There aren't that many fish in the sea...

[timewerx]

Go hang out in a Dave Ramsey Facebook group and you'll find it really quick. ;-)

Interesting I bet I can also find this in youtube (I've been refraining myself from facebook for the last 2years!)

 

[bèlla]

Interesting I bet I can also find this in youtube (I've been refraining myself from facebook for the last 2years!)

The American Dream is a yoke that takes many years to shake off. Hearing their stories will help you realize the wisdom of your mother's words. My stepmother employed the strategy I mentioned. She owned a lot of property and sold during the boom and purchased more lucrative property when she retired. Being the lender and not the borrower is a spiritual concept that isn't emphasized in Christianity. But its precepts will save you much grief.

 

[Jonaitis]

That's a big difference. Were you desiring to court during that time or get better acquainted?

Better acquaint

 

[bèlla]

Better acquaint

Most people won't invest years of acquaintanceship unless they're fairly young. At some point there should be clarity where you're heading. The challenge with your approach is expectation. Oftentimes the longer something goes on the more invested both are and the greater the disappointment if it doesn't pan out. It's harder to start again for some.

I cut to the chase. That approach isn't for the faint of heart. But it allows greater clarity in the purpose for our engagement. I relate to a prospect differently from an acquaintance and I prefer to know where the other person stands. It alleviates murky waters, hurt feelings, etc.

I'm uncertain how that will work with Christian men. We'll see. ;-)

 

[Jonaitis]

Most people won't invest years of acquaintanceship unless they're fairly young. At some point there should be clarity where you're heading. The challenge with your approach is expectation. Oftentimes the longer something goes on the more invested both are and the greater the disappointment if it doesn't pan out. It's harder to start again for some.

I cut to the chase. That approach isn't for the faint of heart. But it allows greater clarity in the purpose for our engagement. I relate to a prospect differently from an acquaintance and I prefer to know where the other person stands. It alleviates murky waters, hurt feelings, etc.

I'm uncertain how that will work with Christian men. We'll see. ;-)

Well, I don't mean acquaintance by just chatting, we were very serious about where we stand and who we are, it was one of the first things we had to share. On that particular Christian site, it is expected to explain your beliefs too in a detailed manner. We did do Skype, call each other every night, among other things. We talked a great deal about past relationships, what we want in a relationship, etc. I would say three months at most we got to know more about each other. We knew where it was heading. I did plan on flying down there to visit her, and she vise versa, but for her she wanted to know if this is going to be considered a legitimate relationship.

I believed in courtship, she had a particular view of "dating" that resembled courtship. I'm not about kissing or being alone without a friend or family of ours around, and she was okay with that. We spent another month thinking over if we really want to court, and after the fourth or fifth month I decided to drop it, and she did too.

All relationships should have marriage in mind, I don't believe in recreational dating.

 

[Jonaitis]

Interesting I bet I can also find this in youtube (I've been refraining myself from facebook for the last 2years!)

I've been off Facebook for almost a year. It really does affect some people who are constantly on it (like me). I don't know if I will ever come back on, I really feel better since I have been off. The only problem is...I dropped a social media to only pick up another lol.

 

[bèlla]

Well, I don't mean acquaintance by just chatting, we were very serious about where we stand and who we are, it was one of the first things we had to share. On that particular Christian site, it is expected to explain your beliefs too in a detailed manner. We did do Skype, call each other every night, among other things. We talked a great deal about past relationships, what we want in a relationship, etc. I would say three months at most we got to know more about each other. We knew where it was heading. I did plan on flying down there to visit her, and she vise versa, but for her she wanted to know if this is going to be considered a legitimate relationship.

Thanks for explaining. You'd need meet to confirm things. I've done it without but I was younger and more adventurous then.

I believed in courtship, she had a particular view of "dating" that resembled courtship. I'm not about kissing or being alone without a friend or family of ours around, and she was okay with that. We spent another month thinking over if we really want to court, and after the fourth or fifth month I decided to drop it, and she did too.

Was her view different from yours?

All relationships should have marriage in mind, I don't believe in recreational dating.

I sift for compatibility on general things that are make or break. I'm looking at the bones to see if more is possible. Then I go under the hood to determine if our lives can mesh. I'm gauging things against my calling and complement. I have an idea in mind but I allow for flexibility and surprise.

I've never courted in the manner that Christian's reference. I date gentleman and a lot that is understood.

 

[Jonaitis]

Was her view different from yours?

A slight modification, I would say.

I sift for compatibility on general things that are make or break. I'm looking at the bones to see if more is possible. Then I go under the hood to determine if our lives can mesh. I'm gauging things against my calling and complement. I have an idea in mind but I allow for flexibility and surprise.

Interesting way to look at it, LaBella.

 

[bèlla]

A slight modification, I would say.

I've never spoken to anyone who did this. How interesting! How have your experiences been? What inspired this approach? Forgive my curiosity, I love discussing relationships.

Interesting way to look at it, LaBella.

The Lord withheld a partner for a reason. I didn't know my purpose. I'd have opted for domestic bliss. But that's not meant to be.

 

[timewerx]

The American Dream is a yoke that takes many years to shake off. Hearing their stories will help you realize the wisdom of your mother's words. My stepmother employed the strategy I mentioned. She owned a lot of property and sold during the boom and purchased more lucrative property when she retired. Being the lender and not the borrower is a spiritual concept that isn't emphasized in Christianity. But its precepts will save you much grief.

I'm getting started there and hopefully nothing terrible goes wrong anymore.

It doesn't end in being lender as a Chrisitan but in giving back

 

[bèlla]

I'm getting started there and hopefully nothing terrible goes wrong anymore.

It doesn't end in being lender as a Chrisitan but in giving back

Good observation. I was quoting the OT. ;-)

Resources are required whether we lend or give. There are instances when one is more appropriate than the other. Learning how to generate wealth extends your ability to do both.

 

[timewerx]

Good observation. I was quoting the OT. ;-)

Resources are required whether we lend or give. There are instances when one is more appropriate than the other. Learning how to generate wealth extends your ability to do both.

Yup, Jesus doesn't seem to care how much money we make. What He seems to care about is how much we spend on ourselves. It gets complicated, huh?

Seems right anyway if we are to manage the Lord's resources. The Lord wants to help His people and we are effectively His hands.

 

[Somber]

My older brother met his wife on a dating site. They both are Christian and seem very dedicated to each other, so I think it's possible to find someone on those sites, it just takes a lot of sifting through, perhaps?

 

[bèlla]

My older brother met his wife on a dating site. They both are Christian and seem very dedicated to each other, so I think it's possible to find someone on those sites, it just takes a lot of sifting through, perhaps?

I've encountered Christians on secular dating sites and had relationships in the past myself. The biggest help is resources and an ability to relocate. That widens your opportunities.

I can move at will and that allows me to consider prospects from other areas. However, my willingness to do so would require an exceptional match. I'm not looking for a husband. I am interested in forging a connection that may lead to marriage. There's no guarantee it will.

 

[exitstageright]

Maybe it is different where you live? I still don't know many single men who own a house. The ones that I do/did know were raising their children after a divorce. Most I know rent apartments or condos.

Before I got married for the first time,I was a single man with a house. When I took a Personal Finance class,when I was in College, I found that is was better for me to own a Datsun car,and live in a house,than to live in an apartment, and drive a Mercedes. One older man once told me,after I told him that,"You know, most young men do not think like you."

My instructor told us," Most young people invest their money in non-income producing assets."
A home is a producing asset. As, singles, we all know that we are in a higher tax bracket. With a house, I was able to deduct my property taxes, and my mortgage interest payments. With these deductions, I was able to deduct about 30% of my adjusted gross income. This resulted in me getting back $2,500 to $3,000 back in refunds every year! Therefore, my house was an income producing asset that increased in value. Therefore, tax breaks are not just for the rich people.
Today, in California,I cannot not afford to buy a house. But, I was able to buy a condo. I can still have tax deductions.

 

[exitstageright]

But it helps a lot. Being introverted as a guy + below average socials skills gives poor chances. I know this a fact based on my own experiences.

I've even known few guys who are introverts but easily got dates because they have at least some pretty decent social skills and good looking.

I used to have very poor social skills, never got dates until with some maturity and working in other countries, my socials skills improved a bit. Now I'm average, up from having poor socials skills and my chances of getting a date improved considerably.



Based on my personal experience, you need have at least a house under your name (mortgage or not) to get a 2nd date. Perhaps, it depends on the type of women you want to date and since I would prefer women who have college degree which I think is fair because I have one too so we can talk about complicated stuff and not bore each other out.



My only concern at the moment is the below 40 crowd. But you're right, very few singles which is very annoying!

Well,just hang in there! Last year,I had only about 4 dates. Well, this year, so far I have had four dates!
Like you,I would like to date only college educated women. Well,I have good news! Tomorrow, early afternoon,2/9/19,I have a lunch and a movie date with a RN,who also works part time as a Therapist.Tomorrow night ,I am going Ballroom Dancing with a fellow Scientist. I just found out that she has a PhD!
I wanted to take her out tonight. Well, last night she said that she may be tired,as at 8:00 pm to 9:00 PM,there is a dance lesson.Then from 9:30 PM to 12 Midnight, there is a dance. She is off on Saturdays. I thought about that last night. So,this morning,I texted her. I told her, "Since you are working all day Friday,and you may be tired,would it not be best for us to go out dancing on Saturday night instead? What do you think?"
She texted me back. She said,"Good morning, You are right. Saturday would be better for me .I thought that you did prefer Friday.Thanks for considering."
So,I am looking forward to spending time with two smart ladies tomorrow. By the way,the lady,the one with the PhD,noticed me after I was dancing with the other ladies at the Meetup. It is very true.
Women do pay attention to men who know how to dance. And,if you do not know how to dance. Do as I did. I took dancing lessons!

 

[Niels]

Before I got married for the first time,I was a single man with a house. When I took a Personal Finance class,when I was in College, I found that is was better for me to own a Datsun car,and live in a house,than to live in an apartment, and drive a Mercedes. One older man once told me,after I told him that,"You know, most young men do not think like you."

My instructor told us," Most young people invest their money in non-income producing assets."
A home is a producing asset. As, singles, we all know that we are in a higher tax bracket. With a house, I was able to deduct my property taxes, and my mortgage interest payments. With these deductions, I was able to deduct about 30% of my adjusted gross income. This resulted in me getting back $2,500 to $3,000 back in refunds every year! Therefore, my house was an income producing asset that increased in value. Therefore, tax breaks are not just for the rich people.
Today, in California,I cannot not afford to buy a house. But, I was able to buy a condo. I can still have tax deductions.

Being a homeowner has been a rewarding experience for me. The biggest perk has to do with lifestyle. I have substantially more living space, better privacy, nicer neighbors, and the freedom to decorate however I like. I also find things like mowing the lawn and performing other routine maintenance to be therapeutic. The financial advantages are an added bonus.

The main drawback is being tied to the land, making it slightly harder to relocate, but people can and do sell their homes.

 

[bèlla]

Well,just hang in there! Last year,I had only about 4 dates. Well, this year, so far I have had four dates!

You're so funny. I love your joy. ;-)

Like you,I would like to date only college educated women. Well,I have good news! Tomorrow, early afternoon,2/9/19,I have a lunch and a movie date with a RN,who also works part time as a Therapist.Tomorrow night ,I am going Ballroom Dancing with a fellow Scientist. I just found out that she has a PhD!

~swoons hard Wow, that's fab. Have fun!! I love ballroom dancing. I even watched the competitions. And yes I like Latin dance too!

So,I am looking forward to spending time with two smart ladies tomorrow. By the way,the lady,the one with the PhD,noticed me after I was dancing with the other ladies at the Meetup. It is very true.
Women do pay attention to men who know how to dance. And,if you do not know how to dance. Do as I did. I took dancing lessons!

~laughing You're a hoot. I went on a date last year wearing a 1950's dress at 14 below! Weather be darned. I have to get my pretty on! I prefer dresses and skirts.

And you're right. My first crush was a guy who danced so well. He reminded me of MJ! ~lol I had stars in my eyes. Luckily my best friend was dating his brother.

I'm older now. He doesn't need to be Fred Astaire. But I do notice. ;-)

 

[timewerx]

Well,just hang in there! Last year,I had only about 4 dates. Well, this year, so far I have had four dates!
Like you,I would like to date only college educated women. Well,I have good news! Tomorrow, early afternoon,2/9/19,I have a lunch and a movie date with a RN,who also works part time as a Therapist.Tomorrow night ,I am going Ballroom Dancing with a fellow Scientist. I just found out that she has a PhD!
I wanted to take her out tonight. Well, last night she said that she may be tired,as at 8:00 pm to 9:00 PM,there is a dance lesson.Then from 9:30 PM to 12 Midnight, there is a dance. She is off on Saturdays. I thought about that last night. So,this morning,I texted her. I told her, "Since you are working all day Friday,and you may be tired,would it not be best for us to go out dancing on Saturday night instead? What do you think?"
She texted me back. She said,"Good morning, You are right. Saturday would be better for me .I thought that you did prefer Friday.Thanks for considering."
So,I am looking forward to spending time with two smart ladies tomorrow. By the way,the lady,the one with the PhD,noticed me after I was dancing with the other ladies at the Meetup. It is very true.
Women do pay attention to men who know how to dance. And,if you do not know how to dance. Do as I did. I took dancing lessons!

I may know how to dance but around my place, all they do is bars and night clubs (not my thing!!). Some do ballroom but not in my age group.

I rarely try to get a date, too busy with a lot of things like the business. But if I do get one, 2nd date is not usually forthcoming. They want something more like my own house or condo, and it has to be nice. Different culture here.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

"Don't worry, there's plenty fish in the sea!"

Are there, though?

Ugh, I know that I'm barely 20 and therefore have so much of the world left to see and so many more people to meet. But finding good Christian men is seeming more and more like a dream than an attainable reality. I know that if God has someone picked out for me, he will bring us together. But it's just so discouraging to look around and see the men who call themselves Christians.

Christian is more like a label you put on your dating profile these days. No one seems to actually walk with Christ anymore.

Agreed...they are like "Great, he is devoted to Christ. Walks with the Lord. Volunteers at the food pantry, etc. But...is he at least 6 feet all? Nope...sorry, deal breaker!"

Yep. REAL Christian.