Thoughts On My Dating Requirments (partial list)

[Note]

When the day comes, if it comes, I want to date again (which is a very long effort in itself as it normally takes 2-3 years to even find someone willing to go out for even a coffee) I am wondering if I can someone deter from my list. Well, I do because I love being someone's mate. All the fun and benefits with it too.
Now, I am not saying I am old. Old is 150. But, some may see me as old being 40 or whatever age. "Pepper/salt" facial hair. Life stuff. Children. Stuck in an apartment and not owning a home. No money. No love of mayo.
Now, I am not able or ready to try for reasons of another post, but I have a list. A list I had since I was a child many, many decades ago. Or a teen. Whatever. It was the 1800s. Well, this list grew as I now added "red flags" to not get into another relationship with an abusive person. However, I have personal things on my list that most other people would not. Be it because they go with society or things that not bother them. Some things may be "in the past" but others can still happen. I know what a lot of people say about my list, being narrow minded, picky, selfish, controlling. I have not brought this up with other Christians recently. So, wanted to see what you think. True, I mind may never change, but I want to hear other opinions.
Now, my list has over a dozen entries. Now, some of these may be offending to some humans, but again if I am going to date, then or later, these are my preferences in dating a human female. I will not be giving you a dozen though:

> A girl to date has to have no tattoos nor ever get any. Gosh, one time I went on a single date with a girl who had the name of her dead fiancee tatted on her chest. Right....... Se,e to me, they distort the natural beauty of a woman. And lot of these tats have symbolic reasons like, "oh, this heart on my leg is from the guy who took my virginity)" type of stories. That is just one example of a thousand I can come up with.
> A girl can not have more than the one, single hole in ears for the tiny earrings. Not big loops that droop the ears over time, not more than a single ring in the ear now, or ever. That includes anywhere else in body. With this, I will be with someone who did at one point (scars I consider them) but now only wears the single small ones, but no more.
> She can not have a high body count. Do not want to be with a girl who has been with 5, 6, 7, + people.
> Can not have naked pictures/videos of her in existence in someone else's possession.
> Can not have done sexual things with another female.
> Also, is perfectly, normally a "straight" person.
> Has not had an abortion.
> If she has children, can not have children from more than one father. Unless, say, first husband left her for another woman and second husband died, type of situation. That might be okay. (Once I saw a girl on a dating site who had two kids from two different guys, and was currently pregnant from a the guy [and she is on a dating site!]).
> Does not drink at all. No beer, booze, etc. Maybe I could if she only drank a little, like one or two, and only at home. Because, I do not want a drunken mate or knowing she is out with her friends because in truth, "just having one" and "I got it under control" are lies I have been told before. One is never enough for some. Later she is making out with someone, or worse.

Those are "some" things and people think I am crazy to have them. Because a little tat should not bother me. or if a girl wants to get one, it is "her body" (Christian girls have told me this often). If a girl has been with 10 guys, or 20, should not matter if she is with me.

So I am curious what other people can comment on. See, sometimes I wonder if I be okay with dating someone who got a flower on her foot or something decades ago, hoping she not getting another.

As always, I am expecting harsh criticizing, insults, and nasty remarks. So, I am not going to get worked up on what I may see.

But really, thanks. Just curious how I am compare din my thinking to people of today.

If your head not hurt from even reading this, you deserve a .

 

[Tree of Life]

I think if you stick to a list like this you're doomed to be single for the rest of your life.

 

[Dave-W]

Your priorities are your own, but IMO you are being way too restrictive.

God may send you a wonderful believing lady that has a massive past. If you reject her, you may just be rejecting God's gift.

 

[Note]

I think if you stick to a list like this you're doomed to be single for the rest of your life.

Yip. I had two to fit that list, but both had other issues. You are probably right. See, for example, I just can not get passed some of this stuff. Say with the tats. She has none, but years later wants to get a skull or dragon covering her back. I can not get passed that. I have see what Christians do to their bodies after the fact of accepting Jesus and started adding tats, or piercings.

 

[Note]

Your priorities are your own, but IMO you are being way too restrictive.

God may send you a wonderful believing lady that has a massive past. If you reject her, you may just be rejecting God's gift.

Guilt + trip =

 

[*LILAC]

Um... good luck with that? That is a hefty list. I know someone who has a similar list and guess what? He's still single, too.

 

[Note]

Um... good luck with that? That is a hefty list. I know someone who has a similar list and guess what? He's still single, too.

That is just part of a list. Only 1/4th of it. Just those are some heavy things. Only two women in my lives were able to do that, but one gave up and the other was abusive.
See, yes, I got certain prefs, but also, to keep away certain temptations (drinking) away. I do not drink now, but why have someone in my life that does and wants it in the home because it is "her life and I should respect that?" Why deal with that when not to have it at all?
Sure, may die single and alone in the next few centuries, but at least I kept my honor with it.... or is honor also out of date?

 

[*LILAC]

You mean there's more?!

I don't mean to make light of your situation but even if you find "the one", how can you be sure that everything on your list will all be checked and accounted for? She's going to have flaws, too. How will you be able to handle them?

 

[Note]

You mean there's more?!

I don't mean to make light of your situation but even if you find "the one", how can you be sure that everything on your list will all be checked and accounted for? She's going to have flaws, too. How will you be able to handle them?

Some flaws I will work on. Others I can not. And after the abuse, I added new red flags to my list to not be in that situation again.
Just the way I am.

 

[rubyinprogress]

I think it is important to know what we want in a future mate. However, it is more important to know what HE wants us to have in a future mate. Some people think your list is too restrictive. Honestly, I think you are "majoring in minors" so to speak. You have made major issues out of things that are not the important issues. The important issues are her character now and her love for the Lord, her submission to His will in her life TODAY. She may have multiple tats and piercings. She may have slept with a dozen men in her past. But what is she today? Is she sexually and psychologically pure NOW? Is she committed to honoring God in and with her body today? Has God taken whatever brokenness she experienced in her past and healed it, transformed it and is her life now glorifying to God?

Someone I knew a lifetime ago was attracted to a girl he met while he was a missionary in a foreign country. They had so much in common and I could hear from his talking about her that they were a good match. But he said she was not marriable because he would only marry a virgin. The girl had been sold into prostitution by her father when she was a young teen. Since accepting Christ she had been transformed, but all he could see was her past. That was in 1991. He's still single/never married. I wonder if he missed the love of his life. I don't know. I just wonder.

Keep in mind, you want to be known for who you are today, not who you used to be. Take your list to the Lord. Ask Him what items on the list are there by His guidance and what items are there because in your human wisdom, you have decided what is best for you. Let Him show you if your list needs to change. His is the only opinion that matters anyway - right?

 

[JAM2b]

You're expectations are your business and you are the one who has to be happy with whoever you are with. However, the more rules you have, the smaller your pool to fish from. You have to live with the fact that you are greatly narrowing your possibilities. If you are OK with that, then it's fine. If you are unhappy, then adjust your requirements list.

 

[Note]

I think it is important to know what we want in a future mate. However, it is more important to know what HE wants us to have in a future mate. Some people think your list is too restrictive. Honestly, I think you are "majoring in minors" so to speak. You have made major issues out of things that are not the important issues. The important issues are her character now and her love for the Lord, her submission to His will in her life TODAY. She may have multiple tats and piercings. She may have slept with a dozen men in her past. But what is she today? Is she sexually and psychologically pure NOW? Is she committed to honoring God in and with her body today? Has God taken whatever brokenness she experienced in her past and healed it, transformed it and is her life now glorifying to God?

Someone I knew a lifetime ago was attracted to a girl he met while he was a missionary in a foreign country. They had so much in common and I could hear from his talking about her that they were a good match. But he said she was not marriable because he would only marry a virgin. The girl had been sold into prostitution by her father when she was a young teen. Since accepting Christ she had been transformed, but all he could see was her past. That was in 1991. He's still single/never married. I wonder if he missed the love of his life. I don't know. I just wonder.

Keep in mind, you want to be known for who you are today, not who you used to be. Take your list to the Lord. Ask Him what items on the list are there by His guidance and what items are there because in your human wisdom, you have decided what is best for you. Let Him show you if your list needs to change. His is the only opinion that matters anyway - right?

I can understand some of that, like she made a lot of mistakes and slept with way too many guys. But I know this nice girl who will get a tat, for example, one day and she says it is her body and if she wants a TARDIS on her butt then the man she marries has to accept that. Yea, but no. It is not just the past, but for me the way I see time, the past is also the future.

Yup, will die alone in the next 300 years. No one ever will I hold hands or kiss again. I agree with some of you. My list is old fashions for this world, but I do not conform to this world.

Figured I see what some options are from other folks, ones whom not know me.

 

[Bobber]

As always, I am expecting harsh criticizing, insults, and nasty remarks. So, I am not going to get worked up on what I may see.

Why would anyone be nasty to you? Most might feel sorry for you that it appears you might be alone the rest of your life.

 

[Note]

You're expectations are your business and you are the one who has to be happy with whoever you are with. However, the more rules you have, the smaller your pool to fish from. You have to live with the fact that you are greatly narrowing your possibilities. If you are OK with that, then it's fine. If you are unhappy, then adjust your requirements list.

Yup, small pool. Nothing can be limited, and those are not even some of the biggest ones, as the list has been updated like:
No naked pictures/videos of you exists in someone else's possession.
Not having kids from three+ different guys.
Never having been sexual with a woman.

Yip... small pool. I am in the wrong century again.

 

[Note]

Why would anyone be nasty to you? Most might feel sorry for you that it appears you might be alone the rest of your life.

Experience here. Because I had an admin nasty to me once here and s/he affected my posts, and others too. Because I think differently than other humans and I word things that seems unpleasant to others to read.

 

[JAM2b]

I can understand the sexually related ones. I don't know that I would agree with it in 100% of every possible circumstances because for me circumstances could make a difference. My concern sexually would be because of the potential for diseases, and how recent it had been, has their been consistent evidence of repentance with some longevity, etc.

The drinking... I won't drink with anyone I don't know very well. And I never get drunk. I don't like to be around people who are drinking if I don't know them very well. However, to exclude everyone who ever drinks any at all, that's a bit extreme. I'm not saying it's wrong, but it is creating a difficult situation.

The smaller things like, more than one piercing, the tattoos... Personally some piercings bother me, but two holes in each ear do not. A small or easily concealed tattoo or one that is not offensive or tacky is ...eh.. I don't know. I don't like tattoos in general (personal preference), but if it isn't bad then it wouldn't be a deal breaker to me.

But I have my own rules that would -and have- put up a wall for many men. So like I said, it's personal business and entirely up to you. You have to live with your own standards and the effects of it in your life, like I do.

 

[rubyinprogress]

I can understand some of that, like she made a lot of mistakes and slept with way too many guys. But I know this nice girl who will get a tat, for example, one day and she says it is her body and if she wants a TARDIS on her butt then the man she marries has to accept that. Yea, but no. It is not just the past, but for me the way I see time, the past is also the future.

Yup, will die alone in the next 300 years. No one ever will I hold hands or kiss again. I agree with some of you. My list is old fashions for this world, but I do not conform to this world.

Figured I see what some options are from other folks, ones whom not know me.

If a woman got a tatoo on her butt and at the time she said 'It's my body, I will do what I want' and then sometime later repented and regretted that tatoo because she came to want to glorify God in her body, would she still be off limits for you?

 

[Note]

If a woman got a tatoo on her butt and at the time she said 'It's my body, I will do what I want' and then sometime later repented and regretted that tatoo because she came to want to glorify God in her body, would she still be off limits for you?

Tats just are not my thing period, so her being Christ centered would not really change that for me. Now that I thing of it, if maybe, just maybe, it was a tiny tiny tiny heart or flower someplace where no one else could see, then who knows. If it happens that I meet and fall for such a girl in the next sixty years, I let you know but I am not counting on it.
I know a girl who likes me (but I not share the feelings) who says she will one day get a tat of anything. Someone like that I could not be with because who knows what she would get, if she gets it, and it could be a face of a TV character. It could be a skull, a cross, a Smurf. I am not going to do that to myself. Live with that type of uncertainty.
My gosh, I once went on a date (only coffee) years back with a girl who had tatted on her chest very visible to people in public, the name of her dead fiance (she got after he died). Yea, but no, I could never ever be with someone like that, and say get "physical" seeing someone else's name.
Now if someone had the type of skin conditions or birthmarks that are obvious, those I can look past easily, because that is natural.

I get it. I am decades behind other human standards, just like my tech is decades older than everyone else's. Most girls just do not match my standards now, and most likely even less when the time comes I want to date again. In my life, only two women matched that list. Well, three but I am not counting the third one since my clone stole her from me, turned her into a cyborg, and stole my time machine too. That punk..... Yea, not really into heavy cybernetics either. Especially the ones that pinch you when you go for the hug.

I guess I have a lot of deal breakers and seems that is being pointed out to me. Well, guess the reason of this post did what it did. Told me I am probably going to be alone.

 

[dysert]

Just watch. He'll fall in love with some woman, and his list will fly out the window

 

[Note]

Just watch. He'll fall in love with some woman, and his list will fly out the window

Heh, someone with a more positive attitude than me!