I am losing the desire to live

[Mitchy Slacks]

I don't really understand this "Jesus is sufficient" concept that I'm supposed to be happy simply because of what God did on the cross. My life has just gotten worse and worse over the years, and now my mind is tormented with a hatred for this world.

I am 40 and despite working so hard for two college degrees, I am one of those despicable people who lives at home. No matter how hard I work to better myself, I am still a failure by this world's standards. My whole life since childhood I have dreamed of making a huge positive impact on this world, but now I am hopeless that I will ever have that kind of life. I have no wife or girlfriend and no children. Nobody seems to even want to interview me anymore for any decent living wage jobs. I have multiple medical conditions. I care so little about my family or friends anymore. People in my church want to help me, but I find I just don't get any inspiration out of Scripture. I have little desire to even be involved anymore because I am so angry and depressed.

And I hate myself for wanting more, knowing that plenty of people in this world have even worse problems. So I am simply stuck in this state of disgust for this creation of God. Why the fk did he create such a terrible place? I don't want to live in this terrible world anymore. People disgust me with their selfishness and their greed and their dishonesty towards each other. The whole American politcal system disgusts me. Wars and militaries disgust me. If heaven is so wonderful why is it wrong to want to just skip this place and go there?

I don't think my needs really matter to God. I NEED a wife and family. I NEED fulfilling work that allows me to provide for them. But day after day things just get worse for me. I live in a part of the US where there are few living wage jobs, especially for degree holders, and where religion matters very little to people. I cannot prosper here, and now I feel stuck here. I have asked God to somehow help me turn my life around, because I do not know what to do anymore. And each day I feel I am becoming less and less capable of maintaining a peaceful state of mind. I am furious that I cannot find my way out of this hole.

 

[GoingByzantine]

Mitchy,

What a difficult thing you are currently going through, I will pray for you to the Lord.

In Orthodox Christianity, people who are suffering in this fallen world will often go on a retreat to a monastic community. When you go to a monastery, all the distractions of the world are shut out in favor of prayer and contemplation.

Find a place where you can relax, pray and contemplate without outside distraction. My belief is that finding a peaceful place for prayer is vitally important for any Christian. If you really need to get away from your present situation, you could also go on a mission trip, you might find peace by helping other people find faith. You might also meet other like minded individuals who share your beliefs.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

If heaven is so wonderful why is it wrong to want to just skip this place and go there?

Your post resonates a lot with me, though I am in a more fortunate situation than you.
At least you don't have the guilt of not working, if you had a partner and kids.
May I suggest a determined effort to be grateful? just for a shining sun or that you don't have any serious health problems. I guess this advice is naïve to someone suffering clinical depression. i'd just like to think you could cheer up, if only briefly. We all need a vacation from our minds.

 

[Mitchy Slacks]

Thank you for your response. A mission trip sounds nice and all, but I don't see how I would qualify for something like that. I am very dependent on medications and I have no money. I don't know anything about monastic retreats. I'm sure it's not an option. Every time I look to pursue something like that I am received with rejection. This world just seems to be all about rejection.

 

[RC1970]

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Proverbs 1:7


By wisdom a house is built,
and by understanding it is established;
by knowledge the rooms are filled
with all precious and pleasant riches.

Proverbs 24:3-4


But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:33

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

By wisdom a house is built,

also building skills like carpentry and bricklaying, plus a lot of hard labour.

 

[John Hyperspace]

Now is a good time to hope. Don't let the storm of the war about you beat you down. Now is the time to hope stronger than ever before. Trust that everything is working together to get us all out of the hole of our own selfishness and ignorance. Don't look at your life and see failure; see it as the success it truly is; as God has given and withheld what has been given to all, and, what has been withheld from all: your life is no different than anyone else's: all things men have or, have not; are those things God has given, or, has withheld; so that the value of what you will be given will be made fully understood when these things are given. Have faith in the storm, that's when it shines brightest. Most of all, hold fast to faith, hope and love. Hold the line, muster the strength and courage given to you; now is the time to hope more than ever.

I saw this trailer; think of it as a metaphor for life in the midst of the things that war against your faith, hope and love; listen to the last bit of dialogue especially:

 

[RC1970]

also building skills like carpentry and bricklaying, plus a lot of hard labour.

I don't think the author was referring to an actual "house", but instead to one's "estate".

 

[jimmyjimmy]

I don't really understand this "Jesus is sufficient" concept that I'm supposed to be happy simply because of what God did on the cross. My life has just gotten worse and worse over the years, and now my mind is tormented with a hatred for this world.

I am 40 and despite working so hard for two college degrees, I am one of those despicable people who lives at home. No matter how hard I work to better myself, I am still a failure by this world's standards. My whole life since childhood I have dreamed of making a huge positive impact on this world, but now I am hopeless that I will ever have that kind of life. I have no wife or girlfriend and no children. Nobody seems to even want to interview me anymore for any decent living wage jobs. I have multiple medical conditions. I care so little about my family or friends anymore. People in my church want to help me, but I find I just don't get any inspiration out of Scripture. I have little desire to even be involved anymore because I am so angry and depressed.

And I hate myself for wanting more, knowing that plenty of people in this world have even worse problems. So I am simply stuck in this state of disgust for this creation of God. Why the fk did he create such a terrible place? I don't want to live in this terrible world anymore. People disgust me with their selfishness and their greed and their dishonesty towards each other. The whole American politcal system disgusts me. Wars and militaries disgust me. If heaven is so wonderful why is it wrong to want to just skip this place and go there?

I don't think my needs really matter to God. I NEED a wife and family. I NEED fulfilling work that allows me to provide for them. But day after day things just get worse for me. I live in a part of the US where there are few living wage jobs, especially for degree holders, and where religion matters very little to people. I cannot prosper here, and now I feel stuck here. I have asked God to somehow help me turn my life around, because I do not know what to do anymore. And each day I feel I am becoming less and less capable of maintaining a peaceful state of mind. I am furious that I cannot find my way out of this hole.

Your post reveals this: you are living in perpetual violation of the first commandment. You have other "gods" before Him. Things like, "making huge impact", a wife, and fulfilling work, are all good things, but have elected them to a place which rightly belongs to Him alone.

You're disgruntled with God for not giving you other "gods', but He will not give you what will only bring you harm. Those things cannot support the weight of your soul. They cannot provide security and significance. They are wonderful things, but not when inordinate meaning is placed on them.

Many years ago, (I am 10 years ahead of you) I sounded just like you, and I sought the counsel of many Christian, but none pointed out to me my idolatry. It wasn't until my pastor preached on such things that I began to see my sin for what it was and repented of it.

Great book: Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone

Christ's peace to you, brother.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

well written john hyperspace, just brilliant!

 

[timewerx]

Thank you for your response. A mission trip sounds nice and all, but I don't see how I would qualify for something like that. I am very dependent on medications and I have no money. I don't know anything about monastic retreats. I'm sure it's not an option. Every time I look to pursue something like that I am received with rejection. This world just seems to be all about rejection.

We seem to be in the same boat. I am in perfect health though but I live in a 3rd world country so I only have very few options as well at about the age of forty without a career.

I've gone through dozens of interviews, hundreds of applications, all rejects and none of the people I know could refer me to a job and despite all the prayers of me, my parents, and other people I know, nothing is coming out of it.

I've been reading through the Gospels and it seems if prosperity in this world is what I'm looking for, then I'm in the wrong religion!

What was Christ's response when someone pledged to follow him?? "The Son of Man don't even have a place to rest His head!". Even Christ is poor (I guess He became poor when He left His parents). It seems to also imply a fate of those who will follow Him.

And then John 12:25:
Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

It doesn't even implicate prosperity...Because if you really hate your life in this world, you probably wouldn't pursue prosperity and if you somehow did, you'll probably only leave little to yourself and give things to those who needed it more.

Anyway, you seem to be doing quite good if we're talking of Christian living according to the Gospels.

I don't know what to say.........Even how we must pray according to Jesus, if we have shelter, food, we must be thankful already....

I guess, you only might be expecting far too much of Christianity due to the false-image that is popular in Christianity today which is wrong. Besides, the vast majority of Christians won't lift a finger to help you until maybe you are gasping your last breaths. I'm sorry but that's just the truth. Don't be angry at God. all this is a test. Be happy that at least you are not being tested....

 

[Maxelcat]

I don't really understand this "Jesus is sufficient" concept that I'm supposed to be happy simply because of what God did on the cross. My life has just gotten worse and worse over the years, and now my mind is tormented with a hatred for this world.

I am 40 and despite working so hard for two college degrees, I am one of those despicable people who lives at home. No matter how hard I work to better myself, I am still a failure by this world's standards. My whole life since childhood I have dreamed of making a huge positive impact on this world, but now I am hopeless that I will ever have that kind of life. I have no wife or girlfriend and no children. Nobody seems to even want to interview me anymore for any decent living wage jobs. I have multiple medical conditions. I care so little about my family or friends anymore. People in my church want to help me, but I find I just don't get any inspiration out of Scripture. I have little desire to even be involved anymore because I am so angry and depressed.

And I hate myself for wanting more, knowing that plenty of people in this world have even worse problems. So I am simply stuck in this state of disgust for this creation of God. Why the fk did he create such a terrible place? I don't want to live in this terrible world anymore. People disgust me with their selfishness and their greed and their dishonesty towards each other. The whole American politcal system disgusts me. Wars and militaries disgust me. If heaven is so wonderful why is it wrong to want to just skip this place and go there?

I don't think my needs really matter to God. I NEED a wife and family. I NEED fulfilling work that allows me to provide for them. But day after day things just get worse for me. I live in a part of the US where there are few living wage jobs, especially for degree holders, and where religion matters very little to people. I cannot prosper here, and now I feel stuck here. I have asked God to somehow help me turn my life around, because I do not know what to do anymore. And each day I feel I am becoming less and less capable of maintaining a peaceful state of mind. I am furious that I cannot find my way out of this hole.

Whilst my situation was different I so relate to what you are going through. The darkness was bleak, and seemed interminable. I am still mopping up some ten years later. Despite well meaning Christians, most of whom couldn't handle what was happening, nothing Could reach me. God seemed entirely absent. I was so angry, shame ridden. There is so much I could say but not in public. Don't consider that final step.... Do you talk to anyone?

 

[Greg J.]

I don't really understand this "Jesus is sufficient" concept that I'm supposed to be happy simply because of what God did on the cross. My life has just gotten worse and worse over the years, and now my mind is tormented with a hatred for this world.

You're not "supposed" to be happy just because of what Jesus did. Your response is what it is. Significant transformation like "being happy" is something that only God bring about. (I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as being happy all the time for anyone.)

I don't think it fits exactly what you meant, but here is something Jesus said:

The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. (John 12:25, 1984 NIV)

The world is an evil place. As you say, failure and rejection surround us, however, it is not because we are failures, it is because our expectations have been perverted by everything.

We must learn how to view things from God's perspective, and he will help with this, but it requires persistence and faithfulness to God. From God's perfect perspective, you are as far as possible from being a failure. For a lot of hurting/disabled people what he wants is for them is to just try to get to know him better. Toss out every other expectation you have for yourself. If you make him the most important thing in your life, he will take care of most everything else in your life one way or another. In the short term, you may not believe this, in which case you will still need to deal with life as it is until you do. But you can have rock-solid hope for better things because of what he is like.

He cares about everything that interests, concerns, or troubles you, because he is interested in you. He is a loving father (and heavenly mother, especially if your experience of fathers is bad) who wants what is best for his children—and only he knows what is best for us. It is very often contrary to what we feel is best for us.

I am 40 and despite working so hard for two college degrees, I am one of those despicable people who lives at home. No matter how hard I work to better myself, I am still a failure by this world's standards. My whole life since childhood I have dreamed of making a huge positive impact on this world, but now I am hopeless that I will ever have that kind of life. I have no wife or girlfriend and no children. Nobody seems to even want to interview me anymore for any decent living wage jobs. I have multiple medical conditions. I care so little about my family or friends anymore. People in my church want to help me, but I find I just don't get any inspiration out of Scripture. I have little desire to even be involved anymore because I am so angry and depressed.

This is a huge list of expectations that you have or have allowed to work their way into you that were not from God. You are in desperate need of the truth. At first just knowing it, then by the grace of God, believing it, and then experiencing it. I've never heard anyone equate having two college degrees with happiness (or even one). Working hard does not bring happiness.

And I hate myself for wanting more, knowing that plenty of people in this world have even worse problems. So I am simply stuck in this state of disgust for this creation of God. Why the fk did he create such a terrible place? I don't want to live in this terrible world anymore. People disgust me with their selfishness and their greed and their dishonesty towards each other. The whole American politcal system disgusts me. Wars and militaries disgust me. If heaven is so wonderful why is it wrong to want to just skip this place and go there?

This is all a response to not believing the truth in a deeper sense. You do not even seem to have a knowledge of the truth. This is one reason you need God.

I don't think my needs really matter to God. I NEED a wife and family. I NEED fulfilling work that allows me to provide for them. But day after day things just get worse for me. I live in a part of the US where there are few living wage jobs, especially for degree holders, and where religion matters very little to people. I cannot prosper here, and now I feel stuck here. I have asked God to somehow help me turn my life around, because I do not know what to do anymore. And each day I feel I am becoming less and less capable of maintaining a peaceful state of mind. I am furious that I cannot find my way out of this hole.

The only thing you need is God. It is God who satisfies our needs, and he sometimes does it in ways we didn't think would satisfy us. You feel and believe you need a wife, but that is just one aspect of what we are like from being separated from God. In fact, all our sense of need comes from that—sometimes called the God-shaped vacuum in our soul.

What you really need to is to read the New Testament and believe what God already said to you in that—and take action based on it. You need a church elder to help you understand many of the things God said, because that is a shortcut to understanding the real truth, instead of a version of it that has been twisted to accommodate the comfort-level of people severely affected by the world. Failing to accept what God said as the absolute truth is the biggest problem most people have in their lives. If you don't turn your life over to God and really mean it, your problems down the road may be even worse.

It sounds to me like you need to be seeing a Christian psychologist, probably on medication, and probably getting spiritual counseling, if you aren't already. If not consider these things as being a good steward of your health. As soon as you genuinely commit to God "no matter what," he will act for you. A sign that you really mean it is that you will take actions consistent to God being the most important thing in your life. You'll be trying to be obedient, which includes studying the Bible and praying—and probably going to church—but not because "you are supposed to" and not because "you feel like it" or because "it inspires you," but because God commanded it. God has never given a command for his own benefit. Every single one is for your long-term benefit. He guarantees that will work out to be what is best for every individual.

 

[Tempura]

I'm pretty much there. No job, no wife, no fulfillment in the things I do. I'm not hopeless anymore though. In fact, when I had it "better", I was worse. At some point I hit the rock bottom and I had no way out but to just call out for God and His grace. It was either that or to go with the sick thoughts of suicide. In time, I learned to take solace in it, in God's grace and Christ's words. I'm much more at peace now than I ever was, although I'm basically just a shut-in now. I hope I can manage to make my life better though.

My point wasn't to come and tell you that "I'm better now, so should you", because I didn't do anything. I had no tricks. I didn't know what else to do than just stare at my failures, conditions and sins which didn't help me at all. It was all out of fear. I do think that God really is love, and I couldn't see that love through the trees or religion, other people and my own twisted moods and bitterness. But in the end, God helped me. It took a long long time, but I'm sure it's better that way. If I'd gotten that certain peace right away, I would have lost it the next day without understanding what it means. I'm sure He will help you as well, just keep at it. There is something to be found in our own weakness. And God doesn't turn his back on the weak, no matter how much it would seem so. People do, the world does.

My anxiety was hard to handle, kind of still is. I am addicted to benzos, but they helped me and still do. I don't take them a lot anymore, but at least I can push that certain anquish that incapacitates me away with the meds. Eventually I'm going to try and quit them, but for now it's a good crutch. I was quite lucky in that I got good help. Not all of it worked, sometimes the exeperiences were bad, but I still got good help every now and then.

We can improve our lives in many things, but in the end I found that real peace comes from searching God and trying to love better. Also from being honest to oneself, including God and other people.

I hope I didn't sound condescending. I didn't mean to. I can sympathize, because in some ways I am there where you are. Said a prayer for you. One day at a time man. God bless.

 

[Goatee]

Offer up all of your suffering to God. Every little one. U need to do this. You are suffering badly. You need to show God that whatever, u love Him and that your daily sufferings are his, totally, to do with what he wants.

 

[Jeshu]

Oh brother you are in it deep. I've been there and know very well how you must feel. Hate is an unholy fire though. Jesus advised me to hate satan for ruling this world so badly and making such a mess of it. You have to remember that on this earth God is on the bottom of it - like Jesus demonstrated to us - in sin we crucify our Creator both the world and the religious people will do that!!!

So in your suffering you are close to God so to speak for He suffers the wicked as well - even the loveless hate dwelling in your heart which has raised itself up against God's lost children everywhere, against God Himself blaming Him for the mess down here and against yourself tearing you to bits within. While the truth is all you long for is love and good things, right?

This is the good news if you die to all that hate and bad life ruling your life now and let Jesus replace it with His good life, would that be a good deal or what? This is what He did for me by the way. I suffer from a depressive illness and yet He got rid of my bad life and brought me His good life though I still struggle with mental illness on a daily basis He still made all things well and brought me thae ability to deal with it. Making me more loving, kinder, gentler, more forgiving, more joyful, more thankful, and with far more endurance than I had when I didn't know Jesus like that in my life. Jesus alive in our heart that is what you want brother and rid of the hate.

I advise you to blast satan with your hate and blame him for all the crap going on down here.

The trick is to cultivate good life in your life - up against the bad life - God's good life.

So when you 'hear'/feel/see/know/ that it sucks down here - then you give all the crap - all your bad feelings about that to Jesus - and ask Him to keep it and to bring you good life back instead. In the mean time cultivate good life by praying for the ones hurting like you are - and worse - as much as possible. Pray with passion - plead God fro love and truth and all good things which flow from that.

Resist bad life like this with God's good life and with in 4 years you be back on your feet again participating in helping the hurting on this world instead of despairing the wicked making it like that, you will curse them and fight them spiritually. I assure you Jesus will make sure of that.

Be of very good courage brother as you relearn to love rightly and fight to dump your bad life. If you attempt this method you will see that bad life doesn't want to go, but keeps on creating more bad life is you let it - keep a good eye on that in your heart so that you don't participate in that, and if you fall that you go back to God and have Him remove such rebellion, bit by bit with His loving truth. Until you will also know what it is like to wake up deeply depressed and yet at peace and in His rest and awesome wonder to be, for then you know 100 percent He is for real.

Peace.

A poem I wrote as testimony of The Living Word doing His work inside of my heart and bringing me His good life though I still struggle with my mental health on a daily basis.


Zion Descending

At first I heard Dad say,
"Son let us make tracks,
its near getting dark now,
the chosen are all asleep,
now would be best,
as darkness reigns its peak,
for arrogance has him blinded,
to what is really going on."


I saw the sunlight darkened,
the moon turn to blood,
and the stars falling from Heaven.
I felt everything shaking in its boots.
I heard about wars and rumours of wars.
I experienced famine and drought,
grand scale living in wantonness,
rulers making a living out of sin,
Satan's forces installed everywhere,
loveless forces ruling untruthfully.


I heard my inner world crying out in her dying pain,
"What is going on?
The Father is leaving us without the Son,
this can only evil mean."
I heard the angels blow the trumpets!
"Woe to the inhabitants of this soul!"

I heard the agonising cries,
coming from underneath the altar,
the dead in God's love, longingly,
awaiting newness of life!
"Yes, oh Lord, pour out their blood as they did ours!"

I heard the thunders rolling throughout my being,
"Let evil brood fear The Truth of God almighty!
Let judgement begin in The House of God!"

I knew judgement had already began,
when I beheld those massive hails stones,
tumbling down on the heads of the wicked.
I watched my enemies flee in terror!
Scorpion stings burning wrong,
horse hooves kicking up dirt,
truthfulness uncovering shame,
honesty baring nakedness,
the dung of the earth warring,
lies sores causing agony,
pestilence threatening,
as grasshoppers devoured,
my enemies food and good life!

It was fascinating to see,
how weak those are...,
.....so strong in lies!

Yes, honest!
Loving truth is like that!
The freedom to be,
true to yourself,
both in good and bad,
in His love to be.

Oh the release of faith!
Heart rendering awe!
Shouts of glorious praise!
Jumping joy - pure ecstasy!
Glorying in God almighty,
my life's tormentors died,
perishing one after the other.

Seeing Jesus on His white horse,
a blazing sword coming out of His mouth,
His all conquering loving truth
my inner world of being to reap.
Casting dead what is so good to have gone,
raising alive that which I had lost,
bringing new life at each dawn,
His kingdom ruling my world of being,
His presence bringing rest and peace.

Time and again He comes past like this,
(terrorising the wicked agonising their mates demise,)
as all His wheels turn into place.
The Word alive in heavenly love.
Costly gifts descending from above.
beholding the temple of the most high,
the truth of His love Himself my Zion.

 

[sheamiao]

I don't really understand this "Jesus is sufficient" concept that I'm supposed to be happy simply because of what God did on the cross. My life has just gotten worse and worse over the years, and now my mind is tormented with a hatred for this world.

I am 40 and despite working so hard for two college degrees, I am one of those despicable people who lives at home. No matter how hard I work to better myself, I am still a failure by this world's standards. My whole life since childhood I have dreamed of making a huge positive impact on this world, but now I am hopeless that I will ever have that kind of life. I have no wife or girlfriend and no children. Nobody seems to even want to interview me anymore for any decent living wage jobs. I have multiple medical conditions. I care so little about my family or friends anymore. People in my church want to help me, but I find I just don't get any inspiration out of Scripture. I have little desire to even be involved anymore because I am so angry and depressed.

And I hate myself for wanting more, knowing that plenty of people in this world have even worse problems. So I am simply stuck in this state of disgust for this creation of God. Why the fk did he create such a terrible place? I don't want to live in this terrible world anymore. People disgust me with their selfishness and their greed and their dishonesty towards each other. The whole American politcal system disgusts me. Wars and militaries disgust me. If heaven is so wonderful why is it wrong to want to just skip this place and go there?

I don't think my needs really matter to God. I NEED a wife and family. I NEED fulfilling work that allows me to provide for them. But day after day things just get worse for me. I live in a part of the US where there are few living wage jobs, especially for degree holders, and where religion matters very little to people. I cannot prosper here, and now I feel stuck here. I have asked God to somehow help me turn my life around, because I do not know what to do anymore. And each day I feel I am becoming less and less capable of maintaining a peaceful state of mind. I am furious that I cannot find my way out of this hole.

well brother, i totally understand U. to be honest it is even stressful to read ur story , no offence. if God put a dream in ur heart like family and kids , then he didnt do it by accident, he will lead U there eventually. i just felt when U said U have two degrees, U are isolate ur self from the society, U know thats what some highly educated people do . but Jesus commanded us to love one another .highly suggest U to be a blessing to other people, maybe by starting try to help ,encourage, comfort, instruct others in other section of this forum. U will never need to worry about food , U know , Matthew 6：26

love.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I know how you feel, even though I'm half your age... I had a hard time keeping a job, struggling in school due to financial difficulty, have no friends... So I get iy,..as humans we need more than the bare basics to sustain ourselves, our mental health and what not.I hate I'm such in this state of disgust too, not working..no friends, 25 and still at home..its terrible. I don't know why some people have more troubles than others but it is what it is..,try and remember there is more than just this life.

 

[Chaplain David]

I don't really understand this "Jesus is sufficient" concept that I'm supposed to be happy simply because of what God did on the cross. My life has just gotten worse and worse over the years, and now my mind is tormented with a hatred for this world.

I am 40 and despite working so hard for two college degrees, I am one of those despicable people who lives at home. No matter how hard I work to better myself, I am still a failure by this world's standards. My whole life since childhood I have dreamed of making a huge positive impact on this world, but now I am hopeless that I will ever have that kind of life. I have no wife or girlfriend and no children. Nobody seems to even want to interview me anymore for any decent living wage jobs. I have multiple medical conditions. I care so little about my family or friends anymore. People in my church want to help me, but I find I just don't get any inspiration out of Scripture. I have little desire to even be involved anymore because I am so angry and depressed.

And I hate myself for wanting more, knowing that plenty of people in this world have even worse problems. So I am simply stuck in this state of disgust for this creation of God. Why the fk did he create such a terrible place? I don't want to live in this terrible world anymore. People disgust me with their selfishness and their greed and their dishonesty towards each other. The whole American politcal system disgusts me. Wars and militaries disgust me. If heaven is so wonderful why is it wrong to want to just skip this place and go there?

I don't think my needs really matter to God. I NEED a wife and family. I NEED fulfilling work that allows me to provide for them. But day after day things just get worse for me. I live in a part of the US where there are few living wage jobs, especially for degree holders, and where religion matters very little to people. I cannot prosper here, and now I feel stuck here. I have asked God to somehow help me turn my life around, because I do not know what to do anymore. And each day I feel I am becoming less and less capable of maintaining a peaceful state of mind. I am furious that I cannot find my way out of this hole.

Hi,

My name is David and I'm one of the CF chaplains. I've read all the posts here and find each one of them excellent and supportive. I was glad to read your post as well and can relate to a lot of it.

Brother, you sound depressed. I'm not saying this as someone who is diagnosing you but in my layman's pov. And here you are in the Depression Forum. I don't believe in coincidences for the most part. It sounds like it was time for you to lay out what you did and begin getting feedback from your peers. I think everything that's been said here has been said in love.

I hope that you qualify for some health insurance because what I'd do in your situation is seek a professional counselor and begin telling him/her about how your life is going. I'd stick to a Licensed Professional Counselor or Licensed Clinical Social Worker who is a Christian. They have a lot of good training. In fact my wife is one and I trained as well.

Also, it wouldn't hurt to see your family doctor. He/she might also be able to help you.

Keep praying for help even if you find it difficult. Keep trying to be grateful to the Lord for what you have. Stay close to your Christian brothers and sisters both here and where you live. Yes, things are hard and they are difficult but you have to keep close. I'm certain things will break for you, not necessarily in the way that you want, but in the way that God wants.

Another thing that I recommend is your seeking out the counsel of your pastor. He has been anointed and appointed to be your spiritual leader. You may not feel like it but life sometimes asks us to put one foot in front of the other and keep going even when we don't feel like it. You will be grateful down the road if you do that. Talk to your pastor. I think it will help.

I can't give you any of the things that you've said you wanted. But I'm happy to talk with you and pray for you.
If you desire, start a thread in the Ask a Chaplain Forum and we'll do our best for you there.

So I'll close with saying, keep moving forward. I'm praying for you and in my prayer is that God will help you, bless you, and guide you in the ways that you should go. God bless you during this season of hope.

Faithfully,

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

With all those musts and shoulds and "needs" you have there is no possible way for you or anyone else to be happy when they want what they don't have and what they do have they don't want. So what can one do? When hes tried to get what the world wants but failed. He hopefully will accept what he does have and be grateful for it instead of piling on the self misery by wanting more and more when he doesn't realize how lucky he is to be apart of the family of God. My question is do you have a personal relationship with the father? If so talk to him right now and see what he says about you and your desires. The desires of the heart are evil but God is good. I am not quite as old as you but I am a college dropout who lives at home and has never had a girlfriend or probably will ever have a girlfriend wife or job due to mental issues as well. Yet I have learned the art of self acceptance. I use to be miserable and beat myself up for not having what others around me had. But I have something most around me don't have and thats knowledge of God. Which is worth more than any covetous desire could give me. I still struggle with trying to be "successful" but must remember having committed my life to Christ I am already a success and anything else gained in this life is an added bonus. Whether I become wealthy and have an physically abundant life or not I will always be an eternal success. Praise be to God for that.