Are women living in sin by being "the boss" in a marriage? Where did this come from?

[NothingIsImpossible]

Now this may vary depending on what country you're in and your age. But it seems more and more young christian women seem to "rule" their marriage today. The line "My wifes the boss" is often said to be a joke but many admit it really is the case. And from what I seen it is indeed true.

Obviously I don't believe the woman is a slave of course. Meant to feed you, have babies and do what you ask. I believe they are an equal for the most part. But I rarely see it in younger couples anymore. I'm sure alot of it has to do with extreme feminism (as in beyond just equal rights stuff). Even my own mother is the "boss" in her marriage. Sure maybe the husband has their opinions, but in the end the wife seems to make the last call.

So does this mean the woman is living in sin? I often wonder if this goes back to Eve biting the apple first. Its like because she made the first move, she sort of added a weakness among women to feel controlling over their husband.

The older couples I know (I'm near 40) have a very much equal marriage. No one really has total control. Now to be fair before someone panics, I do realize men have a issue of tending to be stubborn or not always making the best decisions.

 

[dqhall]

Now this may vary depending on what country you're in and your age. But it seems more and more young christian women seem to "rule" their marriage today. The line "My wifes the boss" is often said to be a joke but many admit it really is the case. And from what I seen it is indeed true.

Obviously I don't believe the woman is a slave of course. Meant to feed you, have babies and do what you ask. I believe they are an equal for the most part. But I rarely see it in younger couples anymore. I'm sure alot of it has to do with extreme feminism (as in beyond just equal rights stuff). Even my own mother is the "boss" in her marriage. Sure maybe the husband has their opinions, but in the end the wife seems to make the last call.

So does this mean the woman is living in sin? I often wonder if this goes back to Eve biting the apple first. Its like because she made the first move, she sort of added a weakness among women to feel controlling over their husband.

The older couples I know (I'm near 40) have a very much equal marriage. No one really has total control. Now to be fair before someone panics, I do realize men have a issue of tending to be stubborn or not always making the best decisions.

If a woman is working to care for an invalid husband, who is the boss?

Mark 10:42-45 (WEB)
42 Jesus summoned them, and said to them, "You know that they who are recognized as rulers over the nations lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. 43 But it shall not be so among you, but whoever wants to become great among you shall be your servant. 44 Whoever of you wants to become first among you, shall be bondservant of all. 45 For the Son of Man also came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

Now this may vary depending on what country you're in and your age. But it seems more and more young christian women seem to "rule" their marriage today. The line "My wifes the boss" is often said to be a joke but many admit it really is the case. And from what I seen it is indeed true.

Obviously I don't believe the woman is a slave of course. Meant to feed you, have babies and do what you ask. I believe they are an equal for the most part. But I rarely see it in younger couples anymore. I'm sure alot of it has to do with extreme feminism (as in beyond just equal rights stuff). Even my own mother is the "boss" in her marriage. Sure maybe the husband has their opinions, but in the end the wife seems to make the last call.

So does this mean the woman is living in sin? I often wonder if this goes back to Eve biting the apple first. Its like because she made the first move, she sort of added a weakness among women to feel controlling over their husband.

The older couples I know (I'm near 40) have a very much equal marriage. No one really has total control. Now to be fair before someone panics, I do realize men have a issue of tending to be stubborn or not always making the best decisions.

I have heard men in successful marriage say "Happy wife, happy life.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

The 'job' is always the boss. Often women recognize this more than their husbands. It's not sin and is often necessary for the survival or success of the family that the wife accept the greater leadership role.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

I haven heard men in successful marriage say "Happy wife, happy life.

Have or haven't? I'm guessing have.

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

Have or haven't? I'm guessing have.

Thanks. yes have. I will edit.

 

[humblesoldier]

Mark 12:30-31
Are they NOT God-loving and loving their "neighbors" as they should? Then the answer is Yes they are in sin!

Other than that, I don't think so. But then again this goes for everyone else male or female. Let God be the judge!

 

[aiki]

Obviously I don't believe the woman is a slave of course. Meant to feed you, have babies and do what you ask. I believe they are an equal for the most part. But I rarely see it in younger couples anymore. I'm sure alot of it has to do with extreme feminism (as in beyond just equal rights stuff). Even my own mother is the "boss" in her marriage. Sure maybe the husband has their opinions, but in the end the wife seems to make the last call.

In my experience, many young men today tend toward inordinate passivity and don't know how to be leaders without being domineering and aggressive. Consequently, their wives end up having to "wear the pants" and resort to bossing their husbands around. What's also happening with increasing frequency these days is that young men simply aren't marrying. They don't want a woman harping on them, demanding their time, attention, and money. These young men don't know how to be men, let alone husbands and fathers. Many of them grew up without fathers.

So does this mean the woman is living in sin?

I think the usurpation of a man's leadership in a marriage can become sin. It's one thing for a woman to take necessary initiative where her husband is dropping the ball and failing to lead properly, it is another for her to be in angry and/or stubborn rebellion toward his God-ordained authority. It is within marriage that God teaches men how to be good and godly leaders, to be confident without arrogance, to be adamant without being unreasonable, to be strong without being cold and harsh, to lead by example rather than by edict. When women wrest leadership from their husbands, they interfere with their husbands learning to be such a leader. Ironically, it is often those women who have done this who complain the most about their milquetoast mates.

The older couples I know (I'm near 40) have a very much equal marriage. No one really has total control. Now to be fair before someone panics, I do realize men have a issue of tending to be stubborn or not always making the best decisions.

Too often, I hear wives justify dominating their spouse because he made a mess of things when she "let" him lead. The fact is, however, that we all - male and female - "mess up" which is why we need to be operating toward our spouse in the patience, love, peace and humility of the Holy Spirit, forgiving seventy times seven times, if necessary (and it will be necessary).

Ephesians 5:22-29
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,
27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

 

[section9+1]

A marriage wherein the woman is boss is a dysfunctional marriage. They should be so very close to equal as it can get, but if there is an impasse and no way to compromise it or avoid it, the man is boss.

 

[Serving Zion]

It is a total breakdown of love .. dysfunction. Each should serve the other, and the man, being the male, who is physically strongest, should stand in front of the wife as a shield and mouthpiece of the couple - "the two have become one flesh".

Isaiah 4 Tree of Life Version (TLV)
4 Seven women will grab hold of one man in that day, saying:

“We will eat our own bread,
and wear our own apparel.
Only let us be called by your name—
take away our reproach!”

This is what inappropriate contentography has done to the world. The man now thinks the wife is only useful for the female role in a relationship, he does not know that she is an extension of him and so likewise she feels inferior, smaller by nature, and looking for a way to have that which she is rightfully entitled (respect), finds it through exploiting his weakness.

This is why I have voted "other" - it might or might not be her sin to do so, but either way it is the man's fault for having not given her the due honour (that is to say that she is the whole purpose of his role as the man in her life).

 

[Hank77]

The older couples I know (I'm near 40) have a very much equal marriage. No one really has total control.

I know a fair number of what I would call young couples late 20s-early 40s and they have marriages as you describe here. They seem to be working quite well. The men are not being demasculated, neither are the women becoming masculine. The kids have respect for both of their parents, dad's still a little bit scarier though.

 

[Peble]

Now this may vary depending on what country you're in and your age. But it seems more and more young christian women seem to "rule" their marriage today. The line "My wifes the boss" is often said to be a joke but many admit it really is the case. And from what I seen it is indeed true.

Obviously I don't believe the woman is a slave of course. Meant to feed you, have babies and do what you ask. I believe they are an equal for the most part. But I rarely see it in younger couples anymore. I'm sure alot of it has to do with extreme feminism (as in beyond just equal rights stuff). Even my own mother is the "boss" in her marriage. Sure maybe the husband has their opinions, but in the end the wife seems to make the last call.

So does this mean the woman is living in sin? I often wonder if this goes back to Eve biting the apple first. Its like because she made the first move, she sort of added a weakness among women to feel controlling over their husband.

The older couples I know (I'm near 40) have a very much equal marriage. No one really has total control. Now to be fair before someone panics, I do realize men have a issue of tending to be stubborn or not always making the best decisions.

Ephesians 5:22-23 clearly says that wives should submit to their husbands. However, that's Pauline literature - i.e. not Christ's words or a commandment of God. I personally think that it is more important to make the marriage work in these days of extreme pressures on marriage and that there is love between the spouses than to strictly adhere to Paul's teachings. A bit like when Jesus did away with the Mosaic law prohibiting consumption of pork (Matthew 15:10-11) to me. I sometimes think that we should not get lost in the weeds...

 

[bekkilyn]

Ephesians 5:22-23 clearly says that wives should submit to their husbands. However, that's Pauline literature - i.e. not Christ's words or a commandment of God. I personally think that it is more important to make the relationship work in these days of extreme pressures on marriage and that there is love between the spouses than to strictly adhere to Paul's teachings. A bit like when Jesus did away with the Mosaic law prohibiting consumption of pork (Matthew 15:10-11) to me. I sometimes think that we should not get lost in the weeds...

While Paul did say that wives should submit to their husbands, he also said that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church, which means that husbands should be living in a sacrificial relationship with their wives and not the authoritative relationship that people tend to interpret it to be. A sacrificial relationship is to put the needs of the other person before their own, or...submit to the needs of the other person at the cost of one's own.

The verse that comes right before these passages in Ephesians 5:21 states "Be subject to one another in Christ." Paul uses the following verses to demonstrate how to do this within the context of the pagan Greco-Roman household structure that existed at those times.

It *should* be as you said to be about love between spouses, but Paul should not be blamed for those who read what he says and interpret it as some sort of controlling relationship, whether it be the man or the woman who is being a "boss" over the other.

Paul emphasized a *new* way of living in Christ and was not trying to force people over the course of future centuries into conforming to Greco-Roman pagan culture. Quite the opposite, in fact.

 

[Peble]

While Paul did say that wives should submit to their husbands, he also said that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church, which means that husbands should be living in a sacrificial relationship with their wives and not the authoritative relationship that people tend to interpret it to be. A sacrificial relationship is to put the needs of the other person before their own, or...submit to the needs of the other person at the cost of one's own.

The verse that comes right before these passages in Ephesians 5:21 states "Be subject to one another in Christ." Paul uses the following verses to demonstrate how to do this within the context of the pagan Greco-Roman household structure that existed at those times.

It *should* be as you said to be about love between spouses, but Paul should not be blamed for those who read what he says and interpret it as some sort of controlling relationship, whether it be the man or the woman who is being a "boss" over the other.

Paul emphasized a *new* way of living in Christ and was not trying to force people over the course of future centuries into conforming to Greco-Roman pagan culture. Quite the opposite, in fact.

I see your point and I agree; however, it is not clear to who exactly Ephesians 5:21 is intended for. I've always interpreted Ephesians 5:21 to be generic (referring to relationships amongst members of a society or group of "equal rank") whereas Ephesians 5:22 to be specific to the role of a wife. Nevertheless, your argument makes sense to me.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Are women living in sin by being "the boss" in a marriage?

Both of them be in sin...'cause if both of them be christian and
not living according to God's Word, they both need to repent
and strive to live godly.

Where did this come from?
Fleshly nature/sin.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Every home that I see that have the woman in charge over the man is dysfunctional. The women have their place in the home and the men have theirs. Works best when they know their Godly rolls.
M-Bob

 

[bekkilyn]

I see your point and I agree; however, it is not clear to who exactly Ephesians 5:21 is intended for. I've always interpreted Ephesians 5:21 to be generic (referring to relationships amongst members of a society or group of "equal rank") whereas Ephesians 5:22 to be specific to the role of a wife. Nevertheless, your argument makes sense to me.

Paul is addressing his letter to the Ephesian church (and is widely believed to other surrounding churches) in Asia Minor in the area of modern-day Turkey. The people in these churches were largely Gentile/non-Jewish Christians and Ephesians 5:21 was directed towards them as were the following verses. We can still learn from it in our day even though our households are set up differently from having a large family with one patriarch who rules over everything, with women, minor children, and slaves having second class status (if that much.)

Men did not marry wives for love. The marriages tended to be arranged and the wife's purpose was to produce children (preferably male) to raise or maintain the status of the patriarch. In the "better" families the wife was generally kept secluded and forbidden to speak to other men besides her husband, and in many Greco-Roman cities, a woman was forbidden by law from speaking in public assemblies.

Love was not part of the equation. Men didn't marry based on love and they really didn't even use their wives for sexual fulfillment. They had the professional prostitutes and young males for that purpose.

Most of us today don't live in these types of households and Paul wasn't in any way suggesting that we set up our households in this manner. His overall message is that we have all been set free through Jesus Christ and that we should live sacrificially and submit to one another in Christ Jesus as Christ did for us.

There is a lot more to this, but if we only interpret these passages on a surface level without really understanding what was going on at the time Paul wrote the letter, and how people lived, and what Paul's overall message is concerning the gospel, then we start falling into legalism and begin dictating how people are to set up their households for all time, and who is supposed to have power or authority over whom (and there is no Greek word that Paul uses here that directly translates to ruling over or having authority over) and even worse, forgetting what Paul's gospel message is and how these verses are really about how Jesus relates to us, and how he loved (and loves) us so much that he is willing to do anything, even through torture and death and taking on our burden of sin, to save us from the second death.

Humans, even Christians today, seem to be obsessed with power and forget that it's all really about being a servant.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Men did not marry wives for love. The marriages tended to be arranged and the wife's purpose was to produce children (preferably male) to raise or maintain the status of the patriarch. In the "better" families the wife was generally kept secluded and forbidden to speak to other men besides her husband, and in many Greco-Roman cities, a woman was forbidden by law from speaking in public assemblies.

Love was not part of the equation. Men didn't marry based on love and they really didn't even use their wives for sexual fulfillment. They had the professional prostitutes and young males for that purpose.

Most of us today don't live in these types of households and Paul wasn't in any way suggesting that we set up our households in this manner. His overall message is that we have all been set free through Jesus Christ and that we should live sacrificially and submit to one another in Christ Jesus as Christ did for us.

There is a lot more to this, but if we only interpret these passages on a surface level without really understanding what was going on at the time Paul wrote the letter, and how people lived, and what Paul's overall message is concerning the gospel, then we start falling into legalism and begin dictating how people are to set up their households for all time, and who is supposed to have power or authority over whom (and there is no Greek word that Paul uses here that directly translates to ruling over or having authority over) and even worse, forgetting what Paul's gospel message is and how these verses are really about how Jesus relates to us, and how he loved (and loves) us so much that he is willing to do anything, even through torture and death and taking on our burden of sin, to save us from the second death.

Humans, even Christians today, seem to be obsessed with power and forget that it's all really about being a servant.

I don't think that's true at all.

I believe that Joseph loved Mary.
And David loved Basheba.
Much love between Boaz & Ruth.
List goes on and on and on.
M-Bob

 

[Willing-heart]

In fact, the battle of the sexist did not start in the church of Corinth, nor in the 60s in America. The battle of the sexist started back in Eden. After Adam was created from Dust, the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” and God created Eve from Adam. Later on, the Devil in disguise deceived Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, and she shared it with Adam. The Evil one went to the woman first in order to create dissatisfaction in her role, in order to create confusion with regards to the roles, for Adam was given the responsibility of leadership. Instead of leading Adam was following. Satan made it possible for Eve to debate the issue. If Satan can get anyone to begin to debate any of the issues that are already settled in the Word of God, he is two-thirds of the way there. When sin entered into the world the roles were reversed, men abdicated his responsibility. At the core of their sin is the rebellion of the heart that is why we desperately need to guard our heart above all because everything we do flows from it (Proverb 4:23).

Uncompromising Biblical Truth {Part I}

 

[bekkilyn]

I don't think that's true at all.

I believe that Joseph loved Mary.
And David loved Basheba.
Much love between Boaz & Ruth.
List goes on and on and on.
M-Bob

First, those are Jewish families and Paul's letters weren't directly towards them, and second, I am speaking in general terms of the culture. I'm sure there were *some* men who loved their wives in some way, but in general, it wasn't a cultural requirement and wasn't how marriages were arranged. Marriages were more of a business transaction. It's not accurate at all to turn things into a #whataboutism, especially when many people in all areas of scripture were exceptions to their times. Look at all the younger sons who inherited everything, but for the *most* part, the older sons were heirs in ancient Israelite culture.

Marriage today is much, much different.