What Do I Do If She Wins?

[Tropical Wilds]

Two, ages seven and four.

In another post you said you have 7.

 

[All4Christ]

They will use that income to get more money. So, where am I gaining anything?

It’s not for your gain. It’d be to help your children. Perhaps if you give additional money by working more, you could ask them to ensure she is using money for the right purpose? As a compromise? She shouldn’t use child support for her own gain. I agree with that. The support should be for the children, not for those taking care of the children or providing for them. The children also become victims of this.

How hard would it be to hear that their parents are fighting about how much to support them financially and / or how much is wasted on other things rather than supporting their well being?

 

[Isilwen]

You are gaining the means to support your children...

You really think that will gain the means to support my children?

As I told Raymond, use your common sense.

She makes more than I do by a couple hundred dollars. She lives in income restricted housing. She has medicare and medicaid and pays nothing for health care. She has a live in boyfriend who rents his house to the tune of $700 a room x three rooms, so $2100 a month and he is on disability.

Tell me, where is she honestly struggling? She goes to expensive steakhouses and gets $25 a pound crab boils. She's struggling alright.

 

[Isilwen]

In another post you said you have 7.

Yes, five in Upstate NY. Their mom didn't want child support because she knows that if she needs it, I will get it for them. She was forced by the state since they were on Medicaid. She took the minimum that they would allow. They are the other children on my insurance.

 

[Isilwen]

It’s not for your gain. It’d be to help your children.

No one seems to understand that she is better off financially than I am.

 

[Isilwen]

I am going to have this thread closed because all it's doing is causing me to have tachycardia and raise my blood pressure.

I should have known better.

 

[All4Christ]

.... removing based on request from OP.
Prayers for the whole situation.

 

[RaymondG]

I am going to have this thread closed because all it's doing is causing me to have tachycardia and raise my blood pressure.

I should have known better.

What is it that you desired to hear? What would have been a good response, in your view?

 

[RaymondG]

She shouldn’t use child support for her own gain. I agree with that. The support should be for the children, not for those taking care of the children or providing for them. The children also become victims of this.

There is no way for the mother to not benefit from the child support. If it is used to put a roof over their head and you are under the same roof....guess what? you are benefiting. If it is used to buy the children dinner and you eat the same dinner......you are benefiting.

It is never going to seem fair. and, unfortunately, the only way to stop this, is to not get into this situation in the first place.

 

[All4Christ]

There is no way for the mother to not benefit from the child support. If it is used to put a roof over their head and you are under the same roof....guess what? you are benefiting. If it is used to buy the children dinner and you eat the same dinner......you are benefiting.

It is never going to seem fair. and, unfortunately, the only way to stop this, is to not get into this situation in the first place.

True. Excessive use for her own benefit can be avoided though. I’m thankful to not be in the situation and never want to be in it. Focus on the children can be done from both sides.

The children often become seriously affected by it as well. At least - that’s what I’ve heard from people who experienced it as children.

 

[Hazelelponi]

If I could stop worrying, I would just stop worrying, but I cannot. I don't want to worry about it, but I cannot stop. It's affecting my health. So, don't you think I would want to stop?

I cannot stop worrying.

What your going through I think is typical for men who are divorced.

From what I can see from the calculator they can take a little more money from you monthly, but not much more...

I know it's a stress on you considering what she's asking for, but just because she's asking for it doesn't mean the court will grant her request.

For instance, her asking the insurance be dropped so Medicaid would pay for everything is a ridiculous ask in and of itself. If her income allows for Medicaid it will cover her out of pocket expenses above what the insurance your carrying covers, but the state isn't going to allow her to choose no medical insurance when insurance can be had... in short, the state isn't going to pay more for your children than they have to, just because your ex wants more cash in her pocket.

Some women find themselves in trouble when they take their ex husband back to court, especially when what they are asking is unreasonable, as would dropping your kids from health insurance be seen.

However, since it does appear that you are currently paying somewhat less than what your income would dictate, you may lose the bid and have to reimburse her attorney for fees incurred.

I think (my armchair opinion) that it won't be as bad as you fear, but it may not go 100% in your favor either, but rather, will be somewhere in the middle.

While difficult, do try and place your trust in God, and pray for peace of mind any way...

 

[St. Helens]

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Closed at Request of OP
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