philadelphos
Sydney
amazing things God does when we're together.
Amazing. Can you kind share examples?
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amazing things God does when we're together.
I wonder if anyone has noticed that people who claim to be believers often behave as if they were un-believers, anti-Scripture in action, living man made theology/doctrines, i.e. will-worship and doing whatever pleases the self, sometimes at the expense of others. e.g. walking over and betraying family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, and seeing no wrong or evil in doing so, even justifying such bad behaviour. e.g. right wing religious hypocrites. Manipulating Scripture for an agenda, for personal gain.
On the flipside, non-believers who humbly claim to be "irreligious" or "non-religious", I find, are often moderate and practical people, reasonable and analytical people, humble and not presuming to know too much, especially about God and Scripture. Reverent, even. Yet these people often 'believe in God', in a general sense, and have an acute conscience and sense of morality, duty, responsibility, etc, surpassing most I know who study Scripture dogmatically to no avail, failing to grasp "basic principles and values", e.g. to not exploit others, to love your neighbour as yourself, to do unto others as yourself.
Mark 4:12, ‘Seeing they may see and not perceive, And hearing they may hear and not understand; Lest they should turn, And their sins be forgiven them.’
This is the irony, predicament, and truth. - So I feel that 'labels' are dangerously misleading, resulting in disappointment and misery. Instead it's better to judge a person by their deeds, how they live, how they treat the people around them, as a truer depiction of their heart, and what one can reasonably expect in a life-time partnership with such a character.
Matthew 7:16, "Ye shall know them by their fruits."
I'm slightly surprised by that. I've never known any Christians who had issues with alcohol. Maybe things are a bit different in the UK.In the 28 years that I have been a Christian usually a common thread was alcohol.
I'm not sure exactly what you mean here. I've seen surveys that suggest a high proportion of young Christian men struggle with the temptation to access videos and images online. Maybe that temptation would evaporate once married. I don't know.Possibly sexual addiction.
That would probably filter out the cultural Christians, and those with low self control, which is a positive.Premarital sex has never been an option and I usually have had pretty good boundaries.
As we get older, it becomes harder to find someone without what is commonly termed 'baggage'. From that point of view, trying to find someone without any 'issues' is likely to be a tall order. And to be fair, most people who have lived a bit and made a few mistakes in life have 'baggage' of their own that they are bringing to any potential partner, relationship, and marriage.As far as healthy Christian guys, I can only refer to the latest example. Back in May there were five guys at one time I was corresponding with. It wasn't intentional but from online dating it just happened that way. I was honest with all of them. They each were ready to take me on a date. One of them even 500 miles away. Two out of the five were speaking truth into my life. The Lord was using them to help give me discernment with the guy that was unhealthy that I was drawing near. I actually kind of felt guilty for my attraction but decided one by one to say goodbye.
One of them that was am missionary kid took the courage to email a day or two later after our date, that we're not a suitable match. I was glad for him because he was taking the right step in closure. But he was doing it with care for me as a sister in Christ. None of the Christians were without issues though, the one I chose just happened to be the most unhealthy and strongly pursuing.
Thanks for your input. I'm not sure how to reply to each quote or question. Maybe this looks different on a computer but I'm doing this for my smart phone.I'm not sure exactly what you mean here. I've seen surveys that suggest a high proportion of young Christian men struggle with the temptation to access videos and images online. Maybe that temptation would evaporate once married. I don't know
As we get older, it becomes harder to find someone without what is commonly termed 'baggage'. From that point of view, trying to find someone without any 'issues' is likely to be a tall order. And to be fair, most people who have lived a bit and made a few mistakes in life have 'baggage' of their own that they are bringing to any potential partner, relationship, and marriage.
It's interesting that you chose the most unhealthy. I wonder if the fact that he was 'strongly pursuing' had much to do with that. Maybe it felt easiest to go with the one who was 'strongly pursuing', as you never had to wonder whether he was still interested, or whether to send a follow up message if you hadn't heard from him for a while. There's a risk that a passive approach can make you a passenger rather than a driver, in terms of the kind of men you get involved with. To avoid that it's imperative to think about what God wants for you, and grab the wheel when necessary to steer towards godly men.
It sounds like you've dodged a few bullets, so your discernment is obviously good.Thanks for your input. I'm not sure how to reply to each quote or question. Maybe this looks different on a computer but I'm doing this for my smart phone.
As far as sexual addiction, I was thinking along the lines of them having sex outside of marriage with multiple partners. When I was 19 (in the Army)I had a best friend and I was a newborn believer the guy confessed that he had slept with 40 women in 2 years. I had been best friends with him for eight months but never had even kissed him but started liking him and had to walk away. Another guy when I was in my mid-30s was recently divorced, long story but he reconnected with me a year and 8 months after leaving the workplace we were in together. He had joined the army and was in Afghanistan. We wrote through a social media platform, that way I could get to know more about his life, he had asked me to be his sweetheart and we were to go on a date when he would return. After 3 months of correspondence I discovered another gal he was talking to three states away and he said he wanted to have multiple partners and it was none of my business. That ended things there. And this last person that I was dating confessed that he was a man harlot and had slept with 8 people since his separation and divorce 2 years ago. I told him the past was the past, but it still seemed to follow him when he went on vacation and he broke things off with me because of a "connection" with someone else. The last two examples were in leadership positions in their prior churches but both had walked away most likely because of their divorce. The last case is very fresh in my mind and still seems to be difficult to sort through. And by the way the last example has no interest in online material and says that it is empty.
I ask for much prayer because I am back online dating after little by little having a reset in my relationship with the Lord. Intrigue seems to be also the common thread that has drawn me. There are more examples but I just stuck with these three.
It's refreshing though every time I am exposed to healthier Christian's that draw me towards the word with my online dating. After this last breaking up, a guy at 500 miles away, who said we wouldn't work because of both of our inability to relocate, found my profile to be high quality. He could have stopped there but he has still decided to correspond/ask questions when we have free days on the site. He seems like someone that could possibly hold my attention. Between him and some of the other healthier Christians it is nice to see man of God who are generally concerned about my walk with the Lord.
It sounds like you've dodged a few bullets, so your discernment is obviously good.
Do you initiate contact when you are using online dating websites?
Some of the women I have spoken to revealed to me that they received hundreds of messages within hours of creating a new profile on sites such as Plenty of Fish. And a guy friend I know who tried Tinder told me he swiped 'Yes' to every profile. To me, that suggests that a large proportion of guys have deduced that the easiest way to get some no-strings fun is to use a scatter gun approach. By that, I mean that they accept every potential match, or fire off hundreds of copy-paste messages, then give their time and attention to the small proportion of women who respond. Plenty of Fish and Tinder have tried various initiatives to try and frustrate attempts by guys to play the numbers game, but ultimately it can never be completely stopped.
What that means is that:
If you're a girl looking for a husband, you're going to get huge amounts of messages or matches from guys who are just playing a numbers game, hoping that if they target enough women they'll score with one now and then. I knew one girl who quickly decided that the best approach was to delete all the messages, hide her profile, then do her own searching and filtering before contacting a small number of guys that interested her. This makes sense, because she doesn't waste time filtering hundreds of guys who sent the same copy-paste message to hundreds of girls, and aren't really interested in her as a person.
If you're a guy looking for a wife, you have a few choices.
1. Play the numbers game, even if you feel it's insincere, and not really what you would prefer to do.
2. Carefully target a few girls you think you would be a good match with, then send carefully written unique messages, knowing full well that your messages will quite likely be lost in the tsunami of noise coming from the copy-paste crowd.
3. Choose not to play the online dating game.
Because of how online dating works, as a girl you have a chance to be at your most powerful and effective by doing your own searching and filtering, rather than just responding to those who message you or view your profile.
As far as initiating contact, in general no. But I do have times where I spend after maybe a break from the dating site to look through with my discernment and prayer eyes to see if I can spot the Christians and click on them. 7 times out of 10 I locate them by just looking at the pictures. I send messages to guys that might not be my type but explore to see if it goes anywhere. Hoping that maybe in time my attraction may be influenced and changed.It sounds like you've dodged a few bullets, so your discernment is obviously good.
Do you initiate contact when you are using online dating websites?
Some of the women I have spoken to revealed to me that they received hundreds of messages within hours of creating a new profile on sites such as Plenty of Fish. And a guy friend I know who tried Tinder told me he swiped 'Yes' to every profile. To me, that suggests that a large proportion of guys have deduced that the easiest way to get some no-strings fun is to use a scatter gun approach. By that, I mean that they accept every potential match, or fire off hundreds of copy-paste messages, then give their time and attention to the small proportion of women who respond. Plenty of Fish and Tinder have tried various initiatives to try and frustrate attempts by guys to play the numbers game, but ultimately it can never be completely stopped.
What that means is that:
If you're a girl looking for a husband, you're going to get huge amounts of messages or matches from guys who are just playing a numbers game, hoping that if they target enough women they'll score with one now and then. I knew one girl who quickly decided that the best approach was to delete all the messages, hide her profile, then do her own searching and filtering before contacting a small number of guys that interested her. This makes sense, because she doesn't waste time filtering hundreds of guys who sent the same copy-paste message to hundreds of girls, and aren't really interested in her as a person.
If you're a guy looking for a wife, you have a few choices.
1. Play the numbers game, even if you feel it's insincere, and not really what you would prefer to do.
2. Carefully target a few girls you think you would be a good match with, then send carefully written unique messages, knowing full well that your messages will quite likely be lost in the tsunami of noise coming from the copy-paste crowd.
3. Choose not to play the online dating game.
Because of how online dating works, as a girl you have a chance to be at your most powerful and effective by doing your own searching and filtering, rather than just responding to those who message you or view your profile.
It's difficult to get a feel for someone's character online. In the past I have met girls that I wasn't attracted to initially, and then when I got to know them better I became very attracted to them. A few messages online and one date doesn't allow much opportunity for exploration. This is one reason why I am now much more interested in meeting people at church or as part of an activity. When online, people can be anything they want, but in real life you get a much better feel for who a person really is. And although this sub-forum is not intended as a dating forum, I think it's easier to get a good idea of someone's character in a forum environment than an online dating environment.I send messages to guys that might not be my type but explore to see if it goes anywhere. Hoping that maybe in time my attraction may be influenced and changed.
But it also takes energy to read through the messages and profiles and filter people who initiated contact with you. Sorry to labour this, but in some ways, if you give your attention primarily to those who contact you, rather than seeking out good matches, you are doing yourself a disservice. What if your best match is slightly shy, or hasn't seen your profile yet? It's also worth noting that on average, guys get far fewer messages than girls, so just by initiating contact you will immediately stand out.You are right about initiating contact, but it takes energy and I have to be ready for it.
I agree. Being in the right frame of mind is very important. You have to be very positive, and then hopefully that positivity comes through in your messages and rubs off on people.And I don't care to spend everyday on there because you start to get the negative outlook that there's nobody good and possibly x out someone that may be a good catch. When I had some correspondance with someone and I was interested but it turned out not to be good, I take some days off as a reset with my relationship with the Lord and making sure I'm ready to jump back in and engage.
Maybe it's worth reaching out to a few of them. People can and do change, and the wrong person a few years ago might be the right person now. The coronavirus gives a good excuse to send a quick message asking how they are getting on, and see if anything develops.I'm still friends with many of those that I met back then, they were quality men but not a match.
Sounds like you're doing quite well!I never thought I could handle 5 conversations (phone & date invites) at once, but honesty goes a long way. The latest article I read suggest 9 options. That seems like a lot!!!!! 5 was time consuming and uncomfortable. But it did feel kind of like Highschool when there were more prospects.
I will pray that you have good discernment and judgement. We've all met people who met the perfect partner with very little effort, but I don't think that happens much. For the rest of us, we have to seek someone out and explore opportunities, because God is not going to deliver them direct to our door in a parcel wrapped with a red ribbon.Anyways, thanks for your thoughts and some good stuff to chew on in this next stage of dating adventures. Appreciate any and ALL prayers. I need them not only for a future relationship, but making sure my relationship with the LORD stays top priority.
I think people's experiences are different. the younger you are the better the opportunities for in person. I don't think I was ready at that time in my life and I think in my forties I am more together mentally and open. I think I had high walls before. The walls are still there but I'm working on it. I agree with you in a forum environment. That's why I try to have them on social media to see how they interact. you can also learn about their family and how they interact with them too.It's difficult to get a feel for someone's character online. In the past I have met girls that I wasn't attracted to initially, and then when I got to know them better I became very attracted to them. A few messages online and one date doesn't allow much opportunity for exploration. This is one reason why I am now much more interested in meeting people at church or as part of an activity. When online, people can be anything they want, but in real life you get a much better feel for who a person really is. And although this sub-forum is not intended as a dating forum, I think it's easier to get a good idea of someone's character in a forum environment than an online dating environment.
I understand in the case of someone being slightly shy. But for me conversation and words and a master of English is kind of important. So what I have gathered in these past five months, most of the guys I have been attracted to or attracted to me either had some kind of degree in English or psychology and quite good with words. I've been told vice-versa how well-written my profile is. As I mentioned I'm a rare case but I can filter through quickly people's narratives. As I mentioned it's just key words. If I see certain keywords I will stop to read if it's all about hobbies, they are not where I am which is making Jesus the focus. One guy's profile I nearly missed but one picture had something about meeting Tim Tebow. He was in your believer, 7 years, and into apologetics. But after a little bit of time I found his spirit to be pretty dark. Unfortunate that the holy spirit gives me dreams about people when I need a warning.But it also takes energy to read through the messages and profiles and filter people who initiated contact with you. Sorry to labour this, but in some ways, if you give your attention primarily to those who contact you, rather than seeking out good matches, you are doing yourself a disservice. What if your best match is slightly shy, or hasn't seen your profile yet? It's also worth noting that on average, guys get far fewer messages than girls, so just by initiating contact you will immediately stand out.
Maybe it's worth reaching out to a few of them. People can and do change, and the wrong person a few years ago might be the right person now. The coronavirus gives a good excuse to send a quick message asking how they are getting on, and see if anything develops.
will pray that you have good discernment and judgement. We've all met people who met the perfect partner with very little effort, but I don't think that happens much. For the rest of us, we have to seek someone out and explore opportunities, because God is not going to deliver them direct to our door in a parcel wrapped with a red ribbon.
That is definitely an opinion that can be debated. I understand the premise of your logic here though. I think of the story Jesus told of how a wounded robbery victim was left on the side of the road and a Jew would not save him but actually a good samaritan. Who not only helped him, but paid for his room, and expected nothing back.I wonder if anyone has noticed that people who claim to be believers often behave as if they were un-believers, anti-Scripture in action, living man made theology/doctrines, i.e. will-worship and doing whatever pleases the self, sometimes at the expense of others. e.g. walking over and betraying family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, and seeing no wrong or evil in doing so, even justifying such bad behaviour. e.g. right wing religious hypocrites. Manipulating Scripture for an agenda, for personal gain.
On the flipside, non-believers who humbly claim to be "irreligious" or "non-religious", I find, are often moderate and practical people, reasonable and analytical people, humble and not presuming to know too much, especially about God and Scripture. Reverent, even. Yet these people often 'believe in God', in a general sense, and have an acute conscience and sense of morality, duty, responsibility, etc, surpassing most I know who study Scripture dogmatically to no avail, failing to grasp "basic principles and values", e.g. to not exploit others, to love your neighbour as yourself, to do unto others as yourself.
Mark 4:12, ‘Seeing they may see and not perceive, And hearing they may hear and not understand; Lest they should turn, And their sins be forgiven them.’
This is the irony, predicament, and truth. - So I feel that 'labels' are dangerously misleading, resulting in disappointment and misery. Instead it's better to judge a person by their deeds, how they live, how they treat the people around them, as a truer depiction of their heart, and what one can reasonably expect in a life-time partnership with such a character.
Matthew 7:16, "Ye shall know them by their fruits."
... but actually a good samaritan. Who not only helped him, but paid for his room, and expected nothing back.
He or she is one of the most attractive people whom you ever met.
Would you date him or her?
What if he or she was the last potential partner on earth?
Would you try to convert him or her?
What if he or she was of another religion?
What if he or she was a Satanist?
The rest of this post is my response to the question.
I think that I would only date someone who wasn't Christian if she were the last potential partner on earth. A lot of criminals abuse love affairs and my religion is a great defense against crime. If she's the last potential partner on earth, then I'd definitely date if she's an atheist because I feel an atheist is easy to convert. I might not date if she's from another religion, depending on how large her family is and how much she'd respect Christianity. So I probably would never date a Satanist. I'd rather wait for a woman to be crafted from my rib. Luckily Christian women already exist!
I am dating a man who was raised Catholic and is happy to go to church with me but likely doesn’t have a personal relationship with God. We share similar values and views on life and the world. He’s a ver kind and warm hearted person. Is this the same as dating an unbeliever or should I have grace in this situation?
Thank you. That’s what God has been putting on my heart recently and I have been learning to have grace and love and patience. But there’s always the fear that I am deceiving myself.Not everyone is going to be cut to the same exact criteria that you're looking for. As humans, we are ever learning, ever evolving.
Works in progress if you will, as I'm sure he is as well.
I am dating a man who was raised Catholic and is happy to go to church with me but likely doesn’t have a personal relationship with God. We share similar values and views on life and the world. He’s a ver kind and warm hearted person. Is this the same as dating an unbeliever or should I have grace in this situation?
Thank you. That’s what God has been putting on my heart recently and I have been learning to have grace and love and patience. But there’s always the fear that I am deceiving myself.
I am dating a man who was raised Catholic and is happy to go to church with me but likely doesn’t have a personal relationship with God. We share similar values and views on life and the world. He’s a ver kind and warm hearted person. Is this the same as dating an unbeliever or should I have grace in this situation?
It sounds like you've dodged a few bullets, so your discernment is obviously good.
Do you initiate contact when you are using online dating websites?
Some of the women I have spoken to revealed to me that they received hundreds of messages within hours of creating a new profile on sites such as Plenty of Fish. And a guy friend I know who tried Tinder told me he swiped 'Yes' to every profile. To me, that suggests that a large proportion of guys have deduced that the easiest way to get some no-strings fun is to use a scatter gun approach. By that, I mean that they accept every potential match, or fire off hundreds of copy-paste messages, then give their time and attention to the small proportion of women who respond. Plenty of Fish and Tinder have tried various initiatives to try and frustrate attempts by guys to play the numbers game, but ultimately it can never be completely stopped.
What that means is that:
If you're a girl looking for a husband, you're going to get huge amounts of messages or matches from guys who are just playing a numbers game, hoping that if they target enough women they'll score with one now and then. I knew one girl who quickly decided that the best approach was to delete all the messages, hide her profile, then do her own searching and filtering before contacting a small number of guys that interested her. This makes sense, because she doesn't waste time filtering hundreds of guys who sent the same copy-paste message to hundreds of girls, and aren't really interested in her as a person.
If you're a guy looking for a wife, you have a few choices.
1. Play the numbers game, even if you feel it's insincere, and not really what you would prefer to do.
2. Carefully target a few girls you think you would be a good match with, then send carefully written unique messages, knowing full well that your messages will quite likely be lost in the tsunami of noise coming from the copy-paste crowd.
3. Choose not to play the online dating game.
Because of how online dating works, as a girl you have a chance to be at your most powerful and effective by doing your own searching and filtering, rather than just responding to those who message you or view your profile.