Can you have sexual arousal without lust?

[Fireinfolding]

Luke 22:15 And he said unto them , With desire 1939 I have desired 1937 to eat this passover with you before I suffer:

The word there I find in strongs is

epithymia

lust 31, concupiscence 3, desire 3, lust after 1

It would appear (well at least here) there is a good desire or lust given we wouldnt attribute that which is contrary to our Lord.

Another good word search is "lusteth after" as well, just as the flesh lusteth against the Spirit and visa versa there seem to be things to turn upon (whether evil things) to lust (or desire after) and good things to covet (the same as lust) for which to desire. Another mans wife is an evil thing (or forbidden thing) though finding your own wife is called a "good thing". Which is also interesting because it speaks of "fordding marrying" in one place, or forbidden a good thing in that sense. For its better to marry then to burn, and for the cause of fornication says let every man have his own wife.

 

[Fireinfolding]

Thanks for all your hard work, it is great to see that this is being taken seriously.

Welcome I find this interesting, I have a problem with "no desire" whatsover, and I was sorta like, is this normal?

Like this cant be right, but hey, maybe it could be? But it doesnt feel right that I wouldnt have an ounce of it. Why would lack of desire (especially when married) be normal?

Not talking lust here, but just any desire whatsoever. Can be pretty common as is spoken of in the secular sense, but in the scriptural sense would this be considered normal (type thing).

And I probrobly used the wrong words, but you know what I mean.

A duty alone is as I look at it, and nothing more.

Which (in saying that) even feels wrong (being alone).

So you see?

Topic would concern me, to tell my husband that would not make his day (if you know what I mean).

Whereas another christian (depending on who ofcourse) might be thats just wonderful, but my conscience doesnt tell me that


But you dont talk about these sorts of things, and since lust is not the issue, I think, why bring it up at all?

 

[gasman64]

Nicely put Walk.
People. Sex was made by God as the means for us to procreate. His first commandment to man was to "be fruitful and multiply. It is a good thing. You can be aroused and still be righteous in God's eyes. It's only when there has been an 'offense' that things become out of balance.

Please, please, please. Don't beat yourself up. Don't wallow in shame and feelings of unworthiness. These are unprofitable emotions not for believers and will not bear good fruit. You have no control over your flesh and will never have. Only the divine hand of God will set you free. When it happens, you will know it and there will be NO mistaking it.
Repent and remember it no more. Do not be in bondage to it anymore. Be at peace.

 

[gasman64]

Welcome I find this interesting, I have a problem with "no desire" whatsover, and I was sorta like, is this normal?

Like this cant be right, but hey, maybe it could be? But it doesnt feel right that I wouldnt have an ounce of it. Why would lack of desire (especially when married) be normal?

Not talking lust here, but just any desire whatsoever. Can be pretty common as is spoken of in the secular sense, but in the scriptural sense would this be considered normal (type thing).

And I probrobly used the wrong words, but you know what I mean.

A duty alone is as I look at it, and nothing more.

Which (in saying that) even feels wrong (being alone).

So you see?

Topic would concern me, to tell my husband that would not make his day (if you know what I mean).

Whereas another christian (depending on who ofcourse) might be thats just wonderful, but my conscience doesnt tell me that


But you dont talk about these sorts of things, and since lust is not the issue, I think, why bring it up at all?

Perhaps this is a biological issue for you more that a spiritual one. I am just quoting anecdotaly here but I believe that more than 10% of the female population feel the same way. It could be more. Perhaps a visit to a gynecologist would be in order. Hormone decrease maybe? Hope you don't mind hearing that from a man. there's nothing wrong with going for help. I have diabetes which affects me so I do understand.

 

[Fireinfolding]

Perhaps this is a biological issue for you more that a spiritual one. I am just quoting anecdotaly here but I believe that more than 10% of the female population feel the same way. It could be more. Perhaps a visit to a gynecologist would be in order. Hormone decrease maybe? Hope you don't mind hearing that from a man. there's nothing wrong with going for help. I have diabetes which affects me so I do understand.

Not at all, and Im personally ok with it (by myself) but I wouldnt want to be fighting hormones (by an injection) which should actually be kicking in by themselves about now for me

Its the least of my problems, besides, what did they do back in the day without those sorts of doctors and shots?

Had a time walking in my youthful lusts, there must be a reason they call them "youthful" huh? But that stereotypical re-emmergence of ones prime kicking in in a womans 40's is so not mine

Im just disinterested altogether, would like to be interested (a little) for his sake (not my own) but it just feels like an unnatural thing to get injections.

Well, maybe a little for my sake, so Im not thinking, when will this be over the whole time. Just being honest.

And I so shouldnt be talking about this

This is one of those topics I shouldnt talk "personally" about, because I use humor alot and this topic (personally speaking) should really be put away from me, and just talk the scriptures I think.

Im not very good at this (in otherwords)

 

[walk the talk]

Not at all, and Im personally ok with it (by myself) but I wouldnt want to be fighting hormones (by an injection) which should actually be kicking in by themselves about now for me

Its the least of my problems, besides, what did they do back in the day without those sorts of doctors and shots?

Had a time walking in my youthful lusts, there must be a reason they call them "youthful" huh? But that stereotypical re-emmergence of ones prime kicking in in a womans 40's is so not mine

Im just disinterested altogether, would like to be interested (a little) for his sake (not my own) but it just feels like an unnatural thing to get injections.

Well, maybe a little for my sake, so Im not thinking, when will this be over the whole time. Just being honest.

And I so shouldnt be talking about this

This is one of those topics I shouldnt talk "personally" about, because I use humor alot and this topic (personally speaking) should really be put away from me, and just talk the scriptures I think.

Im not very good at this (in otherwords)

Hi there, I am sorry that you have this problem. You will probably laugh at my prescription for sexual bliss, but I am speaking through what works for me. I know not all people are the same and we all have different needs when it comes to this subject, but here it is every exhausting detail. I don't think you get anything without working for it. I find it to be the same with every exercise whether it is mental or physical.

The first thing I would do is check if any meds are causing the problem
Secondly get a physical for other issues. Next, find time in your day to love your body, thank God for all the parts of your body. Touch your body and feel it respond, then either have sex with your husband or alone at least once a day for a week. After the week is up, make a mental check to see if anything has improved, mentally, and physically. I can't get into too much detail on here I don't think, but check if your body responds differently sexually to your attention and your husbands attention. God bless you on your honesty and he has heard your prayers. Most of the time sexual issues can be related back to the past and personal healing starts from within. I know it is really hard to seek counseling on this, so I would personally try to first love the beautiful body God has given you and give it the freedom to respond to your love. I forget where in the bible, but it says that you are to love your wife as yourself so I think there is some wisdom to that even for women and men. I strongly believe that if this is done successfully that you not only will feel better about yourself but you will also find other people complimenting you on your looks and you will have a healthy, happy step to your walk. I am sure that your husband will like what he sees and has when you go to bed together.

I hope that this will give you something to look forward to.

Love in Christ

 

[walk the talk]

Also, one of the things that helped me immensely is to write a sexy story about a fantasy you have and include your husband and let him read it in front of you. It may also get your creativity going for other things if you know what I mean.

 

[Fireinfolding]

I dont think so walk the talk, but thanks anyway.

From once a month to once a day? lol

That wont happen, and really, Im not that hung up on sex (at all) to see the point in an everyday exploration of the activity lol

Or increasing my odds (at my age) for multiplying. But then again, just because " I personally" dont find pleasure in the activity doesnt mean theres something wrong with "me" necessarily (even though the partner might find "his own" pleasure).

So seeking "ones own" pleasure (in that activity) could actually be problem as to why the other finds "no pleasure" in the same. However adressing that could be understood as seeking your own anyway.

If the partners pleasure was a concern (to the other partner) that would be inquired of, you see? But if its not (it will not be) so let it be.

And also, its certainly no reason to depart from your partner, so really, why bother about it?

You fulfill your duty, thats all thats required.

I know this conversation is not for me, because its not important to me really, sex isnt as important to me as it might be to others.

 

[walk the talk]

I dont think so walk the talk, but thanks anyway.

From once a month to once a day? lol

That wont happen, and really, Im not that hung up on sex (at all) to see the point in an everyday exploration of the activity lol

Or increasing my odds (at my age) for multiplying. But then again, just because " I personally" dont find pleasure in the activity doesnt mean theres something wrong with "me" necessarily (even though the partner might find "his own" pleasure).

So seeking "ones own" pleasure (in that activity) could actually be problem as to why the other finds "no pleasure" in the same. However adressing that could be understood as seeking your own anyway.

If the partners pleasure was a concern (to the other partner) that would be inquired of, you see? But if its not (it will not be) so let it be.

And also, its certainly no reason to depart from your partner, so really, why bother about it?

You fulfill your duty, thats all thats required.

I know this conversation is not for me, because its not important to me really, sex isnt as important to me as it might be to others.

I suggested this to show you that you first need an interest in something to get better at it. I would compare it with any exercise. You have to come up with exciting and new ways to get interested again first. If you care enough you could be as you said in your youthful ways again.

 

[Fireinfolding]

I suggested this to show you that you first need an interest in something to get better at it. I would compare it with any exercise. You have to come up with exciting and new ways to get interested again first. If you care enough you could be as you said in your youthful ways again.

Its not "my" caring enough thats the problem you see.

And you are also uninformed as to how long I cared, till I gave up caring so much and just started taking it for what its worth.

A duty, rather then a pleasure (by default, for me).

Im fine by it, at least one of us might get pleasure, and since I dont seek it, it matters nothing to me.

 

[walk the talk]

I dont seek it, it matters nothing to me.

That is where I can see where you should seek it and it should matter to you, but that is OK, I don't want to create any hard feelings but you really are seeking and it really does matter to you or you wouldn't have posted this in the first place.

 

[Fireinfolding]

I dont seek it, it matters nothing to me.

That is where I can see where you should seek it and it should matter to you, but that is OK, I don't want to create any hard feelings but you really are seeking and it really does matter to you or you wouldn't have posted this in the first place.

Im not seeking more sex trust me What I questioned was the lack of feeling other then duty (alone) however that can stem from our ideas in movies, or as I shared youthful lusts that can and do pass, and of which we are told to flee.

I question my utter lack of desire in the sense I feel cold toward it (completely) and must sorta fake that I am the least bit interested so I dont ruin it for my partner.

I posted purely scriptures at the first, and that pertaining specifically to a wife and her husband.

Seeing it as the woman is made for the man, its no biggy, I guy will settle easy enough for you to do your duty, if he was the least bit interested in making it pleasurable for her he'd pursue it, if not thats up to him.

In settling this in my mind, I am back to fulfilling ones duty and being ok by that.

I can have a question and pursue my own answers without pursuing more sex. If it was all that pleasureable I would think desire for the same would come naturally.

I can see the up side of what might be considered a down side (to me) situation. And I also wouldnt want to be a walking hormone with an out of control sex drive either, that would be inclusive of my own husband.

Besides, marraige is more then sex anyways. Heck he could be (God forbid) injured in a car accident and unable to have sex, another couple who makes sex the center (and most important part) of what they consider a marraige wouldnt have much left of it.

I would though.

 

[walk the talk]

More interest comes more feeling, more feeling comes more action, more action comes more enjoyment, more enjoyment comes more interest. It is a cycle but once you get on that cycle it becomes better, trust me. May God bless you in the road that you have chosen in more ways than one.

Happy Easter!!

 

[Fireinfolding]

More interest comes more feeling, more feeling comes more action, more action comes more enjoyment, more enjoyment comes more interest. It is a cycle but once you get on that cycle it becomes better, trust me. May God bless you in the road that you have chosen in more ways than one.

Happy Easter!!

I just realized that you were a man after all this talking.

Which might be why what I shared about having more interest (at one time) "seemed to" go in one ear and out the other.

Well, that is other thing you get used to

But, for you maybe.

I hadnt noticed to what gender I was speaking to, my husband could give me that same advice (because) the outcome (for him) is exactly as you said... "more action comes more enjoyment"

For Him.

I read that and thought (immediately) check the gender of who you are chatting with, and wallah... you are a man!

Not surprised is all

Have a nice easter too

 

[walk the talk]

I just realized that you were a man after all this talking.

Which might be why what I shared about having more interest (at one time) "seemed to" go in one ear and out the other.

Well, that is other thing you get used to

But, for you maybe.

I hadnt noticed to what gender I was speaking to, my husband could give me that same advice (because) the outcome (for him) is exactly as you said... "more action comes more enjoyment"

For Him.

I read that and thought (immediately) check the gender of who you are chatting with, and wallah... you are a man!

Not surprised is all

Have a nice easter too

Yes, OK, you got me I am a man. You know that old saying a happy wife is a happy life? I guess that is the bottom line for all us men, it is Biblical on that side of things. I had more enjoyment too when I was younger, but then I decided that enough was enough and started to ask questions and look into things. I found that the world had a lot of answers to why I was loosing ground on my sex drive, but I couldn't get around the idea that it was the Christian thing to do. I started to study more into
Gods word as to what was right and wrong and found nothing that was clear to what was right or wrong so I went to my pastor and he told me that we are free from the law through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and basically if it isn't in the Bible, then God gives us the freedom to decide for ourselves and use our common sense on the matter. Obviously there are many clear sexual boundaries in the Bible, but when it comes to sexual health there is not. Just some humble advice from a fellow believer, it would be more enjoyable for the wife if she didn't just do her duty but to actually enjoy it too? I really think you are missing out and should start asking questions as I did. Just an opinion from a man

 

[Johnnz]

Hi there, for a while now I have had questions rolling around in my mind about sexual arousal and lust. I know that some Christians relate sexual release or self pleasure with lust. But after many years of experience and searching, I have come to the conclusion that if in the right mind, lust can be separate. I also have not read in the Bible that reading moral (where blatant sin is not included) erotic literature is wrong either.

I would like your opinions on this as I feel that a lot of Christians have these questions and are in conflict with one another on this subject including me. Thanks

I have just come across this thread - a late starter

Terms are important.

We must distinguish between human sexuality and sexual morality. We were created to be sexual beings - gender, sex organs, internal 'wiring'. That's human sexuality. It is what we do with our God given sexuality that constitutes the moral aspects of sex.

Sexual interest, thoughts and physical responses are normal. We must accept them for what they are, like hunger, tiredness etc, components of being human. None of that is 'flesh' or 'fleshly lusts' as many seem to believe. We err greatly when we convert a normal part of being human into something corrupt.

Wrong lust requires both desire and intent to act wrongly. Many natural sexual responses happen, but do not have either of these two essential moral components, and therefore are not to be considered 'lust'.

It appears to me that many Christians equate sexual interest/arousal as constituting 'sinful lust'. That is wrong, and potentially harmful.

It requires healthy and wholesome sexual values and concepts to fulfil our sexual capacity as God intends. One can have moral sex i.e. sex with one's spouse, that is merely mechanical, one sided, boring - OK morally, but bad sex. One can have great sex outside of God's principles - OK sex but bad morally. Good sex, in a biblical sense, is sex within a committed relationship that delights, refreshes, communicates, enlivens, exhausts, enriches, gives and receives physical pleasure and satisfies the inner depths of each person. And on many occasions, just fun too.

John
NZ

 

[walk the talk]

I have just come across this thread - a late starter

Terms are important.

We must distinguish between human sexuality and sexual morality. We were created to be sexual beings - gender, sex organs, internal 'wiring'. That's human sexuality. It is what we do with our God given sexuality that constitutes the moral aspects of sex.

Sexual interest, thoughts and physical responses are normal. We must accept them for what they are, like hunger, tiredness etc, components of being human. None of that is 'flesh' or 'fleshly lusts' as many seem to believe. We err greatly when we convert a normal part of being human into something corrupt.

Wrong lust requires both desire and intent to act wrongly. Many natural sexual responses happen, but do not have either of these two essential moral components, and therefore are not to be considered 'lust'.

It appears to me that many Christians equate sexual interest/arousal as constituting 'sinful lust'. That is wrong, and potentially harmful.

It requires healthy and wholesome sexual values and concepts to fulfil our sexual capacity as God intends. One can have moral sex i.e. sex with one's spouse, that is merely mechanical, one sided, boring - OK morally, but bad sex. One can have great sex outside of God's principles - OK sex but bad morally. Good sex, in a biblical sense, is sex within a committed relationship that delights, refreshes, communicates, enlivens, exhausts, enriches, gives and receives physical pleasure and satisfies the inner depths of each person. And on many occasions, just fun too.

John
NZ

Amen brother

 

[ECBBLMSTR]

Ah....... a breath of fresh scriptural air in the midst of the bellowings of churchianity and confusion.

There is no sin of masturbation and "lust" is simply the word "desire" in the Bible. It is not a sinful or sexual term, unless the context says so. Matt. 5:28 does not condemn "lusting" for women, only married women* or any other forbidden sexual coupling. If you don't know what things are forbidden sexually, read Leviticus 18... and NO, it doesn't say any sex other than with your one wife.... someone added that.


*adultery was sex with a married woman and the subject of His teaching

 

[ECBBLMSTR]

There are topical aids like Zestra that might be of interest or you might go to a sex therapist. Its not healthy for you, in my opinion, to just try to do something like sex out of a sense of duty... and to be honest, as a husband, it would turn me off and I'd walk away. I would view it as my duty as a wife to assist my husband in learning to be a good lover, which includes many things, but especially that he assist the wife in climaxing as many times as she wants to until she's satisfied. Obviously, it should already be in his mind to love his wife in this way and not seek his own pleasure at the expense of her. All of this is pretty commonplace knowledge now, so I don't know why I'm talking about it. I'll add this: I would be concerned if I was engaged to a girl who told me that she never masturbated to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. See christiannymphos.org if interested in Christian women who pursue sexual happiness.

 

[JoeyArnold]

His first commandment to man was to multiply.

God tells us to multiply but to also resist the two trees.