Another wife of Aspie

[Chinner.Upper]

hi everybody. I'm searching for the strength to thrive in marriage to a nice man who is not a Christian, but pretends, and who seems to have Aspergers. He is a good father, and checks all the boxes. I do believe that the Bible has all the answers.
It's hard to be attracted to someone who seems to be at the mental stage of a 15 YO. He doesn't seem to be going anywhere, but he does well maintaining things at home. The Bible says to respect your husband. That's his choice.
Another problem is my lack of motivation. Because we expect people to be encouraging and excited for us, the complete opposite is a drag. It feels so unnatural. I do alright at work, but then I come home to someone whose life revolves around himself, and wants a medal for taking out the garbage. He doesn't spend any time with friends; he is happy to stay home alone all day. I'm having trouble making myself do things that require creativity or are difficult. I feel like I'm barely hanging on. Can anyone relate?

 

[Northbrook]

Your life is like the 1950's song "Get a Job" by The Silhouettes. "Well, every morning, every day,/She throws the Want Ads in my way,/And she never forgets to say:/GET A JOB, sha na na na, sha na na na na na!"

 

[AnnaDeborah]

Welcome to CF. I'm so sorry you are having a hard time.

It's hard to be attracted to someone who seems to be at the mental stage of a 15 YO.

But presumably, you were attracted to him when you married him, so since Asperger's isn't something you can acquire later in life, if he is Aspie, it would have been evident before marriage. So I'm wondering if he is maybe experiencing some kind of mental health issue?

I come home to someone whose life revolves around himself, and wants a medal for taking out the garbage. He doesn't spend any time with friends; he is happy to stay home alone all day.

Is he depressed? People on the autistic spectrum are often very self-focussed and don't find social interaction easy, but again, this is something that would have been evident all along, so if it has only started since your marriage, it sounds more like depression or maybe some kind of breakdown? It would be good to encourage him to see a doctor.

I hope you find some help and support soon, and a diagnosis.

 

[Southernscotty]

Welcome to CF chinner.upper and I am praying for God's wisdom here for you.

 

[Chinner.Upper]

Thanks for replying. It helps me feel not so invisible. I'm the one who is "barely hanging on." He is content with everything going his way, no challenges. He can do superficial conversation. After 25 years, you expect to have a deeper connection. He was faking his faith when we married, but we still enjoyed many activities together. I guess I just need to be OK with that. But over 25 years, I have grown to appreciate and need connections. I have cultivated my right brain, and he has let his atrophy, just like I can't do the math problems I did in college. Does anyone else get this, like you are married to a robot who has certain programmed responses, and interacts on an algorithmic basis?

 

[Lily76_]

Welcome to cf chinner.upper
we have an forum for people with Aspergers and there cares here https://www.christianforums.com/forums/autism-aspergers.445/
if you need anything please pm me or another Ambassadors
welcome to the forums

 

[Dana cheryl]

hi everybody. I'm searching for the strength to thrive in marriage to a nice man who is not a Christian, but pretends, and who seems to have Aspergers. He is a good father, and checks all the boxes. I do believe that the Bible has all the answers.
It's hard to be attracted to someone who seems to be at the mental stage of a 15 YO. He doesn't seem to be going anywhere, but he does well maintaining things at home. The Bible says to respect your husband. That's his choice.
Another problem is my lack of motivation. Because we expect people to be encouraging and excited for us, the complete opposite is a drag. It feels so unnatural. I do alright at work, but then I come home to someone whose life revolves around himself, and wants a medal for taking out the garbage. He doesn't spend any time with friends; he is happy to stay home alone all day. I'm having trouble making myself do things that require creativity or are difficult. I feel like I'm barely hanging on. Can anyone relate?

 

[nChrist]

Welcome chinner.upper,

I hope that you will enjoy Christian Forums. You will be in my prayers.

 

[sunshine100]

Hello and welcome