Racist thoughts

[grandvizier1006]

For background, I'm a 22 year old white male college student in Mississippi. I'll be home soon since the year is ending soon, but for now I need help dealing with some lingering effects of living in very aggravating conditions.

Basically, I have had to live for a year in a very low-quality college dorm. The bathrooms are nasty, the walls are thin. for various reasons, one of them being that it's Mississippi and another reason being that our college seems to care more about it's awful football team than what it's actually known for, the dorm is full of black men.

As I'm typing this right now they're playing rap music in the room next to me and yelling loudly. Keep in mind this is the time people are trying to study for exams in my case write papers. Now, white people could very well be this disruptive, but in this college, at least among the guys, it's geeky white guys like myself and loud, huge black men.

It ticks me off. I hate them. I've had racist thoughts against them and my black roommate, who is not one of these football players but is equally annoying in a different way. It's not fair to me and all of the other people who are actually trying to get through college and aren't lazy like these black men for them to be so loud, obnoxious, rude, and uncaring. We're here because we're Christians and want to learn about something. They're here because they got some useless "scholarship", I.e. Our president wanted a football team, because it would make money so he recruited them for that purpose. And then all the black guys get outraged when they find out this is a Christian school and they can't just bring in weed, beer or random women into the dorms, as per our rules. Why are they still here if they hate this place?

Most of them are probably the ones that foul up the bathrooms by leaving their toiletries in the shower stalls or not flushing the toilets. Just last night someone emptied a ramen bowl in the bathroom sink. There was a huge group of ants marching around trying to claim the food. I have to put up with this for a year now.

Conditions aside, my roommate is the worst. I ended up rooming with him, because my friends were leaving the nice dorm I was in last year for the crappy dorms and I didn't want to be left alone. This guy was sort of an acquaintance but I've found now that he is a terrible roommate. He is spoiled, lazy, inconsiderate and above all very arrogant about his supposed Christian faith. He is also very stupid. I don't exaggerate. I could spend days telling you all of his antics, but the thing is, deep down he tries to be a good person. He just has little intelligence or social skills and was possibly coddled his whole life by his parents, who taught him all of these superstitious unbiblical things. For example, he clearly has OcD and paranoia issues but he refuses to see a doctor and get prescribed some medicine because he "doesn't believe in it". He's ok with taking protein supplements, vitamins, "organic" food, or medicine for something like a cold, but nothing for mental issues, which he clearly has. So it's not like he's a Christian scientist or anything--his beliefs don't fit any denomination. He mostly just believes everything random YouTube videos tell him about Jesus and I'm relieved he likely hasn't discovered the crazy people on CF.

The biggest thing, though, is that he is basically nocturnal and stays up at night when I'm trying to sleep during the day. I am a bit of an insomniac and need long hours of sle each night and he makes sure I don't get it, one way or another. Hence why I said he is inconsiderate of my needs.

I call him the n-word in my thoughts all the time. I have been surrounded by black men who either have had little education or completely disregarded it because they have been too lazy to care about anything except their hedonistic lifestyles and football. And like I said, the one thing they are supposed to do is something they fail at. Our college is known for its poor football team. We shouldn't have one, this is a Christian liberal arts college. We just have it to try and get money, like how recently our president got donations for a football stadium when he could have used it for better facilities for our theater department, or, well, a better guys' dorm. But nope, the black men and their interests at this school that they hate outnumber the genuine students 3 to 1, at least.

I'm trying to put all of that behind me. But it's all so frustrating. Why should my concerns be invalidated at my college? Why is it that people who say "don't be racist" or usually left-leaning people who live in states with tiny black populations. It's very easy not to be racist when you have no black people in your area, particularly no black men. And that's not even touching on violent crime, which thankfully doesn't happen on campus.

It makes me wonder what Martin Luther King would think. He strove for equality for black people and his legacy seems to have been poor, at least in places with the most racism like Mississippi, my home. The vast majority of black people in my state are poor and have little education. And frankly, I hate having to deal with people who are stupid by choice and refuse to learn. It's one thing to be mentally handicapped, it's another to be like my roomate and do things like get a job (other people even put in a good word for him) and then quit the next day because you didn't like working.

I know that most black men probably aren't like the awful ones I have had to be around lately. I can think of three that are good friends and are educated. But it seems like they're a small minority among the black guys who attend this college.

I guess I'm asking how I'm supposed to let it all go and not think racist thoughts about black people, particularly black men. I feel like I can't relate to them at all. The racial divide in Mississippi is enormous, and black and white people have essentially lived in separate parts of the state my whole life.

All I ask is don't tell me to go to a black neighborhood (I would likely be robbed and shot if I wandered aimlessly) and don't tell me that I must have been "taught racism" by my parents. My parents have nothing to do with this and if they knew what kind of racist thoughts I had they'd be furious with me.

 

[Albion]

You're offended for reasons other than race, but that wouldn't help you if you said too much about the behavior. Normally, I wouldn't respond to a personal issue like this one, but I feel so bad for people who go off to college (including some family members of mine) with high hopes for all the wonderful things that college can bring--and then are stuck in this kind of dorm life. And, often times, living off campus isn't better.

If we take the racial element out of the picture, I still hear the same sort of complaints from these students and from other people I know. My advice, if you care, is to clear out as soon as possible, cut your losses, and don't look back. Find somewhere else. And don't agonize over the whys and wherefores of the move.

Even a change of school might be considered. Otherwise, this situation will just lead you to eat your guts out for no gain and imperil your studies in the process. The semester is about over, I am guessing, so you may have that chance soon.

 

[CodyFaith]

There's good black people, there's bad black people. There's good white people, there's bad white people. There's good Chinese people, there's bad Chinese people.

It's best just to leave it at that. Stick to that principal. Don't use the n word even inside your head because that's hurtful to black people as a whole and good black people... and as you said, you don't actually believe it since you've known good black men/women.

Your views and beliefs will eventually come out in action and words - in some way, shape or form. So it's best to correct this.

 

[The Brown Brink]

Yeah.
Young people...
They are inconsiderate.
And sporty people...
They are boisterous.
And sometimes young, sporty people get scholarships..and they annoy other students...

You're attributing the behaviors of these irritating young students to the color of their skin.
You are blinded by one easily identifiable characteristic.
This will not profit you.


We control our own lives.
If we don't like where we are, we can move ourselves somewhere else.
Or we can blame others for MAKING us miserable...
We can always find someone to blame...
But this robs from us our power...
And it does not profit us.

 

[tstor]

I know exactly how you feel and where you are coming from. I was raised in rural North Carolina and had an upbringing in a very racially "conscious" (if I may) background. That has been with me my whole life. My first year in university is coming to a close and it is a very diverse school. We have a lot of African Americans, Koreans, Indians, and Hispanics. Although I generally give them no special consideration, thoughts do crop up in my head when they make themselves known to me in a frustrating way.

When it comes to your roommate, you would feel the same way regardless of his race. My roommate is South Korean and I had no issue with him at first. However, as the year has progressed I often question whether or not I am even Christian around this guy! He, like most East Asians, eats with his mouth open. It did not really bother me at first, but it is really disgusting now. I wear headphones whenever he eats because the sound just penetrates my core. He has a very obnoxious laugh that consists of gasping for air and slapping the desk. He has no consideration for when I am trying to sleep (he plays loud videos, talks loudly over a video game, etc). Of course, racist thoughts come into my head as that is consistent with my upbringing. Ultimately you have to turn to God in prayer, seek forgiveness, and seek strength to overcome your thoughts. If I may, I would recommend you check out this excerpt from a book entitled The Imitation of Christ (written by Thomas Kempis):

Until God ordains otherwise, a man ought to bear patiently whatever he cannot correct in himself and in others. Consider it better thus -- perhaps to try your patience and to test you, for without such patience and trial your merits are of little account. Nevertheless, under such difficulties you should pray that God will consent to help you bear them calmly.

If, after being admonished once or twice, a person does not amend, do not argue with him but commit the whole matter to God that His will and honor may be furthered in all His servants, for God knows well how to turn evil to good. Try to bear patiently with the defects and infirmities of others, whatever they may be, because you also have many a fault which others must endure.

If you cannot make yourself what you would wish to be, how can you bend others to your will? We want them to be perfect, yet we do not correct our own faults. We wish them to be severely corrected, yet we will not correct ourselves. Their great liberty displeases us, yet we would not be denied what we ask. We would have them bound by laws, yet we will allow ourselves to be restrained in nothing. Hence, it is clear how seldom we think of others as we do of ourselves.

If all were perfect, what should we have to suffer from others for God's sake? But God has so ordained, that we may learn to bear with one another's burdens, for there is no man without fault, no man without burden, no man sufficient to himself nor wise enough. Hence we must support one another, console one another, mutually help, counsel, and advise, for the measure of every man's virtue is best revealed in time of adversity -- adversity that does not weaken a man but rather shows what he is.​

I want to highlight the core of your post:

I guess I'm asking how I'm supposed to let it all go and not think racist thoughts about black people, particularly black men. I feel like I can't relate to them at all. The racial divide in Mississippi is enormous, and black and white people have essentially lived in separate parts of the state my whole life.

That is partially answered above, but know that it is an unrealistic expectation to be colorblind and a true egalitarian.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I think there is something else going on here, because the mere fact that they are black is a mere coincidence, not a cause of their behavior. So when you are calling them the N word in your head, that's something that has nothing to do with their behavior, but perhaps a validation of what you expect black people to behave like. But the fact that they are black and behaving poorly should have nothing to do with each other, they are college athletes, and behaving like college athletes, you are just using their race as an excuse to call them the N Word. Focus on behavior not race. Behavior is your problem here not race.

Heres the thing if its the behavior that bothers you and not the race, why are you calling them racial slurs, instead of words that describe poor behavior. If these were white athletes, who also act the same way, would you also call them racial slurs? I highly doubt it. You are just using this as an opportunity to unleash your hate for a specific race, the underlying racial divide that we try to hide as a country, that is just as real as the jim crow era, just more hidden, but just as real.

 

[381465]

Don't assign race and then don't feel bad about them being tool bags.

It's OK not to like some people. There are a lot of people I avoid like the plague. There a lot of people I can't avoid and I'd rather get beat with a stick than spend time with.

It must be hard if all the guys that are being jerks are black, but that's probably just logistics. Different place and different people would still have ignorant folks. Just replace the bad word in your head with a less bad word and go from there....baby steps.

As far as feeling bad about racist thoughts...that's good. At least you're acknowledging that you don't want that in your life. I think most people have degrees of racism or some kind of ism, but they won't own up to it.

Pray for them, cope the best you can and work to get out of there.

 

[RaymondG]

Pray for them, cope the best you can and work to get out of there.

He should only be praying for himself, until these thoughts are out of his mind and he is filled with the spirit if God.

 

[381465]

He should only be praying for himself, until these thoughts are out of his mind and he is filled with the spirit if God.

Sure.
I should have included praying for himself, but he seems to hate them and consider them enemies, so....

 

[MustardSeeed]

Wow. Your getting mad at their godlessness but yet you are in the same wide path to destruction as they are. They're smoking, drinking etc. etc. and what are you doing? being a good Christian boy?

"Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him." John 3:15

Solution - pray and ask God to give you His Holy Spirit ... that's what you need because calling yourself Christian is just mockery

So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear?" (Isaiah 51:12) - I toke this one from your little signature verses at the bottom

I don't know why what they do bothers you so much. You have a bad spirit dwelling in you. Pray and read the Bible and stop justifying "well I don't like them because of this or that" like a whiny baby

 

[MustardSeeed]

He should only be praying for himself, until these thoughts are out of his mind and he is filled with the spirit if God.

Exactly

Sure.
I should have included praying for himself, but he seems to hate them and consider them enemies, so....

God doesn't hear EVEYRONES prayers. So first he needs to pray for HIMSELF so God can hear him praying for his enemies after. Get it?
How is God going to hear his hypocritical vain prayer? "Oh God please help them stop doing this that and the other thing so they can stop bothering me ..." lol people have been stomping on God since day 1 what makes what bothers this guy so special?

 

[381465]

Exactly



God doesn't hear EVEYRONES prayers. So first he needs to pray for himself so God can hear him praying for his enemies. Get it?

Nope. Splain it.

 

[RaymondG]

Sure.
I should have included praying for himself, but he seems to hate them and consider them enemies, so....

With Hate in your heart, any praying is a waste of time. He should only waste time on himself. Those who know God and know the prayer of Faith need to Pray for this poster. Comments wont fix this....only God can.

 

[MustardSeeed]

Nope. Splain it.

Look at what Raymond said. God doesn't hear everyone's prayers so him praying for his enemies would be pointless

Let's see what the scriptures say ...

"Although you offer many prayers, I am not listening; Your hands are filled with blood" Isaiah 1:15

"If I regard iniquity in my heart, The Lord will not hear" Psalm 66:18

"But your iniquities have separated you from your God; And your sins have hidden His face from you, So that He will not hear" Isaiah 59:2

"Now we know that God does not hear sinners; but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does His will, He hears him" John 9:31

 

[tturt]

Think you need to take some pressure off. Can you rent a hotel room or other arrangements you can make to study for exams?

 

[Poppyseed78]

I encourage you to challenge some of your thinking. You are wrongly attributing some people's behavior to their race. In college, I had one roommate that I got along with well, and one roommate that was horrible to live with. They were of the same race. Some people are considerate, some people aren't. It sounds to me like you could benefit from getting a single room for next year. Or perhaps consider studying elsewhere than in your dorm - which I recognize is inconvenient, but maybe necessary.

Also, unfortunately, many universities spend their resources on athletic facilities while letting housing and academic facilities fall by the wayside. It's a sad reality, and it has nothing to do with location or race.

Your thoughts are unhealthy and can ultimately be reflected in your actions and behavior. Rather than stewing in your anger, instead perhaps show some grace. It will be better for you.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Growing up... I went to low quality predominantly white schools...middle schools an high school.
There was only one school that wasn't low quality and that was
the elementary school I went to from first grade to around fifth grade...it
was a predominantly white school.
The principal there was a true leader who had heart and dedication...I've never
had so many teachers who put their hearts into teaching and encouraging their
students regardless of the student's skin color.

Then came middle schools and high school...the very behaviors you're described fit those schools I was in...the girl's bathroom toilets not flushed, used tampons left on the floor, "stains" on toilet seats etc... what to do? I took the time and cleaned it up if the janitor wasn't located.
Guys and girls being all loud, lots of people doing the "Yo mama" jibs/jabs, smuggling beer to school, smoking pot or whatever at school.
There were a few others who stood up for righteousness, avoided adding to the madness, we cleaned up messes, tried to establish peacefulness etc.
Our efforts did little at the time, it was later that our efforts brought change--new principal and new teachers, new programs.

My schools were in the "bible belt"...sadly, back then I couldn't see much difference between the ones I knew who were Christians than the ones who weren't...lots of them partied/involved in under-age drinking, smoking; girls dating teachers/older men, there were two cases of inappropriate behavior with animals, not too mention sexual assaults, and the increased rate of teen pregnancies etc.
I graduated from high school in 1983 with a diploma I actually earned, I wasn't graduated to meet some quota...sadly, there were students given diplomas who could hardly read and write...and that still goes on in many areas.

To bring about change, you take a stand for righteousness, commit to holding
to biblical values, much prayer, forgiveness, making connections with others
who share such visions and values etc.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Thanks for all of the responses. Some of them cut deep but I guess that was the point. Since starting the thread I've gone home and now I'm back in the dorms to finish up exams. I only have to stay a few more days so things should be ok.

I think this whole situation has made me realize I do have a problem with being subtly racist sometimes. I've had trouble often with hateful thoughts, but I thought that by now I had grown out of that. Everybody who pointed out that they could have been white and just as annoying is right. It's just that it never occurred to me because I've never really had to put up with long-term unpleasant situations before.

Aside from this one problem I love this college. I'm just going to have to pray that next year will be different and better than this one has been. I'm getting a new roommate who is quiet and hopefully that will make things better.

 

[The Brown Brink]

My!
What a wonderful person you are!
Thank you!!!

 

[Sketcher]

First of all, your complaints about dorm life and roommates sound an awful lot like a lot of other complaints about dorm life and roommates. If there's any kind of shared living space, people will naturally grate on each other, and college freshmen have the least experience among anybody in terms of living in consideration for other people that they didn't grow up in the same house with. The people creating these conditions just happen to be black.

Second, this is getting to you so badly that you are thinking the ugliest thoughts you know how to think about the people that are doing this. Racism is ugly, we all know it, you have contempt for these people, so you're exercising racism in your condemning of these people in your mind.

Unfortunately, any kind of prejudice is like a fire, and you're playing with that fire all the time now, if what you posted is accurate. Exercising prejudice for any reason breeds more prejudice, which can take over your mind. First you start a fire in your yard, next thing you know it your whole property is engulfed in it.

You need to draw a line in the sand here and start taking these thoughts captive. This is hard to do, but necessary to do. Remind yourself whenever you see or hear or have to deal with any of this stuff that the person who did it is an image-bearer of God. God probably wouldn't do what they are doing, but that doesn't matter, he made them. If they're sinning, he died for them, if they're not really sinning, just getting to you, then you need to have more grace toward them.

Finally, find a better living arrangement. Find a quiet place to stay where you can reliably get to your classes and job (if you have a job). going back to the fire analogy, the first step in putting out an electrical fire is to cut the power to it. A quiet place to live will remove you from most of this stuff that's provoking you.