Compatibility

[CCHIPSS]

How is ignoring people who want to chat with you a way to learn about interactions with the opposite sex? It sounds rude and like a way to practice getting used to being rejected. At the same time, I understand that some people send out huge numbers of identical messages to multiple people with no thought beyond they kind of like a picture (often it is obvious from the messages they don't even bother to read the profile).

I once replied to a lady from Indonesia. I told her that I am not really interested because she lived so far away from me. I personally am only interested in local ladies. But I replied because I want to be kind. She said no problem.

Then suddenly I was repeatedly spammed by message from other ladies from Indonesia. Now I never confirmed this, but it seems this was a group of Indonesian ladies that "works together" to find foreign man. One of them found out that I am "real' so they all spam me. After this I stopped replying to any messages from overseas.

There were also local ladies that I ignored because I wasn't interested in their profile or their looks. Some might call it superficial, but to me I have to be at least a bit attracted to a lady before I attempt contact. To me it is more polite to ignore a lady than telling her that I wasn't interested at all. The ones that I wasn't interested at all usually have one of the following problems:

1) Terrible profile: This could be a number of things, including that she sounds like a very boring person.

Her profile might be very short, like 3 sentences long, meaning she relies on her looks alone. Or she is lazy or a bot.

An angry person that mentioned their past cheating BF. Sorry I don't want to deal with that anger.

Saying "I was in the clubbing scene, sleeping around, but I am tired of that now" would be an auto-ignore from me. etc etc.

2) Looks very very bad: Trust me my standards aren't high at all. I never had a GF before the age of 31, so I wasn't choosy at all. Now God give every person different looks for his purpose. But that does not excuse any ladies for being super lazy. I don't think I can explain what a lazy lady is without offending some here, so I won't.

 

[K9_Trainer]

How is ignoring people who want to chat with you a way to learn about interactions with the opposite sex? It sounds rude and like a way to practice getting used to being rejected. At the same time, I understand that some people send out huge numbers of identical messages to multiple people with no thought beyond they kind of like a picture (often it is obvious from the messages they don't even bother to read the profile).

I signed up on a free dating site a long time ago just to see what it was all about.

I'm not sure about others' experiences. But I received so many messages, I really couldn't reply to everybody. Especially not when 3 out of 4 were one liners or something like "Hi ur very prtty, i hope we can chat". Of the ones that weren't one liners in text speak, I was also receiving unsolicited photos of men with no shirts and in underwear, invitations/solicitations for one night stands, older and/or rich men who wanted to be sugar daddies and would give me anything I wanted for my "companionship", foreign men who wanted a one way ticket to citizenship, and a few were women even though my profile stated I was interested in men.

Given that? Yeah. Appearing to be rude by not replying is the least of my concern lol. Being rejected is not a problem I have, so I can stand to be very selective about who I actually replied to.

 

[Gnarwhal]

If that is true, it is sad since that is a big part of the Love Language's message....to love your partner, you need to speak their love language and not try to love them with yours.

It's been true for me at least inasmuch as my partners never spoke my love language in every relationship I've ever been in, despite us both being clear on what our respective languages were in the beginning. I spoke theirs, but they didn't speak mine.

 

[miss-a]

How is ignoring people who want to chat with you a way to learn about interactions with the opposite sex? It sounds rude and like a way to practice getting used to being rejected. At the same time, I understand that some people send out huge numbers of identical messages to multiple people with no thought beyond they kind of like a picture (often it is obvious from the messages they don't even bother to read the profile).

I consider it very rude to read a message and then ignore it when there is a prewritten polite no thank you button they could click and be done with it. Sometimes I think they do it so that can keep you hanging while they see if they can do better. Not cool.

 

[miss-a]

I signed up on a free dating site a long time ago just to see what it was all about.

I'm not sure about others' experiences. But I received so many messages, I really couldn't reply to everybody. Especially not when 3 out of 4 were one liners or something like "Hi ur very prtty, i hope we can chat". Of the ones that weren't one liners in text speak, I was also receiving unsolicited photos of men with no shirts and in underwear, invitations/solicitations for one night stands, older and/or rich men who wanted to be sugar daddies and would give me anything I wanted for my "companionship", foreign men who wanted a one way ticket to citizenship, and a few were women even though my profile stated I was interested in men.

Given that? Yeah. Appearing to be rude by not replying is the least of my concern lol. Being rejected is not a problem I have, so I can stand to be very selective about who I actually replied to.

Well, I was fully dressed and sent messages that were brief but made it clear that I'd read their profiles, and they still couldn't bother to send a prewritten one click no thanks. BTW, you need to report the naked guys to the site. They'll ban them.

 

[MehGuy]

I consider it very rude to read a message and then ignore it when there is a prewritten polite no thank you button they could click and be done with it. Sometimes I think they do it so that can keep you hanging while they see if they can do better. Not cool.

I don't know whenever a girl messages me and I'm not interested I tend to think silence is the best method. Anything else might feel awkward.

In the end it is just the anonymous Internet, I don't think we need to treat it exactly like real life.

 

[MehGuy]

I'm going to predict that if you meet a girl who is into it softcore, you will be quite happy.

What is soft/hardcore is kind of subjective/relative. To some people here they would probably view me as extremely vile and hardcore while compared to some of my friends I am most certainly not. I have never really seen the need to be the most extreme one out there, and I'm not really into the blood and scars.

Although while things in the scene disgust me, I've had these same people disgusted by some of the sufferings I enjoy. As far as there being some hierarchy of extremity, I think that's relative.

All I really want is a nice stable relationship based on suffering that would be 24/7. Sadly most people cannot realistically commit to that. Which is fine, I'm not so full of myself that I demand someone subject themselves to me totally, lol. The only thing really giving me hope is the knowledge of other couples who have made it work.

 

[Deidre32]

I do hope you aren't playing the "I'm engaged so I know more than you" card.

That would be a no. I've only been engaged for a few months. Maybe in a few more months, I'll play that game. lol
jk!

 

[Saucy]

See, relationships are complicated because people change. Some change drastically, some change over decades, but so many marriages fail because a spouse is like, "you're not the man/woman I married." What you consider grating one year might be attractive the next. I think marriage and love is about sacrifice because Jesus taught us all about love. How did He ask us to love Him? How does He love us? Personalities do matter and all that...we are imperfect creatures. Sometimes opposites attract. Other times they don't. What matters the most to me is, can I serve her, love her, protect her, etc, for the rest of my life? Because that's my goal. To meet her needs and desires. And her goal should be the same. That's as close to a perfect marriage as you can get, when the focus is always on the other person no matter who they are, accepting their faults, their dark moments, and mistakes and still love them.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Well, I was fully dressed and sent messages that were brief but made it clear that I'd read their profiles, and they still couldn't bother to send a prewritten one click no thanks. BTW, you need to report the naked guys to the site. They'll ban them.

Oh I did report them, believe me.

I don't recall a prewritten no thanks button. But this was on the free ones and it was many years ago, not anything recent. So idk if that's a new feature or something that only payed sites offer. I've never really considered it rude to not respond at all. I'd probably be more bothered to receive an automated "no thanks", than just have my message be ignored. I don't feel like anybody owes me a reply just because I message them. If no reply is received, that right there is a clear "no thanks".

 

[blackribbon]

Treat online dating as a method of chatting with more people. And treat it as a school where you learn about the interactions with the opposite sex.

My objection wasn't so much with the ignoring of people that you don't want to talk to but rather with the concept that talking on an internet dating website is anything like interacting with the opposite sex in real life. People portray themselves as they want to be seen...may or may not be true. People use vague words to describe what they believe...which often mean something completely different to someone else when there is no context to judge the statements...(for example: "I hate people who lie"...which could mean they don't like people who tell falsehoods OR they talked to someone who claimed be be looking for a long-term relationship and then decided not to have it with them after meeting them or dating a couple times). I don't think internet chatting is anything like real life. People can be cruel or rude or other exhibit socially unacceptable behaviors because they are anonymous...things they would never do if they were face to face with the real live person.

 

[miss-a]

Online aside, I'm still questioning my own theory, now. I thought that having a passion in common might be the missing link to meeting and building a good relationship with someone. But I'm beginning to think the only solution to meeting someone is to become 6 feet tall and blond. I honestly think that's what many of these guys are thinking, that they can find a magazine model on a free dating service. Then I cracked myself up, literally, LOLing in the car. If you've got an imagination like mine maybe it will crack you up too. I thought to myself, "How to get tall? How to get tall? Eureka! Silicone! I'll have a big glob of silicone shot into the top of my head to make me tall. I'll slosh it around like an elephant seal with big blond hair and all the guys will love me!" Yuh. And I think I heard the Lord chuckle, too.

So I'm too short, too tall, too old, too young, too brunette, not brunette enough, too thin, too fat, too successful, not successful enough, too clever, too dim-witted, too active, a sluggard, too funny, not funny enough, too talkative, too quiet, too Christian, not Christian enough . . .

Yet, I still get the last laugh, because not only do I crack myself up with visions in my head like the elephant seal, I get paid to drive around and have them. However, I might be done trying to date. If someone wants me they'll have to come find me. I should be easy to find by the description listed above.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Online aside, I'm still questioning my own theory, now. I thought that having a passion in common might be the missing link to meeting and building a good relationship with someone. But I'm beginning to think the only solution to meeting someone is to become 6 feet tall and blond. I honestly think that's what many of these guys are thinking, that they can find a magazine model on a free dating service. Then I cracked myself up, literally, LOLing in the car. If you've got an imagination like mine maybe it will crack you up too. I thought to myself, "How to get tall? How to get tall? Eureka! Silicone! I'll have a big glob of silicone shot into the top of my head to make me tall. I'll slosh it around like an elephant seal with big blond hair and all the guys will love me!" Yuh. And I think I heard the Lord chuckle, too.

So I'm too short, too tall, too old, too young, too brunette, not brunette enough, too thin, too fat, too successful, not successful enough, too clever, too dim-witted, too active, a sluggard, too funny, not funny enough, too talkative, too quiet, too Christian, not Christian enough . . .

Yet, I still get the last laugh, because not only do I crack myself up with visions in my head like the elephant seal, I get paid to drive around and have them. However, I might be done trying to date. If someone wants me they'll have to come find me. I should be easy to find by the description listed above.

You really doesn't have to worry about your looks too much. Take me for example I never expected a super model when I go online dating. But I found plenty of average/decent ladies. I am a decent guy and I have no problem dating decent ladies.

Would you mind sharing your online profile with us? Perhaps we can give you some advises on it? =)

 

[sundewgrower]

I once replied to a lady from Indonesia. I told her that I am not really interested because she lived so far away from me. I personally am only interested in local ladies. But I replied because I want to be kind. She said no problem.

Then suddenly I was repeatedly spammed by message from other ladies from Indonesia. Now I never confirmed this, but it seems this was a group of Indonesian ladies that "works together" to find foreign man. One of them found out that I am "real' so they all spam me. After this I stopped replying to any messages from overseas.

There were also local ladies that I ignored because I wasn't interested in their profile or their looks. Some might call it superficial, but to me I have to be at least a bit attracted to a lady before I attempt contact. To me it is more polite to ignore a lady than telling her that I wasn't interested at all. The ones that I wasn't interested at all usually have one of the following problems:

1) Terrible profile: This could be a number of things, including that she sounds like a very boring person.

Her profile might be very short, like 3 sentences long, meaning she relies on her looks alone. Or she is lazy or a bot.

An angry person that mentioned their past cheating BF. Sorry I don't want to deal with that anger.

Saying "I was in the clubbing scene, sleeping around, but I am tired of that now" would be an auto-ignore from me. etc etc.

2) Looks very very bad: Trust me my standards aren't high at all. I never had a GF before the age of 31, so I wasn't choosy at all. Now God give every person different looks for his purpose. But that does not excuse any ladies for being super lazy. I don't think I can explain what a lazy lady is without offending some here, so I won't.

That is unusual.
I think women my age are more reserved and comfortable perhaps.
I've had a rather nice women from Indonesia that seems reserved, intelligent, and rather well put together.
Not super attractive, but seems to be a good one, and probably will take me a month to meet another like her.
However, not to criticize but I've acquired almost a phobia of people who are at all connected to the Philippines.
I never considered anyone from there minus a nurse my friend tried to set me up with. I'm aware of how hard it is to live there and the pressure. In the end I could almost feature a class on how to nail a guy, and not be too persistent as it always made me feel targeted...

What scares me off for women and makes me incompatible initially. Poor or inarticulate writing. Long profiles about how good they are, what they've achieved, etc. Somebody who seems depressed or has pressure to find a relationship. Attraction. I need a tiny bit, and if she's got the personality that'll fill in the rest easy. I messaged one girl who is very attractive to most guy's standards, I did it as a challenge (not really. I just read her profile, didn't glance at her photo really, and saw her profile as a challenge to get a response from) since she seems very intelligent, and is sick of most guys. Turns out she's friendly, and maybe just maybe I can have the honor of chatting on Skype with her sometime. But usually I avoid really attractive girls. I suppose I do since I'm realistic, and only go for the ones that want me since I'm "different" than most guys. That's the key, there are some really pretty girls out there which want guys who aren't after their looks, can hold conversations, and are decent I guess lol!

Past the initial time I suppose she needs to have similar views as me, not similar interests per say but needs to interact well with my personality on several levels, and we might not be too similar but that doesn't mean it won't work well.

 

[miss-a]

You really doesn't have to worry about your looks too much. Take me for example I never expected a super model when I go online dating. But I found plenty of average/decent ladies. I am a decent guy and I have no problem dating decent ladies.

Would you mind sharing your online profile with us? Perhaps we can give you some advises on it? =)

Thanks, but I erased it, or pretty much erased. Oh wait, I keep a copy in my doc files in case I ever am like really tired or something and lose control of my mind and decide to go back on.

"It would be fun to have a critique. If it's not fun, just keep in mind I just started learning karate. Let us watcheth what way sayeth. Okayeth . But I probably won't keep the photos up for long no matter how nice y'all are. Trying to hold onto my last shreds of privacy. Okay here goes. I tweak it a bit from time to time but here's the basic text:

Interests: Father, Son, Holy Spirit, health and fitness, writing, hiking and outdoors in general, swimming, serving those in need
Hi, and thanks for checking in. I am here to see if God would like to use this venue to have me connect with a future mate. I believe finding a mate is not an overnight sort of thing, and it is so important that two become friends first.

The relationship I seek is truly Christ-centered, filled with mutual respect and love, seeking to please our God and Father in all we do. I see us supporting one another as we seek to fulfill the Ephesians 2:10 purpose He has for us, and also enjoying the wonderful blessings He gives along the way. He's soooooo good!

I love to laugh and have fun, though I can also be serious. I love the outdoors but can appreciate a quiet evening at home, as well. Health and fitness are key in my life, so I wouldn't be a match with those who don't share that interest. My outlook is generally that the glass is not half empty, but rather half full-- and probably contains something yummy that's packed with nutrition.

I'm keeping it brief, but I think that's me in a nutshell: Seriously in love with Jesus; loving enjoying His beautiful creation; insisting on staying fit and healthy and able to fulfill every plan He has for me; love the lighter side of life; and love the idea of sharing all that with my future mate.

Oh, and photos are recent, 2010-2015."

Have at it, for a limited time only. Restrictions apply. No refunds. Prohitibited in the state of Duress.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Thanks, but I erased it, or pretty much erased. Oh wait, I keep a copy in my doc files in case I ever am like really tired or something and lose control of my mind and decide to go back on.

"It would be fun to have a critique. If it's not fun, just keep in mind I just started learning karate. Let us watcheth what way sayeth. Okayeth . But I probably won't keep the photos up for long no matter how nice y'all are. Trying to hold onto my last shreds of privacy. Okay here goes. I tweak it a bit from time to time but here's the basic text:

Interests: Father, Son, Holy Spirit, health and fitness, writing, hiking and outdoors in general, swimming, serving those in need
Hi, and thanks for checking in. I am here to see if God would like to use this venue to have me connect with a future mate. I believe finding a mate is not an overnight sort of thing, and it is so important that two become friends first.

The relationship I seek is truly Christ-centered, filled with mutual respect and love, seeking to please our God and Father in all we do. I see us supporting one another as we seek to fulfill the Ephesians 2:10 purpose He has for us, and also enjoying the wonderful blessings He gives along the way. He's soooooo good!

I love to laugh and have fun, though I can also be serious. I love the outdoors but can appreciate a quiet evening at home, as well. Health and fitness are key in my life, so I wouldn't be a match with those who don't share that interest. My outlook is generally that the glass is not half empty, but rather half full-- and probably contains something yummy that's packed with nutrition.

I'm keeping it brief, but I think that's me in a nutshell: Seriously in love with Jesus; loving enjoying His beautiful creation; insisting on staying fit and healthy and able to fulfill every plan He has for me; love the lighter side of life; and love the idea of sharing all that with my future mate.

Oh, and photos are recent, 2010-2015."

Have at it, for a limited time only. Restrictions apply. No refunds. Prohitibited in the state of Duress.

I think overall your profile is decent. =)

I would do slight tweets to your first paragraph so that it focus on the reader's needs (instead of your own). The second paragraph should talk a bit about yourself. The third paragraph should talk about what you want in a guy. So after slight tweets something like:

"Hi, and thanks for checking in! Are you looking to meet a Christian girl who loves Jesus, loves to serve the helpless and loves to exercise? If so you came to the right place. "

"I'm keeping it brief, but I think that's me in a nutshell: Seriously in love with Jesus; loving enjoying His beautiful creation; insisting on staying fit and healthy and able to fulfill every plan He has for me; love the lighter side of life; and love the idea of sharing all that with my future mate.

I love to laugh and have fun, though I can also be serious. I love the outdoors but can appreciate a quiet evening at home, as well. Health and fitness are key in my life, so I am looking for someone who also enjoy exercising. My outlook is generally that the glass is not half empty, but rather half full-- and probably contains something yummy that's packed with nutrition.

I am interested in meeting Christian guys and see where God takes us. The relationship I seek is truly Christ-centered, filled with mutual respect and love, seeking to please our God and Father in all we do. I see us supporting one another as we seek to fulfill the Ephesians 2:10 purpose He has for us, and also enjoying the wonderful blessings He gives along the way. He is good in the garden and he is good in the storm.

If you want to know more sent me a message. If not no worries at all. God bless you! Thank you for stopping by and I wish you all the best. =) "

 

[Travelers.Soul]

But I'm beginning to think the only solution to meeting someone is to become 6 feet tall and blond.

I laughed so hard when I read this. I am 6ft tall (without shoes) and if anything the height actually intimidates a lot of men. I've even had some guys tell me how awkward it is that I could look them in the eye. It actually made them feel uncomfortable. I feel your pain though, online dating never worked for me either....well dating in general really.

 

[miss-a]

I laughed so hard when I read this. I am 6ft tall (without shoes) and if anything the height actually intimidates a lot of men. I've even had some guys tell me how awkward it is that I could look them in the eye. It actually made them feel uncomfortable. I feel your pain though, online dating never worked for me either....well dating in general really.

Glad you got a chuckle. And now you know being too tall isn't the issue either. I think dating is just a weird thing. There are no formulas. And many miracles are needed.

 

[miss-a]

I think overall your profile is decent. =)

I would do slight tweets to your first paragraph so that it focus on the reader's needs (instead of your own). The second paragraph should talk a bit about yourself. The third paragraph should talk about what you want in a guy. So after slight tweets something like:

"Hi, and thanks for checking in! Are you looking to meet a Christian girl who loves Jesus, loves to serve the helpless and loves to exercise? If so you came to the right place. "

"I'm keeping it brief, but I think that's me in a nutshell: Seriously in love with Jesus; loving enjoying His beautiful creation; insisting on staying fit and healthy and able to fulfill every plan He has for me; love the lighter side of life; and love the idea of sharing all that with my future mate.

I love to laugh and have fun, though I can also be serious. I love the outdoors but can appreciate a quiet evening at home, as well. Health and fitness are key in my life, so I am looking for someone who also enjoy exercising. My outlook is generally that the glass is not half empty, but rather half full-- and probably contains something yummy that's packed with nutrition.

I am interested in meeting Christian guys and see where God takes us. The relationship I seek is truly Christ-centered, filled with mutual respect and love, seeking to please our God and Father in all we do. I see us supporting one another as we seek to fulfill the Ephesians 2:10 purpose He has for us, and also enjoying the wonderful blessings He gives along the way. He is good in the garden and he is good in the storm.

If you want to know more sent me a message. If not no worries at all. God bless you! Thank you for stopping by and I wish you all the best. =) "

Thanks for the imput. I'll take give it some consideration if I decide to go back online. But for now, definitely taking a break.

 

[CCHIPSS]

My objection wasn't so much with the ignoring of people that you don't want to talk to but rather with the concept that talking on an internet dating website is anything like interacting with the opposite sex in real life. People portray themselves as they want to be seen...may or may not be true. People use vague words to describe what they believe...which often mean something completely different to someone else when there is no context to judge the statements...(for example: "I hate people who lie"...which could mean they don't like people who tell falsehoods OR they talked to someone who claimed be be looking for a long-term relationship and then decided not to have it with them after meeting them or dating a couple times). I don't think internet chatting is anything like real life. People can be cruel or rude or other exhibit socially unacceptable behaviors because they are anonymous...things they would never do if they were face to face with the real live person.

Well after chatting online for a while, I expect that a date would happen eventually. So yes while online chatting is different from real life face to face, it will hopefully lead to real interaction eventually. =)