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Another wife of Aspie

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Chinner.Upper, Sep 2, 2018.

  1. Chinner.Upper

    Chinner.Upper New Member

    6
    +3
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    hi everybody. I'm searching for the strength to thrive in marriage to a nice man who is not a Christian, but pretends, and who seems to have Aspergers. He is a good father, and checks all the boxes. I do believe that the Bible has all the answers.
    It's hard to be attracted to someone who seems to be at the mental stage of a 15 YO. He doesn't seem to be going anywhere, but he does well maintaining things at home. The Bible says to respect your husband. That's his choice.
    Another problem is my lack of motivation. Because we expect people to be encouraging and excited for us, the complete opposite is a drag. It feels so unnatural. I do alright at work, but then I come home to someone whose life revolves around himself, and wants a medal for taking out the garbage. He doesn't spend any time with friends; he is happy to stay home alone all day. I'm having trouble making myself do things that require creativity or are difficult. I feel like I'm barely hanging on. Can anyone relate?
     
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  2. Northbrook

    Northbrook No sé vivir sin Dios

    275
    +228
    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Single
    US-Republican
    Your life is like the 1950's song "Get a Job" by The Silhouettes. "Well, every morning, every day,/She throws the Want Ads in my way,/And she never forgets to say:/GET A JOB, sha na na na, sha na na na na na!"
     
  3. AnnaDeborah

    AnnaDeborah Well-Known Member

    570
    +675
    United Kingdom
    Christian
    Private
    Welcome to CF. I'm so sorry you are having a hard time.
    But presumably, you were attracted to him when you married him, so since Asperger's isn't something you can acquire later in life, if he is Aspie, it would have been evident before marriage. So I'm wondering if he is maybe experiencing some kind of mental health issue?

    Is he depressed? People on the autistic spectrum are often very self-focussed and don't find social interaction easy, but again, this is something that would have been evident all along, so if it has only started since your marriage, it sounds more like depression or maybe some kind of breakdown? It would be good to encourage him to see a doctor.

    I hope you find some help and support soon, and a diagnosis.
     
  4. Southernscotty

    Southernscotty Well-Known Member Supporter Angels Team

    +7,249
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    Welcome to CF chinner.upper and I am praying for God's wisdom here for you.
     
  5. Chinner.Upper

    Chinner.Upper New Member

    6
    +3
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Thanks for replying. It helps me feel not so invisible. I'm the one who is "barely hanging on." He is content with everything going his way, no challenges. He can do superficial conversation. After 25 years, you expect to have a deeper connection. He was faking his faith when we married, but we still enjoyed many activities together. I guess I just need to be OK with that. But over 25 years, I have grown to appreciate and need connections. I have cultivated my right brain, and he has let his atrophy, just like I can't do the math problems I did in college. Does anyone else get this, like you are married to a robot who has certain programmed responses, and interacts on an algorithmic basis?
     
  6. GRACEOFGOD3

    GRACEOFGOD3 Well-Known Member Supporter Angels Team CF Ambassadors

    +1,476
    United Kingdom
    Christian Seeker
    Married
    UK-Labour
  7. Dana cheryl

    Dana cheryl New Member

    18
    +14
    United States
    Christian
    Married
     
  8. nChrist

    nChrist AKA: Tom - Saved By Grace Through Faith Supporter

    +13,109
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    Welcome chinner.upper,

    I hope that you will enjoy Christian Forums. You will be in my prayers.
     
  9. sunshine100

    sunshine100 Active Member

    360
    +263
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Hello and welcome
     
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