Rejection

[SnowyMacie]

The big bad R-word. I've been thinking about it the past couple of days about how my reaction to rejection has changed. So, as many of you know, I went down to San Antonio about a month ago for a friend's birthday, and he does not really handle rejection very well at all. We found out that he's incredibly mopey drunk, and one (of three) rants he went on was about how he wasn't going to ask any of the girls at this dance hall we were at to dance because he knew they would say no. His cousins and I were trying to convince them that the point isn't that they will say no, but someone will say yes. He wasn't having it, but anyway, a couple of nights later him and I were talking about how that if he doesn't put himself out there, nobody will say yes. There weren't a ton of people there, and I asked one girl to dance who said no, but he was more upset than I was.

This has nothing to do with him other was thinking about those two conversations and how I've been trying online dating the past few months. Furthermore, technically how every message I sent with no response is a rejection. I've lost count of the number of messages I've sent, with few replies, and only one date. It really hasn't bothered me anymore, I've come a long way. I used to be like him, a single rejection was the end of the world, but now it's really no big deal, especially if I don't know her.

What are your experiences with rejection, any positive or negative experiences? Have your views changed, like mine? Discuss.

 

[MehGuy]

I hate rejection.

Makes me extremely angry.

 

[GQ Chris]

Rejection is part of the process. I mean unless you're an extremely beautiful Man, you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea. But maybe that's a good thing, because guys like that tend to become Man-harlots.

 

[LoveDivine]

I think this might be a little tougher for guys in some ways. Women have just as much trouble dealing with rejection, but I think guys are on the receiving end more often. I think it happens more often that the guy approaches the girl to ask her out than the other way around. I think your online dating experiences are the norm for most guys. I've tried online dating on and off as well over the years. I think the online environment is more impersonal and it is a lot more difficult to establish a connection and start communication. (I have heard so many guys complain that women never answer their emails). Online dating is easier as a girl, but I've had guys not respond to my emails. You never know why a person doesn't respond. It could be something as simple as they are communicating with someone else they really like or they didn't get a good impression from your profile. Since they really don't know anything about you, they aren't really rejecting you. They are just not interested from their brief impression of you.

I think it is a little harder to handle when the rejection comes in person after you have spent some time with that individual. I think we can all be sensitive and maybe feel defensive after a rejection. The thing that I focus on that really helps me is to not try to push a relationship with anyone. If I sense a guy isn't really interested in me, I move on and don't try to pursue things. I think if someone likes me and we click it will just happen naturally. If they aren't interested in me, than they aren't a good match and it wasn't meant to be.

I think it is natural to feel bad after rejection (even if it is done kindly). There are definitely immature ways of handling rejection though. I once very politely declined a guys invitation to dinner and he swore at me. Needless to say, I wasn't sorry I went with my gut in declining his offer, lol.

 

[GQ Chris]

I hate rejection.

Makes me extremely angry.

Oh man, you've been lifting too much weights.

 

[EazyMack]

I just figure they must be either stupid or crazy, and move on.

 

[Messy]

What are your experiences with rejection, any positive or negative experiences? Have your views changed, like mine? Discuss.

I used to be too shy to ask someone because of fear of rejection but lol after my ex dumped me who cares? It can't get any worse than that. So I decided to ask him if he wanted to try again after we both got dumped by someone else, his wife just left without a warning and he came over and needed a shoulder to cry on. Lol he said: Are you totally out of your mind???

 

[MiniEmu]

I've seen far too many young (and slightly older) people (mostly men I have to admit) allowing themselves to become very bitter towards the world due to rejection. It's an awful state of mind to be in, lending itself to a life of self fulfilling prophecies and, at times, overwhelming pressure on the person you're asking.

Personally I tend not to feel invested enough for rejection to hurt me. I find it difficult to feel negatively about something which has yet to happen outside of theories, because it's all been whimsy rather than reality; a nice idea that they evidently do not find quite so nice, and so we both move on. It's never been an earth shattering, pillow crying experience for me because, well, it happens.

The only negatives have been the reactions from others when I've (politely, or so I thought) declined their invitations of dating for various reasons. I don't appreciate people attempting to guilt trip me into dating them, and I don't appreciate people going from nice to nasty just because things haven't gone the way they wanted them to.

 

[paul becke]

I just figure they must be either stupid or crazy, and move on.

Yes, there is something in that. If you don't rate yourself worth knowing, why expect girls not to pick up on it.

I can't imagine that there would be many people of either sex who can't rate some aspect of themselves quite highly. Just being 'personable' is a very attractive asset.

I knew a French woman who was quite plan in appearance, but she had a tremendous personality (and I don't mean dazzling), a kind of presence, that made her extremely attractive. Without being at all conceited, she must have been very comfortable with who she was, had a positive self-image.

Unfortunately, we tend to develop confidence with age. Everything is back to front. We should start off with the wisdom we have when we're old and it's too late to make much difference!

 

[paul becke]

Yes, there is something in that. If you don't rate yourself worth knowing, why expect girls not to pick up on it.

I can't imagine that there would be many people of either sex who can't rate some aspect of themselves quite highly. Just being 'personable' is a very attractive asset.

I knew a French woman who was quite plan in appearance, but she had a tremendous personality (and I don't mean dazzling), a kind of presence, that made her extremely attractive. Without being at all conceited, she must have been very comfortable with who she was, had a positive self-image.

I would suggest that young people should try to be interested in things, something, at least, but something other than peer approval, trying to fit in andwin the approval of Tom, Dick and Harry. (Harriet might be another story. Kidding)

Unfortunately, we tend to develop confidence with age. Everything is back to front. We should start off with the wisdom we have when we're old and it's too late to make much difference!

 

[Messy]

The only negatives have been the reactions from others when I've (politely, or so I thought) declined their invitations of dating for various reasons. I don't appreciate people attempting to guilt trip me into dating them, and I don't appreciate people going from nice to nasty just because things haven't gone the way they wanted them to.

Yes guys get the most no's but they don't have that problem of sweet and friendly having to say no. Happily not many wanted me. I hated it, I always felt sorry for everyone I didn't even know I had to say no to. Still hate it. If I go to a dating site I go there for one day to find Mr. Right who's not there, but regular Joe is and starts talking and I feel bad if I tell him no, he might think I just don't like him, so to prove that's not the case I leave and delete my profile lol. A 60 year old catholic man wanted to date me. That's a cute man but no sorry. Oh that's a pity he says. He comes from Malta, all alone in Holland. No, dating sites are not good for me, I'd end up with someone I don't like because I felt so bad for saying no.

 

[Sketcher]

I recently got rejected, and I didn't think it would hit me this hard. I haven't felt this bad in many years. I caught myself wanting to die a few days ago - not kill myself, but die. I hadn't felt that bad since I was a teenager.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Rejections hit me very hard. I am not the particularly attractive type and I get rejected more often than not. The worst part is when the rejection also leads to a total lost of a friendship.

Currently I am trying to change my mentality. Instead of trying to get a GF, I am now just making it my mission to make the lady I was dating happy. Whatever she accept me or not, hey at least I did my job and she was happy during those few hours. And if she would be happier without me and be with someone else, I can do that for her too.

There has been push backs and relapses. But this is my goal right now. =)

 

[redblue22]

Sometimes rejection is like destiny. I was dating a girl once and I took leave to research in Chicago. While I was away, she made some good friends. When I came back to see her, she is like, "You have to meet my closest new friend!" So I did. Turns out that her new best friend was one of my exgirlfriends. I didn't have to breathe a word; we all knew the moment we met together. She was more than angry.

I also have found myself having to reject someone. I was dating several girls, but I came to a place where I had to decide. I had no idea that all the girls were close friends. No one was angry or upset, it was just an uncomfortable moment when I was with one girl and she saw a group of girls. She wanted to introduce me to the other 3 girls. Talk about uncomfortable.

 

[LoveDivine]

Sometimes rejection is like destiny. I was dating a girl once and I took leave to research in Chicago. While I was away, she made some good friends. When I came back to see her, she is like, "You have to meet my closest new friend!" So I did. Turns out that her new best friend was one of my exgirlfriends. I didn't have to breathe a word; we all knew the moment we met together. She was more than angry.

I also have found myself having to reject someone. I was dating several girls, but I came to a place where I had to decide. I had no idea that all the girls were close friends. No one was angry or upset, it was just an uncomfortable moment when I was with one girl and she saw a group of girls. She wanted to introduce me to the other 3 girls. Talk about uncomfortable.

Lol. Those are both quite sticky situations

 

[KandiJo]

I actually tried my hand at online dating. Ugh! I can't handle guys who I match with, that like me but wont send me a message, or a response. It just does not make sense.

I actually felt lead to delete mine. Mostly because the messages I got where from guys I would never date (non-christian) and I was tired of the whole online dating thing.

 

[redblue22]

what did you say in your online dating ad?

 

[KandiJo]

I had made sure that I stated that I believe in God and Jesus as my savior and that I could only date guys who felt the same way, then just described my personality and stuff I liked? Haha.
When I messaged a guy I always made it a response to something he said in his profile, about something he liked or something.

 

[Neve]

Sometimes rejection can be a blessing in disguise because it makes you embrace what you actually have. Getting rejected by a "crush" can be a blessing because the crush is just a fantasy, it's not reality. Rejection can make you feel grateful for the people you have in your life.

 

[GQ Chris]

I recently got rejected, and I didn't think it would hit me this hard. I haven't felt this bad in many years. I caught myself wanting to die a few days ago - not kill myself, but die. I hadn't felt that bad since I was a teenager.

Why did it hit you so hard? Did she insult you and use harsh language in a major way?