Rejection

[Neve]

I recently got rejected, and I didn't think it would hit me this hard. I haven't felt this bad in many years. I caught myself wanting to die a few days ago - not kill myself, but die. I hadn't felt that bad since I was a teenager.

Don't be taken in by the fantasy, don't put crushes up on a glass pedestal.

 

[GQ Chris]

Boy did I used to do that a lot in the past.^ Put women up on a pedestal which only resulted in me getting absolutely destroyed like how Sketcher described it, by just wanting to die.

 

[Neve]

Boy did I used to do that a lot in the past.^ Put women up on a pedestal which only resulted in me getting absolutely destroyed like how Sketcher described it, by just wanting to die.

Ditto. Women tend to idolize crushes as well (particularly young women - including me in the past). It's only human.

 

[Sketcher]

Why did it hit you so hard? Did she insult you and use harsh language in a major way?

She did not. I really don't know. I guess that means I really cared about her.

Don't be taken in by the fantasy, don't put crushes up on a glass pedestal.

Boy did I used to do that a lot in the past.^ Put women up on a pedestal which only resulted in me getting absolutely destroyed like how Sketcher described it, by just wanting to die.

Ditto. Women tend to idolize crushes as well (particularly young women - including me in the past). It's only human.

I really don't think I idolized this one. I've done that before, but I don't think I did this time. I didn't rush either, I got to know her and other women too, and she just stood out.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I had made sure that I stated that I believe in God and Jesus as my savior and that I could only date guys who felt the same way, then just described my personality and stuff I liked? Haha.
When I messaged a guy I always made it a response to something he said in his profile, about something he liked or something.

I have visited plenty of Christian ladies' profile. Some stated that their faith is very important to them and they will only date Christian guys. However after I messaged them I have yet to receive a single response from these ladies (or very few responses that led to nowhere).

On the other hand there are Christian ladies who are actually open to date anyone. These ladies response more often (although still not a lot).

I guess I am trying to say that when a lady is judgemental against non-Christians, it seems that they are also judgemental against Christian guys for their looks, money or whatever. Meanwhile those Christian ladies who are open to dating non-Christians are just graceful to find a Christian guy messaging them.

Or maybe I just have bad luck and hasn't met the right ones yet.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Boy did I used to do that a lot in the past.^ Put women up on a pedestal which only resulted in me getting absolutely destroyed like how Sketcher described it, by just wanting to die.

It just seems to me that the ladies can be very loving toward you if they do care about you. I have a sister and female friends who cares about me.

However the ladies' love seems very focused on a few people. They don't understand how to love strangers and the general population. When a lady don't care about you, oh boy! They couldn't care less if you go and cry for the next 2 months. They will just kick you and sent you away to get you off their backs.

Others "pretend" to be nice and just ignore you. Or they are always busy with their other friends and work. If you ask them directly (and I had asked quite a few) they told me they were afraid of rejecting me and hurting me. Well that wasted a lot of my time!

Why can't the Christian ladies just come clean? Just tell me "Hey CCHIPSS it was nice knowing you. But I am not interested in a relationship with you. Can we just be friends?" =)

I have dated many woman and none has ever told me that. They either find some excuses to tell me what a loser I am. Or they just ignored me to waste my time. It is either hurt or ignore. Why can't the ladies be civil and clean?

 

[KandiJo]

I have visited plenty of Christian ladies' profile. Some stated that their faith is very important to them and they will only date Christian guys. However after I messaged them I have yet to receive a single response from these ladies (or very few responses that led to nowhere).

On the other hand there are Christian ladies who are actually open to date anyone. These ladies response more often (although still not a lot).

I guess I am trying to say that when a lady is judgemental against non-Christians, it seems that they are also judgemental against Christian guys for their looks, money or whatever. Meanwhile those Christian ladies who are open to dating non-Christians are just graceful to find a Christian guy messaging them.

Or maybe I just have bad luck and hasn't met the right ones yet.

Oh man! I always responded to a Christian man, and never look at looks or money as a value to a person. I guess I can see how some would though, picky ladies! The thing about it though is that biblically we are only supposed to marry believers and I date to marry. So I want someone who is Christian, and together we can work our way towards God.

 

[GQ Chris]

Oh man! I always responded to a Christian man, and never look at looks or money as a value to a person. I guess I can see how some would though, picky ladies! The thing about it though is that biblically we are only supposed to marry believers and I date to marry. So I want someone who is Christian, and together we can work our way towards God.

So you are not picky? Somehow I don't believe that.

 

[redblue22]

So you are not picky? Somehow I don't believe that.

Have you tried? Then again, I don't need the competition. I'm waiting for a special girl to reply telling me something about what I like. No problems, except I'm rather poor and scared to death of airplanes. I also forget that I'm just too old for some girls.

 

[GQ Chris]

Have you tried?

lol, no I have not.

 

[redblue22]

why would you say that then?

Imagine you had a woman friend who said the things Chips said but you were not interested.

 

[GQ Chris]

why would you say that then?

because she claimed she was not picky. Everyone's picky about something, whether its looks,money, some character trait.

 

[redblue22]

If a girl had that attitude about men, I would probably not be interested. Read through some of the posts here, especially Chips. How would you handle a girl you only wanted friendship with but she said these kind of things?

And I think it offensive to say women only want money or looks.

 

[redblue22]

When a lady don't care about you, oh boy! They couldn't care less if you go and cry for the next 2 months. They will just kick you and sent you away to get you off their backs.

Others "pretend" to be nice and just ignore you. Or they are always busy with their other friends and work. If you ask them directly (and I had asked quite a few) they told me they were afraid of rejecting me and hurting me. Well that wasted a lot of my time!

Why can't the Christian ladies just come clean? Just tell me "Hey CCHIPSS it was nice knowing you. But I am not interested in a relationship with you. Can we just be friends?" =)

I have dated many woman and none has ever told me that. They either find some excuses to tell me what a loser I am. Or they just ignored me to waste my time. It is either hurt or ignore. Why can't the ladies be civil and clean?

Have you considered that just because a woman doesn't want to date you that she also isn't going to baby you for the next 2 months--wasting her time. She isn't judging you just because she doesn't want you. Why would she want to be close with you after she said she was not interested? You put out the message that women are supposed to care for you when they don't want you, then you complain that she did what she could to avoid hurting you. There are also verbally abusive people who get angry for being turned down. Can you really think bad of women for treating you with soft gloves. You sound angry. How quickly you change from wanting her so very much--to talking about her as if she is garbage. Do these women owe you something? They might not want to be friends. You're not alone in this, women act this way too. I have seen girls go from wanting me to yelling and cutting me down to her friends because I rejected her. I don't owe them anything, and I'm not responsible for however long she waited or spent fantasizing. I am not bad guy for not wanting her. I might have been interested in a friendship, but if someone expects me to answer on the spot I am more likely to turn them down. I don't like being pressured. And this is also not just your post. Telling people you want to die after a girl turns you down is a threat. How would you respond if you turned a girl down and she went talking about dying because you didn't want to date her? I don't even owe an explanation. I'm not a manwhore, crazy, or stupid for not dating her. Why would I date someone who is so ready to think bad of me?

 

[CCHIPSS]

Have you considered that just because a woman doesn't want to date you that she also isn't going to baby you for the next 2 months--wasting her time. She isn't judging you just because she doesn't want you. Why would she want to be close with you after she said she was not interested? You put out the message that women are supposed to care for you when they don't want you, then you complain that she did what she could to avoid hurting you. There are also verbally abusive people who get angry for being turned down. Can you really think bad of women for treating you with soft gloves. You sound angry. How quickly you change from wanting her so very much--to talking about her as if she is garbage. Do these women owe you something? They might not want to be friends. You're not alone in this, women act this way too. I have seen girls go from wanting me to yelling and cutting me down to her friends because I rejected her. I don't owe them anything, and I'm not responsible for however long she waited or spent fantasizing. I am not bad guy for not wanting her. I might have been interested in a friendship, but if someone expects me to answer on the spot I am more likely to turn them down. I don't like being pressured. And this is also not just your post. Telling people you want to die after a girl turns you down is a threat. How would you respond if you turned a girl down and she went talking about dying because you didn't want to date her? I don't even owe an explanation. I'm not a manwhore, crazy, or stupid for not dating her. Why would I date someone who is so ready to think bad of me?

The whole story is we were friends before. I asked her to date and got rejected. Then she started treating me like strangers. Actually worst than strangers. From avoiding eye contacts to flat out arguing over whatever for seemingly no reason.

What changed? Did I suddenly became too evil to be her friend? Did I suddenly became a lower level human being?

I didn't do anything against her btw. So do not put that on me. I have nothing but the utmost respect for her and her decision. Even when she treated me like crap I was very respectful toward her.

It was her that started playing games against me. It was the lost friendship that hurts.

Later on she found a BF and I see how nice she treats him. That makes me want to vomit. Maybe part of that was jealousy.

So what do you want me to call her? Should I call her a little angel? Should I think highly of her? If someone ask me today, I will probably just say I don't know her that well. That's all I can do to defend her honour without telling falsehood.

 

[redblue22]

If she remained your friend would you be angry that she friendzoned you?

Defend her honor?

 

[LoveDivine]

Have you considered that just because a woman doesn't want to date you that she also isn't going to baby you for the next 2 months--wasting her time. She isn't judging you just because she doesn't want you. Why would she want to be close with you after she said she was not interested? You put out the message that women are supposed to care for you when they don't want you, then you complain that she did what she could to avoid hurting you. There are also verbally abusive people who get angry for being turned down. Can you really think bad of women for treating you with soft gloves. You sound angry. How quickly you change from wanting her so very much--to talking about her as if she is garbage. Do these women owe you something? They might not want to be friends. You're not alone in this, women act this way too. I have seen girls go from wanting me to yelling and cutting me down to her friends because I rejected her. I don't owe them anything, and I'm not responsible for however long she waited or spent fantasizing. I am not bad guy for not wanting her. I might have been interested in a friendship, but if someone expects me to answer on the spot I am more likely to turn them down. I don't like being pressured. And this is also not just your post. Telling people you want to die after a girl turns you down is a threat. How would you respond if you turned a girl down and she went talking about dying because you didn't want to date her? I don't even owe an explanation. I'm not a manwhore, crazy, or stupid for not dating her. Why would I date someone who is so ready to think bad of me?

Very balanced response. I know it is hard for some people to accept rejection (especially if it happens often), but it isn't fair to place all the previous disappointments on the next person you are interested in. I agree that women can respond this way to. In a way, it is selfish to let the person know you are so sad you could die or to respond angrily. I recently had to turn down an offer from a guy. (From an online site. I had repeatedly let him know that I didn't want to date anyone right now. I was only interested in forming friendships. If I felt a special connection, I'd be willing to take it further. I knew he wasn't the right match for me and I went out of my way to be upfront and give him cues so that he wouldn't ask me out. I didn't want him to feel embarrassed when I said no. He totally ignored everything (after saying he was cool with being friends for now) and asked me out anyway. When I nicely turned him down he swore at me. Seriously, all that accomplishes is to solidify in a person's mind that they were right to run, lol. I agree with you that a person doesn't owe you anything. If someone isn't attracted to you, move on graciously and meet someone else.

 

[Sketcher]

Why can't the Christian ladies just come clean? Just tell me "Hey CCHIPSS it was nice knowing you. But I am not interested in a relationship with you. Can we just be friends?" =)

While that's an improvement over abusing you in addition to turning you down, you can still feel rotten after that. Trust me on this.

And this is also not just your post. Telling people you want to die after a girl turns you down is a threat. How would you respond if you turned a girl down and she went talking about dying because you didn't want to date her? I don't even owe an explanation. I'm not a manwhore, crazy, or stupid for not dating her. Why would I date someone who is so ready to think bad of me?

I don't know if that was aimed at my post or not, but if it was, it's completely inaccurate about where I'm at.

 

[GQ Chris]

I guess that means I really cared about her.




I really don't think I idolized this one.

Okay, but it sounds like you were way too emotionally invested in her prematurely thereby putting her on a pedestal.

 

[Elizabeth8393]

I have been single for the past 7.5 months, now. I understand that it really isn't that long compared to others here. But for me rejection doesn't just happen when a guy turns you away or won't talk to you. For me rejection is also a rejection of little parts of me that make me who I am. I am kind of more closed off than others. I'll tell you every secret I have in under a week, but I'm very guarded in who I allow into my heart. I have been in 4 relationships in just under a 2 year time period. And in each of those relationships I experienced a type of rejection that hurts to the core, a rejection of my true beauty. I was rejected for video games, for their mom's, their sisters, their other female friends, and even their own fleshly desires. My bold personality was rejected in the form of silence when I would try to bring that side of me out, even if it was just a glimmer. My tender heart was broken so many times by harsh names and words that were used against me, in their sick way of trying to get me to toughen up.


The way that I deal with rejection, now, is that I just don't let anyone in. I was outrageously hurt by a woman I thought was my closest friend, my best friend, the one I could turn to when I needed help when she was telling me of a plan that would put my life in danger in order to have justice served. After her I just closed myself off. I haven't cried since that happened. I haven't felt any warmth in my heart. In my response to dealing with rejection I have hidden my true heart, my inner beauty, away in walls upon walls of stone and iron. Will I give people the benefit of the doubt? Yes, will I let them, or any new one that comes along, in to see me? Never. Unless God gives him the ability to breech the many walls I have put up. Does me divulging anything about myself to you, freely, mean that I trust you enough to let you in? Not a chance. I don't care what people think or say to me anymore, it's not worth it.


So, there's my response.