OCD and cheating in school

[Maddy3000]

Hi,
I'm brand new to this forum. I read about a similar situation on this site, but my situation is a little different...
I've been in trouble for cheating in college before. I got put on academic probation for the remainder of my college career, but no specific consequence was given. But...you can guess the reason I'm here: I cheated again.
I finished my AA degree, then took six months off, then started another degree in the same school. I finished one quarter, then as I was starting the next (before even taking any tests) I got hit with "you cheated after they told you not to" (during the quarters between getting put on probation and when I got hit with the thought).
So, after wrestling with it for a while, I went in and talked to a counselor about it. I didn't give her the whole story, but she informed me that she needed to report the incident. We scheduled a follow-up appointment (which I had to cancel later) and then...Nothing. No communication from anyone, not even to reschedule my appointment (unless I missed something).
I'm scared that the details I left out would have been crucial to them "deciding my fate." I'd told her I hadn't cheated on tests, just plagiarized assignments, when in reality I HAD cheated on tests as well.
The thing is, I'm really hyper-sensitive towards cheating. I don't want to do it. I set up parameters for myself, making SURE I can't cheat. But I think back towards this one test, for example: it was online, I couldn't use the book, so I took it on the family computer, outside of my room and away from my notes and stuff. I never googled anything. But I had something written or scratched on my hand for aid.
I just...I'm stuck in this mess of "what I did wasn't really that bad" to "you need to go back in and confess again and leave nothing out."
I was at peace with this for awhile. For one, not hearing anything told me that "ok, well, they decided it wasn't that big of a deal." Also, I got more preoccupied with other OCD-like situations. For a little while I was scared to drive, because I was scared I'd hit someone. I tend to jump from one problem to the next, and the current problem kind of takes precedence over whatever it is I was worried about earlier. I tend to go through my "list of recent wrongs," worrying and obsessing over them until I know either a) they're not worth worrying about or b) I do something to fix them. I'm at peace for a bit, until something else comes up.
Well, I got my other problems taken care of, and now, after about a month, I'm back to this cheating thing. I am planning on changing my major (started that process around the same time I went in to talk to the counselor), so that hopefully few or even none of the classes I took earlier would even count towards my new degree, but even still...I have an AA degree that I haven't fully earned.
I want to do what God wants me to do. But I'm not sure what that even is. I know I did wrong, and I know I wasn't completely honest with the counselor when I confessed to doing wrong. But...they didn't get back to me at all. So...??

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Maddy3000]

Remember someone that I had helped learn trig kept
looking at my test. I finally blurted out as to stop looking
at mine! You know how to do it! This caused us both to have
to go up front. I told the instructor that he knows how to do the
problems, just needs confidence. Why do...did you feel you were not
prepared for the questions?

Um...yeah. kind of. I dont care, really, about bombing a test...it's the compulsive desire to cheat, and the resulting anxiety, that I want gone...

 

[miknik5]

Hi,
I'm brand new to this forum. I read about a similar situation on this site, but my situation is a little different...
I've been in trouble for cheating in college before. I got put on academic probation for the remainder of my college career, but no specific consequence was given. But...you can guess the reason I'm here: I cheated again.
I finished my AA degree, then took six months off, then started another degree in the same school. I finished one quarter, then as I was starting the next (before even taking any tests) I got hit with "you cheated after they told you not to" (during the quarters between getting put on probation and when I got hit with the thought).
So, after wrestling with it for a while, I went in and talked to a counselor about it. I didn't give her the whole story, but she informed me that she needed to report the incident. We scheduled a follow-up appointment (which I had to cancel later) and then...Nothing. No communication from anyone, not even to reschedule my appointment (unless I missed something).
I'm scared that the details I left out would have been crucial to them "deciding my fate." I'd told her I hadn't cheated on tests, just plagiarized assignments, when in reality I HAD cheated on tests as well.
The thing is, I'm really hyper-sensitive towards cheating. I don't want to do it. I set up parameters for myself, making SURE I can't cheat. But I think back towards this one test, for example: it was online, I couldn't use the book, so I took it on the family computer, outside of my room and away from my notes and stuff. I never googled anything. But I had something written or scratched on my hand for aid.
I just...I'm stuck in this mess of "what I did wasn't really that bad" to "you need to go back in and confess again and leave nothing out."
I was at peace with this for awhile. For one, not hearing anything told me that "ok, well, they decided it wasn't that big of a deal." Also, I got more preoccupied with other OCD-like situations. For a little while I was scared to drive, because I was scared I'd hit someone. I tend to jump from one problem to the next, and the current problem kind of takes precedence over whatever it is I was worried about earlier. I tend to go through my "list of recent wrongs," worrying and obsessing over them until I know either a) they're not worth worrying about or b) I do something to fix them. I'm at peace for a bit, until something else comes up.
Well, I got my other problems taken care of, and now, after about a month, I'm back to this cheating thing. I am planning on changing my major (started that process around the same time I went in to talk to the counselor), so that hopefully few or even none of the classes I took earlier would even count towards my new degree, but even still...I have an AA degree that I haven't fully earned.
I want to do what God wants me to do. But I'm not sure what that even is. I know I did wrong, and I know I wasn't completely honest with the counselor when I confessed to doing wrong. But...they didn't get back to me at all. So...??

Pray

It sounds as if your conscience is NOT clear

Further, it sounds as if you do not have full control over this behavior and chances are you will do it again

Correct?

If THE LORD is putting this conviction in your heart and mind then you need to talk to some sort of counselor and work on some sort of plan going forward. A counselor who specializes in OCD behaviors

Chances are that the counselor st school doesn't know what to do and might not be able to handle or set up a plan for you anyway to overcome this

Further if you show that you are actively seeking help the school might be lenient towards you and work out something to help you overcome this impulse

I believe We all have OCD behaviors.

But this is consuming you and if it is discovered it could drastically effect your reputation and integrity and could be grounds for dismissal

What do you think you should do?

 

[miknik5]

Good luck

I used to have to keep my windows down in my car for fear of locking the keys in my car

I know.
It's not the same thing

But I do believe there are things within all of us that cause us to be fixated and repetitive in things as some sort of comfort or maybe control feature

 

[lben]

Try confessing to God, not man. When you cheat, you only hurt yourself. A test is an opportunity for you to show off what you know and understand. Cheating? That tells me you would be better off flipping burgers at McDonalds until you learn how to apply yourself to an education. That entails doing homework, not looking for ways to cheat. Nothing worth having comes easy. Everything in life needs to be worked for and earned. Cheating says you don't want to apply yourself.

If you're having issues with OCD you should seek professional help, and I'm not talking about a school counselor.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Maddy3000]

I intend to get straight, and I'm trying really hard to get right. I'm sort of over-fixated on this, like when I take a test or do a lab I'm just like "don't cheat, don't cheat..." And I check everything and I run over it in my head... I've had this thought process for years.
I emailed the school counseling office, to try and get in touch with the lady I spoke to. I want to know what they decided to do with what I reported. And I feel like I need to confess again, leaving nothing out...Because even though I know God will forgive me, I don't want any ill-gotten gain. Like, if I'd stolen money, I'd obviously need to repay it. I don't want a degree that I haven't earned. I'm changing majors (on my second degree) and changing schools, but still. That AA degree is finalized, unless the school decides to rescind it. And they don't even know the full story...
I don't know if I have OCD. I tend to go through episodes where certain things will freak me out for a few days, and then I get over it. So that's not really OCD, just general "being a human being..."

 

[miknik5]

I intend to get straight, and I'm trying really hard to get right. I'm sort of over-fixated on this, like when I take a test or do a lab I'm just like "don't cheat, don't cheat..." And I check everything and I run over it in my head... I've had this thought process for years.
I emailed the school counseling office, to try and get in touch with the lady I spoke to. I want to know what they decided to do with what I reported. And I feel like I need to confess again, leaving nothing out...Because even though I know God will forgive me, I don't want any ill-gotten gain. Like, if I'd stolen money, I'd obviously need to repay it. I don't want a degree that I haven't earned. I'm changing majors (on my second degree) and changing schools, but still. That AA degree is finalized, unless the school decides to rescind it. And they don't even know the full story...
I don't know if I have OCD. I tend to go through episodes where certain things will freak me out for a few days, and then I get over it. So that's not really OCD, just general "being a human being..."

You compulsively do what you know you shouldn't do

You need help


You called the counselor
Be honest and tell them that you think it is a compulsion and you can't seem to control it no matter how hard you try or how well aware you are that it is wrong

 

[miknik5]

By the way Mandy

Did you tell your parents?

 

[miknik5]

Maddy not Mandy

Can't correct for whatever reason

 

[Maddy3000]

Maddy not Mandy

Can't correct for whatever reason

No, I have not told my parents. We've been dealing with my "OCD-whatever" for a long, long time. We've been over the cheating thing countless times. I had sort of a mental breakdown that took a LONG time for my parents to stop reminding me of it. It's not that they don't care, it's that I'm in my early 20's, I'm an adult, I should be able to handle this on my own. I don't want to get in trouble with them again, especially if the school isn't going to get me in trouble (which idk if that will happen). And they've been under a lot of stress already; they don't need me regressing and adding on to it.
I know I can do the work without cheating. Put me in a vaccuum, take away the "this is a test" aspect, and I'd be fine. I can do the actual stuff. It's just the situation that gets me.

 

[miknik5]

No, I have not told my parents. We've been dealing with my "OCD-whatever" for a long, long time. We've been over the cheating thing countless times. I had sort of a mental breakdown that took a LONG time for my parents to stop reminding me of it. It's not that they don't care, it's that I'm in my early 20's, I'm an adult, I should be able to handle this on my own. I don't want to get in trouble with them again, especially if the school isn't going to get me in trouble (which idk if that will happen). And they've been under a lot of stress already; they don't need me regressing and adding on to it.
I know I can do the work without cheating. Put me in a vaccuum, take away the "this is a test" aspect, and I'd be fine. I can do the actual stuff. It's just the situation that gets me.

Maddy

You know that you have OCD. I don't know what DR handles this but you need to speak to a professional in this area who can give you advice on how to handle going forward.

I really don't think the school counselors would know how to advise you on techniques to manage these compulsions

Further I think if they saw that you are making an effort to be proactive about this maybe they will be more lenient?

Speak with your regular DR to get info on what you should do

 

[Maddy3000]

Maddy

You know that you have OCD. I don't know what DR handles this but you need to speak to a professional in this area who can give you advice on how to handle going forward.

I really don't think the school counselors would know how to advise you on techniques to manage these compulsions

Further I think if they saw that you are making an effort to be proactive about this maybe they will be more lenient?

Speak with your regular DR to get info on what you should do

So...you think I should go in and confess again (fully this time) to the counselors, even though they and the officials didn't do anything when I went in the first time?

 

[miknik5]

So...you think I should go in and confess again (fully this time) to the counselors, even though they and the officials didn't do anything when I went in the first time?

I thought in your previous post that you already once again went to them.

If you haven't. I think you should first see a professional who deals with OCD. Talk to them. Tell them the situation and get advice

Then proceed

 

[miknik5]

Proceed in first finding out what Dr suggests

But what this shows is that you sought help. You know you have something that you have to deal with and get under control
And you were responsibly doing that

If you don't and you go to your school counselors they may not know how to proceed and they very well may be harder on you than had they known you were seeking a DR and serious about getting the help you needed s

 

[miknik5]

I intend to get straight, and I'm trying really hard to get right. I'm sort of over-fixated on this, like when I take a test or do a lab I'm just like "don't cheat, don't cheat..." And I check everything and I run over it in my head... I've had this thought process for years.
I emailed the school counseling office, to try and get in touch with the lady I spoke to. I want to know what they decided to do with what I reported. And I feel like I need to confess again, leaving nothing out...Because even though I know God will forgive me, I don't want any ill-gotten gain. Like, if I'd stolen money, I'd obviously need to repay it. I don't want a degree that I haven't earned. I'm changing majors (on my second degree) and changing schools, but still. That AA degree is finalized, unless the school decides to rescind it. And they don't even know the full story...
I don't know if I have OCD. I tend to go through episodes where certain things will freak me out for a few days, and then I get over it. So that's not really OCD, just general "being a human being..."

Did you contact via email the woman again?

 

[Maddy3000]

Did you contact via email the woman again?

I contacted the center itself. I forgot the name of the woman, and I'm hoping they have a record of my visit and can tell me who I spoke with...Irresponsible to forget like that, I know...
The thing is, getting professional help would open up a whole can of worms. And I've talked to my mom about getting help before, but we both decided I kinda don't need it, I just need to shape up... And I've had periods of time (mainly when I'm on break) where I'm not as worried about stuff as I am now... Like my germ aversion had gone down (before spiking again), and I can drive normally again...

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[miknik5]

I contacted the center itself. I forgot the name of the woman, and I'm hoping they have a record of my visit and can tell me who I spoke with...Irresponsible to forget like that, I know...
The thing is, getting professional help would open up a whole can of worms. And I've talked to my mom about getting help before, but we both decided I kinda don't need it, I just need to shape up... And I've had periods of time (mainly when I'm on break) where I'm not as worried about stuff as I am now... Like my germ aversion had gone down (before spiking again), and I can drive normally again...

Go speak to your DR
I believe you should get some help from a professional who has the expertise and resources to help you succeed in overcoming this

I actually think you will be better received by the school counselors if you do

Unless of course you are only going to disclose one cheating incident

In which case, yes maybe they will be lenient

But if you are planning to let your school counselor a know that you have cheated on numerous exams in numerous classes I'm not so sure

I really think that you should see your DR, get a name and consider talking to a professional before a school counselor

I really think that they might be able to give you better advice on what you should do