Help, so discouraged

[Shadowprophet]

My post on marriage is just my opinion on abusers in marriage and I am not going to debate it with you all. It is best to keep this thread on track concerning ways to help the lady in the opening post.

You are in a thread with a bunch of Christians debating about what the best solution is, Many people have mixed feelings about the proper way to handle this, Just offering any advice isn't the proper thing to do when it concerns the institution of marriage. If you are not here to debate. The best thing to do is be careful about what advice you give,
There is what is Right and Just in Gods eyes If you don't know exactly the right advice to give,
Then you are just giving advice blindly, What happens when the blind follow the blind?

 

[Daniel Marsh]

I am very clumsy which doesn't help. . Example I dropped my phone on our wooden floors, then later put a lint roller on one of our desks and a tiny amount of the finish came off... All in one day. So perhaps I would try the patience of a Saint?

He says the Lord showed him dreams about me, warning him

He makes me feel as if the Lord is one his side not mine

He is full of himself and run to a safe place.

 

[Shadowprophet]

abusive men don’t change they just hide the abuse better when confronted. No one should be forced to stay in that situation. And divorce is the safest option for a woman if he’s violent especially if he’s a control freak. People tell women to obey abusing men out of the mistaken idea that he wants obedience. He actually wants power and control . I have no problem telling a woman to dump a loser like that and if they want a better man to get one. The Bible also says that the sky is a hard firmament and that’s not true either

Who determines what Abuse is? Old divorced people? Some guy one the street observing? This is why God was clear about Marriage and what the institution means, and what kinds of things make someone eligible for righting of divorce. What does the Bible say about when it's okay to divorce?

abuse was not mentioned in those scriptures. This is why I say people conflict their Ideas with Gods.

The fact of the matter is If someone abuses someone in marriage. Ie. Smacks the daylights out of them, That is still not Grounds for divorce. People should know what marriage is and what the promise means to God before they go around spouting about Divorce.

I'm not saying it's okay to smack someone, I'm saying the bible clearly does not address that issue. Therefore to assume That it is abuse is and it's okay to divorce because of that reason, is unstudied in Gods word.

Period.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

Please do not go for couples counselling as it usually makes things worse.

Your husband I am afraid is showing the signs of a narcissistic personality diordered person. You said the honeymoon lasted 4 months and this is the typical time for them to move from the idealisation phase to the devaluing phase. Please google narcissistic abuse and educate yourself before he destroys you. Yes it can be that bad. So sorry but you will not get him to change as he sees you as the problem and ministers are renowned for not advising abused women properly.

You will have to leave him but safely. God does not want us to put ourselves in abusive situations and you did not know he had NPD when you married him so were incapable of making a marriage contract.

Exactly he never truly married you. Go to a Women's shelter

 

[Brightmoon]

I am very clumsy which doesn't help. . Example I dropped my phone on our wooden floors, then later put a lint roller on one of our desks and a tiny amount of the finish came off... All in one day. So perhaps I would try the patience of a Saint?

He says the Lord showed him dreams about me, warning him

He makes me feel as if the Lord is one his side not mine

yep definitely sounds like a reason to start WWIII. You dropped your phone ..... horrors!!!!!A lint roller stuck to the desk ...... that’s worse than the Holocaust!!!!!!!

That your darling hubby is an immature bully is more the truth than you being clumsy

 

[Brightmoon]

Who determines what Abuse is? Old divorced people? Some guy one the street observing? This is why God was clear about Marriage and what the institution means, and what kinds of things make someone eligible for righting of divorce. What does the Bible say about when it's okay to divorce?

abuse was not mentioned in those scriptures. This is why I say people conflict their Ideas with Gods.

The fact of the matter is If someone abuses someone in marriage. Ie. Smacks the daylights out of them, That is still not Grounds for divorce. People should know what marriage is and what the promise means to God before they go around spouting about Divorce.

I'm not saying it's okay to smack someone, I'm saying the bible clearly does not address that issue. Therefore to assume That is is abuse is and it's okay to divorce because of that reason, is unstudied in Gods word.

Period.

(Q) who determines abuse ????
(A) The people being mistreated and not someone else

The real bottom line is that the abuse has to stop. I’ll repeat for the ones in the back . THE REAL BOTTOM LINE IS THAT THE ABUSE HAS TO STOP!!!!

 

[Shadowprophet]

(Q) who determines abuse ????
(A) The people being mistreated and not someone else

Gods word determines Right and wrong not you, Not popular culture, Not anything else, Gods word only, Think again.

 

[Brightmoon]

Gods word determines Right and wrong not you, Not popular culture, Not anything else, Gods word only, Think again.

I did think I watched my own mother put up with a verbally and emotionally abusive control freak man for 13 years . She’d tremble when he came near her and keep in mind he never hit her or abused her financially. I used to wonder why she never picked up a pan and smacked him with it to get him to leave her alone . A child thinking that her father deserved a smack with a pan because the abuse was THAT BAD! I suppose youd want to tell my late mother that she should have stayed and been more obedient . I would have told her ( and I actually did) to kick that trash to the curb with the rest of the garbage.

 

[topher694]

I would get advice from a Women's shelter before a Pastor since many Pastors are not trained to deal with abusers in a realistic world.

That's all good, but if someone comes to a Christian forum, my assumption is they are seeking spiritual guidance. Plus, a pastor may have resources readily available and contacts to direct people to locally. At my church we created an information packet to give to people for just that purpose.

 

[Brightmoon]

I

That's all good, but if someone comes to a Christian forum, my assumption is they are seeking spiritual guidance. Plus, a pastor may have resources readily available and contacts to direct people to locally. At my church we created an information packet to give to people for just that purpose.

Id still advise a domestic violence place over a church leader who might tell her to put up and shut up.

 

[topher694]

I
Id still advise a domestic violence place over a church leader who might tell her to put up and shut up.

Well that's cynical.

 

[Brightmoon]

Well that's cynical.

Isn’t that what shadowprophet basically says ? I’ve heard other so called Christians say the same or similar things .( I’m gonna be polite and not say what I called them at that point) Women are there to be breeders, household help and punching bags and permanently stuck because of some silly story about Eve.

 

[topher694]

Isn’t that what shadowprophet basically says ?

And he's the standard for pastors now? If so, I would be... let's say... concerned to say the least.

 

[Itsahappyday]

Obviously your husband is a good actor if no one would believe the truth.

Personally I think drawing into the Lord for advise and comfort and the love you need is the best course of action. No counselor, Christian or otherwise, can impart an ounce of grace to do what He wants you to do. Some will advise you to seek your own happiness even at the cost of disobeying God. Your happiness is not supposed to be our life’s goal. Loving God and man is. We will never become all He wants by choosing our own well-being and avoiding enduring at times.

I would look to Him.

Thank you. I do want to honor God in all I do. The easy way out is leaving but I believe God can change things. It cannot be by my hand that divorce is done. Jesus said what God has brought together let no man put asunder.

Some may argue that God didn't bring us together but I believe He did.

Jesus also said to love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you, if someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other cheek, etc...

Now I am not saying I would say if he started really hurting me, but now he's just rough and pushy.

 

[Itsahappyday]

Sounds to me like that this a Romans chapter 12 personality type issue. He doesn't understand yours, its strengths and weaknesses. He only understands his own, and doesn't realize his strengths and weakness are a result of a specific personality type given by God in creation. So he expects you to be like him and has grown frustrated that you are not. Problem is you can't be like him. He does not understand this; you don't, and now he is proceeding to destroy your marriage through his frustration.

Make no mistake about it either. This will destroy your marriage if it is not resolved. I would strongly suggest marriage counseling by a qualified pastor. My guess is he doesn't think he needs it and will not go. God hates divorce and if he wears you down and you give up hope and seek a divorce. Your husband will loose most of what he has from God in his life, and very precious few recover it back . Not to speak of what will happen to you. But the primary blame will be on him. It's why husbands are warned. Walk according to knowledge with your wife. That is exactly what us men lack. Knowledge about woman in general and knowledge about personality types specifically.

I agree - I think he expects me to be like him.

He's not clumsy, I am. If he remembers something but I don't, he gets upset that I don't remember .

When I don't know how to do something because I was not shown how to do it (normal, no?) he's very surprised. For him all things come easy to him. For me not so.

 

[Itsahappyday]

Pray for love in your marriage. Try to remember only the good things about your husband and remember too that we will be tested and tried in life and go through really difficult times just as you now are.
When we are suffering trials in our marriages we must turn to Jesus and remember what he commands of us as women and men and attempt to carry out those steps. For instance, woman are to be submissive to their husbands, be of a quiet and gentle nature, etc., please look up these things and practice them and find peace in the struggle knowing you are bearing up under pressure and under trial. Trials are there to test our faith and mature us. I am hoping you are already aware of these things and need only to brush up on them by attempting to and actually putting them to the test. You will feel the Lord's closeness and power as He assists you in this struggle.

Thank you. I want to obey the Word. 1 Peter 2:20 states but if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.

I remind myself often if this scripture.

 

[Itsahappyday]

yep definitely sounds like a reason to start WWIII. You dropped your phone ..... horrors!!!!!A lint roller stuck to the desk ...... that’s worse than the Holocaust!!!!!!!

That your darling hubby is an immature bully is more the truth than you being clumsy

But every day I seem to do something clumsy or wrong

 

[Brightmoon]

But every day I seem to do something clumsy or wrong

. So what!

that’s no excuse for his immature and selfish behavior. Ballerinas are the epitome of grace and they sometimes have clumsy moments too

 

[Itsahappyday]

they already are at the Cross.
he's brainwashed you with a whole lot of lies, to counteract that you're going to need to consciously start seeing yourself as God sees you, and start deliberately telling yourself the truth about yourself the way God sees you.
also get yourself out of the situation for a while so you can think more clearly and have a break from being put down all the time.
do you have a sick relative you can visit to help? .. surely your 'holy' husband wouldn't object to something like that and it would give you the chance to regroup in a different environment for a few days and use the kindness God has given you.

No chance of getting away. I am having difficulty believing that God is for me. I really do need to know deep inside what God thinks of me and not what my husband says God thinks of me. My husband once told me that he was disappointed in me and because he know how God thinks, he knows God is disappointed in me too.

When I tell him things he's said or done that was not right, he denies he said or did it.

Or he'll reorganize the order of things that were said or done making him look like a victim and paint me as the bad guy.

This has happened so many times that I even started doubting stories about his past that he has told me where people were unkind and he the innocent victim.

Is that a character issue or a memory issue? He normally has an excellent memory.

 

[Itsahappyday]

. So what!

that’s no excuse for his immature and selfish behavior. Ballerinas are the epitome of grace and they sometimes have clumsy moments tooView attachment 257796

I break or damage things by accident.