Well, a man can have an egotistical way of wanting respect. And this is not good . . . not denying himself and taking up his cross daily and following Jesus.
"If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me." (in Luke 9:23)
So, if I am depending on my wife for respect, this can help to keep me weak so I can give in to anti-love things like bitterness and angry reacting and frustration and depression and arguing and complaining.
He needs to be unconditional in his love so he does not get bent out of shape if she in some way does not respect him >
"And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." (2 Corinthians 12:15 > New King James translation)
Jesus says to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39) and to bless those who curse us (Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:28); so if I can get upset and downcast and even bitter because my lady does not respect me in some way, this is my fault, and because of my own weakness. So I am disobeying how Jesus says to love, and God's word says
"be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might" (in Ephesians 6:10).
And, of course, while I am staying weak in what is not God's way of love, I can easily misunderstand my lady and feel she is disrespecting me, right while she isn't!!
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19)
So, if I even start to have stuff in me that is getting me bitter . . . already I have this as proof of how I am wrong, somehow; and so right away I need to get right with God . . . first > not first trying to get her to do what I suppose she needs to do.
And after God has me submissive to Him in His peace > Colossians 3:15 > now I can see her the way God's peace has me understanding her, and in God's peace I can be creative and cheerful
and encouraging; then I might ask her why she has done something a certain way, and be surprised at how she is thinking in terms of compassion . . . versus trying to please my ego!
But in case she really is wrong, I can first need to be prayerful in God's peace, so I can
be encouraging with her by being her good example >
"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)
I mean . . . if I love her, I care about her being in God's love and goodness of peace and joy. So, when she starts to get worried or arguing or negative, I have compassion for her because of how she really is wrong > I don't care about her being my puppet; I want her to obey me by doing what Jesus has her doing with His rest for her soul; so if she starts complaining and raising her voice and worrying and hurrying and scurrying, I need to be how she needs to become, so my example can help her, and she obeys me by obeying my good example.
Therefore, then, before I can rightly expect her to be submissive to me, I need to be submissive to God so He has us going the same way . . . because both of us are submissive to God in His peace. And she obeys me by doing what I say > submit to God in His peace, or else you are not obeying me
Jesus says if we obey Him,
"you will find rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:29)
But there are women who disobey how Jesus would care for us and guide us in rest for our souls. And their husbands who love them tell them to submit to Jesus so they have rest for their souls; yet, they keep on wasting themselves because they have an un-subject character, not capable of submission to Jesus and not capable of mutual submission in a close sharing and caring relationship >
"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)
And they will scream how they don't want to be slaves, when really they are in slavery to how their own egos are not able to obey God in His peace.
But our basic Christian calling includes >
"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)
So, there are women who abuse themselves . . . by even trusting and obeying their worry which so lies to them and abuses and degrades them. They accept such deep and cruel abuse, while screaming how no man is going to make them a slave!!