It may be called "modern", but as mentioned before, these women were all raised in the lifestyle just as the women Romans is referring to were. So why is it being seen by you as so different? They're not underage and uneducated as many others were/are, but I still see plenty of dissension, jealousy, hurt feelings, and emotionally neglected children and wives on the show even as they try to play it up as this great, modern re-vamping of polygamy.
Which are struggles that a great number of people, plural marriage or not, deal with. I've seen people, just on here, complain of the jealousy of seeing a spouse pay particular attention to another person or event or activity, of the dissension in a marriage when one acts in a way not in accordance with what the other wants or feels is best, hurt feelings from everything to the ridiculous to the serious. If we were to analyze the benefits of monogamous, single marriage by the posts on this board, one could easily say that marriage isn't worth the trouble it brings. Every single one of the arguments leveled against plural marriage, coercion, abuse, sinful behavior, etc etc... That could all be brought to the doorstep of a single marriage.
Yet we don't throw out the baby with the bathwater, deem all marriage a waste, an invitation of misery and heartache. We find the positives and focus on them, we explore our faith and how marriage is strengthened by it and how we strengthen our faith through marriage. We look to God, the Bible, religious peers, leaders to find how to live in accordance with God... We operate under the passionate belief that, when it's at it's worst, we want to try to at least work through it in a way that pleases God and honors our vows to our partner.
A polygamous marriage does the same, exact thing. Just with more spouses. People can't see past the extra spouse to see that, the reason for what they're doing, is that they believe they're abiding in their faith.
I don't think the issue is here that I'm treating it differently then a singular marriage. The issue is I'm treating the same as a singular marriage. I'm not in a polygamous marriage, nor will I ever be in one or strive to be in one, but that said, I can see why people arrive at the place where they do it, and as long as everybody consents to it, then it's entirely none of my business. It's not my marriage. It's not my dynamic. It's not my relationship. It's not my understanding of God. But it is theirs.
And you can say whatever you want about the show, their lifestyle, the husband, the wives, but there is no way that you can look at what's going on there and arrive at the conclusion that it involves anything other then 4 consenting adults in a consenting relationship, where nobody was forced in, where nobody is forced to stay, and where any of them can throw up their hands and say "I'm done." For all of their faults, and trust me, I think there's a ton of them, by what we've seen on the show and what has been shared about them personally, they have proven that they're not taking this lightly, that they are investing themselves as if it were a marriage. There have been 100 times on the show and off of it where I can certainly imagine it'd be easier for one, some, or all to just walk away. And they didn't. They stuck it out, and continue to do so. They've more then proven that this is a lifestyle they've adopted, for all it's ups and downs, because it's what they feel they've been called to do. Even now, if somebody were to leave, there's not a person in the world who could say that they didn't try their hardest to make it work in the confines of what they believe is a true and serious, committed, and God blessed union in accordance to their beliefs. And I think it's disingenuous to not at least acknowledge that.
And I think it's double disingenuous to say that what is going on here is damaging, that their issues with jealousy and hurt feelings are this litmus test to prove that what's happening is wrong when we have monogamous married couples who come here and pour their hearts out of the same struggles, and worse, and the same people who tell these people that these struggles are proof their lifestyle is wrong are the same people who'll tell the monogamous struggling couples here to hang on, that it'll get better, that God wants them to stay married, that marriage is ups and downs and it can be worked through. Seriously, how many partners dealing with jealousy, with affairs, serial adultery, dissension in the marriage, abuse, hurt feelings, loss of trust, etc etc have come here and been told to stick it out, because it's what pleases God? Even in instances where it appears blatantly obvious to me, for whatever reason, this person needs to leave because their story will not have a happy ending, there's at least one person who states that they need to hang on, work on it, and try. Yet when those issues pop up in a plural marriage, why would it get the "I told you so" and "what do you expect" and the shaking heads that say "that's why this type of marriage doesn't work?" They're something to be braved out in a singular marriage, but an obvious sign of dysfunction in a plural marriage? Sorry, that defies logic.
When it comes down to it, it's still one man married to more than one woman, and the root problems for the women in that situation remain the same. And, you mentioned earlier I believe that one of your objections to the Duggars is that you find it hard to believe that the parents can be good, involved parents to that many children. I find the same thing to be true of these families in terms of the father figure. He's a father to tons of kids, and I've seen/heard them complaining about never getting to see him and spend time with him.
And if the root problems are something they're willing to tackle, more power to them. They acknowledge it and work on it, just as do their monogamous peers. It's not a sign of dysfunction or this a-ha moment of proof that the system is broken. It just means the marriage that they've chosen to enter into for their spiritual reasons has the same demons to overcome that a singular marriage does.
Yes, one of my concerns for the Duggars is that none of the kids get the attention they deserve. Obviously that holds true for this family, especially with the father and at least 2 of the mothers who hold down jobs outside of the home. But I didn't say that the Duggars should stop having kids, that their lifestyle was broken, or that what they were doing was wrong, sinful, and should be perpetuated. I said it's a concern their lifestyle invites. It's not a concern that I hold exclusive to them. I think it's a struggle for all families. Truth be absolutely told, I personally struggle with it more then anything else in the world... I work 10-13 hour days 6 days a week, and that 7th day, my day off, I still work 5 or so hours. I found a job that I can do from home that I enjoy that is setting us free of debt and it's brought immeasurable relief, but my struggle is that I feel like I'm not with the kids as I should be and I don't make myself available to them like I should because I'm ALWAYS working. Then when I make myself available and work less, I feel guilt that I'm not doing all that I could to help the family financially. It's a constant struggle. It's not a sign that the family unit is broken or my lifestyle is wrong... It's just my particular issue to my particular marriage.
This issue, obviously a very serious one for both families. One family I see try to manage it (polygamist), the other I see accepting this absence as a normality of the family structure (Duggars). Yet when I point it out for the Duggars, I'm told to leave them alone because it's their choice and they're following God as they see appropriate. When the same thing is pointed out for the polygamists, it's yet another checkmark on the list of why their lifestyle is wrong.
For the record, I think neither is right or wrong, I think as consenting adults they have a right to their life. As long as they're not pulling government resources to sustain it (a concern I apply to all people, actually), and everybody consents to it, I don't care how badly it'd work for me, my relationship, or my faith... Because it's not my dynamic. I don't need to accept it, because it's not me.
I think God created the goggles of singular marriage.
They think differently and use the same Bible to support it. So the impasse continues.