Do you know how poor I am my friend? I was going to soup kitchens for about 2-3 months about a year ago.
2 pastor's knew of this, one of them at the church I attend every Sunday, the church I give me time and effort to and love everyone in it as much as I can. The other one was a pastor from a church I was baptized in as a teen, who I used to have sweet fellowship with when times weren't rough for me. One of them even said to me HIMSELF that scripture states to help out your poor brother amongst you. But I forgive him.
I'm poor and have no friends, I reach out to others for friendship in the church and look for people who match my love for God and match my desire to have fellowship not just Sundays but a deeper friendship, but find no-one.
I'm still poor, nothing's changed financially and I'm still unable to work, but manage better by the grace of God. I rely on God, not man, I look to Him continually not man because man is awful and selfish and self-seeking.
I'm very sorry that this is happening to you. It angers me that people's lives are ruined all because luck of the draw and the very people who claim to be Christ's followers have the gall to say that you and I are just simply 'not trying hard enough'.
I already have a couple users on this forum treat me like I'm some kind of trouble maker who plays victim all the time when really, I just post really hard questions, experiences and views that make others uncomfortable. I think it just scares your average person to think that if God didn't give them the grace they got, they would end up exactly like us. Simply the thought of ending up like that homeless guy will likely drive many people to hurt and reject him to make themselves feel like they're in control in a world full of chance and anarchy.
In the end when crap hits the fan, they will find that they in fact have no control and all they thought they were was just an illusion. I was given the privilege of knowing how this story ends while growing up with an increasingly narcissistic generation who care more about sexual pleasure and playing pretend than actually solving legitimate issues.
I give, give, give, and receive very little.
Story of my life. Everyone compared me to my gifted and talented but selfish and arrogant sister. She could do no wrong and I could do no right, despite it being very obvious who was trying to make the world a better place. I'm at the point where I'd much rather watch this world burn than to continue casting pearls before swine.
Even though I worked for God these past several years to build reward in Heaven, my disgust with the human race has overtaken what sense of compassion I had. Humanity has sucked me dry.
I have struggled with the idea that God loves some more than others. I have struggled with the idea that we are all made in God's image to varying degrees. The closer you are to physical and mental perfection, the closer you are to being in God's image.
Looking at myself, I just think that I'm not even made in God's image at all. When you're autistic, you're basically considered a defective subhuman that would be better off euthanized to save taxpayer money. Hell, even some of the preachers back in the day supported this eugenic nonsense.
I don't know why God called me to this 'ministry' but I am no longer interested in doing it. If He gives some a ministry that makes them worth millions and others worth nothing but the world's contempt, then how can I believe that He loves us equally?
You have no idea.
