OT: Favorite Seinfeld bits

[gurneyhalleck1]

You don't ever want to get married, Mariya? Aww, come on. You sound like quite a catch to me!

I wear a "True love waits" ring which looks just like a plain wedding band (no one notices the thin engraving), and I achieve my goal of not being bothered either way.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Jerry: I need to talk to you about my friend, Dr. Tim Whatley. I think he's converted to Judaism just for the jokes.
Priest: And this offends you as a Jewish person?
Jerry: No, it offends me as a comedian.

 

[Mariya116]

Thanks! I'm a great girl, just a little antisocial.

 

[ArmyMatt]

Tim: Jerry, it's our sense of humor that has kept us together as a people for 3,000 years
Jerry: ....5,000 years
Tim: 5,000 even better

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Jerry: Oh, come on, just tell me your code already. What is it?
George Costanza: I am not giving you my code.
Cosmo Kramer: I'll bet I can guess it.
George Costanza: Pssh. Yeah. Right.
Cosmo Kramer: Oh, alright. Yeah. Uh, let's see. Um, well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you, you're a word man. Alright, let's go deeper. Uh, what kind of man are you? Well, you're weak, spineless, a man of temptations, but what tempts you?
George Costanza: Huh?
Cosmo Kramer: You're a portly fellow, a bit long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No no no no no, yours is a sweet tooth.
George Costanza: Get out of here.
Cosmo Kramer: Oh you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master, the cocoa bean.
George Costanza: I'm leaving.
Cosmo Kramer: [building up steam as George bolts for the door] No, and only the purest syrup nectar can satisfy you!
George Costanza: I gotta go.
Cosmo Kramer: If you could you'd guzzle it by the gallon! Ovaltine! Hershey's!
George Costanza: Shut up!
Cosmo Kramer: Nestlé's Quik!
George Costanza: Shut up!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098904/quotes?qt0417192

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

My daughter just noticed that I have her picture as my avatar. She then looked above my post at Matt's avatar and said, "does that guy have an avatar of Gandalf?"

The things a five-year-old will come up with!

 

[Anna Scott]

My daughter just noticed that I have her picture as my avatar. She then looked above my post at Matt's avatar and said, "does that guy have an avatar of Gandalf?"

The things a five-year-old will come up with!

gurney,
Love your avatar. Your daughter is too cute.
Love her comment about Matt's avatar.

Anna

 

[ArmyMatt]

My daughter just noticed that I have her picture as my avatar. She then looked above my post at Matt's avatar and said, "does that guy have an avatar of Gandalf?"

The things a five-year-old will come up with!

hahaha, kids say the darnest things

Kramer: it's not a pizza until it comes out of the oven!
Poppy: it's a pizza the moment you put your fists in the dough!

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I loved that Poppy stuff! I think when Poppy peed on the sofa I about fell off the couch laughing with stomach cramps

hahaha, kids say the darnest things

Kramer: it's not a pizza until it comes out of the oven!
Poppy: it's a pizza the moment you put your fists in the dough!

 

[ArmyMatt]

I loved that Poppy stuff! I think when Poppy peed on the sofa I about fell off the couch laughing with stomach cramps

I loved how when he forgot to wash his hands, the camera kept zooming in on them as he made Jerry's dinner

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Poppy's been a bit sloppy!

I loved how when he forgot to wash his hands, the camera kept zooming in on them as he made Jerry's dinner

 

[ArmyMatt]

When my mother was with child, she ate some bad fish, and she died on the high seas!

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

c-c-c-cat fight! yo yo ma!!

 

[ArmyMatt]

delicious to meet you

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

This, IMHO, is possibly the funniest conversation ever on Seinfeld:

Estelle: All right, I'll get a bra.
Frank: I don't know what the big problem is getting a bra?!
George: She doesn't want to get a bra.
Frank: I'm not saying go to the library and read the whole history, but it wouldn't kill you to know a little bit about it.
George: All right, it wouldn't kill me.
Frank: How long it takes to find a bra? What's going on in there? You ask me to get a pair of underwear, I'm back in two seconds...you know about the cup sizes and all? They have different cups.
George: I-I know about the cups.
Frank: You got the A, B, C the D. That's the biggest.
George: I know the D is the biggest. I've based my whole life on knowing that the D is the biggest.
Estelle: Here, here's the bra.
Frank: Let me see it.
Estelle: 100% lycra-spandex.
Frank: Let me see it.
Estelle: I told you. Here, think you know everything?
Frank: Hmm, that's surprising. All right, what else? You got the cups in the front, two loops in the back. All right, a guess that's about it.

 

[Adam Warlock]

"Hey Jerry! I'm starting a Peterman Reality Bus Tour! Check it out!"

 

[Mariya116]

Doorman to Jerry: YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME, DONTCHA?!!

 

[ArmyMatt]

Jerry: I choose not to run!

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I'm wearing my "Vandaley Industries" t-shirt to work tomorrow. Just got it in the mail. I want to see if anyone gets the joke. It says "importers AND exporters of latex products!"

 

[Anna Scott]

I loved that Poppy stuff! I think when Poppy peed on the sofa I about fell off the couch laughing with stomach cramps

Did you know that actually happened to my Mom's couch. Some ladies stopped by to visit my mom. After they left there was a wet circle on the sofa. It's not so funny in real life. Well, it kinda is, thinking back on it.

My mom was truly in disbelief.

Anna