before. It wearies me. I'm a coach and that's my sweet spot.

I don't know why I don't take nootropics again, because they really do work. Especially the synthetic vitamins.

So you'd shift from chill to high octane? Okay boys and girls, Reese is on the move.

 

[MehGuy]

Wow I just got a scary spam email. Normally I know they're fake but this one listed a password I used to use and demanded money and a ransom. Even though the ransom doesn't make any sense. I googled it and apparently there is already an FBI report and they say the dirt they have on you is all bluff. Still one of my passwords was comprised but I have no idea what site. I haven't used that password in ages.

I just wanted to relax on my one day at home.. lol.. oh well.. at least other's have gotten the same email word for word, and it seems like there isn't any serious hack.

 

[bèlla]

Wow I just got a scary spam email. Normally I know they're fake but this one listed a password I used to use and demanded money and a ransom.

I just wanted to relax on my one day at home.. lol.. oh well.. at least other's have gotten the same email word for word, and it seems like there isn't any serious hack.

I leave you alone for a day and look what happens. Good grief. You need a bodyguard? *lol

How'd it go?

 

[MehGuy]

I leave you alone for a day and look what happens. Good grief. You need a bodyguard? *lol

How'd it go?

Just changed a few passwords.. frankly I'm too tired to worry about this right now. According to the website the hacker probably used something in the darknet to see websites where info was compromised. Where ever this website is it's not one I use today or anything that would have my credit card number on it.. so I don't really care.. lol. Just the ransom was kind of dark and creepy. He most likely found an account I made when I was a young adult or even a teenager.

 

[bèlla]

Just changed a few passwords.. frankly I'm too tired to worry about this right now. According to the website the hacker probably used something in the darknet to see websites where info was compromised. Where ever this website is it's not one I use today or anything that would have my credit card number on it.. so I don't really care.. lol. Just the ransom was kind of dark and creepy. He most likely found an account I made when I was a young adult or even a teenager.

*rolls He's an amateur but a funny one nonetheless.

When are you off again?

 

[MehGuy]

*rolls He's an amateur but a funny one nonetheless.

When are you off again?

I have tomorrow off, worked today. I don't really know the next day I have off, right now thinking the next Sunday.

Maybe. He got my attention more than the others. Claimed to hack my webcam and said he was going to release videos to my friends.. yet the footage he said he had doesn't exist because I don't do that stuff.. lol. Still, him saying one of my passwords did rattle me at first.