What Do I Do If She Wins?

[Tropical Wilds]

A second job would keep me from seeing the kids, plus that means that she will just take me back again for more child support based on more income. One whole job would be for me to pay her, plus part of the second job. Not much motivation there.

Uh... When my son was born, I worked full time, 40 hours a week and came up short on bills so I took a second job delivering newspapers 7 days a week, 2am to 5am. My newborn was in the back seat of my car, surrounded by stacks of papers. I didn’t see a dime of that paycheck... It went to his expensive prescription formula. Every cent of it ($225 a week, minus $125 to pay for gas). The day he stopped needing the formula was the day I quit.

Taking an extra job where most (or all) of it goes to pay the bills is part of parenting.

There are no promotions in my company as an EMT. I make what EMTs make in this state and actually make a little more than the average based on what I have seen talking to other EMTs.

Then that looks like a space for potential growth!

I guess I could live with my girlfriend, but that will e frowned upon by Christians and would be considered sin.

Or a roommate, a coworker, a family member...

A financial advisor will want money, money that I won't have.

Law requires all FDIC insured banks provide free financial planning services to their customers... In the unlikely event you don’t have a bank, workplaces and the state pair you with resources (usually people completing degrees in a state-funded college and/or some similar program).

 

[Isilwen]

If I could stop worrying, I would just stop worrying, but I cannot. I don't want to worry about it, but I cannot stop. It's affecting my health. So, don't you think I would want to stop?

I cannot stop worrying.

 

[RaymondG]

You do realize that $563 a month is only $6756 a year, right? That isn't even 10k a year.

Raymond, use your God given common sense, please.

I was using common sense. Even as a child worker with no education and no family, I made more than 10k a year. I could not imagine surviving on that with a family. I cant.

But you have proven me wrong. you have been blessed to be able to survive on what I thought not possible to survive on.

Yet you have won me over. You are no longer my inspiration....I will find another to look up to. I choose to, like you, find only the negatives in your situation going forward.

Thanks for the few minutes of inspiration you allowed me to see before this post.

Good luck to you, I can see now, that you will need it.

 

[All4Christ]

Ultimately the children should be cared for. If you have kids, then they become priority. I don’t envy you your situation and I can’t pretend to have the same experience. I do know that my brother in law and sister married had to work jobs each just to keep enough money for one child, as the job market turned them down from higher paying jobs, despite university degrees. Ultimately, it was for their daughter that they did that. It wasn’t easy though.

 

[Isilwen]

Uh... When my son was born, I worked full time, 40 hours a week and came up short on bills so I took a second job delivering newspapers 7 days a week, 2am to 5am. My newborn was in the back seat of my car, surrounded by stacks of papers. I didn’t see a dime of that paycheck... It went to his expensive prescription formula. Every cent of it ($225 a week, minus $125 to pay for gas). The day he stopped needing the formula was the day I quit.

There is a difference. You lived with them. I see them two days a week. You got seven days a week. They deserve more of my time then two hours every other weekend if she gets her way and I do as you say.

Taking an extra job where most (or all) of it goes to pay the bills is part of parenting.

Sure, if they were living with me, then yes, I see your point.

Then that looks like a space for potential growth!

What growth?

I work thirteen hour days. I cannot go to a trade school as they are five days a week. Nothing I can take online that I am able to do would forgo practicals.

Or a roommate, a coworker, a family member...

Nope, did the roommate thing before. Won't do it again. I have no other family then my mom and step-dad and I will not live with them. They have enough of their own problems. My co-workers would never allow me to stay with them. They have their own families.

I appreciate what you're saying, but what you're saying is not for everyone.

 

[Isilwen]

I was using common sense. Even as a child worker with no education and no family, I made more than 10k a year. I could not imagine surviving on that with a family. I cant.

But you have proven me wrong. you have been blessed to be able to survive on what I thought not possible to survive on.

Yet you have won me over. You are no longer my inspiration....I will find another to look up to. I choose to, like you, find only the negatives in your situation going forward.

Thanks for the few minutes of inspiration you allowed me to see before this post.

Good luck to you, I can see now, that you will need it.

Sorry to have disappointed you!

 

[Tropical Wilds]

No, I see what the calculator shows and that is what I should be paying. I also said, $78 more a month. So, that would be $178 a month, not $78 a month, according to the calculator.

This is where a lawyer would come in handy... The calculator provides only one branch of the overall metric that goes in to calculating support. Otherwise, people would simply quit their jobs or under-employ themselves to pay little-to-no support.

Clearly you must see $78 a month is not enough for 2+ children.

I am not trying to shirk what I am already paying. That has never been an option for me, but I cannot allow her to take $400 from me. That means she would get $1700 a month net and me $536 a month net. That's fair? Child support is supposed to make both households equal, not make one destitute which is what would happen to me if I lose.

Child support is supposed to maintain the quality of living of children post-divorce. She is not taking your money, the money is being used to offset the cost she incurs by having the kids what sounds like 5 days a week (or 23-24 days a month).

Do you, in your heart of hearts, really feel that $78 a month is enough to sustain your kids? Like you could comfortably face your kids, say “here’s $78, that should cover your food, clothes, utilities, and housing until next month?”

How many kids and what are their ages?

 

[Isilwen]

Ultimately the children should be cared for. If you have kids, then they become priority. I don’t envy you your situation and I can’t pretend to have the same experience. I do know that my brother in law and sister married had to work jobs each just to keep enough money for one child, as the job market turned them down from higher paying jobs, despite university degrees. Ultimately, it was for their daughter that they did that. It wasn’t easy though.

They are being cared for as it is. They have clothes on their back, food in their stomachs, two places to call home.

If she were struggling that much, she wouldn't be going to expensive steakhouses and getting $25 a pound crab boils.

 

[Isilwen]

This is where a lawyer would come in handy... The calculator provides only one branch of the overall metric that goes in to calculating support. Otherwise, people would simply quit their jobs or under-employ themselves to pay little-to-no support.

Clearly you must see $78 a month is not enough for 2+ children.



Child support is supposed to maintain the quality of living of children post-divorce. She is not taking your money, the money is being used to offset the cost she incurs by having the kids what sounds like 5 days a week (or 23-24 days a month).

Do you, in your heart of hearts, really feel that $78 a month is enough to sustain your kids? Like you could comfortably face your kids, say “here’s $78, that should cover your food, clothes, utilities, and housing until next month?”

How many kids and what are their ages?

If you aren't even going to quote the correct numbers, than I am done.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

There is a difference. You lived with them. I see them two days a week. You got seven days a week. They deserve more of my time then two hours every other weekend if she gets her way and I do as you say.

I saw my kids as much as one could for having a 40+ hour a week job and a night job. Was it as much as they or I wanted? No, but it was a phase. It passed. Ultimately what our family gained in stability and solidarity was worth the sacrifice.

What growth?

I work thirteen hour days. I cannot go to a trade school as they are five days a week. Nothing I can take online that I am able to do would forgo practicals.

13 hour days, 38 hours a week, that means you work 3 on, 4 off... I bet during your 3-4 days off there would be a workable solution somewhere in there.

Nope, did the roommate thing before. Won't do it again. I have no other family then my mom and step-dad and I will not live with them. They have enough of their own problems. My co-workers would never allow me to stay with them. They have their own families.

I appreciate what you're saying, but what you're saying is not for everyone.

Then I kind of see the point the other poster is making... Nobody likes roommates. Nobody likes living their parents. But sometimes, you just have to do it for the sake of what the kids need. I love my big, beautiful house, but if my husband died tomorrow, I’d have to sell it and move in with family. It’s better to do that then flounder in debt and struggle to provide the basics.

 

[RaymondG]

Now Im starting to worry......what is I never find another to inspire me???????????!

 

[Isilwen]

13 hour days, 38 hours a week, that means you work 3 on, 4 off... I bet during your 3-4 days off there would be a workable solution somewhere in there.

Two of those four days are on the weekend. There are no trade schools on the weekend.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

If you aren't even going to quote the correct numbers, than I am done.

Which number is incorrect?

You said $78 is all you were required to pay per month.
You pay $100.
You said you have them weekends, she has them week days.
That means you have them 7-9 days a month, on average.

 

[Isilwen]

Which number is incorrect?

You said $78 is all you were required to pay per month.
You pay $100.
You said you have them weekends, she has them week days.
That means you have them 7-9 days a month, on average.

What I said is that the calculator shows that I owe at most $78 more, so that means $178 a month total. This is now.

It was $68 a month when we divorced, and the judge ran the number himself and agreed with it. I offered $100 month. That is where the $100 came in. That was then.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Two of those four days are on the weekend. There are no trade schools on the weekend.

Online classes are self-paced. And when I went to school, they had Sat and Sun classes.

That said, I don’t think school is a good fit (unless your work pays). The debt vs payout makes it an unsuitable use of time.

With a set schedule, Friday-Monday off, you could pick up 8 hours on Monday and Friday. 16 hours additional income a week could be a nice boost. Steady availability gets you far in retail and service work.

 

[RaymondG]

What I said is that the calculator shows that I owe at most $78 more, so that means $178 a month total. This is now.

It was $68 a month when we divorced, and the judge ran the number himself and agreed with it. I offered $100 month. That is where the $100 came in. That was then.

How old are your children now? Close to 21, by any chance?

 

[Tropical Wilds]

What I said is that the calculator shows that I owe at most $78 more, so that means $178 a month total. This is now.

It was $68 a month when we divorced, and the judge ran the number himself and agreed with it. I offered $100 month. That is where the $100 came in. That was then.

How many kids and ages?

 

[Isilwen]

With a set schedule, Friday-Monday off, you could pick up 8 hours on Monday and Friday. 16 hours additional income a week could be a nice boost. Steady availability gets you far in retail and service work.

They will use that income to get more money. So, where am I gaining anything?

 

[Isilwen]

How old are your children now? Close to 21, by any chance?

How many kids and ages?

Two, ages seven and four.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

They will use that income to get more money. So, where am I gaining anything?

You are gaining the means to support your children...