JDmaybe91, I can identify with everything you said (except for the "I hate men" [which would be women for me]). No matter how you were brought up and lived since being a Christian, you are still being deeply affected by the world's programming. More importantly, having a head knowledge of the Truth and what is right and wrong won't move your life toward happiness and having the main things in your life the way you want.
Seeing marriage as a solution to general life pain (or loneliness) is proof that a person isn't ready to be married yet. Marriage doesn't cure loneliness, it cures aloneness. Love can cure loneliness (who loves perfectly, though?), but without the right marriage situation the typical kind of love we have will eventually not be enough, and the pain will return, except now the married person would be in a situation he or she can't escape (at least without a big, long, painful effort).
People sometimes say "Jesus is the answer to everything!" I don't say it because what it means is usually misunderstood. However, there is some truth in the statement. All pain and suffering is the result of sin. And moving toward unity with Jesus is the path out of not only sin, but also the effects of sin (e.g., pain, confusion), and toward experiencing the fruits of the Spirit (listed in Galatians 5:22-23). The problem is that sin and its effects on us are not like a bunch of painful daggers in us that need to be pulled out, sin is like a bunch of giant fishhooks in us. There is no way for them to be removed without the flesh being cut more.
The taint of sin is permanent. There is no way whatsoever to untaint something from sin. The only way to end sin is to destroy it. Through Jesus, the part of us that is tainted with a sinful nature is not eventually cleansed; it is destroyed. (That's what happens whenever sin and God meet.)
The path out of the situation you're in is to learn what God wants for you and to be obedient, and it will be difficult and painful, but it will eventually lead to joy. At your age, I would expect you to find unshakeable joy in this life IF you devote yourself to Jesus in every way. It means you won't be able to go down the path that seems the best for you, and definitely not the most comfortable path. God gave his commands because they are what is actually best for us (when interpreted and applied correctly).
The Apostle John wrote that God's commands are not burdensome (1 John 5:3). Jesus himself said,
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, 1984 NIV)
The reason the Christian walk can be painful and difficult is not because God's commands are hard, but because sin has been and continues to be with us at every turn. The longer you devote yourself to the living person, Jesus (not the idea of him, or his philosophy), the easier the walk becomes. However, the path you must stay on gets narrower; that is, the very devotion that keeps you going in the right direction will reduce the number of good choices you have to choose from along the way.
One valuable thing to do is to keep asking Jesus to help you be fully devoted to him. Then move forward with your best effort. Study, don't just read, the Bible; pray; worship; fast; attend church; and spend your time with other Christians. Eventually you will be able to keep Jesus on your mind all the time. It's a big commitment, but in turn God will reward you far more than what it cost you, in this life and the life to come.
