Does God want me to be single by not sending any men with whom I can connect?

[Lybrah]

Looking back, I realize that I discounted some good men. But at the time, I did not have feelings for them. I wanted to have feelings for them, but the feelings weren't there. I even cried one time because this one guy was great but I just couldn't like him. I am not gay--I have had crushes on men, and have never been sexually attracted to a woman. But I wonder if---
I was too picky or scared
or
God wants me single so the feelings aren't there and the "one" hasn't arrived because there isn't a "one" for me.
But I do want a husband. I am older now and feel like I have nothing to offer. I can't have babies and I'm middle-aged but look younger than I am, but haven't been in a serious relationship in a long time or ever married and a lot of men I meet think this is a red flag. Even though my family does not pressure me and says they just want me to be happy no matter what I decide, I still feel weird at family parties because everyone has a spouse. And among friends--all are married. I'm not afraid to say that I need a man.

 

[PokerFace-TheChildOfGod]

The problem you are facing is fornication.

You to take Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and repent for your past sin of fornication. The devil has used fornication to prevent you from getting a husband. It is happening to people all over this world. Fornication before marriage causes all sorts of problems in someone life. Stay away from fornication. Read the bible, learn how to pray from a Man or Woman of God. Find a good pastor who is annointed with the Holy Spirit. Then begin to pray for a God Fearing man. There is no problem to great for God. But you must confess your sins and repent for the ones you have done in the past. A good man will locate you, but it is not by your power it is Gods power that will do it.

 

[dqhall]

Looking back, I realize that I discounted some good men. But at the time, I did not have feelings for them. I wanted to have feelings for them, but the feelings weren't there. I even cried one time because this one guy was great but I just couldn't like him. I am not gay--I have had crushes on men, and have never been sexually attracted to a woman. But I wonder if---
I was too picky or scared
or
God wants me single so the feelings aren't there and the "one" hasn't arrived because there isn't a "one" for me.
But I do want a husband. I am older now and feel like I have nothing to offer. I can't have babies and I'm middle-aged but look younger than I am, but haven't been in a serious relationship in a long time or ever married and a lot of men I meet think this is a red flag. Even though my family does not pressure me and says they just want me to be happy no matter what I decide, I still feel weird at family parties because everyone has a spouse. And among friends--all are married. I'm not afraid to say that I need a man.

In my late fifties, I joined an online dating site and wrote to women. I called some of the ones who wrote back and most did not write back. I dated a number of the ones I called. I dated a widow almost three months. She wanted to marry. I encouraged her to find a job. She has nursing skills. She had been a stay at home housewife much of her life. She went back to work. She started dating someone else and told me I was ugly. End relationship. I was in communication with a divorce for several months. We went on two dates. We both owned our own places. Her parents were rich. She was obese and I thought her bad habits might make me worse. I am guilty of not having enough affection for her. We split.

I did some research online and found a county in Oregon where only 1% - 2% of marriage licenses issued are for people over 65. Once I was praying to try to find a relationship, not marriage. I got an answer from somewhere, "Don't ask me for another woman." Fortunately I like to read and that makes for less loneliness. I have several groups online. I have some family in the area.

 

[blackribbon]

The problem you are facing is fornication.

You to take Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and repent for your past sin of fornication. The devil has used fornication to prevent you from getting a husband. It is happening to people all over this world. Fornication before marriage causes all sorts of problems in someone life. Stay away from fornication. Read the bible, learn how to pray from a Man or Woman of God. Find a good pastor who is annointed with the Holy Spirit. Then begin to pray for a God Fearing man. There is no problem to great for God. But you must confess your sins and repent for the ones you have done in the past. A good man will locate you, but it is not by your power it is Gods power that will do it.

So the reason that literally millions of single people are single is because we aren't good enough Christians and you are married because you are? Interesting.

 

[Phronema]

Looking back, I realize that I discounted some good men. But at the time, I did not have feelings for them. I wanted to have feelings for them, but the feelings weren't there. I even cried one time because this one guy was great but I just couldn't like him. I am not gay--I have had crushes on men, and have never been sexually attracted to a woman. But I wonder if---
I was too picky or scared
or
God wants me single so the feelings aren't there and the "one" hasn't arrived because there isn't a "one" for me.
But I do want a husband. I am older now and feel like I have nothing to offer. I can't have babies and I'm middle-aged but look younger than I am, but haven't been in a serious relationship in a long time or ever married and a lot of men I meet think this is a red flag. Even though my family does not pressure me and says they just want me to be happy no matter what I decide, I still feel weird at family parties because everyone has a spouse. And among friends--all are married. I'm not afraid to say that I need a man.

I know the feeling. I'm 37 years old, and while I've been in relationships I've not been married, and have no children. I've moved around a bit due to my job though, and so that doesn't help. Unfortunately people do raise an eyebrow at people like us, but like you said, maybe it's His will? Don't feel too bad about it though, and just pray that God's will be done, whatever that may be.

 

[Lybrah]

The problem you are facing is fornication.

You to take Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and repent for your past sin of fornication. The devil has used fornication to prevent you from getting a husband. It is happening to people all over this world. Fornication before marriage causes all sorts of problems in someone life. Stay away from fornication. Read the bible, learn how to pray from a Man or Woman of God. Find a good pastor who is annointed with the Holy Spirit. Then begin to pray for a God Fearing man. There is no problem to great for God. But you must confess your sins and repent for the ones you have done in the past. A good man will locate you, but it is not by your power it is Gods power that will do it.

What makes you think I have fornicated?

 

[Lybrah]

In my late fifties, I joined an online dating site and wrote to women. I called some of the ones who wrote back and most did not write back. I dated a number of the ones I called. I dated a widow almost three months. She wanted to marry. I encouraged her to find a job. She has nursing skills. She had been a stay at home housewife much of her life. She went back to work. She started dating someone else and told me I was ugly. End relationship. I was in communication with a divorce for several months. We went on two dates. We both owned our own places. Her parents were rich. She was obese and I thought her bad habits might make me worse. I am guilty of not having enough affection for her. We split.

I did some research online and found a county in Oregon where only 1% - 2% of marriage licenses issued are for people over 65. Once I was praying to try to find a relationship, not marriage. I got an answer from somewhere, "Don't ask me for another woman." Fortunately I like to read and that makes for less loneliness. I have several groups online. I have some family in the area.

Who told you "Don't ask me for another woman" and was it from God?

 

[dqhall]

Who told you "Don't ask me for another woman" and was it from God?

I thought it might be God, but was not sure. I was not intending fornication, nor doing fornication during my dating in my 50's. I learned a number of women I was communicating with were interested in fornication. I stopped communication. Had thought about sharing a place, but can not get there. Am not poor. A woman wanted marriage. I did not want her to inherit my estate. Why doesn't God join more couples together after the age of 60? It is too late for them to marry and start a family. There were two couples who socialized together. The man's wife died. Later the woman of the other couple lost her husband. The man welcomed the surviving woman into his home. Unmarried couples live together in my 55+ community. We have a community phone book and their names are listed. Most homes are owned by married couples. There are also widows, widowers and never married. Most use these homes as winter residences. They lost spouses and moved back north to be near their children.

Since that time I was praying, a woman whose profile stated she was not religious sent a message to me through the dating site. She was divorced, lived with her daughter and was on disability. There was online chat back and forth. I was nice to her. She wanted me to buy her a swimsuit and then model it for me. I was not interested. End of friendship.

 

[blackribbon]

I thought it might be God, but was not sure. I was not intending fornication, nor doing fornication during my dating in my 50's. I learned a number of women I was communicating with were interested in fornication. I stopped communication. Had thought about sharing a place, but can not get there. Am not poor. A woman wanted marriage. I did not want her to inherit my estate. Why doesn't God join more couples together after the age of 60? It is too late for them to marry and start a family. There were two couples who socialized together. The man's wife died. Later the woman of the other couple lost her husband. The man welcomed the surviving woman into his home. Unmarried couples live together in my 55+ community. We have a community phone book and their names are listed. Most homes are owned by married couples. There are also widows, widowers and never married. Most use these homes as winter residences. They lost spouses and moved back north to be near their children.

Since that time I was praying, a woman whose profile stated she was not religious sent a message to me through the dating site. She was divorced, lived with her daughter and was on disability. There was online chat back and forth. I was nice to her. She wanted me to buy her a swimsuit and then model it for me. I was not interested. End of friendship.

There are plenty of people who want to get married and share their lives after age 60. You don't really seem to want to share your life. You just want a friend to spend some time with. Be up front with this so you only get women who want the same thing and not the women who want to get married and have a married relationship.

I suspect that the "shacked up" 55+ couples likely have kids and that complicates the "married property" issue so they aren't addressing it....or they simply are with "Mr/Ms Good-Enough-for-Right-Now" because they are lonely.

 

[KisKatte]

I only can suggest to promise God you will threat your husband/wife accordingly with your full heart understanding him/her, loving and respectfull and always understanding and so on. God knows what sins you will commit. You have to look at your character if you are "too righteous" christians, are too judging for example or if you have no idea how a marriage day life should look like. I would promise to God some things from all your heart, have an idea how the marriage should look like.

Also important ist everyday prayer, morning and evening, regularly confession.... and you could pray to Saint Nicholas the wondermaker for fourty days for example.....

You should write down a personal prayer to God and pray it from your heart 40 days no matter what comes. Yous should pray for a sign whom you should take then as your husband. No sex before marriage and so on....
For the ones who can't get children anymore promise to God to adopt some children or at least one.... Say you want to build a family. Say it to God clearly. My personal experience ist that if you ask God again and again, no matter his answer, no matter He wants you to stop that, you will gain what you want, but it can look otherwise than you supposed it will look like.

For example I prayed for my man who is my destiny. God showed me my man. It is a monk. We will maybe never marry. But we have a platonic relationship for 10 years now

So I pray for marriage. Time will show.

 

[solid_core]

Looking back, I realize that I discounted some good men. But at the time, I did not have feelings for them. I wanted to have feelings for them, but the feelings weren't there. I even cried one time because this one guy was great but I just couldn't like him. I am not gay--I have had crushes on men, and have never been sexually attracted to a woman. But I wonder if---
I was too picky or scared
or
God wants me single so the feelings aren't there and the "one" hasn't arrived because there isn't a "one" for me.
But I do want a husband. I am older now and feel like I have nothing to offer. I can't have babies and I'm middle-aged but look younger than I am, but haven't been in a serious relationship in a long time or ever married and a lot of men I meet think this is a red flag. Even though my family does not pressure me and says they just want me to be happy no matter what I decide, I still feel weird at family parties because everyone has a spouse. And among friends--all are married. I'm not afraid to say that I need a man.

So, if I got you right:
1) you think that feelings is what determines if a man is the right one
2) you want a man because other women you know have a man

Both is wrong.

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[rturner76]

Don't feel too bad about it though, and just pray that God's will be done, whatever that may be.

@Lybrah

I have had many discussions about this exact topic. I am pretty cynical but what I have noticed. Remember what I notice so it's just my limited view based on my experience.

When women are young they want excitement. That's why so many like "bad boys." A guy must blow them away with a rush of emotion and or, show them interesting things and experiences that they have never seen/done before.

If a man can't do that, they are considered "boring" "too nice" or "better as a friend." I remember hearing first and hearing from my friends about young girls saying things like "I value your friendship too much to date you, I don't want to ruin it." I'm sure most times they are just letting us down as nicely as possible but I have seen them drop a stable, thoughtful guy for an exiting one who ends up using or abusing them.

After being used and dropping guys for being "too nice" the 30's kick in and they start being more thoughtful about who they date. Then they go too far and need a man with X credentials, income, living arrangements, and future prospects. That is great, long term thinking, however, good guys get passed up because their career hasn't fully developed yet. Even if they take care of business, he may not be in the financial place or living arrangement situation (like he might have roommates etc).

Not only that, the woman and the man at that age have developed emotional baggage from bad experiences in their twenties so we aren't going for any nonsense this time. People have annoying habits they can't break and have opinions that make you sick so it gets easy to cut and start again.

I don't know about the 40's yet, I'm still in the first half of the decade but I see women my age much more relaxed and accepting of people and their quirks. Things seem to have flipped around where instead of not dating to preserve the friendship becomes "Friends first"

My observation but I have no idea what I am talking about because I'm not married or in a relationship so what is my opinion worth? All said, I think it's best to marry young because you can grow together, go through life phases at the same rate and all the statistics say that young marriages hold together more often and the higher the number of sexual partners a woman has, the more likely she has or will have depression.

This should have been a blog instead of a post but good luck! I have noticed that I get the most feedback from women when I have no interest in dating. Do fun things for yourself and as soon as you are happy alone, someone pops up and ruins it by loving the real you and being a great person.

 

[christianjenny]

Same thing here. I am not even lucky.

 

[ArmenianJohn]

So, if I got you right:
1) you think that feelings is what determines if a man is the right one
2) you want a man because other women you know have a man

Both is wrong.

Feelings are a huge part of determining if a partner is right or wrong, you shouldn't discount them so wantonly. Your second point is an assumption and probably a wrong one, it's also kind of insulting.

"Both is wrong" is wrong. Should be "Both ARE wrong." Glass houses...

 

[bèlla]

I think it’s important that the desire for companionship is balanced with the other things we’re seeking so it doesn’t become our primary focus or a source of despair.

It is easy to look back and say we could have behaved differently. Hindsight provides information we lack when we’re in a situation. And if you neglected to pursue an opportunity that decision was equally felt in some measure by the other.

If your prospect felt otherwise, they would invest time and energy into swaying your mind. Minor issues aren’t a stumbling block if he’s certain you’re it.

While fear can play a part in our reluctance to commit. That won’t impede you if he sees you’re genuine but scared. Kindhearted men will make an effort to relieve your uncertainty and work through your fears too.

Sometimes this happens directly through discussions and reassurance. In other instances, he behaves subtly. Drawing you near and paying attention to your reactions throughout. Listening is commonplace in both scenarios.

With that in mind, openness is important as is a willingness to try and trust. Some evoke feelings of comfort and settledness and others do not.

I don’t believe we should force ourselves to relate with the opposite sex romantically if something impedes our response internally. If he can’t bridge the gap there’s a reason. You may not know it then. But when you meet your companion the truth will be evident.

Some things are revealed when we’re in the presence of another who ignites a spark and enables us to see ourselves differently without the blinders we usually wear. There are aspects of my behavior I couldn’t understand until I rekindled a connection with a former suitor.

He was a mirror of sorts and that cut through the haze. I had little interest in marriage. My thoughts were elsewhere. But through our interactions I began to unwind and relax. I felt a growing stillness and ease that was noticeably absent with others.

I was right at home. And the difference was shocking. He makes intentional comments and lets me chew on them. They’ve allowed me to settle and his steadiness is reassuring. The reactance I felt with others wasn’t present. Nor were the pressures, expectations or tugging I was pushing against. He was serving me instead.

He allowed me to rest and drew me near with gentleness and patience. That’s what I needed and he knew it.

Don’t dismay. It’s not too late. You aren’t too old. And there’s nothing wrong with being inexperienced or having lengthy periods of singleness.

The man who desires you won’t mind that. His focus is on building something today. Not dwelling on the past and things you haven’t done.

In the meantime, focus on cultivating a gentle and pleasing spirit. Exercise your prayer muscles and read edifying books that broaden your horizons on marital issues. I covered many on the challenges couples face to learn how they resolved them. They were very insightful.

~Bella

 

[Lybrah]

@Lybrah

I have had many discussions about this exact topic. I am pretty cynical but what I have noticed. Remember what I notice so it's just my limited view based on my experience.

When women are young they want excitement. That's why so many like "bad boys." A guy must blow them away with a rush of emotion and or, show them interesting things and experiences that they have never seen/done before.

If a man can't do that, they are considered "boring" "too nice" or "better as a friend." I remember hearing first and hearing from my friends about young girls saying things like "I value your friendship too much to date you, I don't want to ruin it." I'm sure most times they are just letting us down as nicely as possible but I have seen them drop a stable, thoughtful guy for an exiting one who ends up using or abusing them.

After being used and dropping guys for being "too nice" the 30's kick in and they start being more thoughtful about who they date. Then they go too far and need a man with X credentials, income, living arrangements, and future prospects. That is great, long term thinking, however, good guys get passed up because their career hasn't fully developed yet. Even if they take care of business, he may not be in the financial place or living arrangement situation (like he might have roommates etc).

Not only that, the woman and the man at that age have developed emotional baggage from bad experiences in their twenties so we aren't going for any nonsense this time. People have annoying habits they can't break and have opinions that make you sick so it gets easy to cut and start again.

I don't know about the 40's yet, I'm still in the first half of the decade but I see women my age much more relaxed and accepting of people and their quirks. Things seem to have flipped around where instead of not dating to preserve the friendship becomes "Friends first"

My observation but I have no idea what I am talking about because I'm not married or in a relationship so what is my opinion worth? All said, I think it's best to marry young because you can grow together, go through life phases at the same rate and all the statistics say that young marriages hold together more often and the higher the number of sexual partners a woman has, the more likely she has or will have depression.

This should have been a blog instead of a post but good luck! I have noticed that I get the most feedback from women when I have no interest in dating. Do fun things for yourself and as soon as you are happy alone, someone pops up and ruins it by loving the real you and being a great person.

My problem is that I never really had guy friends. The ones I hung out with wanted something and the others avoided me because they didn’t want me to like them and they assumed I did when I didn’t. As a Christian, I don’t want to have sex unless I’m married. So I don’t have a list of partners. Some men think something is wrong for me never having been in a very serious relationship before. I feel like, why bother getting married now? I’m too old to have kids. I missed out having a family.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Looking back, I realize that I discounted some good men. But at the time, I did not have feelings for them. I wanted to have feelings for them, but the feelings weren't there. I even cried one time because this one guy was great but I just couldn't like him. I am not gay--I have had crushes on men, and have never been sexually attracted to a woman. But I wonder if---
I was too picky or scared
or
God wants me single so the feelings aren't there and the "one" hasn't arrived because there isn't a "one" for me.
But I do want a husband. I am older now and feel like I have nothing to offer. I can't have babies and I'm middle-aged but look younger than I am, but haven't been in a serious relationship in a long time or ever married and a lot of men I meet think this is a red flag. Even though my family does not pressure me and says they just want me to be happy no matter what I decide, I still feel weird at family parties because everyone has a spouse. And among friends--all are married. I'm not afraid to say that I need a man.

Honestly, if it's not causing you any issues then don't worry about it.

I was married when I was young and then divorced (really really abusive marriage)...

I found the man of dreams when I was in my 40's... he was a widow, and I divorced, but there aren't two people on earth more perfect for one another than he and I...

Love doesn't always happen when your young, and just because your older doesn't mean your out yet. You may not have children, but if you were so inclined you could always foster (such a great need for that!) Or even adopt an older child if you find fostering fulfilling...

Don't worry too much.

 

[shortangel]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience I feel the same way I'm in my 40's & I don't even know if i'll ever marry or find somebody that likes me for who I am plus I'm disabled so it's been hard

 

[BryanJohnMaloney]

Looking back, I realize that I discounted some good men. But at the time, I did not have feelings for them. I wanted to have feelings for them, but the feelings weren't there. I even cried one time because this one guy was great but I just couldn't like him. I am not gay--I have had crushes on men, and have never been sexually attracted to a woman. But I wonder if---
I was too picky or scared
or
God wants me single so the feelings aren't there and the "one" hasn't arrived because there isn't a "one" for me.
But I do want a husband. I am older now and feel like I have nothing to offer. I can't have babies and I'm middle-aged but look younger than I am, but haven't been in a serious relationship in a long time or ever married and a lot of men I meet think this is a red flag. Even though my family does not pressure me and says they just want me to be happy no matter what I decide, I still feel weird at family parties because everyone has a spouse. And among friends--all are married. I'm not afraid to say that I need a man.

God doesn't choose people for you. God gives you opportunities, but it is your responsibility to take them.