when does misery end?

[bragar]

i cant cope with anything nor do i have any outlets for my misery. everyday i wake up and it starts like this. ill maybe have a dream and it will make me sad for the day because it felt so nice compared to the repetiveness of my daily life. id kill for some fun to get out and walk tirelessly with some good friend which i dont have or will have so i walk in circles in my room waiting for 3 dull things of the day. to steal a roach from my mom that wont get me high because its mostly tobacco. to go nextdoor to my uncles and listen to him talk aimlessly about crap i dont take intrest in. but hey i go over there because im bored.. then the third is to go to sleep again. the one thing that keeps me going is waiting for my mom to leave the house for a few days(because she never leaves) so i can remember the days me and my sister were together. sadness is better spent alone for me, it helps me cry harder and i never get alone time, so the pain is stuck deep in me its so dull. the reason im on this forum because christians are so holy and angelic at heart.. because it gives me hope for and end to my misery.. i have a boatload of memories of my pre15 days (19 now) they were all good and so nostalgic its juicy to remember but for 4 freaking years its just killin me how dull they were. now i have no energy at alll if you were me you would be in complete misery because no hope of getting a job because of shyness or nothing to say.. unable to make friends.. i honestly am considering doing it to myself by now. i pray to god everyday to give me more life so i can get out more and live, mostly to go to heaven which i heard a voice say no out of nowhere. im waiting to die pretty much theres nothing interesting in my life nothing going on or anything, i cant get out please understand. i wish the misery would end :'( i just want it to end. why wont god show any heart. why is the world so tough like this. why am i so slow in the head. why do i have bad dreams all the time showing me the gloomy afterlife im gonna have. my sins are bad btw, not everyone can be forgiven incase your gonna convince me im gonna go to heaven

 

[anna ~ grace]

So, here's my story...

I am also shy, have no friends, and am very, very quiet. I'm not especially smart. I struggle deeply to connect with people. I'm not good at much, and seem to fail at most things, too.

So how did I figure stuff out? Slowly. Very slowly. I'm 34 now. I got jobs where customer interaction was minimal, and worked my way up, slowly. First just frying french fries, then mopping floors, then customer service, now, I supervise a couple people at Walmart. Cool! It took time, but I'm doing ok.

Follow Christ, my friend. Wherever you are in life, whatever your strengths or weaknesses, follow Christ. God loves you so much. Begin to pray "Jesus, I trust in You, help me to follow You!" and He will. God loves you, brager. Please, don't measure yourself by the world's standards. God's standards are so, incredibly different.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Also, please don't kill yourself. Horrible, horrible idea. My younger brother did that. Please don't do that. You are loved. And with Christ, to quote Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, life is worth living.

 

[Jeshu]

You can have a lot of hope especially when you put your faith in Christ. i've got a depressive illness and for years, like you now, lingered in the pit, often suicidal. i had lost my faith in Jesus, all i wanted was to die, this lasted seven long years with medications unable to help me.

Then one day the truth of the bible hit home and i heard Jesus speak to me how what you sow you shall harvest. Then He showed me how for years i had sown despair, regrets, guilt, shame, fear, hopelessness, sadness, bitterness, self-pity and all kind of other misery in my heart and mind wallowing in depression. He told me to sow the good seed in my heart and mind instead, no matter how bad i had to feel. Things like faith, love, hope, kindness, gentleness, caring, sharing, long suffering, endurance, self control and fearlessness. So that is what i did.

Each time i would think how nice it would be to feel love or other good feelings again i would humble ask Jesus to plant the seeds in my heart again. And so i together with Jesus began to cultivate good life into my heart. In less than 4 years i wasn't suicidal any more and could safely say that i climbed out of my pit.

i will never stop! i will always ask Jesus to sow good feelings in my heart and faithfully go to work with them to increase them. From seconds of good life i learned to gain minutes of good life, from minutes of good life i learned to gain days of good life, and now even when i'm rock bottom depressed i don't have to go back into that horrible pit but cling to Jesus with all i got and let Him take care of me.

Put your faith in His love my friend and soon you shall have hope for better again. With Jesus we can overcome depression and grow stronger than it can bring to bear.

Be of good courage.


Forsaking The Pit.
As I climb over the rim, I clearly see,
Involuntary I shudder the sight in me,
Down without a bottom the pit below,
Yes this fiery hole within me on show!

Hear voices of darkness pressing hard on must.
Those 'speaking guilt, shame, unbelief, and distrust,
All together pushing, yes, pressing me deep,
Resisting my climb to the top so steep.

See those guilty feelings still tug my feet,
I can feel flames searing, my toes they meet!
Electrifying my soul, no mercy on show.
Why ever did I take this hell-hole in tow?

Above me the Light, Jesus, the Truth so high!
How long before I will meet up with Him in the sky?
He knows I will come after Him without a doubt,
As true nourishing goodness He is all about.

My bloodied fingers scraped by rock,
For how many years did they mock?
Those hard places within my very being,
Those fiery stones of my own seeing!

I climbed after the Light right above me,
The only truth that truly leaves me be,
Never will I stop seeking after The Light.
As Jesus Christ is my very soul's delight!

Soon the 'resting place' of my enemy,
Bottomless pit shall forever be!
For the ones without Love or Grace.
Those who with their lies made this place.

 

[derpytia]

i cant cope with anything nor do i have any outlets for my misery. everyday i wake up and it starts like this. ill maybe have a dream and it will make me sad for the day because it felt so nice compared to the repetiveness of my daily life. id kill for some fun to get out and walk tirelessly with some good friend which i dont have or will have so i walk in circles in my room waiting for 3 dull things of the day. to steal a roach from my mom that wont get me high because its mostly tobacco. to go nextdoor to my uncles and listen to him talk aimlessly about crap i dont take intrest in. but hey i go over there because im bored.. then the third is to go to sleep again. the one thing that keeps me going is waiting for my mom to leave the house for a few days(because she never leaves) so i can remember the days me and my sister were together. sadness is better spent alone for me, it helps me cry harder and i never get alone time, so the pain is stuck deep in me its so dull. the reason im on this forum because christians are so holy and angelic at heart.. because it gives me hope for and end to my misery.. i have a boatload of memories of my pre15 days (19 now) they were all good and so nostalgic its juicy to remember but for 4 freaking years its just killin me how dull they were. now i have no energy at alll if you were me you would be in complete misery because no hope of getting a job because of shyness or nothing to say.. unable to make friends.. i honestly am considering doing it to myself by now. i pray to god everyday to give me more life so i can get out more and live, mostly to go to heaven which i heard a voice say no out of nowhere. im waiting to die pretty much theres nothing interesting in my life nothing going on or anything, i cant get out please understand. i wish the misery would end :'( i just want it to end. why wont god show any heart. why is the world so tough like this. why am i so slow in the head. why do i have bad dreams all the time showing me the gloomy afterlife im gonna have. my sins are bad btw, not everyone can be forgiven incase your gonna convince me im gonna go to heaven

I think everyone here can agree with me when I say that I am a very sad and afflicted person. I often post here about my agony and struggles. I too am sad almost every single day. I too look back on my life before age 20 and grieve everything I have lost to my various struggles. I'm 25 going on 26 now and I think I've learned a few things over the past 5-6 years after a lot of struggling, crying, getting mad at God, etc.

1) No matter what happens to you, how sad you feel, or what others do to you, God loves you very much. So much that He essentially sent a part of Himself to become human, experience all the struggles that humans go through in our life here, and then to die and pay for sins that He didn't commit but that we most certainly did.

2) Sometimes, the sadness never really goes away. Some sadness cannot be healed, only carried. But what changes over time with God's particular brand of help, called grace, is our ability to carry that sadness. A day may come where you are better able to bear your cross of sadness and while that doesn't sound particularly hopeful or like something to look forward to, it is a gift from God, nonetheless. And when that day comes, it WILL bring you comfort. And, if your sadness does indeed lift one day, then it will be all the more reason to praise God and use your newfound joy in life for good.

3) You have a place in this world and you probably mean more to people than you realize. We humans are extraordinarily bad at expressing how much the people in our lives truly mean to us. What you think might be nothing at all, might mean the world to someone else. There are probably more people than you can count on your hands whose lives you've touched or brought something positive into no matter how big or small. Isn't that worth it in the end to know that somewhere along the way, you've made someone's day/life brighter?

Don't give up hope and continue to pour your heart out to God. He's listening and He is definitely sad that you are sad. Actively look for His grace in your every day life. It may be hard to find at first but it is present in the small things: a hug, beautiful weather, delicious food, loving advice from a friend or a stranger. <3

 

[Rescued One]

I'm in my seventies. I don't have a friend in my town or in my state. What keeps me going when I'm not sleeping is praying for lots of people at CF. I've lived in this house since 1994. Neighbors have come and gone. The newer neighbors are the ages of my grandchildren.

 

[Mark Quayle]

i cant cope with anything nor do i have any outlets for my misery. everyday i wake up and it starts like this. ill maybe have a dream and it will make me sad for the day because it felt so nice compared to the repetiveness of my daily life. id kill for some fun to get out and walk tirelessly with some good friend which i dont have or will have so i walk in circles in my room waiting for 3 dull things of the day. to steal a roach from my mom that wont get me high because its mostly tobacco. to go nextdoor to my uncles and listen to him talk aimlessly about crap i dont take intrest in. but hey i go over there because im bored.. then the third is to go to sleep again. the one thing that keeps me going is waiting for my mom to leave the house for a few days(because she never leaves) so i can remember the days me and my sister were together. sadness is better spent alone for me, it helps me cry harder and i never get alone time, so the pain is stuck deep in me its so dull. the reason im on this forum because christians are so holy and angelic at heart.. because it gives me hope for and end to my misery.. i have a boatload of memories of my pre15 days (19 now) they were all good and so nostalgic its juicy to remember but for 4 freaking years its just killin me how dull they were. now i have no energy at alll if you were me you would be in complete misery because no hope of getting a job because of shyness or nothing to say.. unable to make friends.. i honestly am considering doing it to myself by now. i pray to god everyday to give me more life so i can get out more and live, mostly to go to heaven which i heard a voice say no out of nowhere. im waiting to die pretty much theres nothing interesting in my life nothing going on or anything, i cant get out please understand. i wish the misery would end :'( i just want it to end. why wont god show any heart. why is the world so tough like this. why am i so slow in the head. why do i have bad dreams all the time showing me the gloomy afterlife im gonna have. my sins are bad btw, not everyone can be forgiven incase your gonna convince me im gonna go to heaven

You have no idea how bad you have been, or how awful your sin is. But maybe you have no idea how strong God is. But he is patient; gentle and kind.

You cannot do worse than he can take care of. As a matter of fact, I have reason to believe he has you exactly where you need to be to learn a bit about him.

"A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out."

I'm praying God will show you a little about how universe-undoing sin is. Joy comes from knowing a little about how you stand before God. Helpless. Talk to him about it, and don't give up when it doesn't come how or when you had in mind. If you are desperate, tell him so. Be honest. He can handle the criticism.

 

[Rescued One]

Thinking of you, bragar.

 

[1watchman]

i cant cope with anything nor do i have any outlets for my misery. everyday i wake up and it starts like this. ill maybe have a dream and it will make me sad for the day because it felt so nice compared to the repetiveness of my daily life. id kill for some fun to get out and walk tirelessly with some good friend which i dont have or will have so i walk in circles in my room waiting for 3 dull things of the day. to steal a roach from my mom that wont get me high because its mostly tobacco. to go nextdoor to my uncles and listen to him talk aimlessly about crap i dont take intrest in. but hey i go over there because im bored.. then the third is to go to sleep again. the one thing that keeps me going is waiting for my mom to leave the house for a few days(because she never leaves) so i can remember the days me and my sister were together. sadness is better spent alone for me, it helps me cry harder and i never get alone time, so the pain is stuck deep in me its so dull. the reason im on this forum because christians are so holy and angelic at heart.. because it gives me hope for and end to my misery.. i have a boatload of memories of my pre15 days (19 now) they were all good and so nostalgic its juicy to remember but for 4 freaking years its just killin me how dull they were. now i have no energy at alll if you were me you would be in complete misery because no hope of getting a job because of shyness or nothing to say.. unable to make friends.. i honestly am considering doing it to myself by now. i pray to god everyday to give me more life so i can get out more and live, mostly to go to heaven which i heard a voice say no out of nowhere. im waiting to die pretty much theres nothing interesting in my life nothing going on or anything, i cant get out please understand. i wish the misery would end :'( i just want it to end. why wont god show any heart. why is the world so tough like this. why am i so slow in the head. why do i have bad dreams all the time showing me the gloomy afterlife im gonna have. my sins are bad btw, not everyone can be forgiven incase your gonna convince me im gonna go to heaven

Jeshu, shared some good thoughts above. Depression, whether emotionally or from organic/physical causes can work to cripple one, so there are two things I recommend to consider: 1) first, be sure you are not having some kind of organic cause of depression; which a physician might consider and give help. That is best done by seeing an Internal Medicine Specialist, who are best at diagnosis. 2) Come to know the Lord Jesus, who is truly the greatest physician, and put your trust in Him for lasting peace and joy of heart ---for He is not like mankind who can fail us. He never fails one who receives Him into their heart (A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP). Please take the time also to read JOHN 14 in your Bible to see an overview of hope for now and eternity; and read the New Testament daily, with prayer about EVERY verse you read. God loves all mankind and offers us blessings now and forever, and pleads with us to value His gift of life eternal in His Son: Jesus, the Christ of God (note John 1 and John 3).

I believe the enemy of our soul ---known as Satan, always seeks to draw us away from God and defeat us with bad conditions and thoughts of ending our life (which is his deceit to destroy souls). God cares and gives us a choice and hope in His "...only begotten Son" to make us overcomers of all ailments and troubles. This all is God's Word for us, I am sure.
-- 1watchman

 

[Rescued One]

Bragar, how are you?

 

[Carolmariev11]

I'm in my seventies. I don't have a friend in my town or in my state. What keeps me going when I'm not sleeping is praying for lots of people at CF. I've lived in this house since 1994. Neighbors have come and gone. The newer neighbors are the ages of my grandchildren.

Hello Phoebe, My name is Carol and I am in my 70's as well. I have been a Believer in Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord since 1977. Before that I was a Catholic who had given up on religion but then I found Jesus whom I thought I knew. Well I knew ABOUT Him but I did not have a personal relationship with Him until March 26th 1977. I had a wonderful walk with Him for many years but for some reason it seems that I am having a hard time and things are not the way they used to be and I don't find everything as easy. It could be due to painful issues I deal with which, I am sure cause depression at times. Also, forgetfulness doesn't help. If you would like to communicate, let me know. My email address is carolmariev11@gmail.com

 

[BioLeap]

i cant cope with anything nor do i have any outlets for my misery. everyday i wake up and it starts like this. ill maybe have a dream and it will make me sad for the day because it felt so nice compared to the repetiveness of my daily life. id kill for some fun to get out and walk tirelessly with some good friend which i dont have or will have so i walk in circles in my room waiting for 3 dull things of the day. to steal a roach from my mom that wont get me high because its mostly tobacco. to go nextdoor to my uncles and listen to him talk aimlessly about crap i dont take intrest in. but hey i go over there because im bored.. then the third is to go to sleep again. the one thing that keeps me going is waiting for my mom to leave the house for a few days(because she never leaves) so i can remember the days me and my sister were together. sadness is better spent alone for me, it helps me cry harder and i never get alone time, so the pain is stuck deep in me its so dull. the reason im on this forum because christians are so holy and angelic at heart.. because it gives me hope for and end to my misery.. i have a boatload of memories of my pre15 days (19 now) they were all good and so nostalgic its juicy to remember but for 4 freaking years its just killin me how dull they were. now i have no energy at alll if you were me you would be in complete misery because no hope of getting a job because of shyness or nothing to say.. unable to make friends.. i honestly am considering doing it to myself by now. i pray to god everyday to give me more life so i can get out more and live, mostly to go to heaven which i heard a voice say no out of nowhere. im waiting to die pretty much theres nothing interesting in my life nothing going on or anything, i cant get out please understand. i wish the misery would end :'( i just want it to end. why wont god show any heart. why is the world so tough like this. why am i so slow in the head. why do i have bad dreams all the time showing me the gloomy afterlife im gonna have. my sins are bad btw, not everyone can be forgiven incase your gonna convince me im gonna go to heaven

There is another way, a 3rd door. You must go beyond belief itself, then you'll get there.

 

[Ruella]

So, here's my story...

I am also shy, have no friends, and am very, very quiet. I'm not especially smart. I struggle deeply to connect with people. I'm not good at much, and seem to fail at most things, too.

So how did I figure stuff out? Slowly. Very slowly. I'm 34 now. I got jobs where customer interaction was minimal, and worked my way up, slowly. First just frying french fries, then mopping floors, then customer service, now, I supervise a couple people at Walmart. Cool! It took time, but I'm doing ok.

Follow Christ, my friend. Wherever you are in life, whatever your strengths or weaknesses, follow Christ. God loves you so much. Begin to pray "Jesus, I trust in You, help me to follow You!" and He will. God loves you, brager. Please, don't measure yourself by the world's standards. God's standards are so, incredibly different.

Gracia that is encouraging to read how you figured things out. How did you "keep your faith high" during those tough times of figuring it out?

 

[anna ~ grace]

Gracia that is encouraging to read how you figured things out. How did you "keep your faith high" during those tough times of figuring it out?

Prayer. Lots of it! Just one day at a time. Keep focus on following Christ, not things like career goals.

 

[Ruella]

Thanks Gracia