Can't change churches. Help?

[Traveling teacher]

Are the spiritual gifts really important? I just want to lead people to Christ... our pastor is always telling people to share our testimony but mine is messed up because I got saved while I was drugged up. God did eventually use this church to lead me away from drugs. Maybe I just need to worry about some of the basics like good relationship mechanics and my relationship with God before I should worry about evangelizing and the spiritual gifts.

But I want so bad to serve also and how can we do this without the Holy Spirit and His power and leading. I want discipleship maybe? Like a mentor of some sort?

What is the church denomination she is going to?

 

[seeking.IAM]

Good marriages tolerate differences. My wife and I were brought up in the same faith practice. We were members of that church for a long time until I felt convicted to leave and she did not. She accepted my making a different choice and I respected her choice not to follow me. I have always felt I do not own my wife and I respect her right to decide what makes her happy, just as she respects mine. Headship and submission shouldn't go so far as to trample on the rights or spiritual convictions of others, I think. At least not in my house.

 

[Valetic]

What is the church denomination she is going to?

Non denom

 

[Valetic]

I tried to have another talk with her about it today. It would seem as though I am not trying hard enough to change anything according to her. That I should talk to our pastor. And that it would ruin her life as she says that she has visited several churches with her friends and hers is the only one she really feels God's presence in.

I guess I'm just gonna have to suckle the baby's milk for a while til I can see if pastor wants to help me figure out a way that I can serve effectively to satisfy my passions.

 

[Traveling teacher]

Non denom

bro
20 years ago i overoad my wife's decision as she wanted to stay....
this is totally against belief in the old traditional Chruch of Christ
caused major family problems
but we did go to a bible church as kinda a compromise

she didnt do very good outside her denomination

if I would have had it to do over I would have stayed
until she was ready to leave....
it would have taken about 15 years...

at the time i actually had a close brother tell me he had to wait about 13 years for his wife to leave the COC
so looking back God was speaking to me to stay but coudnt hear it

so like I said you have a choice....
but being a new christian God can work in all of these churches

as a new young christian it is hard to see 20 years down the road

If you can strengthen your marriage at her church that is your main focus...and God will convict her to leave in time

not telling you to go back but where you are at now isnt working....

There is Bible examples of people going back into what they thought was bondage in order to obey God
- Moses went back to Egypt
- Jonah went to ninevah
- Paul went back to the Jews
become all things to all people so as to win them
to the Jew I became a Jew
1 corinthians 9:20

took Moses 40 years to get Israel through the desert
this is a long journey

God works in unity not division
A house divided cant stand

Get some agreement with your wife or a compromise
God will bless you

 

[Valetic]

bro
20 years ago i overoad my wife's decision as she wanted to stay....
this is totally against belief in the old traditional Chruch of Christ
caused major family problems
but we did go to a bible church as kinda a compromise

she didnt do very good outside her denomination

if I would have had it to do over I would have stayed
until she was ready to leave....
it would have taken about 15 years...

at the time i actually had a close brother tell me he had to wait about 13 years for his wife to leave the COC
so looking back God was speaking to me to stay but coudnt hear it

so like I said you have a choice....
but being a new christian God can work in all of these churches

as a new young christian it is hard to see 20 years down the road

If you can strengthen your marriage at her church that is your main focus...and God will convict her to leave in time

not telling you to go back but where you are at now isnt working....

There is Bible examples of people going back into what they thought was bondage in order to obey God
- Moses went back to Egypt
- Jonah went to ninevah
- Paul went back to the Jews
become all things to all people so as to win them
to the Jew I became a Jew
1 corinthians 9:20

took Moses 40 years to get Israel through the desert
this is a long journey

God works in unity not division
A house divided cant stand

Get some agreement with your wife or a compromise
God will bless you

I believe!

I will stay.

 

[Traveling teacher]

I believe!

I will stay.

wise choice

dont think it would be good for your wife to leave in her condition
she may need that foundation

God will work all things out for good

praying for your journey
grace and peace

 

[Valetic]

Just want to thank you guys for helping me through this. I believe I need to stay at my wife's church.

It's almost like when I had left the devil was trying to whisper exactly what I wanted to hear and I fell for it.

While the spiritual gifts may be important or even necessary, what is more important is my personal walk with God and my influence over those within my sphere of influence.

I believe I can find a way to satisfy my desire to serve God in a special way that is selfless and holy. I praise God and thank you all for this forum and all the help you all have been so generous to give me.

 

[ubicaritas]

It's OK for the husband and wife to go to different churches. Lots of folks do that in this day and age.

 

[ubicaritas]

Do you not understand that you have the power to withhold from her the words of her own mouth? If she says something, then you can annul it simply because you are her head. Read Numbers 30.

Now stand up like the man you are and TELL her how things are going to be. .

This is potentially setting up abusive relationship dynamics. A christian marriage should be about love and mutual consideration, not male domination.

 

[Kevin Snow]

This is potentially setting up abusive relationship dynamics. A christian marriage should be about love and mutual consideration, not male domination.

I am governed by the King, whose word is absolute and I have no problem in obeying him. So also do I have no problem in obeying the authority which God sets on earth. And God set us men as the authority over women. It is YOU who paint the picture of wicked domineering but from the beginning it was not so. The authority of God is to be obeyed. But you paint it with the gloss of evil so that you can justify your own way of life.

 

[ubicaritas]

What church you go to should not just be about what meets your needs but where you can serve and contribute to a community. Your wife's concerns are legitimate in that sense because she feels belonging there. Without that sense of belonging there's a danger of people just engaging in a kind of spiritual co-dependency.

 

[Valetic]

This is potentially setting up abusive relationship dynamics. A christian marriage should be about love and mutual consideration, not male domination.

See that's the vibe I was getting. I shouldn't have to rip my wife away from her church to grow spiritually. That is domination and me following my itching ear. That's just what I've come to realize and that is my personal walk with God. Also it would just be a shame if my wife and I couldn't attend the same church.

 

[Valetic]

But you paint it with the gloss of evil so that you can justify your own way of life.

Wow. Just wow. Women are people too, they too have spirituality and testimonies and experiences of God. Not just their husbands. Husbands ought to be considerate and caring for their needs as well as their own. If i did take your advice it would be incredibly inconsiderate and tear our relationship apart as well as make her miserable and make me look like a jerk and like something is just wrong with that picture.

This is a problem with some Christians today is that they abuse that scripture and literally end up sticking their noses up at their own wives, their concerns and their feelings. I would rather be single than treat a lady like this. I hope if you ever get married you are considerate and loving to your wife..

 

[ubicaritas]

Obedience should not be confused with love and is not a substitute for love. God loves us and desires our relationships be based on love, not slavish obedience.

 

[Kevin Snow]

Wow. Just wow. Women are people too, they too have spirituality and testimonies and experiences of God. Not just their husbands. Husbands ought to be considerate and caring for their needs as well as their own. If i did take your advice it would be incredibly inconsiderate and tear our relationship apart as well as make her miserable and make me look like a jerk and like something is just wrong with that picture.

This is a problem with some Christians today is that they abuse that scripture and literally end up sticking their noses up at their own wives, their concerns and their feelings. I would rather be single than treat a lady like this. I hope if you ever get married you are considerate and loving to your wife..

Did I ever say how I treat my wife or my women? If I say to you "wield the rod" did I say to you "beat your wife"? But here you purport evil against me when I have only spoken the truth.

 

[Valetic]

Did I ever say how I treat my wife or my women? If I say to you "wield the rod" did I say to you "beat your wife"? But here you purport evil against me when I have only spoken the truth.

You basically called me out and accused me falsely for not being the head of my household and not wielding the rod by not following my itching ear and dragging her away with me to find some other church that I can be happy in while she can be miserable.

That is an abuse of those scriptures. Those scriptures command me to love my wife which is what I am doing.

 

[Valetic]

Did I ever say how I treat my wife or my women? If I say to you "wield the rod" did I say to you "beat your wife"? But here you purport evil against me when I have only spoken the truth.

Look man I love you with all brotherly love and I say this to help you. Before you give advice get the full story or at least be willing to accept you didn't know enough at the time you gave a piece of advice. It's ok you're probably a more righteous man than I am but my walk with God and my relationship with my wife is just that - mine. And they are for God and given me by Him. I love them. And I love my church, all my brothers. I want what's best for God first, then myself, then my wife, but sometimes her and I have to make compromise and work together on stuff, and this is just one of those things I have to compromise.

 

[Kevin Snow]

Look man I love you with all brotherly love and I say this to help you. Before you give advice get the full story or at least be willing to accept you didn't know enough at the time you gave a piece of advice. It's ok you're probably a more righteous man than I am but my walk with God and my relationship with my wife is just that - mine. And they are for God and given me by Him. I love them. And I love my church, all my brothers. I want what's best for God first, then myself, then my wife, but sometimes her and I have to make compromise and work together on stuff, and this is just one of those things I have to compromise.

You are hiding behind appearances of things but God knows and you know you don't want to fight the status quo and that its just easier to keep going as you are. Nothing good was ever easy.

 

[Valetic]

You are hiding behind appearances of things but God knows and you know you don't want to fight the status quo and that its just easier to keep going as you are. Nothing good was ever easy.

1 Corinthians 13
1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.

11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.