God chastises those he loves, but if you don't feel it's that He also puts us through trials so that we do things, sometimes big things. Suffering produces in us many good fruits. Romans 5:3 We are told to rejoice.
Joseph was jailed for many years due to no wrong he committed but so that he could save Egypt.
Not saying you're about to save Egypt (lol), but just encouraging what you probably already know - that your suffering is not without cause.
All my trials have really told me is that life on Earth isn't worth it. Heaven is where to go. I have actually been thinking about death and Heaven last night. It made me think several things. One of them being...
Why do Christians even want to be alive?
The central teaching in Christianity is that this world is broken beyond human repair and that Heaven is going to be far better than anything we can ever imagine. Based on this, why are so many Christians afraid of dying? Don't they believe that a better life is on the other side? Do they prefer living in this world than they do in Heaven?
Bible verses like this one make me question this even more...
"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them." ~1 John 2:15
And yet, Christians try everything in their power to keep up to this world's standards while living. I personally don't understand why Christians even want to keep living in a world like this. My guess is that since they are more adaptable to this world and suffer few trials that they love this world too much to leave it. I can find no beauty in this world to keep me here. My only motivation for living is to serve God until He calls me out of here and then retire in Heaven. I live because He says so. But why?
When I was in Elementary school, I realized that I was not acceptable to the world. In Grade 4 or 5 I started talking about suicide because in my mind, if I die, I go straight to Heaven where I don't have to suffer anymore. Problem is, people tell me it's a coward's way out and that it's a sin to God and my mother yells at me for talking about suicide. Why is that? Why did God put us on this world to live in it and tell us not to love it? I did some research and found that there was a problem with many early Christians killing themselves in order to go to Heaven faster. This caused a Christian philosopher named Augustine to declare that suicide is a sin that leads you to Hell. Who made him the mouthpiece for God?
After thinking about that at age 17, I tried to kill myself to escape my trials and go to Heaven. After that failed, I was put in a hospital to look after me for a week or so. Why? What do they have to gain from saving a life they deemed as worthless? Why treat the symptoms instead of treating the causes?
The more I try to understand life, the less sense it makes to me. I question why God makes us live these lives knowing that some are going to be harder than others. The ones who suffer in life are called selfish for wanting to escape their trials but isn't it selfish to threaten the long suffering person with Hellfire in order to make them continue living just to suffer?
I can remember 9 incidents in my life where I could have died but made it out with almost no injuries. I'm still here and I'm taking it as God wanting me to do something for Him. I welcome death but God once again says 'no' to me.
You could be right, Cody. There might be sanity in all this madness but I just think of why things have to be this way...