What is adultery in a biblical context?

  • Strictly sexual intercourse only

  • Any form of physical touch that you'd only otherwise do with your spouse

  • Flirtation in person

  • Sexting/exchanging images of a sexual nature

  • Online flirtation

  • All of the above


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Dave-W

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So if she is being honest with me about nothing happening between her and the other man, and I know that I have physically been faithful to her from the very day we started dating, neither of us realistically has grounds?
Did either of you abandon the relationship? According to 1 Cor 7 that is also grounds.

12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
 
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wagonwheel69

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I feel this is a very important issue and needs to be very clear, adultery is having sexual relations with another outside of your marriage. It is NOT online flirting, sexting, even intimate caressing. All of which are devastating but it needs to be clear that adultery is different than these things. The reason most people discus this is because of marital difficulties and they're looking for that magic out after swearing a covenant for life. In both the Hebrew and Greek, adultery is specific to adultery, there are many other words used for general sexual immorality. A good example is Mat 15, Jesus says: For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. The bible here as in other places differentiates adultery from other sexual immorality.

Sexting, sending nude picture and so on: sexual immorality. Sex outside of your marriage: adultery. Both wrong but needs to be differentiated. There is no biblical rational for divorce over sexting as much as we may or may not like. You could certainly argue sexting another person is infidelity, even cheating but it's not adultery, as much as we may feel like it is, it does need to be clear.
 
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wagonwheel69

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I will add that my personal belief is that marriage is a lifelong covenant with only 3 ways out of it, Death, for one spouse should the other commit adultery or for one spouse should the other decide to leave(1 Cor 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.) If everything you state is the truth, your wife will be in sin whereas I believe if she's ending it and she's committed adultery you are biblically clear if that's your goal. But it needs to be said even in this that divorce is a battle victory for the deceiver and reconciliation could bring glory to God, so search your heart! If it were me - just me, I would very intentionally and humbly confess to her that what you did, while not adultery was indeed betrayal and sin and ask for forgiveness, this will be even more important in years to come if you do divorce. Going forward all you can do is focus on what you need to do in order to be the man you need to be, put it in God's hands and find peace. Use this time to better your walk, grow in the Lord and trust!
 
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Dave-W

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Would it be God's will to see the marriage ended?
Since Malachi says that God hates divorce, I don't see it as EVER being God's will. He wants everyone to repent and act right.

But when we have hard hearts and become intransigent, He allows it to protect the innocent.
 
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DZoolander

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Those who have read through my other thread will likely know why I'm posting this.

I want answers, for both myself and my separated wife.

I am not looking to justify my actions, nor shift any blame from myself over to her. I am just wrangling a lot with this issue lately, and it is eating me up on the inside.

Earlier this year, following an argument my wife and I had, I was asked to leave the house and did so. While I was gone, she accessed my emails and social media accounts, and found conversations that I had had with friends and professional associates. Admittedly, some of these conversations were more than just friendly, yet never intimate nor sexual. There was one individual in particular who sent on an unsolicited naked photo of herself, but I never sent one of myself, nor request anything of the sort from anyone. I know that this doesn't make me innocent. I have never professed to be. I have done wrong and I have hurt my wife.

Right off the bat, she has accused me of having multiple sexual affairs with multiple women (in her words, probably even more than the number of women I had had conversations with - regardless of the professional nature of the conversation).

The simple truth of the matter is that I have never so much as touched another woman since her and I have been dating, and especially not since we have been engaged or married. In spite of my wrongdoing, I have always known the importance of faithfulness.

Initially, she cited this view as her reason for wanting a divorce from me. Even when I thought she started to believe that nothing happened between me and the other women, she then cited Matthew 5:28 saying that I had lust in my heart and had already committed adultery against her, so she felt she was still fully justified in her decision to divorce me. When I tried to respond to her on that, I was called a bible puncher and told that I was being condescending.

All of this has happened when she herself has been unfaithful to me (at least one occasion during our marriage, and at least one occasion while we were still dating), but she fails to see the actual physical wrong she has done to me, and instead blames me for anything ever happening between herself and the most recent guy. We went through a stage of wanting to add another person into the mix, but thankfully always stopped short. She said it was my fault because I had allowed for it to happen, when I certainly did not. If she hadn't admitted it to me, I never would have found it about it. It crushed me to know that she was with another man, in our house, probably in our marriage bed, all while our son was at home with them while I was at work. Even typing that out makes me feel sick.

Now, I really want to know where I stand here. I forgive her for what she has done. I forgave her the moment she told me. But she is now holding the things she THINKS I have done against me, and now even says that the reasons she wants a divorce from me have nothing to do with my supposed unfaithfulness.

I am not looking for a reason to divorce her, because I do not. Nor am I looking to have my own behavior justified. I just want to know where I stand with wanting to have my marriage restored and my family back together.

I am so lost!

Please feel free to comment and vote, or just add some advice or anything you think might help.

Also, while I respect everyone's religious views, please don't recommend things that would fall outside of what a God-fearing Christian might consider doing.


Good lord - what the heck is going on inside of your house?

I mean, here you are asking for the biblical definition of adultery...apparently with you and your wife going back and forth about it as if it really matters to either of you.

Why do I say "as if it really matters to you"? Because if it really did, I doubt we'd have a scenario where she's finding naked pics of your coworkers in your text and/or emails. I doubt we'd be hearing about how you were toying with the idea of 3-somes and bringing others into your bed. I doubt we'd be hearing about how she was banging around with other dudes in your house with your child (how old?) there.

From my point of view - none of that stuff would be going on if either of you REALLY cared about adultery.

I'm nearly 50 - and I'm no prude. I don't avoid women. I don't send them away. And ya know - I've never once in my life got a random nude from someone I know. I've never opened my email and found that Barbara over in accounting sent me a topless pic of herself. It's generally my experience that people just don't do that stuff unless you're welcoming it. So you've apparently got some stuff going on.

Then the fact that you're talking to your wife about adding more people into the mix. What's up with that?

Then your wife and what she's done.

All put together - it strikes me as kind of funny that now you're all fretting about "Who's crossed the line? What constitutes adultery from a biblical perspective so we can bludgeon the other over the head with it?"

Sounds like you both need to move away from that topic and start working on creating some healthy boundaries with other people if you're wanting to stay "married"
 
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DZoolander

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Hanging out with a lady doing a little hankie spankie.

Or doing what Clinton did.

Wife's don't count.

M-Bob

M-Bob

What about banging aging inappropriate content stars within days of the birth of your fourth child from your third wife? lol
 
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Mountainmanbob

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What about banging aging inappropriate content stars within days of the birth of your fourth child from your third wife? lol

What are your thoughts on that?
Have you never been guilty?

Seems like Trump is definitely not the 1st president to do a little hanky spanky.

Believers understand.
We voted for a president.
We did not vote for a pastor.
M-Bob
 
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DZoolander

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What are your thoughts on that?
Have you never been guilty?

Seems like Trump is definitely not the 1st president to do a little hanky spanky.

Believers understand.
We voted for a president.
We did not vote for a pastor.
M-Bob

Guilty of what? lol That? No, I can honestly say that I didn't shag any aging inappropriate content stars sans condom right after the birth of my child. Nor any other time :)

I just find the irony funny.

I remember making the argument about Clinton and how I wasn't voting for someone to be the moral compass of the country back in the 90's when the whole Lewinsky thing was going on. Pretty much the exact argument you're making there.

And I remember being told how wrong I was... How "character and integrity - especially in the marital sphere because it reflects on so many other areas" was of ultimate concern.

Kinda makes one think that most political issues are little more than "what benefits my side at the moment" - and ought be discounted as such :)
 
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