struggling badly

[Lily76_]

Sorry to start another post am struggling badly at the moment thoughts of self injury and suicide want to do something soon my husband knows am deeply depressed i have asked drs for help but they say its nothing to do with my medication this time of year is a bad time for me my step dad birthday he died 6 years ago by suicide and i miss him so much
they drs says i maybe ok after my step dad birthday its just this time of year getting to me
i am on medication but they will not sort it my regular dr is now on holiday my psych also says the same and has no appointment until August i feel i cant hold on until then i cant keep going with no help i dont have a therapist i see my pastor every few days but he has been off ill and he just came back from being ill i dont want to lay it all out while he still not 100 %
my husband tries to be supportive but he keeps saying i need to handle things better and that medication cant do everything i have to try and deal with it like an adult

its 6am my husband is sleeping am sitting up on my own on here alone i cant sleep and his plan for me not sleeping is tomorrow he going to turn the internet off between 4am and 7am so i dont get up so early

i need help and no one is helping me am meant to be going out to a group later on today my husband will be with me as i cant go out on my own its karaokie sometimes i sing but i dont feel up to it at all , just want to hide

am close to doing something stupid

 

[God is good]

God loves you and He has a plan for your life. Lord Jesus Christ please be with Lily, God please help her realize your love for her. God loves you and Jesus Christ is Lord.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Whenever depression hits, I pray to Christ. Come near to Christ on the cross. He loves you, and can work through your pain, to make something good.

Talk to Christ. That is the most practical advice I can give.

 

[teresa]

lily, can you try and survive through this moment with something from this?

Things you can do to de-escalate and divert an emergency

 

[teresa]

Maybe deescalate the intensity and drive by getting out your energy with something positive (such as beat-up your pillow)?

 

[Lily76_]

I find it hard to pray for myself ...always feel like am being selfish by doing that i pray for others

u2spicy thank you for the link

 

[teresa]

I find it hard to pray for myself ...always feel like am being selfish by doing that i pray for others

u2spicy thank you for the link

check out the list....are you angry? hurting yourself takes energy and there are ways to divert it and stop the impulse to self harm....

what are you doing this moment?

 

[Lily76_]

at the moment am crying , i hate myself so much i hate that my step dad died i hate this time of year so much but my niece is due to have a little one any day now its a girl ...got pics of my step dad here

 

[teresa]

at the moment am crying , i hate myself so much i hate that my step dad died i hate this time of year so much but my niece is due to have a little one any day now its a girl ...got pics of my step dad here

My heart goes out to you!

What do you need?

 

[Lily76_]

i donti just want somone to listen to me and understand

 

[anna ~ grace]

"Jesus, help me. I put this burden on Your shoulders. Thank you, Jesus. Amen".

My husband taught me that one.

 

[teresa]

You are heard and understood, loved child of the living G-od

 

[Lily76_]

its my fault at the time of my step dad death i was following another faith for a short time
think God was angry at me and took my step dad its my fault everything is my fault

 

[Victory-N-Christ]

Prayers..

 

[teresa]

dear friend, g-d is a g-d of love and not of hate

you are not responsible and are not being punished

yet, you feel to blame, I understand this pain

 

[teresa]

If only you could know how much g-d love you, his precious child

this pain is only for a short while

 

[gennypearl]

hey now, take it easy. do you write your thoughts on a journal? maybe it will help. how about you remember the good things about your step dad. don't blame yourself, it's not your fault. be happy that he is with the Lord now. he probably wouldn't want you to be depressed.

maybe you can develop new and interesting hobbies so as to divert your attention to something positive. or anything you can think of that is productive. don't dwell on negative thoughts.

i am praying for you. God bless!

I leave you with this Bible verse:
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

 

[teresa]

powerful emotions are not always logical

do you know feel this as well?

maybe meds arent working or there is lack of sleep

what can you do to make things better right now in this very moment?

anything from that link?

hitting your pillow?

concentrating on your breathing?

just talking to us?

 

[Lily76_]

Please help me father for i have sinned , please help me i cant continue like this Please help me Jesus

 

[Lily76_]

i can try and color in i have art books and am listening to christian music K love
i miss him so much he was more a father to me than my own bio father who just abandoned me as a child