Should I leave this church

[mario1001]

For almost fourteen years now my grandma and I have been attending this fellowship whch is an inner city ministry that deals with drug addicrs and the like.My Grandma (who I've posted about n the prayer forum;she's in the hospital)served as an usherette and in the children's ministy, and it brought her joy to do that.she used to tell me how good she felt serving at church.About six years ago she suffered a mild stroke.My dad tld the chruch what happended they said they would pray for her and that they would come to see her.Don't know for sure if they prayed (I didn't go to the service)but they never came either ,even though pastors wife called to get the address ,they never came .Flash foward to this week.My Grandma is now hospitalized in and was basically in an induced coma for three days.I told her friend n the church who serves with in the childern's ministry ,and ushering about her conditon and asked her to ask the pastor if he could go see her and pray for her.I understand he's a busy man and probably doesn't have time i get that .What hurts me is what happended when i wne t to church Sunday.In time past when memeners of our congregation have had serious illnesses pastor would have the congregation jon in prayer fr that person.He did'nt do that for my Grandma.I know he's aware of the sitiuation because his wife talked to me before service.(she didn't offer to pray for us either)Maybe I should've requested prayer but honestly the circumstances shouldv'e made it obvious that prayer was needed.In anycase my grandmas friend said she was going to see her and said something about pastor saying maying something about my grandma was asleep ,to my mind implying that since she was sedated there was no point in him going to see her. Again thats my reading of it I could be wrong.However he hasn't called to ask how she is or if we need assisstance with anything.He's to wrapped up in trying to buy a mens home and the new building God is supposedly going to give them.After everything If it was me they treating like this I wouldn't care ,but my Grandma did so msuch for that church alwayspaid her titjhe ,served wherever she could ,as always good to them and this is how they repay her.I am disgusted by this and don't want to go back.I also don't want a big cnfrontation about this .Maybe I should wrte a letter expressing myself and my dissappointment .I'd really appreciate your opions on this.To be honest this forum and some of the others I posted about My Grandma's condition on have been my biggest comforters and support throughout this whole ordeal.God Bless you al for that .Please forgive the length of this post but I needed to unburden my heart.Again God Bless you all(especially if you made this far into the post!)

 

[Albion]

Hello, Mario. You've presented the information well and there is no way around the fact that the church and its leadership have responded poorly. Inexcusably, I would say. Unfortunately, I've heard accounts from other churchgoers who have found themselves in a similar situation and it just outrages us listeners. So what is the right course of action? I would look for a better church and pronto, but that's me.

If you choose not to do that and everything else about the church seems right, yes, I would address the pastor at the least and, preferably, anyone and everyone else in a leadership position...and take no excuses. At the very least, someone else is going to have a serious illness one of these months, and this should never happen again.

 

[HereIStand]

Sadly, church members and staff don't always follow through as they should. I recall one pastor noting that each Sunday, churches have to scramble and improvise, because some of those scheduled to volunteer fail to show that Sunday. It's that way with visitation too. Sometimes people are neglected, even long-time faithful members.

 

[Albion]

Slip-ups do occur in all human societies, but in this particular case, there appears to be no way to exonerate the pastor and others who were involved. None.

 

[4x4toy]

For almost fourteen years now my grandma and I have been attending this fellowship whch is an inner city ministry that deals with drug addicrs and the like.My Grandma (who I've posted about n the prayer forum;she's in the hospital)served as an usherette and in the children's ministy, and it brought her joy to do that.she used to tell me how good she felt serving at church.About six years ago she suffered a mild stroke.My dad tld the chruch what happended they said they would pray for her and that they would come to see her.Don't know for sure if they prayed (I didn't go to the service)but they never came either ,even though pastors wife called to get the address ,they never came .Flash foward to this week.My Grandma is now hospitalized in and was basically in an induced coma for three days.I told her friend n the church who serves with in the childern's ministry ,and ushering about her conditon and asked her to ask the pastor if he could go see her and pray for her.I understand he's a busy man and probably doesn't have time i get that .What hurts me is what happended when i wne t to church Sunday.In time past when memeners of our congregation have had serious illnesses pastor would have the congregation jon in prayer fr that person.He did'nt do that for my Grandma.I know he's aware of the sitiuation because his wife talked to me before service.(she didn't offer to pray for us either)Maybe I should've requested prayer but honestly the circumstances shouldv'e made it obvious that prayer was needed.In anycase my grandmas friend said she was going to see her and said something about pastor saying maying something about my grandma was asleep ,to my mind implying that since she was sedated there was no point in him going to see her. Again thats my reading of it I could be wrong.However he hasn't called to ask how she is or if we need assisstance with anything.He's to wrapped up in trying to buy a mens home and the new building God is supposedly going to give them.After everything If it was me they treating like this I wouldn't care ,but my Grandma did so msuch for that church alwayspaid her titjhe ,served wherever she could ,as always good to them and this is how they repay her.I am disgusted by this and don't want to go back.I also don't want a big cnfrontation about this .Maybe I should wrte a letter expressing myself and my dissappointment .I'd really appreciate your opions on this.To be honest this forum and some of the others I posted about My Grandma's condition on have been my biggest comforters and support throughout this whole ordeal.God Bless you al for that .Please forgive the length of this post but I needed to unburden my heart.Again God Bless you all(especially if you made this far into the post!)

Try to avoid bitterness as much as you can friend . It can creep in and ruin your day .. I pray for your wonderful grandma that the Lord comfort her and gives her the peace that passes all understanding and that Jesus turns this situation to good some way , Amen .. Your grandmother is a grand lady indeed , tell her I and others on the board said so . I also pray that that your church and pastor get back to basics and that you can have a hand in it, Amen .

 

[Tsquared]

Try to avoid bitterness as much as you can friend . It can creep in and ruin your day .. I pray for your wonderful grandma that the Lord comfort her and gives her the peace that passes all understanding and that Jesus turns this situation to good some way , Amen .. Your grandmother is a grand lady indeed , tell her I and others on the board said so . I also pray that that your church and pastor get back to basics and that you can have a hand in it, Amen .

I have to agree; it is terrible what happened, and I do not agree with it at all, but try not to lose out on God because of a bad thing someone else did. I agree with those above, perhaps discussing what happened with the Pastor will help them to better respond to the next situation. I'm sorry you and your grandmother had to experience this, it is unnecessary stress on top of an illness. Praying for you and your family, God bless.

 

[Catherineanne]

For almost fourteen years now my grandma and I have been attending this fellowship whch is an inner city ministry that deals with drug addicrs and the like.My Grandma (who I've posted about n the prayer forum;she's in the hospital)served as an usherette and in the children's ministy, and it brought her joy to do that.she used to tell me how good she felt serving at church.About six years ago she suffered a mild stroke.My dad tld the chruch what happended they said they would pray for her and that they would come to see her.Don't know for sure if they prayed (I didn't go to the service)but they never came either ,even though pastors wife called to get the address ,they never came .Flash foward to this week.My Grandma is now hospitalized in and was basically in an induced coma for three days.I told her friend n the church who serves with in the childern's ministry ,and ushering about her conditon and asked her to ask the pastor if he could go see her and pray for her.I understand he's a busy man and probably doesn't have time i get that .What hurts me is what happended when i wne t to church Sunday.In time past when memeners of our congregation have had serious illnesses pastor would have the congregation jon in prayer fr that person.He did'nt do that for my Grandma.I know he's aware of the sitiuation because his wife talked to me before service.(she didn't offer to pray for us either)Maybe I should've requested prayer but honestly the circumstances shouldv'e made it obvious that prayer was needed.In anycase my grandmas friend said she was going to see her and said something about pastor saying maying something about my grandma was asleep ,to my mind implying that since she was sedated there was no point in him going to see her. Again thats my reading of it I could be wrong.However he hasn't called to ask how she is or if we need assisstance with anything.He's to wrapped up in trying to buy a mens home and the new building God is supposedly going to give them.After everything If it was me they treating like this I wouldn't care ,but my Grandma did so msuch for that church alwayspaid her titjhe ,served wherever she could ,as always good to them and this is how they repay her.I am disgusted by this and don't want to go back.I also don't want a big cnfrontation about this .Maybe I should wrte a letter expressing myself and my dissappointment .I'd really appreciate your opions on this.To be honest this forum and some of the others I posted about My Grandma's condition on have been my biggest comforters and support throughout this whole ordeal.God Bless you al for that .Please forgive the length of this post but I needed to unburden my heart.Again God Bless you all(especially if you made this far into the post!)

Sometimes we have to be more direct; it is easy to assume others will know what we want, but often they simply won't.

Ring your pastor and ask him to come to see your Grandma. Ask him when he will be there, and ask him to pray for her at her bedside and in church. Don't write a letter; ring him up. Regardless of what your Grandma has done in the past she deserves prayer now.

If your pastor does not come then ask another minister of a nearby church. If the second minister comes then you have found your new spiritual home.

 

[Catherineanne]

Sadly, church members and staff don't always follow through as they should. I recall one pastor noting that each Sunday, churches have to scramble and improvise, because some of those scheduled to volunteer fail to show that Sunday. It's that way with visitation too. Sometimes people are neglected, even long-time faithful members.

This is true. And some pastors are not very pastoral; that is a sad truth that I have found. Some are politicians and very good at networking with VIPs and fundraising; others are more attuned to pastoral matters and will do far more parish visits, to the elderly and housebound.

No doubt the church needs both, but is it painful when a pastor doesn't come to see someone who is ill, when he is very much needed.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Continue calling upon the minister to visit your grandmother, leave polite voicemails and or notes.
Include reminders of her faithfulness, giving/tithing and service in the church.
Make sure your grandmother's name is in the bulletin/posted on the church's
prayer list.
In short, be like the persistent widow...Luke 18:2-3.

 

[mario1001]

Continue calling upon the minister to visit your grandmother, leave polite voicemails and or notes.
Include reminders of her faithfulness, giving/tithing and service in the church.
Make sure your grandmother's name is in the bulletin/posted on the church's
prayer list.
In short, be like the persistent widow...Luke 18:2-3.

Unfortunately the church doesn't have a prayer list on its' bulletins and I'm not going to push him if he doesn't want to go.It would be meaningless if it's not from his heart ,but the result of me pushing him.

 

[Catherineanne]

Unfortunately the church doesn't have a prayer list on its' bulletins and I'm not going to push him if he doesn't want to go.It would be meaningless if it's not from his heart ,but the result of me pushing him.

No it would not be meaningless. Sometimes people need to be reminded.

Ask him.

 

[quietpraiyze]

For almost fourteen years now my grandma and I have been attending this fellowship whch is an inner city ministry that deals with drug addicrs and the like.My Grandma (who I've posted about n the prayer forum;she's in the hospital)served as an usherette and in the children's ministy, and it brought her joy to do that.she used to tell me how good she felt serving at church.About six years ago she suffered a mild stroke.My dad tld the chruch what happended they said they would pray for her and that they would come to see her.Don't know for sure if they prayed (I didn't go to the service)but they never came either ,even though pastors wife called to get the address ,they never came .Flash foward to this week.My Grandma is now hospitalized in and was basically in an induced coma for three days.I told her friend n the church who serves with in the childern's ministry ,and ushering about her conditon and asked her to ask the pastor if he could go see her and pray for her.I understand he's a busy man and probably doesn't have time i get that .What hurts me is what happended when i wne t to church Sunday.In time past when memeners of our congregation have had serious illnesses pastor would have the congregation jon in prayer fr that person.He did'nt do that for my Grandma.I know he's aware of the sitiuation because his wife talked to me before service.(she didn't offer to pray for us either)Maybe I should've requested prayer but honestly the circumstances shouldv'e made it obvious that prayer was needed.In anycase my grandmas friend said she was going to see her and said something about pastor saying maying something about my grandma was asleep ,to my mind implying that since she was sedated there was no point in him going to see her. Again thats my reading of it I could be wrong.However he hasn't called to ask how she is or if we need assisstance with anything.He's to wrapped up in trying to buy a mens home and the new building God is supposedly going to give them.After everything If it was me they treating like this I wouldn't care ,but my Grandma did so msuch for that church alwayspaid her titjhe ,served wherever she could ,as always good to them and this is how they repay her.I am disgusted by this and don't want to go back.I also don't want a big cnfrontation about this .Maybe I should wrte a letter expressing myself and my dissappointment .I'd really appreciate your opions on this.To be honest this forum and some of the others I posted about My Grandma's condition on have been my biggest comforters and support throughout this whole ordeal.God Bless you al for that .Please forgive the length of this post but I needed to unburden my heart.Again God Bless you all(especially if you made this far into the post!)

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma but thanks be to God that none of this has caught Him by surprise. God is with both you and your grandma. Unfortunately what you described is all to common and people get overlooked for whatever reason. I truly believe that in part God has used the situation with your grandma to reveal the hearts of those in leadership at that church. If you think about it were there things that you were uncomfortable with prior to your grandma's situation?

I would say to put your focus back on the Lord and continue to put your trust in Him for your grandma. Don't let the actions of the people at the church distract you. They haven't showed up. That is who they are. Know and understand that. Begin to thank the Lord NOW for your new place of fellowship. Rest in the Lord knowing that the Holy Spirit will lead and guide you into all truth and that it's already alright. Also remember that your prayers are just as good as any pastor or minister, so you continue to prevail in prayer and ask those you know and trust to do the same for your grandma.

God is with you dear heart. So rest in Him and stay in His peace knowing that He sees and hears everything. Be well.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

Visit your Pastor in Person, ask him to teach you how to do a visitation ministry by starting with you to visit your family members. Work with the Pastor to recruit others for a visitation ministry. Turn the weakness of that church into a strength. A human can not be in two places at the same time. But, the body of Christ includes all Christians. Each member of the Body has different gifts (I Cor 12-14). As for the building program ask that Pastor to recruit Business Leaders in the Church to do most of that work for the purpose of freeing him up to do the work that He was called to do. The Book of James tells us to call on the Elders to visit the sick among us. It sounds like your Pastor is overworked and needs to work on his delegation skills. I have been in a Coma once myself and I was aware of what was going on around me. So, play Scripture and praise music for your family in a Coma.

 

[mario1001]

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma but thanks be to God that none of this has caught Him by surprise. God is with both you and your grandma. Unfortunately what you described is all to common and people get overlooked for whatever reason. I truly believe that in part God has used the situation with your grandma to reveal the hearts of those in leadership at that church. If you think about it were there things that you were uncomfortable with prior to your grandma's situation?

I would say to put your focus back on the Lord and continue to put your trust in Him for your grandma. Don't let the actions of the people at the church distract you. They haven't showed up. That is who they are. Know and understand that. Begin to thank the Lord NOW for your new place of fellowship. Rest in the Lord knowing that the Holy Spirit will lead and guide you into all truth and that it's already alright. Also remember that your prayers are just as good as any pastor or minister, so you continue to prevail in prayer and ask those you know and trust to do the same for your grandma.

God is with you dear heart. So rest in Him and stay in His peace knowing that He sees and hears everything. Be well.

To be honest there were things that bothered me before this.Lack of expostional taeching of scripture for one.Always talking about the "vision"of the church's founder .Plus there was a time when we hosted a bible study through the church at our home .Suddenly and without warning the Pastor(who never attended the studies or was a part of it)decided to have them hosted at another house .We were upset by this but ultimately forgave and overlooked this slight.I can see now that we're outsiders.As I mentioned in my post this ministry deals with drud addicts and gang member and we are neither of those.I've actually contemplated leaving for sometime and have been looking at other fellowships.This last incident is the just iciing on the cake so to speak.

 

[Traveling teacher]

I wouyld ask for prayer...

also if you do deciede to leave....
make sure you have peace with everyone and dont leave behind resentment....

grace and peace

 

[Albion]

To be honest there were things that bothered me before this.Lack of expostional taeching of scripture for one.Always talking about the "vision"of the church's founder .Plus there was a time when we hosted a bible study through the church at our home .Suddenly and without warning the Pastor(who never attended the studies or was a part of it)decided to have them hosted at another house .We were upset by this but ultimately forgave and overlooked this slight.I can see now that we're outsiders.As I mentioned in my post this ministry deals with drud addicts and gang member and we are neither of those.I've actually contemplated leaving for sometime and have been looking at other fellowships.This last incident is the just iciing on the cake so to speak.

The other folks here are taking a more measured or cautious approach to the decision than I, but I'm not a person who's given to stalking off the minute something goes wrong. However, there is almost nothing redeeming about the situation that you've described, virtually no room for excusing the behavior of the pastor, no offsetting factors that would make this a "grey area" or anything of the sort.

While I initially said that you could decided to speak personally to the pastor and others involved, if only by their neglect, you've now revealed the answer to something that I also inquired about. This congregation isn't a good one anyway!

If we take your grandmother out of the equation, you still have serious doubts about this church meeting your family's needs and of it being an effective vehicle for the promulgation of the Gospel of Christ.

Leave. People so often feel that to do so, even when the justification is undeniable, would make them quitters or unfaithful Christians or something else along those lines. That's all nonsense. The local congregation is only the agent for promoting the purposes of the whole church of Jesus Christ. If one of them isn't working as it should, there's no reason not to find another one that will.

 

[quietpraiyze]

To be honest there were things that bothered me before this.Lack of expostional taeching of scripture for one.Always talking about the "vision"of the church's founder .Plus there was a time when we hosted a bible study through the church at our home .Suddenly and without warning the Pastor(who never attended the studies or was a part of it)decided to have them hosted at another house .We were upset by this but ultimately forgave and overlooked this slight.I can see now that we're outsiders.As I mentioned in my post this ministry deals with drud addicts and gang member and we are neither of those.I've actually contemplated leaving for sometime and have been looking at other fellowships.This last incident is the just iciing on the cake so to speak.

I'm not surprised that there were other things you didn't feel comfortable with. Sometimes it's not until you put all the incidents together that you see the big picture. I'm just sorry this had to involve your grandma in the way that it does.

I also wanted to say that it seems like you are discerning correctly and to continue to let the Holy Spirit lead and guide you. Remember God is the one who adds to His Church and you are right to be leery of anyone who is promoting their “vision”. There is only one ministry and that is the ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ.

As you feel led, pray for that church. What you're describing really doesn't sound spiritually healthy especially considering the fact that they're working with vulnerable populations. I've seen some things in my Saved lifetime and it just doesn't sound good.

Stay encouraged and know that God is with you.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Unfortunately the church doesn't have a prayer list on its' bulletins and I'm not going to push him if he doesn't want to go.It would be meaningless if it's not from his heart ,but the result of me pushing him.

I understand your frustration. But think about it. Would it be meaningless to your grandmother?

Sometimes we swallow our pride because it is best for someone else. I think this may be that time for you.

 

[Traveling teacher]

bro you shud step up and ask other members to come pray with her or for her
pastor cant do everything

i was close to my grmother
my family put her in a dumpy resthome
took me years to forgive my family

best not to let bitterness creap in

 

[mario1001]

bro you shud step up and ask other members to come pray with her or for her
pastor cant do everything

i was close to my grmother
my family put her in a dumpy resthome
took me years to forgive my family

best not to let bitterness creap in

I understand pastor can't do everything,but he could at least give us the courtesy of a phone call to see how we're doing.