Can we date divorcees?

[Sketcher]

I can't do it or advise it in good conscience. I do not want to become an adulterer (Matthew 5:32, 19:9). I also do not want to get involved in any relationship now that I may feel the need to repent of later - I cannot reconcile apologizing to God and staying in that relationship which I am apologizing for. Better to avoid that by not getting involved in the first place.

 

[Blade]

So.. "divorce" is the "sin" God remembers? If we confess our sins.. He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleans us from all unrighteousness. Kind of clueless why some are jumping to "adultery". Is that what you think when you meet someone that is divorced? Are there not reasons why we can divorce? Should not we think the best 1st?

Its between the two people and the lord period.

 

[Toro]

I am middle-aged and I know what the bible says about divorce. However, at my age, most of the dating pool is full of divorced men. Aren't I limiting myself by not wanting to date divorcees?

The real qiestion is... aren't you limiting God by assuming He cant find you a single man that doesnt violate your conscience?

That isnt to say that all divorced people are undateable or to be treated as social lepers....However, it is not for all people to date those that have already been married.

If it is on your conscience to the point you make this thread in search of those to justify it to you, tells me dating a divorced man is probably not for you..... AGAIN not because divorced people are undateable, but there is clearly something in you that has an issue with it. That is why I advise against it, because we are instructed to keep our conscience clear, not to violate our conscience by justification.

That is why I ask, do you believe that in all the hay stacks, God cant lead you to the needle and the one that is right for you that has not been married?

Im not saying its easy, Im not judging. I simply advise that you keep your eyes on the Lord and less on the world around you and the endless sea of divorcees.

That said, I dont believe that all divorce is equal... but as you have shown to have something inside you tugging at you over the issue, I do not want to cause you to stumble by justifying something that may not be for you.

I DO know that what God has for you is better than you have planned for you, but sometimes in order to receive that which he has for us, means letting go of that which we plan for ourselves and trusting His timing to give us what is best for us.

Not dating divorcees may reduce the quantity of your dates, but IF dating divorcees IS in violation of your conscience... all you will be missing out on in that quantity is heartache and wasted time, trying to make it happen. How can you be free to recieve what God has, if you cling and focus to what is in front of you now?

"Can" and "should" can have very different answers.

 

[KellyAB]

Yes you can

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[Dave-W]

People are dating when they have sex outside of marriage, right?

No - not right at all.

In that case Scripture certainly includes some words about dating: the risk of doing it wrong.

Dating is going out somewhere together for companionship [dinner, movie, concert, etc.] and to get to know one another.

Of course people can come back from a date and have sex; or can have sex without going on a date. The 2 things are different and separate.

 

[JacksBratt]

I am middle-aged and I know what the bible says about divorce. However, at my age, most of the dating pool is full of divorced men. Aren't I limiting myself by not wanting to date divorcees?

Yes.

 

[dqhall]

I am middle-aged and I know what the bible says about divorce. However, at my age, most of the dating pool is full of divorced men. Aren't I limiting myself by not wanting to date divorcees?

I went to online dating and met divorced women. We shared useful information. I paid for meals in restaurants, went on picnics and went to the beach. We had no sexual relations. A number of women confessed sex addictions. I stopped contacting them. People over 50 are less likely to marry or remarry.

 

[Acts2:38]

I am middle-aged and I know what the bible says about divorce. However, at my age, most of the dating pool is full of divorced men. Aren't I limiting myself by not wanting to date divorcees?

Quite simply, yes, you are limiting yourself. I'm sure you already knew this though.

Quite commonly people divorce unscripturally though. Scripture states that only due to fornication of person A can person B divorce. There are no other excuses to divorce other than fornication.
Matthew 19
"9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

So with that said, I would find out the reasons of divorce, if possible. Though, it is also possible one can be lied to when confronted with the "why" questions. If it was something ridiculous like "oh we just didnt get along", well, that is not scriptural. If it was, "Oh she cheated on me with another", then scripturally it would be okay to pursue that person. However, I myself would want to be 100% sure what they say is true without beating them over the head or holding them in on a harsh trial.

All in all, because most do seem to be unscriptural divorces, it might be safe to continue limiting yourself for good reason unless you are absolutely sure of the reason for divorce.

 

[Lybrah]

Wouldn't I be committing adultery too, though?

 

[Aleph.beth]

As one who is divorced and remarried and now married to one who is divorced I find myself in a strange situation in this one.

In the church I currently attend this is no issue for them (nor is it for me).
However, I am aware of Jesus' words on this.

So it is by grace that I am in the church - just as everyone else

 

[Aldebaran]

So.. "divorce" is the "sin" God remembers? If we confess our sins.. He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleans us from all unrighteousness. Kind of clueless why some are jumping to "adultery". Is that what you think when you meet someone that is divorced? Are there not reasons why we can divorce? Should not we think the best 1st?

Its between the two people and the lord period.

And Jesus made it quite clear about how he felt about it. It's up to those 2 people to decide whether to go ahead with it or not.

 

[bèlla]

I think you should honor your convictions. Waiting often leads people towards hasty decisions or shortcuts they regret later on. Failed marriages don’t mean the next is better. Statistically that isn’t the case.

 

[Carl Emerson]

Quite simply, yes, you are limiting yourself. I'm sure you already knew this though.

Quite commonly people divorce unscripturally though. Scripture states that only due to fornication of person A can person B divorce. There are no other excuses to divorce other than fornication.
Matthew 19
"9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

So with that said, I would find out the reasons of divorce, if possible. Though, it is also possible one can be lied to when confronted with the "why" questions. If it was something ridiculous like "oh we just didnt get along", well, that is not scriptural. If it was, "Oh she cheated on me with another", then scripturally it would be okay to pursue that person. However, I myself would want to be 100% sure what they say is true without beating them over the head or holding them in on a harsh trial.

All in all, because most do seem to be unscriptural divorces, it might be safe to continue limiting yourself for good reason unless you are absolutely sure of the reason for divorce.

This verse speaks about when a husband divorces his wife.
But when the unfaithful wife divorces the husband, this does not leave him bound to the marriage.

 

[Brightmoon]

I’m probably the wrong person to ask since I would never tell someone to stay married with another who makes you miserable . Then you’ll pretend that you’re stuck with that person for the rest of your life. If you meet a better person down the road . Go for it! I told my mom that after she left my toxic father and was glad she found someone she liked.

 

[NativeAmes]

God does not acknowledge divorce laws in the New Covenant any more than he does abortion or SSM. People are married for life whether divorced or not. And all remarriage is adultery.

I thought i read in bible that one may get a divorce if there is adultery involved and they may marry again in this scenario. Outside of adultery you should not divorce for any reason. I would have to go back and check again but swore i read that in there. Forgive me if im wrong and correct me, in the meantime i'll go look again

 

[Carl Emerson]

I am middle-aged and I know what the bible says about divorce. However, at my age, most of the dating pool is full of divorced men. Aren't I limiting myself by not wanting to date divorcees?

You might like to read this thread as this was the first topic I raised when I joined CF and there is some good input.

Re-Marriage... Comments deeply appreciated.

 

[salt-n-light]

I am middle-aged and I know what the bible says about divorce. However, at my age, most of the dating pool is full of divorced men. Aren't I limiting myself by not wanting to date divorcees?

More of that your holding a standard.

I'm very sure that as much divorcees that you find, there are probably alot of widowers as well as those who haven't pursued a marriage yet. In the end you have to see where the guy heart lies. Was it a situation that called for it? If it didn't is he repenting of that? If its no to both, do not pursue. Its a call for wisdom more so than of a sin. The sin wouldn't be dating a divorcee, the sin would be willingly yoking yourself to someone who isn't for God from his actions or values, and to pursue such wouldn't be wise.

But also consider if you are ok with that background, if he did divorce of good reason and/or is repentive of that, would you be ok with that? And why are you or are you not okay with it? If you're truly not then don't force yourself into it, but its still good to self-reflect if its a fair call to make.

 

[Carl Emerson]

I had to wrestle with this issue of course, being a serious believer and wanting to get it right.

Because the theological debate comes thick and fast I decided to contact a man who has dedicated his life to this issue - being a Prof. of NT studies he has written two papers on this issue which I highly recommend.

We all have our positions but some are called out to spend years on one area of theological contention. Prof. Bill Heth is one.

PM me if you want a copy...

I have dug out the links to these two papers by Prof Bill Heth on this topic

Dropbox - ^heth-z3views-final-edited1'05 copy.pdf - Simplify your life

Dropbox - heth_divorce_two_reasons.pdf - Simplify your life

For the serious scholar or enquirer these are a valuable read.

 

[ChicanaRose]

Wouldn't I be committing adultery too, though?

You ultimately have two choices. To not date a divorced man at all; or to date him and overcome your guilt and worries about it.

It would not be healthy for the relationship if you are always going to feel guilty and worried. So if you don't have peace about it, don't proceed.