Ladies who won't date men who drink, even on occasion

[Saucy]

You're mocking me.

I'm just using your logic. If a single drink is the same as drunkenness, then a piece of cake is gluttony. Where do we draw the line on what is okay and what isn't?

 

[blackribbon]

Once again, we are permitted for medicinal purposes.

Where does it say that it is okay to be not sober for medicinal purposes?

 

[Citanul]

That's the same as saying I'm tempting fate by eating a slice of cake after dinner. Lord, please don't let cake be the reason why I don't make it to Heaven.

Well, lies are bad and the cake is a lie...

 

[Celticroots]

I am a girl. I drink on occasion and don't view it as a sin. I could never date a man who thought drinking on occasion was sinful.

 

[Celticroots]

Yeah, but when I gave that argument, it was like talking to a brick wall.

Then she has no clue about what moderation is. Some Christians I've noticed hold an all or nothing attitude to some things that most would not consider big deals or sinful.That's an unrealistic view of life. That trait is a deal breaker for me.

 

[redblue22]

Is it uncomfortable that some people say you are sinning because you crack open a cold one?

 

[Celticroots]

Was that to me? No. I won't not drink in moderation just because someone else thinks it's sinful.

 

[Saucy]

I really dont care what others think on it lol. I just enjoy a good convo

 

[Soyeong]

Got to talking to this woman online. She's part of our singles group and we got to talking about some of the male church leaders of that group.

She was saying she liked this particular guy (leader) as he was single, but won't date him because he'll like to have a drink on occasion. Her other friend, that's also a leader, won't date the co-leader...same reason. He'll have a beer...on occasion.

"Occasion" being the operative word here.

She said she liked him and wanted date him, but when he ordered a beer...total deal breaker.

I said to her, "You really need to lighten up on your standards"

and she goes, "That's the problem with Christians, they cave on their standards when they should be giving of themselves ENTIRELY to Christ"

Then we got into a debate about the feast at Cana's wedding and how Jesus turned water into wine...and she said "We're not Jesus" and I said, "Well, that just proves it's not a sin" and she said, "To me it is"

The logic that followed didn't make any sense, but she said she'd rather stay single her entire life than to date a man who drinks a beer on occasion.

I have noticed it's always the women who don't drink, but men...they tend to drink, even have a solo beer/wine on occasion.

She said "it kills the Witness" that someone who is coming to Christ as a newcomer, if they see that they have a drink in hand, it'll discredit that person and discredit their belief IN that person being Christian.

Do some of these ladies need to seriously lighten up and realize that drinking, in moderation, is not a sin?

Then, the truth come out....

She went on about how her husband and family members were alcoholics and abuse came of it and that.

So, her dealbreaker is based off a bad experience. Had she not experienced this, then...this wouldn't be an issue. Somehow she is thinking if her new boyfriend has a beer, that it'll lead him to be an abusive spouse, and beating the childrren...in the future.

Although, not sure if you can connect the two, as there's no real logic to this? But can't say I blame her, but isn't this an example of going from one extreme to the next?

But there seems to be a commonality that she and her female friend somehow thinks that any future guy they are crushing on has one beer, will he be assumed to be an abusive husband simply by having one drink?

So, their decision is predicated on the fact they were victims of alcohol abuse that lead to physical abuse of herself and her children and thusly, she won't date a man that even touches alcohol.

It's more PTSD than a Christian decision.

Jesus also drank wine at Passover, so they are follower of someone who drank on occasion, which means that it is not something God revealed to be sin. The Bible says that it is a sin to get drunk, but does not say that it is a sin to get drunk. However, to someone who thinks it is a sin, then it becomes a sin, but they should not judge others over their opinion, and we should not use our freedoms to cause others to stumble. When I started reading your post, I suspected that she might have had a bad experience with others who drank, which you later confirmed. Alcohol has ruined countless lives and not just those who choose to drink, so I don't blame anyone for wanting nothing to do with it, even though it is permitted by the Bible, especially if they've had bad personal experiences with it. No one who starts drinking things it will be a problem for them, but sadly many are wrong. Personally, I find a woman who does not drink alcohol to be an desireable quality.

 

[Reformed2]

So here's the thing guys and gals - our enemy, Satan, roams the earth, looking for souls to devour. Spiritual warfare is very real, we must not let our guards down.
I realize that many on here get defensive about alcohol, but is it worth risking the stumble? Why be vulnerable in this fallen world? Fact, Bible says it's not wise to drink. Also fact, Bible says being drunk is a sin. Why flirt with it?

 

[kittysbecute]

Got to talking to this woman online. She's part of our singles group and we got to talking about some of the male church leaders of that group.

She was saying she liked this particular guy (leader) as he was single, but won't date him because he'll like to have a drink on occasion. Her other friend, that's also a leader, won't date the co-leader...same reason. He'll have a beer...on occasion.

"Occasion" being the operative word here.

She said she liked him and wanted date him, but when he ordered a beer...total deal breaker.

I said to her, "You really need to lighten up on your standards"

and she goes, "That's the problem with Christians, they cave on their standards when they should be giving of themselves ENTIRELY to Christ"

Then we got into a debate about the feast at Cana's wedding and how Jesus turned water into wine...and she said "We're not Jesus" and I said, "Well, that just proves it's not a sin" and she said, "To me it is"

The logic that followed didn't make any sense, but she said she'd rather stay single her entire life than to date a man who drinks a beer on occasion.

I have noticed it's always the women who don't drink, but men...they tend to drink, even have a solo beer/wine on occasion.

She said "it kills the Witness" that someone who is coming to Christ as a newcomer, if they see that they have a drink in hand, it'll discredit that person and discredit their belief IN that person being Christian.

Do some of these ladies need to seriously lighten up and realize that drinking, in moderation, is not a sin?

Then, the truth come out....

She went on about how her husband and family members were alcoholics and abuse came of it and that.

So, her dealbreaker is based off a bad experience. Had she not experienced this, then...this wouldn't be an issue. Somehow she is thinking if her new boyfriend has a beer, that it'll lead him to be an abusive spouse, and beating the childrren...in the future.

Although, not sure if you can connect the two, as there's no real logic to this? But can't say I blame her, but isn't this an example of going from one extreme to the next?

But there seems to be a commonality that she and her female friend somehow thinks that any future guy they are crushing on has one beer, will he be assumed to be an abusive husband simply by having one drink?

So, their decision is predicated on the fact they were victims of alcohol abuse that lead to physical abuse of herself and her children and thusly, she won't date a man that even touches alcohol.

It's more PTSD than a Christian decision.

I think it's important when finding a significant other to agree on values that are important. For some people it's important to agree on this, for others it might be alright to compromise on. But generally if someone thinks something is a sin that the other regularly or occasionally does... that is a legitimate deal breaker.
Beyond this, what is the point in dwelling on it? What does it matter to you what a lady from your bible study feels about alcohol consumption? Just find someone who you are compatible with and don't worry about the others.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Wow, this thread really took off! lol. I was wondering, is it even possible to find a Christian woman that doesn't have a problem dating someone that drinks on occasion? For some reason, I do. They are really nice girls, but...they are pretty steadfast on that particular deal breaker.

I ran across one woman like this, but she's married. I talked with her about this, and she said, "Yeah, I'm a bit of unicorn." She takes no issue watching mainstream, pop culture television. Her and her husband spend her time around people that do drink at a social event. They just mind their P's and Q's.

I was thinking, "Man, where was she when I was single?! lol"

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Is it uncomfortable that some people say you are sinning because you crack open a cold one?

I sometimes think there's an implication there. Like there are some Christians that won't even mingle with others that drink either. They seem as if they are coming as high and mighty to others. I'll emphasize "coming off" as high and mighty. Not saying that they ARE high and mighty, but this just a knee jerk reaction between those who drink and those who don't.

Though, completely cutting yourself off from even socializing with others that drink, in moderation, well...you might as well not even leave the house.

I don't drink that much, and I once recalled some co-worker judging me when they were three sheets to the wind. Something about, "I don't trust a man that doesn't drink" philosophy.

Not sure where they get that idea, what does trust have to do with it? They think you'll rat them out as drunkards?

 

[Citanul]

Wow, this thread really took off! lol. I was wondering, is it even possible to find a Christian woman that doesn't have a problem dating someone that drinks on occasion? For some reason, I do. They are really nice girls, but...they are pretty steadfast on that particular deal breaker.

I think this could be very much down to your personal situation, as I don't seem to encounter too many Christian women who are opposed to having an occasional drink themselves, and so obviously wouldn't have a problem dating anyone who also drinks. Offhand, I can only think of one who I know for certain doesn't drink, but she certainly doesn't believe that drinking is a sin, so it's just a choice that she's made for herself and I think might be open to dating someone who drinks.

But I think you've posted elsewhere that the single women you come across tend to have already been married and often have kids. So it could be that alcohol has been a common reason contributing to those relationships breaking down, making it understandable that they might not want to date someone who drinks, even occasionally as their exes may have started out as occasional drinkers before things went south. But that suggests that the anti-alcohol stance has more to do with what's typical of relationships where you live rather than amongst Christians in general.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

But I think you've posted elsewhere that the single women you come across tend to have already been married and often have kids. So it could be that alcohol has been a common reason contributing to those relationships breaking down, making it understandable that they might not want to date someone who drinks, even occasionally as their exes may have started out as occasional drinkers before things went south. But that suggests that the anti-alcohol stance has more to do with what's typical of relationships where you live rather than amongst Christians in general.

Right....the woman I was talking to about this said that she liked a particular guy in the group. I met him, great and nice guy. He leads the worship service in song, too.

Then she completely discounted him because he had a drink.

Isn't that like throwing the baby out with the bathwater? But again, that's her choice, and she's sticking to it. This is no different than women who will date men no shorter than 6 feet tall. Their friends and family will tell them, "You're being too picky!!" and they won't even listen to them.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

she's not gonna work out for you. move on to the next female.

her not wanting to deal with someone who consumes alcohol due to her past experiences is totally reasonable. saying it's sin, is not.

 

[Reformed2]

Right....the woman I was talking to about this said that she liked a particular guy in the group. I met him, great and nice guy. He leads the worship service in song, too.

Then she completely discounted him because he had a drink.

Isn't that like throwing the baby out with the bathwater? But again, that's her choice, and she's sticking to it. This is no different than women who will date men no shorter than 6 feet tall. Their friends and family will tell them, "You're being too picky!!" and they won't even listen to them.

There are a ton of Christian women that won't date men who drink. Like entire denominations. Southern Baptist comes to mind. Church isn't for dating anyway. If it happens naturally great but that's not the primary focus.

 

[Paulie079]

Got to talking to this woman online. She's part of our singles group and we got to talking about some of the male church leaders of that group.

She was saying she liked this particular guy (leader) as he was single, but won't date him because he'll like to have a drink on occasion. Her other friend, that's also a leader, won't date the co-leader...same reason. He'll have a beer...on occasion.

"Occasion" being the operative word here.

She said she liked him and wanted date him, but when he ordered a beer...total deal breaker.

I said to her, "You really need to lighten up on your standards"

and she goes, "That's the problem with Christians, they cave on their standards when they should be giving of themselves ENTIRELY to Christ"

Then we got into a debate about the feast at Cana's wedding and how Jesus turned water into wine...and she said "We're not Jesus" and I said, "Well, that just proves it's not a sin" and she said, "To me it is"

The logic that followed didn't make any sense, but she said she'd rather stay single her entire life than to date a man who drinks a beer on occasion.

I have noticed it's always the women who don't drink, but men...they tend to drink, even have a solo beer/wine on occasion.

She said "it kills the Witness" that someone who is coming to Christ as a newcomer, if they see that they have a drink in hand, it'll discredit that person and discredit their belief IN that person being Christian.

Do some of these ladies need to seriously lighten up and realize that drinking, in moderation, is not a sin?

Then, the truth come out....

She went on about how her husband and family members were alcoholics and abuse came of it and that.

So, her dealbreaker is based off a bad experience. Had she not experienced this, then...this wouldn't be an issue. Somehow she is thinking if her new boyfriend has a beer, that it'll lead him to be an abusive spouse, and beating the childrren...in the future.

Although, not sure if you can connect the two, as there's no real logic to this? But can't say I blame her, but isn't this an example of going from one extreme to the next?

But there seems to be a commonality that she and her female friend somehow thinks that any future guy they are crushing on has one beer, will he be assumed to be an abusive husband simply by having one drink?

So, their decision is predicated on the fact they were victims of alcohol abuse that lead to physical abuse of herself and her children and thusly, she won't date a man that even touches alcohol.

It's more PTSD than a Christian decision.

Usually telling a person to lighten up on their standards is not good advice

I think there's a pretty broad middle ground here that isn't hard to find, and you aren't really there. You're leaning pretty far to one side. Drinking alcohol isn't sinful, yes, but not everything that is permissible is beneficial. Personally I have no conviction against drinking alcohol, but there are people who do. A lot of the people who have this conviction have known people whose lives have been destroyed by alcohol or by family members who became alcoholic. Can you blame them for just not wanting it to be a part of their life anymore?

Also, as human beings going from one extreme to the other is what we do. Pendulum swings abound. But we also, as human beings, look for relationships that make us feel safe, so you can't blame someone for wanting a relationship without the one thing that made the most important relationship in the world to her at the time unsafe, and not unsafe as in uncomfortable, but as in abusive.

Lastly, if I were to guess, I don't think she has a problem with a guy having a drink every once in awhile. It's when alcohol is a normal part of his life (even if it is in a healthy way) that it starts to strike that "I don't want to go back there again" chord.

 

[redblue22]

Would it be better to be with someone who rarely drinks but drinks too much when they drink OR someone who drinks very little but often?

 

[blackribbon]

So here's the thing guys and gals - our enemy, Satan, roams the earth, looking for souls to devour. Spiritual warfare is very real, we must not let our guards down.
I realize that many on here get defensive about alcohol, but is it worth risking the stumble? Why be vulnerable in this fallen world? Fact, Bible says it's not wise to drink. Also fact, Bible says being drunk is a sin. Why flirt with it?

You give a lot of power to alcohol. Yes, it causes some people to stumble....especially those that have addictive personalities or unhealthy coping techniques. However, other don't even feel it necessary to finish a glass when they are done and can easily walk away from an open alcoholic beverage. It isn't an irresistible sin for the vast majority of the population. Be careful about judging other people without knowing the facts.

That said, if someone does not want to have a life with alcohol in it, they would be wise to not date people who drink..even occasionally, because the idea of drinking causes them to stumble and become judgmental.

I am also waiting for the verse that says it is okay to drink for medicinal purposes.