struggling badly

[teresa]

do you journal on sketch paper in a sketch book? and then do you mix up writing with drawings?

 

[Lily76_]

i have printer paper i have loads of it but no printer the printer broke and my husband not got another one
am writing it slowly my art is poor this bit of art that was in my sig was someone else work i like looking at art especially christian art

 

[teresa]

when and where will you write the letter?

 

[GirdYourLoins]

When you wake up early get in a habit of reading your bible. Man cannot live on bread alone.

As I said on another thread yesterday, read Isaiah 53:3-5. Most people focus on "wounded for our transgressions" which is dying for our sin and "by His stripes we are healed" which is for healing and I believe primarily physical. Where it says "he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him" it is for mental health issues and soul issues which is what it appears you are suffering from You may well have some soul issues that need healing. I have had some soul issues from violent abuse as a child and my wife has had soul issues due to a relationship she had long before she met me.

Also keep praying and ask God for forgiveness for yourself and also forgive yourself. Ask Him daily for His help and confess Jesus as Lord. This is not just for new believers to do. Also ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

The flesh wants whats contrary to the spirit. At the moment your flesh is winning and dragging you down with it. The soul includes your mind and emotions which is linked to your brain function which is part of the flesh. Reading the bible, praying and serving God will all help. Take the focus off yourself and find something you can do where you are the focus of your attention, but I would wait until you are in a strong enough place before working with people. Maybe start off helping behind the scenes and when you are a bit stronger move to dealing with people. I do volunteer work with the homeless and my wife does childrens work. This does need to be done as service to God for His glory and not self righteous works or done in your own strength to get the best from it.

 

[Lily76_]

when and where will you write the letter?

am writing it soon by hand hoping to do it before my husband wakes up he in bed until 10.30 so i better get on with it

 

[teresa]

Go for it my dear, pour your heart out, cry get it out of your system

 

[Haipule]

Sorry to start another post am struggling badly at the moment thoughts of self injury and suicide want to do something soon my husband knows am deeply depressed i have asked drs for help but they say its nothing to do with my medication this time of year is a bad time for me my step dad birthday he died 6 years ago by suicide and i miss him so much
they drs says i maybe ok after my step dad birthday its just this time of year getting to me
i am on medication but they will not sort it my regular dr is now on holiday my psych also says the same and has no appointment until August i feel i cant hold on until then i cant keep going with no help i dont have a therapist i see my pastor every few days but he has been off ill and he just came back from being ill i dont want to lay it all out while he still not 100 %
my husband tries to be supportive but he keeps saying i need to handle things better and that medication cant do everything i have to try and deal with it like an adult

its 6am my husband is sleeping am sitting up on my own on here alone i cant sleep and his plan for me not sleeping is tomorrow he going to turn the internet off between 4am and 7am so i dont get up so early

i need help and no one is helping me am meant to be going out to a group later on today my husband will be with me as i cant go out on my own its karaokie sometimes i sing but i dont feel up to it at all , just want to hide

am close to doing something stupid

All you need is a real good hug! Yet, you will say, "yes"! With my hug, all you get to be is a mouth, and all I get to be is an ear! You actually are not going to tell the huggers here, Christian Forums, anything new! They just love to hug! You may ask, "Why would anyone want to hug me!" Because, YOUR love is oh, so precious to us! Why? Because God is LOVE!

We have no idea why you hurt so much. We just can't stand your hurting. Yet, as much as we would all like to be the one whom helps, we here have all hurt--we all can really use your expertise and hug! And, we here have all been hugged! You are not alone and you will never suffer uniquely! Your human, and that's great! We are also human, and when you hurt, we all hurt. So, you came to the right place, a bunch of hug loving humans!

I just wanted you to know that there are a lot of us here. You are being prayed for! And, in many ways, we have all been hug seekers like you. The difference is only that we maybe have had a few more birthdays. And so, are really just maybe, older hug seekers.

 

[Human Sacrifice]

1. Change your environment (I mean your environment is what you see, and you see it while in it. It changes, and you are in it, and what time is it?)
2. Gaurd your heart. Build courage.
3. Read the Bible. (Sons and daughters of God)
4. Live right now. NOW.
5. Your time passing is changing your living. Where are you?

There is anything that YOU CAN DO! CAN DO is MUST DO. (But not what you said) and we are here with you.
Do you have any other options for a social outlet?

Feel free to judge. DONT DO THAT

GOD BLESS.

 

[Lily76_]

wrote him a letter poured my heart out telling him i miss and love him i dont normally journal as i keep forgetting to update it all the time i can be forgetful sometimes put it under his pic near my pc ...i got news from my mum that the hospital is going start my niece off tomorrow ( Friday ) so we are all waiting for this little one to be born

 

[GirdYourLoins]

I just felt I should come back to this thread and go through your comments and had a feeling there is something wrong that I had not seen. Having read through its quite clear. You might not like this but....

You have made an idol out of your step father.

You need to make God your god, not your step father. Its ok to mourn and miss someone but after 6 years you should have moved forward. My brother committed suicide bout 4 years ago. I did my mourning, gave it to God and have moved forward. I am not a psychiatrist or medically trained but it seems fairly obvious you associate your problems with him not being around and dwell on it and let the problems multiply until it becomes too much for you to bear. Jesus said His yoke is an easy burden. You need to make Jesus Lord in your life, not your step father who is not able to help you. The greatest commandment is love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. It is not to blame yourself and beat yourself up for years because you lost someone.

Sorry if this seems harsh and abrupt but I want to keep it fairly short and sometimes it needs it. All the time your step father is an idol you will struggle, but when you put God on the throne He will help you overcome your struggles.

 

[Goatee]

Waw. i suffer bad with anxiety and depression. Have done for 15 years. Had 1,000s of thoughts of suicide etc etc. For me, my doctor is useless. Last time i went to him was just over a week ago and he was pathetic. No help what so ever.

My faith is very important to me even though i am a gigantic sinner.

What medication are you on? Do you eat healthy? Do you take supplements?

 

[com7fy8]

i see my pastor every few days but he has been off ill and he just came back from being ill i dont want to lay it all out while he still not 100 %

It is good how you care about your pastor and consider what is good for him. So, be thankful that you have a clue about being considerate of others. And we need someone like you, here, to help us feel for others

As much as your step-dad was good for you, still he can be good for you. How would he want you to be, now? Feed on however he has been good for you

my husband tries to be supportive but he keeps saying i need to handle things better and that medication cant do everything i have to try and deal with it like an adult

This is to the point. We need people to be honest and frank with us. So, appreciate having a man who is real with you. He does need to be strong, by the way, so your problem does not bring him down. So, encourage him and appreciate him.

Instead of hitting your pillow, maybe kiss him

It is true how medication can not cure us deeply. It can help however, but deeply we need how only God is able to have us become peaceful. If your husband understands this, appreciate having him who cares for you and is honest and realistic. Because being realistic can help us become strong enough to overcome our depression and pain.

God does not only make our trouble go away so we can do our own thing. So, if we are trying to keep sin things going, but feel good . . . this won't work!!

my niece is due to have a little one any day now its a girl ...got pics of my step dad here

So, there is death of people, yes, but life of new babies keeps coming. We can go on to love others, after special people die. And as Christians we need to be ready for people to die, because in Jesus we have more and more so-special people to love as our own family. So, in order to keep on being able to enjoy this loving, we need to be able to handle when ones of these special people will die before we do.

So, we can thank You, God, how You are sharing special people with us. But we need how You make us able to keep on loving while ones will have problems and ones will die. We will be adopting their problems, and ones will die before we do. But this is better than not having them

 

[Lily76_]

I just felt I should come back to this thread and go through your comments and had a feeling there is something wrong that I had not seen. Having read through its quite clear. You might not like this but....

You have made an idol out of your step father.

You need to make God your god, not your step father. Its ok to mourn and miss someone but after 6 years you should have moved forward. My brother committed suicide bout 4 years ago. I did my mourning, gave it to God and have moved forward. I am not a psychiatrist or medically trained but it seems fairly obvious you associate your problems with him not being around and dwell on it and let the problems multiply until it becomes too much for you to bear. Jesus said His yoke is an easy burden. You need to make Jesus Lord in your life, not your step father who is not able to help you. The greatest commandment is love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. It is not to blame yourself and beat yourself up for years because you lost someone.

Sorry if this seems harsh and abrupt but I want to keep it fairly short and sometimes it needs it. All the time your step father is an idol you will struggle, but when you put God on the throne He will help you overcome your struggles.

i dont mean to make my step dad an idol , i have moved his pic and letter i wrote him am saying good bye and the only pic of him in view is a family one
my husband says i talk a lot about missing him i never had therapy for my grief didnt get anyone to talk to about him being gone i bottle it up and later take it out on myself mostly either by selfinjury including eating disorder and actually cutting myself or hurting myself in some way ...My mental health has always been bad but its had gotten so bad that i cant go anywhere on my own now as my husband is scared i might end up at the train station and jump the tracks i have been getting help with my pastor but he has been off sick with an ear problems that was affecting his hearing and walking was also problems as he fell over trying to get ready in the morning he back now but isnt 100 % yet
we have had two appointments so far and so its going slowly

i love God with all my heart and soul mind and strength i just kinda scared of opening my heart soul mind and strength with everything i have i need Jesus in my life and am going to focus on him

 

[Yarddog]

God loves you and He has a plan for your life. Lord Jesus Christ please be with Lily, God please help her realize your love for her. God loves you and Jesus Christ is Lord.

Many years ago I was on the lowest of lows, having lost everything that I thought was important to me. It was then that I finally cried out in my anguish to God. He responded.

I began to feel the most wonderful loving warmth as God embraced me and let me know that he was there, like the most loving Father will for his children.

I began to learn how to let go of what I thought was important and trust God. My pride kept me from having true faith, as I trusted in my own ability to solve my problems.

By letting go and giving God control of my life, he slowly rebuilt everything in his image. Life became wonderful.

I was ready to end it way back in the beginning, but now have a wonderful wife, a son, and a granddaughter which would have never been here without trusting in our Father in heaven.

I pray in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ that you find the peace and love that I found in the arms of God.

May he bless you with love.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

If you ever feel like you may do something crazy call 911 and go to the emergency room.

You deserve to get help.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

i dont mean to make my step dad an idol , i have moved his pic and letter i wrote him am saying good bye and the only pic of him in view is a family one
my husband says i talk a lot about missing him i never had therapy for my grief didnt get anyone to talk to about him being gone i bottle it up and later take it out on myself mostly either by selfinjury including eating disorder and actually cutting myself or hurting myself in some way ...My mental health has always been bad but its had gotten so bad that i cant go anywhere on my own now as my husband is scared i might end up at the train station and jump the tracks i have been getting help with my pastor but he has been off sick with an ear problems that was affecting his hearing and walking was also problems as he fell over trying to get ready in the morning he back now but isnt 100 % yet
we have had two appointments so far and so its going slowly

i love God with all my heart and soul mind and strength i just kinda scared of opening my heart soul mind and strength with everything i have i need Jesus in my life and am going to focus on him

Its ok to have pictures of him and to remember him. But you do need to move forward. I'm glad you said you will focus on Jesus, that alone can turn your life around, but you also have your husband.

You need to focus on moving forward with God rather than hang onto the past and someone who is no longer with us. Focus more on the good memories rather than not letting go. God has done all that is necessary for our mind, body and soul to be healed. Look to the future with the attitude that you will receive healing and work towards overcoming your problems. Dont feel guilty about it though, that will drag you down. Instead focus on moving forward and improving things. If you start thinking about how bad it is change your thought process and say to yourself "what can I do to make it better" and focus on doing that.

And talk to your husband about accepting you need to move forward and ask him what he would like to see change as well. It can't be easy for him to live with you like this all the time, so try to move forward together. Let him know that you appreciate him and he is more than just a support for you. He has stuck by you and supported you so make him feel special for it. There are two reasons I say this, the obvious one that it sounds like he has put up with a lot so it will appreciate it, but also as you take the focus off yourself and your own problems it helps to take your focus off your problems.

You also need to learn not to bottle things up. Talk about them. When I was younger I was not able to talk about anything because of a very bad childhood, but now I will tell anyone anything and dont care who knows. I also do volunteer work with the homeless. Doing things for other people helps take the focus off yourself as Ive already said. Do it for the glory of God. I will say one word of warning though. Dont start doing things you are not ready for yet and dont put yourself in situations that you cant cope with. One step at a time.

It seems from your posts on here you know you have a problem. accepting it is the first step. Keep moving forward. Our life as a Christian is a walk with God. He can miraculously heal us but usually it is a longer process as we walk with Him and He picks us up when we stumble. Just make sure you are walking with Him.

 

[aiki]

Sorry to start another post am struggling badly at the moment thoughts of self injury and suicide want to do something soon my husband knows am deeply depressed i have asked drs for help but they say its nothing to do with my medication this time of year is a bad time for me my step dad birthday he died 6 years ago by suicide and i miss him so much
they drs says i maybe ok after my step dad birthday its just this time of year getting to me
i am on medication but they will not sort it my regular dr is now on holiday my psych also says the same and has no appointment until August i feel i cant hold on until then i cant keep going with no help i dont have a therapist i see my pastor every few days but he has been off ill and he just came back from being ill i dont want to lay it all out while he still not 100 %
my husband tries to be supportive but he keeps saying i need to handle things better and that medication cant do everything i have to try and deal with it like an adult

its 6am my husband is sleeping am sitting up on my own on here alone i cant sleep and his plan for me not sleeping is tomorrow he going to turn the internet off between 4am and 7am so i dont get up so early

i need help and no one is helping me am meant to be going out to a group later on today my husband will be with me as i cant go out on my own its karaokie sometimes i sing but i dont feel up to it at all , just want to hide

am close to doing something stupid

If you know its stupid, why do it?

Have you ever finished one of your posts and then asked yourself where the lies are in what you've written? Not lies you are telling us but lies your are telling yourself. You can bet that there are some. No one gets to your state of mind without accepting a good number of lies. I can see a bunch of them in what you've written above. Can you? Are you even aware of how many falsehoods frame your thinking? Until you are, it will be impossible to get free of them.

 

[Lily76_]

i have a habit of telling myself lies ...its they way i have been thinking like this for years now
my husband is the person who sees me fulling apart all the time he is stressed as it is with being my carer i cant even take care of my basic needs its gotten to the point where i cant work due to disablity as i have gave up ...I love him but he is being treated like crap by me because no one else will put up with me being this way the rest of my family come to us with there problems and we have to deal with it but enough is enough we cant take everything on my mother takes everything on she looks after my teen age niece and has done for 5 years now she been looking after all 5 of my sisters kids as my sister is unsuitable to carer for her own kids My sister also has mental health problems the whole family have mental health problems and we all seeking something we cant find unless we go to Jesus ASK FOR THE FATHER THROUGH THE SON They dont seem to know God at all even though most of them where baptised and learned about Jesus my falsehoods are many and am needing to think in another way

my husband says i blame the past for everything that's wrong depressed all the time because i cant stop focusing on it the past is the past i need to try and move on thank you all for replying to me and carering enough to post back to me and thank you for your prayers going to talk to my pastor when i see him i see him nearly every day as he runs groups for mentally ill people and i go as it seems to help me focus on other things its night time or first thing in the morning that i feel so depressed unsure why i have been feeling more depressed in the last 3 weeks than normal i need to find my focus might ask if i can volunteer at the groups see what he says thank you all for replying and prayers it means so much that people care

 

[ByTheSpirit]

Sorry to start another post am struggling badly at the moment thoughts of self injury and suicide want to do something soon my husband knows am deeply depressed i have asked drs for help but they say its nothing to do with my medication this time of year is a bad time for me my step dad birthday he died 6 years ago by suicide and i miss him so much
they drs says i maybe ok after my step dad birthday its just this time of year getting to me
i am on medication but they will not sort it my regular dr is now on holiday my psych also says the same and has no appointment until August i feel i cant hold on until then i cant keep going with no help i dont have a therapist i see my pastor every few days but he has been off ill and he just came back from being ill i dont want to lay it all out while he still not 100 %
my husband tries to be supportive but he keeps saying i need to handle things better and that medication cant do everything i have to try and deal with it like an adult

its 6am my husband is sleeping am sitting up on my own on here alone i cant sleep and his plan for me not sleeping is tomorrow he going to turn the internet off between 4am and 7am so i dont get up so early

i need help and no one is helping me am meant to be going out to a group later on today my husband will be with me as i cant go out on my own its karaokie sometimes i sing but i dont feel up to it at all , just want to hide

am close to doing something stupid

My friend, I have been exactly where you are, even within the last 6 months. Honestly, back in February I was so trapped in depression that over the course of 2-3 weeks I lost 20 pounds and started looking like a ghost because I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, didn't want to live.

You just have to take each moment at a time. It is very hard to do I know. But have to try to keep yourself centered on the here and now. Something that I was trying to do at one point was make a praise list. A list of things I actually enjoyed and would miss if I killed myself. It included my wife, my children, nature, my sports team, music, etc.

I am praying for you. You can do it! Just keep fighting!

 

[disciple1]

Sorry to start another post am struggling badly at the moment thoughts of self injury and suicide want to do something soon my husband knows am deeply depressed i have asked drs for help but they say its nothing to do with my medication this time of year is a bad time for me my step dad birthday he died 6 years ago by suicide and i miss him so much
they drs says i maybe ok after my step dad birthday its just this time of year getting to me
i am on medication but they will not sort it my regular dr is now on holiday my psych also says the same and has no appointment until August i feel i cant hold on until then i cant keep going with no help i dont have a therapist i see my pastor every few days but he has been off ill and he just came back from being ill i dont want to lay it all out while he still not 100 %
my husband tries to be supportive but he keeps saying i need to handle things better and that medication cant do everything i have to try and deal with it like an adult

its 6am my husband is sleeping am sitting up on my own on here alone i cant sleep and his plan for me not sleeping is tomorrow he going to turn the internet off between 4am and 7am so i dont get up so early

i need help and no one is helping me am meant to be going out to a group later on today my husband will be with me as i cant go out on my own its karaokie sometimes i sing but i dont feel up to it at all , just want to hide

am close to doing something stupid

I don't know if you tried prayer, if you have keep trying.
I know it's a hard thing to deal with my wife deals with it.
If you get passed the date, I think it will be a lot easier, my wife deals with her nephew, and has the same trouble.